Feeling like there isn't much to live for

[cookiemonster26]

I've been feeling quite down in the dumps lately, like I have nothing to live for. I lost two of my good friends for no reason, have been single forever with the worst luck dating, am overweight and can't lose weight no matter how hard I try, am just medicare at my job and I feel like no one likes me. I just sometimes feel like there is nothing to live for, if I died the world would remain quite unaffected. I don't know if anyone has anything to say to help me outta this hole

[TaraMaiden2]

Who dug the hole?

[truthtripper]

How did you lose your friends, cookie?

[sportygirl89]

Not true, family would be extremely affected. Losing friends sucks but it is not the end of the world. You have to put your self out there. In order to get and make friends. You have to be happy with yourself in order to be a good friend (not saying we don't have our down spots). Maybe therapy might help? I've been single for 3 years and happily single. I have lost friends as well. It does get better. Usually you have to hit rock bottom before it gets better IMO.

Edited November 7, 2015 by sportygirl89

[Satu]

Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.

 

Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.

 

Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure out how to fix your bike?

 

Give to others – even the smallest act can count, whether it's a smile, a thank you or a kind word. Larger acts, such as volunteering at your local community centre, can improve your mental wellbeing and help you build new social networks.

 

Be mindful – be more aware of the present moment, including your feelings and thoughts, your body and the world around you. Some people call this awareness "mindfulness", and it can positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges.

 

Source here.

 

 

Take care.

[truthtripper]

Not true, family would be extremely affected. Losing friends sucks but it is not the end of the world. You have to put your self out there. In order to get and make friends. You have to be happy with yourself in order to be a good friend (not saying we don't have our down spots). Maybe therapy might help? I've been single for 3 years and happily single. I have lost friends as well. It does get better. Usually you have to hit rock bottom before it gets better IMO.

Often an abusive family can be the cause of feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. I had to escape my family and haven't seen them for about 20 years. If I had kept associating with them, I would be dead by now, no joke. The home environment we grow up in, affects how we will cope in the world as adults. But I was not fully aware of this until I started therapy. As children we often don't know any better and simply assume our family is normal. We don't realise that what is happening is domestic violence and abuse and even if we instinctively feel that things are wrong, we often turn a blind eye to it(denial), since the family we have is the only family we've got. In my case, therapy opened all of this up and I was able to see why I was feeling so worthless.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.

 

Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.

 

Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure out how to fix your bike?

 

Give to others – even the smallest act can count, whether it's a smile, a thank you or a kind word. Larger acts, such as volunteering at your local community centre, can improve your mental wellbeing and help you build new social networks.

 

Be mindful – be more aware of the present moment, including your feelings and thoughts, your body and the world around you. Some people call this awareness "mindfulness", and it can positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges.

 

Source here.

 

 

Take care.

 

Excellent response. Wise words by Satu and ones I'll echo.

 

The bottom line OP is that it's gonna take work to get out of the hole. There is no magic pill or map or wand that's going to do it for you. YOU need to make a decision to get better and then take action one baby step at a time. You can't sit back and hope someone else will save you. Only you can do that. You have the power to make changes in your life.

 

I'll be the first one to strongly encourage you to volunteer. If you do nothing else, do this. It's the very best way to get out of your own head and focus on others. There is so much joy and reward that comes from helping others.

 

"The best way to find yourself is in the service of others" - Ghandi.

 

Good luck to you.

Edited November 8, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle

[truthtripper]

Who dug the hole?

It's our parents/caretakers/family/abusers who initially dig the hole for us. Then we subconsciously perpetuate it, until we become aware that it exists.

[truthtripper]

Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.

 

Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.

 

Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure out how to fix your bike?

 

Give to others – even the smallest act can count, whether it's a smile, a thank you or a kind word. Larger acts, such as volunteering at your local community centre, can improve your mental wellbeing and help you build new social networks.

 

Be mindful – be more aware of the present moment, including your feelings and thoughts, your body and the world around you. Some people call this awareness "mindfulness", and it can positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges.

 

Source here.

 

 

Take care.

Sometimes we need "alone time" or "time out", to self-reflect and process any pain or hurts that have caused us depression in the first place. It's important to be emotionally prepared before throwing oneself out into the world, so to speak, ie: practise self-awareness and self-compassion.

Edited November 8, 2015 by truthtripper

[Michelle ma Belle]

Sometimes we need "alone time" or "time out", to self-reflect and process any pain or hurts that have caused us depression in the first place. It's important to be emotionally prepared before throwing oneself out into the world, so to speak, ie: practise self-awareness and self-compassion.

 

Although I will agree to this under certain circumstances, the OP is depressed and is already in a very self-reflective space that is negative. Unless he/she (not sure of the OP's gender) is getting some professional help it's hard to uncover all the reasons behind why they're depressed as well as help deal with the grief they're feeling over the loss of his/her friends.

 

Sometimes it's better to engage in life rather than do nothing except feel sorry for oneself.

 

That's why I think volunteering would be a great start. It feeds the soul, occupies some time, makes one feel productive and valued, it can be extremely rewarding and give people a feeling of purpose and accomplishment. And sometimes people are able to make better sense of their own lives by seeing what others have to deal with.

 

Baby steps is the key.

Edited November 8, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle

[truthtripper]

Although I will agree to this under certain circumstances, the OP is depressed and is already in a very self-reflective space that is negative. Unless he/she (not sure of the OP's gender) is getting some professional help it's hard to uncover all the reasons behind why they're depressed as well as help deal with the grief they're feeling over the loss of his/her friends.

 

Sometimes it's better to engage in life rather than do nothing except feel sorry for oneself.

 

That's why I think volunteering would be a great start. It feeds the soul, occupies some time, makes one feel productive and valued, it can be extremely rewarding and give people a feeling of purpose and accomplishment. And sometimes people are able to make better sense of their own lives by seeing what others have to deal with.

 

Baby steps is the key.

What posters have written here is great, but ultimately, it's up to cookiemonster as to what she feels is right for her at this time.

 

Practising self-awareness/reflection with positive guidance, helps a person understand their own feelings. The more self-equipped we are, the more able we are to reach out and help others. As you mentioned, "baby steps is the key".

[TaraMaiden2]

It's our parents/caretakers/family/abusers who initially dig the hole for us. Then we subconsciously perpetuate it, until we become aware that it exists.

Precisely.

And it's patently obvious the OP is aware that it exists.

Hence the poem.

[truthtripper]

Precisely.

And it's patently obvious the OP is aware that it exists.

Hence the poem.

....but many people aren't prepared to accept that their pain and dysfunctions were originally caused by their upbringing. It's too confronting to have to face the reality that their parents/caretakers whom they love, were at fault. So, they resort to blaming themselves or believe there is something innately wrong with them. It's a denial that effects all of us. For example a friend of mine, as a child, was frequently beaten by her father. She suffers from depression and suicidal thoughts, but does not believe her father did any wrong. In fact she says she deserved the beatings. She loves him so much that she is blind to the truth and this only poses a block in her healing.

[MissCongeniality]

I've been feeling quite down in the dumps lately, like I have nothing to live for. I lost two of my good friends for no reason, have been single forever with the worst luck dating, am overweight and can't lose weight no matter how hard I try, am just medicare at my job and I feel like no one likes me. I just sometimes feel like there is nothing to live for, if I died the world would remain quite unaffected. I don't know if anyone has anything to say to help me outta this hole

Well there was a line in a movie that said "When your in a hole your only option is to dig yourself out." I've had some dark times but I keep going. Like the song goes "And even when your hope is gone move along just to make it through."

[cookiemonster26]

Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.

 

Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.

 

Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure out how to fix your bike?

 

Give to others – even the smallest act can count, whether it's a smile, a thank you or a kind word. Larger acts, such as volunteering at your local community centre, can improve your mental wellbeing and help you build new social networks.

 

Be mindful – be more aware of the present moment, including your feelings and thoughts, your body and the world around you. Some people call this awareness "mindfulness", and it can positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges.

 

Source here.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you for this and for everyone's support

[TaraMaiden2]

....but many people aren't prepared to accept that their pain and dysfunctions were originally caused by their upbringing. It's too confronting to have to face the reality that their parents/caretakers whom they love, were at fault.

It's certainly not a question of approtioning fault and shifting blame. They may have been responsible, but very, very often, it's not deliberate, or even conscious.

Many of us have parents who did the best they could with the tools they had, in the circumstances they faced. They based their decisions on events of that time, and steered our involuntary courses for us.

Resentment for their guilt is just another burden to carry.

 

 

So, they resort to blaming themselves or believe there is something innately wrong with them. It's a denial that effects all of us.

It need not. It's important first of all, to see, and understand that the yoke round our neck is actually for us to remove.

We can have memories; but the choice of also having baggage, is ours..

It's important to forgive; Not because others might deserve forgiveness. Perhaps they don't. But if we forgive, it is not for them. It's for us, because we deserve the peace it can bring us.

[truthtripper]

It's certainly not a question of approtioning fault and shifting blame. They may have been responsible, but very, very often, it's not deliberate, or even conscious.

Many of us have parents who did the best they could with the tools they had, in the circumstances they faced. They based their decisions on events of that time, and steered our involuntary courses for us.

Resentment for their guilt is just another burden to carry.

 

 

 

It need not. It's important first of all, to see, and understand that the yoke round our neck is actually for us to remove.

We can have memories; but the choice of also having baggage, is ours..

It's important to forgive; Not because others might deserve forgiveness. Perhaps they don't. But if we forgive, it is not for them. It's for us, because we deserve the peace it can bring us.

Self-awareness and consequently, forgiveness, can only be developed if people face the truth about their pasts. Being open and accepting of the fact that family life was dysfunctional, is not being resentful. In the first place, many people don't even know why they are in so much emotional pain as they haven't fully acknowledged the role their upbringing has contributed to the problems in their adult lives.

 

As for those who can readily make links between their present and past, forgiveness is something that evolves with healing. Preaching forgiveness to people who have been torn to shreds in their childhoods by abusive adults who they loved and trusted, is only dismissive, unacknowledging and invalidating of their pain.

[TaraMaiden2]

Self-awareness and consequently, forgiveness, can only be developed if people face the truth about their pasts. Being open and accepting of the fact that family life was dysfunctional, is not being resentful. In the first place, many people don't even know why they are in so much emotional pain as they haven't fully acknowledged the role their upbringing has contributed to the problems in their adult lives.

 

As for those who can readily make links between their present and past, forgiveness is something that evolves with healing. Preaching forgiveness to people who have been torn to shreds in their childhoods by abusive adults who they loved and trusted, is only dismissive, unacknowledging and invalidating of their pain.

 

I think every circumstance is different, and people can take from both what you say, and I say, and use it to their advantage, as they may need.