young children- fire safety

[Tayla]

May I have some suggestions on Fire safety amongst young children?

 

I have been an "adopted" Grandma, ( they are my friends kids and they seem to enjoy calling me their grandma as a term of endearment, they are very much aware of their grandparents but think I meet their definition and I really don't mind).

Anyways, about a year ago they built a new home. The Family made sure to have all safety precautions in the Home. One being, a fire system. The alarm has been malfunctioning and going off at odd times...usually 3Am or early morning. The system is linked to the fire station so they come lickity split! They have since fixed the alarm properly...

 

The Eldest girl..( 8 years Old), Is now unable to stay in her room...she is fearful of a real fire. Not to mention her school had a fire drill as to comply with the state regulations . Her parents are good folk, yet sometimes they forget that "reasoning" with the 8 year old doesn't work. For whatever reasons, When she converses with me, I seem to re-adjust her concerns and then she is fine. I asked her Mom to bring her over and we'd all sit and have the Little girl chat so she can express her concerns and perhaps find ways to get her to go back into her own room at bedtime.

 

 

So If anyone has some suggestions or ideas that worked for them please share, Fires are real and I do not want to minimize it yet I certainly think the little girls fears are legitimate....The alarm sound and the fact that her parents room is on the other side of the house doesn't help her.....

[xxoo]

So If anyone has some suggestions or ideas that worked for them please share, Fires are real and I do not want to minimize it yet I certainly think the little girls fears are legitimate....The alarm sound and the fact that her parents room is on the other side of the house doesn't help her.....

 

I'll never understand putting the parents' room on the other side of the house from the kids. That would make me neurotic as a parent! Are there no bedrooms for the child closer to the parents?

 

Regarding the child, I think time should help now that the alarm issue has been solved. Can a parent stay with her until she falls asleep for a while?

 

I have an escape ladder in my youngest child's closet, figuring if there were an actual fire, we would head toward his room first to help him and could all go out through that window if necessary. Maybe something like that would be reassuring.

[Tayla]

Yes I can see how it would be a concern to be less accessible to the kids.

The house is set up with suites...so its more like Wings . They have security cameras thru out the house to keep a visual on the kids at night.

 

I'm afraid the 8 year old would wanna play with the ladder as that would be a curious thing for a kid. It can be explained that its a tool for emergency and only Mom an dad can unlock the ladder drop.

 

re-assurance is key Its been two months now since she has a cot in her parents sitting suite area...They'd still like to have a wee bit of privacy....

[lollipopspot]

I wonder if sometimes if a lot of catering to sensitivities and fears "encourages" them, in a way, because there's a certain type of payoff in the form of attention.

 

I hate to be a "back in my day" person, but our fears - often very legitimate ones, and objectively scarier and less controlled than this one, which has been addressed - were not really catered to the way I see today. In my case, it was extreme the opposite way, and that wasn't helpful. I would have just had to go back to my room, end of story, no discussion. And that would have been for example after a real fire, no fixing of the situation, and actual danger in the house. But sometimes I think the extreme in terms of over catering to fears isn't helpful either.

 

Of course I don't know this situation intimately, and this observation may not apply.

[Tayla]

lolli, you make a valid statement in that some integration of what worked in the past is reasonable to bring forth in the parenting sector. Somethings that worked short term created long term ails.

Somehow the sheer concept of validating and working thru a reasonable fear is called coddling and by golly we want tough kids... or so it seems by some parents.(that of which I do not agree in so much as raising tough aggressive kids)

I'm an outsider per se and was hoping for suggestions in assisting my friend... its good to sometimes see each persons concern and work towards a coping skill for it... fires are real and as this child grows.. its an opportunity to teach some responsibilty and plans for safety in the home.

[carhill]

IMO, your approach is a sound one. I'd probably advise the parents of my talks, strongly suggest that they make sure the alarm system remains 'fixed' so as not to unduly frighten their children and let time pass. Once the stimulation is gone, thoughts will proceed to other topics and interests and it will be forgotten. Yeah, the emotional memory of fear of fire will remain but it won't be at the forefront like it apparently currently is. If they can talk with her as a child, like you apparently are, and not as an adult, which she's not, that would reinforce your interactions and IMO get her through it more quickly and with less distress. However, they do what they do and that's their style.

 

Has she had sleepovers at your house and, if so, how do things go there?

[Tayla]

Hmmmm... didn't even consider having the child stay at her grandparents for a night or two of reprieve... that just might work!

 

No my friend is parentally protective of her children...which I respect. She doesn't let them out of her site without a trusting relative nearby.

 

I think just going over to visit and having the listening attitude may ease her along.

Again,like the idea of her staying with her grandparents.. they'd love to have her visit...and she'd maybe get a good night rest.

[whichwayisup]

She is scared of fire, so here's my suggestion. Her parents need to call ahead and arrange a visit to their local fire hall. This way she can meet some firefighters, ask questions, sit in the fire truck, feel at ease then possibly the firefighters can explain fire safety and ease her mind so she won't be so scared.

[Tayla]

whichwayisup, yes the gal has already had the school fire drill and the fire fighters at school to introduce the safety in home and school. She is I think overwhelmed ... because the school stressed fire safety, then her home alarm started malfunctioning...

I agree that a piece is missing.... Until I talk with my friend and her daughter..

it may well be that she is worried that her parents haven't done a home drill.

My friend is a wee bit dependent in expecting fires to go out just because the alarm was installed... now that I think about it, I do not recall a fire extinquisher at the home.... Gosh, That would help maybe ?

[whichwayisup]

It would help. And so would them sitting down and practicing a plan on what to do, where to go if god forbid there was a fire in the house. She needs to cope with this in a healthy way otherwise she'll be sleeping in her parents room/ bed for many more months to come. Nip it now before she suffers from anxiety and things get worse.

[HopeForTomorrow]

I am a single parent and live in a big house, with bedrooms in "wings" per se rather than all together. So I can relate to that type of environment.

 

On December 21, 2013, just hours after my daughter and I drove back home after delivering our "Santa" gifts to the families (we sponsor 2 families every holiday who are out of work/etc and buy gifts for the kids), there was a thunderstorm. At about 11PM, the house was hit by lightning. It hit the gutter system initially and followed that around the outside of the house, then entered into the electrical system. I was sitting on the couch at the time and the raining down of sparks was just unbelievable. The house literally shook on its foundation when the lightning hit. The second it was over, the house filled with smoke and also with natural gas, as the water heater was hit and natural gas was escaping into the air and smelled like sulfur. My daughter and son ran downstairs screaming, and we ran out of the house.

 

We spent the next several hours in the pouring rain across the street under the porch of a neighbor's house, while firefighters worked to put the fire out. In the end, the fire (primarily behind the walls and in the attic; also on the outside of the house) gutted the master bedroom and all of the downstairs, which had to be rebuilt. We lived in a Marriott Extended Stay for the next several months.

 

My daughter is now absolutely terrified of fires. She is 14 years old now. There is nothing I can do to reassure her.

 

My smoke alarms or my security system (ADT) never even went off/reacted at the time, because the electrical system was completely blown by the lightning and my smoke alarms were hard-wired throughout the house.

 

I am scared to death of fires too after this, so I totally understand her.

 

I guess I'm just posting this as a warning. This kind of thing DOES happen and it is very unfortunate that this child is located so far from her parents' bedrooms (I corrected that for my daughter the second we were able to move back in - her bedroom is across the hall from me). I would also highly recommend getting some of the original battery-operated fire alarms and using those in lieu of the security system and/or those that are hard-wired in the house. Perhaps give her one in her own room, so that she can see/experience it. Maybe even show her, through demonstration, how it will go off if there is ANY smoke, and that it won't go off falsely so she has something secure she can count on.