I'm dying from loneliness,how can I start dating again?

[Sheilale]

Some of you guys might have read the thread I created few days a go.

 

I'm just so depressed right now,there's no reasons for my to live anymore,I'm an immigrant,I came here to USA 2 years ago,I'm 19,No jobs,No friends,and struggling with taking a high school diploma.I've never realized how lonely I am until I met a guy,he let me see his fantasy life,he has a great social life,hanging out with friends,go to festival,go to rave,parties,sknowskating,traveling across the country,I wanna have a life like him.Then,for some reasons,I messed up,he now ignoring me,Sitting in the emty room,now,I realized how small I am,how lonely I am,how "dead battery" I am.Whenever I have something good going, I just mess it up. And thinking about the good times I should have dad just makes me realize what I've wasted.Im pretty short,5'2,but I am not that ugly,actually I'm pretty cute,I don't k know what's wrong with me.what should I do to change my life and start dating again?

Edited November 7, 2015 by Sheilale

[JuneJulySeptember]

Im pretty short,5'2,but I am not that ugly,actually I'm pretty cute,I don't k know what's wrong with me.what should I do to change my life and start dating again?

 

Go online.

 

If you are what you say you are, you should have sincere interest from dozens of men within a week.

[Sheilale]

Go online.

 

If you are what you say you are, you should have sincere interest from dozens of men within a week.

 

I did one before,I posted my avatar,they jumped in and started to talk with me,but I don't like online dating.

[d0nnivain]

Try getting a job 1st. If you have a routine & a source of income, that will help you have a sense of accomplishment. While you are looking for a job keep active. Volunteer somewhere. take a walk around your neighborhood. All these things will put you more into the world & give you opportunities to meet new people which could lead to love. Also finish your high school diploma.

[Vilgefoz]

Some of you guys might have read the thread I created few days a go.

 

I'm just so depressed right now,there's no reasons for my to live anymore,I'm an immigrant,I came here to USA 2 years ago,I'm 19,No jobs,No friends,and struggling with taking a high school diploma.I've never realized how lonely I am until I met a guy,he let me see his fantasy life,he has a great social life,hanging out with friends,go to festival,go to rave,parties,sknowskating,traveling across the country,I wanna have a life like him.Then,for some reasons,I messed up,he now ignoring me,Sitting in the emty room,now,I realized how small I am,how lonely I am,how "dead battery" I am.Whenever I have something good going, I just mess it up. And thinking about the good times I should have dad just makes me realize what I've wasted.Im pretty short,5'2,but I am not that ugly,actually I'm pretty cute,I don't k know what's wrong with me.what should I do to change my life and start dating again?

 

hey, if you feel lonely, maybe you can make a friend here, maybe? Don't take it as dating offer if you don't like (after all I don't know you and you don't know me) but I like the fact you are immigrant in U.S. . That is hard thing and such people have my symphaty. Unless you are illegal. In that case I send Trump after you!

 

to the topic: what you described is basically American Dream. For that you need money, free time and some enrgy left. I don't know how about welfare in your country but I guess education is not free and living cost is high. symply you need to focus to survival first. I've been immigrant too, not once, so I can give you some advice if you tell me smt. more of yourself.

 

When it comes to social life... well, personally, I never found too much time for it because I was always too occuped with work and interests but you can do it when you meet similar minded people. I would start with other immigrants, maybe you are Latino (wild quess) so I would walk around these communities.

 

Being short and cute is what most men wants so either you have confidence issues or you are simply in bad company. Give it a time and meed some guys, it will come. And yes, stay away from dating sites...

 

I see no Personal Message button, so, if you are interested we can proceed in conversation here... In other case, I wish you best luck and may you fulfill your American Dream

[Sheilale]

Thanks for your kindness,yes.it's hard to start a new life.Back when I was in my native country,I had a group of BFFs,and we did almost all the things I just listed above,sometime I still can go to the club even when I'm underaged:laugh:,I had fun,we're a group from middle school,it's amazing,then I have to move,to the other side of the world I get shocked by the new language,new cultures,all my friends-my safety zone-disappeared, well,it's bad

You used to be an immigrant,how can you handle that?what did you do?

[loveweary11]

Some of you guys might have read the thread I created few days a go.

 

I'm just so depressed right now,there's no reasons for my to live anymore,I'm an immigrant,I came here to USA 2 years ago,I'm 19,No jobs,No friends,and struggling with taking a high school diploma.I've never realized how lonely I am until I met a guy,he let me see his fantasy life,he has a great social life,hanging out with friends,go to festival,go to rave,parties,sknowskating,traveling across the country,I wanna have a life like him.Then,for some reasons,I messed up,he now ignoring me,Sitting in the emty room,now,I realized how small I am,how lonely I am,how "dead battery" I am.Whenever I have something good going, I just mess it up. And thinking about the good times I should have dad just makes me realize what I've wasted.Im pretty short,5'2,but I am not that ugly,actually I'm pretty cute,I don't k know what's wrong with me.what should I do to change my life and start dating again?

 

 

 

Find someone who shares your idea of a good life. I do literally everything on your list (and more).

 

Donnivain has great ideas and great suggestions, but to live this type of life takes much, much more than doing what everyone else does by getting on the treadmill of school/work/job. You need to be very creative.

 

If you want to live a rich life of travel and fun, you need free time

 

You must design your work life to give you lots of money and as much free time as possible.

 

Also, find other people who live this life. Add me on snapchat, but tell me your username first, because I'm not adding anyone else from this site. I'm unkomefoo on there.

 

I can show you how to live this life. It's exactly what I do.

Edited November 8, 2015 by loveweary11

[Vilgefoz]

Thanks for your kindness,yes.it's hard to start a new life.Back when I was in my native country,I had a group of BFFs,and we did almost all the things I just listed above,sometime I still can go to the club even when I'm underaged:laugh:,I had fun,we're a group from middle school,it's amazing,then I have to move,to the other side of the world I get shocked by the new language,new cultures,all my friends-my safety zone-disappeared, well,it's bad

You used to be an immigrant,how can you handle that?what did you do?

 

You are 19 and you are underaged! In Europe it's 14 and less, in GE even 13. At least you can driver cars and shoot people early

 

I was immigrant in UK. FR and one could say Czechia even I studied there so I consider myself for native.

 

I'd like to know which country did you came from? I also don't want to draw private data from you since this is public discussion (we can exchange mails and photos so we can see we are real people anytime) but I'd be interested in your legal status - that would tell much about your employability and basically your rights and duties.

 

Regarding previous post, it's very normal, natural that you feel stressed, depressed, maybe exhausted and drained. Life of immigrant is hard and establishing anything in this position is simply very difficult. It is not your fault. That is how the life is. If you vere on the opposite side - member of middle class with family and background there - all the things you long for would come naturally and you don't have to stress for anything. In this case, everything is a battle. Be strong and remember when things are not going your way, it's not your fault. It's just how life is...

 

 

I'd focus to obtaining a firm background - place to live is a must, second comes administration - insurance, registration in the offices, etc. If you are done with that (probably yes) then third point is finding a source of income. I don't know how about welfare or support of your family, but getting a job might not be that hard if you know how to do it... Once this is done you can focus to friends, free time...

 

Or at least this would be my recommendation. I don't know more of you therefore I cannot give you more precise hints at the moment. In Paris I met a Spanish friend who is just like typical Spanish - not very eager for work but very eager for party, love interests.... Well, he found a French gal that clearly feeds him... And he has a lot of social life. How he did that? He stayed in his social cycle (layzass Spanish hombres) and kept partying with them, eventually found girl of his heart.

 

There is no magic formula how to find friends and social life. Above all you need some time and probably some finances for that. Second, you need to hand aroung people and once you meet someone you feel compatible with (this is important - there is no point talking to people you don't understand at all or have no intentions to find mutual talk with) simply start talking, meeting with them. If you feel they trust you tell them of your issues and ask if they can introduce you to more poeple, people who can help... this way I believe you will find some nice handsome Spanish too . Everything above is natural, there is nothing that you already don't know. Probably the biggest issue is that you are stressed and tired, which is natural. It is hard to fight tiredness (sleed and rest of you can affordt it) but when it comes to stress remeber - life is hard but it's not your fault. It's how things are when you are immigrant. This should help you relieve a lot of it because stress is mostly only in our heads, it is our own reaction. Manage your attitude and you will manage your stress.

 

I might reccomend you to go to coachmefree.com .There are professional choases who work for free (for their diploma) and who might help you manage stress in very efficient way. Not everybody is suitable for their way of work though.

 

 

I hope I helped. If you need to ask anything, go ahead.

[Sheilale]

I've been here for around 2 yrs and a half,it means I'm 16,17 when I was in my native country,the clubs over there won't let me in until I'm 18,but friends Got my back,what I'm trying to say is: I can stay active because my friends were with me,,without them,I'm lost,yes I can have an amazing social life BUT only if my best friends are around and supporting me,if I try to do it alone,then,everything will go in an awkward situation,nobody wants that ,that's why I get shocked and lonely when I came here

Once I get along with the new language,I'm good to settle basic things by myself such as driving,schools,bank or stuff life that,means I'm legal(of course ,you won't have to guess about it anymore)and WHY i still can survive when I have no job:rolleyes: because I have my family.

I know how to do things,such as how to get hired for a job that fits me best,but I won't do that,because I've never had enough confident,when I wear a pretty dress,I'm scared of all the comments from people,I take it off,so when I start to do something new,I'm also scared that I'll mess it up,I stop. I'm......pretty lazy too,and always delaying.

I want to make friends,but first,I'll have to dress up nicely,be beautiful,I have to make sure that I deserve them,and they deserve me too. I've met a lot of people,but once I see someone that fits me,I'm afraid to start a conversation,I'll pass over them,looking for someone that fits me,then keep passing over that person too. I don't have the guts to talk with them.i have my own fears,but I weren't able to face it.

I love Latinos,but I'm not one of them,I'm Asian(but not Chinese,I'm extremely uncomfortable when people asked me whether I'm Chinese or not:o:o

[Vilgefoz]

I've been here for around 2 yrs and a half,it means I'm 16,17 when I was in my native country,the clubs over there won't let me in until I'm 18,but friends Got my back,what I'm trying to say is: I can stay active because my friends were with me,,without them,I'm lost,yes I can have an amazing social life BUT only if my best friends are around and supporting me,if I try to do it alone,then,everything will go in an awkward situation,nobody wants that ,that's why I get shocked and lonely when I came here

Once I get along with the new language,I'm good to settle basic things by myself such as driving,schools,bank or stuff life that,means I'm legal(of course ,you won't have to guess about it anymore)and WHY i still can survive when I have no job:rolleyes: because I have my family.

I know how to do things,such as how to get hired for a job that fits me best,but I won't do that,because I've never had enough confident,when I wear a pretty dress,I'm scared of all the comments from people,I take it off,so when I start to do something new,I'm also scared that I'll mess it up,I stop. I'm......pretty lazy too,and always delaying.

I want to make friends,but first,I'll have to dress up nicely,be beautiful,I have to make sure that I deserve them,and they deserve me too. I've met a lot of people,but once I see someone that fits me,I'm afraid to start a conversation,I'll pass over them,looking for someone that fits me,then keep passing over that person too. I don't have the guts to talk with them.i have my own fears,but I weren't able to face it.

I love Latinos,but I'm not one of them,I'm Asian(but not Chinese,I'm extremely uncomfortable when people asked me whether I'm Chinese or not:o:o

 

ok, I see...

 

You know, my impression is that 2 main voices are talking from you right now: ego and insecurity. First you are not sure about yourself, not sure if you are good enough to do what you want and affraid of failure and rejection. few moment later you are asking if other people around are good enough for you. Both voices are bad and you can easily judge level of maturity of person according to how he is able to deal with those voices. The lower insecurity and ego in one person is, the more mature he is and vice versa.

 

Well, it took me many years to deal with this problems, naturally, and nobody is 100% clean. You simply have to stop talking to yourself like this. And instead of that apply reason... Like: the only way how you can learn something is by trying. You will fail many times like everybody did. People who claim otherwise simply lie. second, what is more important for you: your career, your life or few minutes of tension at interview? etc. etc.

 

If you expect that somebody will come to you and magically raise you confidence... meh... not gonna happen. even if you meet such boy, that encourages you to everything and everything will be easy with him, one day he will left you and you will have to scrape off your confidence from the floor again. It's much better if you learn by yourself.

Edited November 24, 2015 by Vilgefoz

[edgygirl]

I've been in the US for around 10 years. I know what you're talking about. People here are not friendly as in our native countries. It's harder to make connections. It's easy to feel lonely and get trapped in that.

 

Try to look for groups of people with same interests you may have. Have you tried meetup.com? A lot of people there are also looking to make new friends.

 

In the countries I've lived before, I didn't need this kind of thing either, but US, at least in main cities, can be really weird and unfriendly when you're a foreigner who doesn't know yet how to navigate the weird social fabric. People aren't usually friendly to strangers or try to make new friends. I have the impression it's hard even for natives.

 

Things tend to get better with time though. But you have to do your part and try to find out the right people to hang out with.

[GrapeJuice]

Uh I know that feeling of loneliness when you're living in another country.

 

Where are you from?

 

I really know what a combination of feelings must be when you're alone in another country and then you meet 'that someone' that makes from 'you feel everything happens for a reason' to 'what the hell happened?... AND WHEN?'

 

As hard as it might be, you cannot let yourself be defined by other people. Maybe it is hard right now but open your eyes ! see where you are ! You are living in another country trying to make it work and that is a lot more than most people will ever do. And I'm not writing that to make them less, but really, moving to another country, is a BIG step.

 

So, just remember those big ovaries you have and don't let yourself down. Go find a job, join a gym, focus on your diploma and if the guy doesn't want to talk to you anymore, well, his loss.

[HansonGirl]

Some of you guys might have read the thread I created few days a go.

 

I'm just so depressed right now,there's no reasons for my to live anymore,I'm an immigrant,I came here to USA 2 years ago,I'm 19,No jobs,No friends,and struggling with taking a high school diploma.I've never realized how lonely I am until I met a guy,he let me see his fantasy life,he has a great social life,hanging out with friends,go to festival,go to rave,parties,sknowskating,traveling across the country,I wanna have a life like him.Then,for some reasons,I messed up,he now ignoring me,Sitting in the emty room,now,I realized how small I am,how lonely I am,how "dead battery" I am.Whenever I have something good going, I just mess it up. And thinking about the good times I should have dad just makes me realize what I've wasted.Im pretty short,5'2,but I am not that ugly,actually I'm pretty cute,I don't k know what's wrong with me.what should I do to change my life and start dating again?

 

Honestly I think you should first think about making genuine FRIENDSHIPS. romantic relationships usually don't last as long as friendships. So I think you would be setting yourself up for more heartache by striving for romantic relations. A friendship will lead you to more friendships and you will even meet potential romantic prospects that way.

[Vilgefoz]

I've been in the US for around 10 years. I know what you're talking about. People here are not friendly as in our native countries. It's harder to make connections. It's easy to feel lonely and get trapped in that.

 

T

 

Hey,

 

sorry to hear that. You are right, some places are more racist, particularly when it comes to skin colour. For instance, if you came to Central EU (SK, CZ, PL, UK etc.) and you were brown, like arab or something, nowadays you would have a lot of issues with prejustice.

 

If you came from Asia, they would take you for Chinesse selling cheap pyjamas or dog meat as chicken dishes in restaurant

 

My impression: change place where you live. In U.S. there are towns more open for some sorts of ethnicity, so maybe you will find more luck there?

[Sheilale]

Hey guys.Im back.Thanks for all the advices ,especially Vilgefoz,i appreciated that a lot.

At first,I don't have any problems about racist or discrimination,I'm sorry to hear that from edgygirl .I live in Southern California,the place has variety of ethnicities and cultures,and they're cool with that.

Yeah I think it's time for me to change myself,and my attitude about everything,I've spent the whole thanksgiving eating turkeys and thinking about future,I've had dreams now,I was woken up.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Sheilale,

 

You are going to do fine here, but it will take (even more) tiiiiiiiiiiiiime to get used to everything that IS the "new normal".

 

When you first arrived, they probably threw you into schools, with LOTS of other people, and the world stayed in motion all around you, making it seem like a whole lot was (demanded of you, which was enough to keep you moving and maintaining goals).

 

Now, at 19, suddenly you are burdened with having to make your own life, and it is a challenge for anyone, but it is highly probable that you haven't reached a point where you take (what the rest of us call) everyday society for granted yet, so you can depend on various elements OF that society while trying to ascend to greater heights.

 

Most important at this point is to convince yourself to stay in place, or swim in place (so you aren't carried down the river) and to be there when a lucky break comes along to help motivate you forward.

 

If you give-up, or let-go, then you'll be swept downstream... but just a little bit of believing in yourself will inspire you to keep pressing forward from where you are until a helpful assist comes along from some unpredictable direction.