Mixed signals are driving me crazy, and a whole host of other problems!

[Tisealdtm]

Sorry if my english isn't up to much, bear with me!

 

I met my boyfriend through mutual friends about four months ago, and we've been together for almost three months now. Not that long, I know.

He lives roughly 200 miles away from me and we see each other every 3/4 weeks.

Things have been going great, perfect even, but he has started acting very strange towards me more and more these past few weeks, and I don't know whether to put it down to exam stress (he is taking uni finals) or because he has changed his mind about me, or both.

When we visit eachother and are alone together or alone in public, things are perfect. He's very compassionate and affectionate and he is himself around me. But when we're around friends he sometimes acts as if I'm a complete stranger. I feel like he is putting on a show for everyone, in how much he doesn't care about me, like it will make him cool or something. He has become increasingly distant towards me lately, choosing not to tell me how he's feeling, and I feel very shut out. He is also very dismissive of my feelings and problems, often saying things like "oh well" or "fair enough" when I tell him about a bad day etc

He also seems very reluctant to ackowledge that we are a couple, and seems to get edgy when I refer to him as my boyfriend. Yet in the beginning he was always referring to me as his girlfriend, so I don't know what has changed.

 

 

I know this probably all seems very minor but I have fallen for him very quickly, I already think the world of him and am falling in love with him. I'm getting more and more mixed signals and it is making me very frustrated.

 

 

We have not yet begun an 'intimate' relationship which is in actual fact fine with me, because I have certain issues and anxieties where sex is concerned, but it makes me worry about his desires and feelings, towards me or otherwise.

He has also talked very slightly about therapy sessions (past and present) he has had, where he and his therapist have talked about his sexuality, but he never elaborates any further. I am becoming increasingly worried that his lack of feeling sometimes is because he is confused about his sexuality?

I just don't want to get hurt. I have been very hurt in the past and I can't go through that again. I like my boyfriend so very much and don't want this to go wrong, because it seems like we could really be something special.

I don't think he has had much relationship experience in the past and he is very 'young' sometimes (immature?) so could some of this be put down to a simple lack of maturity and experience?

 

 

Any feedback is appreciated.

Sorry if my english is terrible!

[HotCaliGirl]

Have both of you been sexually active in the past? You say that you have not been intimate in your relationship, and that he talks to a therapist about his sexuality but does not tell you what specifically he tells the therapist. Maybe he is gay?

 

Obviously there is a problem if he acts like he is not your boyfriend when he is around other people. Maybe they know he is gay and so he doesn't want them to know he has a girlfriend? In the past, was he open to them about the fact that you are his girlfriend?

 

He may be struggling with his sexuality and not sure if he is straight. At the same time, he is naturally under a lot of stress from his exams. I think you should wait for his exams to be over for a serious talk so that he doesn't get distracted from his school and so that the stress from school is no longer a consideration for his change in behavior towards you.

 

You say that you have fallen for him rather quickly and already feeling deep feelings for him. Maybe you are smothering him with too much emotions too soon and he wants to create more of a distance so that you don't move things too fast. Try to give him some time and space for a little while, and then have a talk with him. You have to express your feelings as far as how he acts in front of your friends, making you feel like a nobody. That is not fair and not a nice way for hiim to treat you.

 

The next time he invites you to hang out with his friends, that would be a good opportunity to bring this up and tell him that you feel uncomfortable at how distant he is towards you when he's around his friends, ask if he is ashamed of you or has he told him you don't mean anything or what exactly is the explanation?

 

You shouldn't let anyone treat you like that. Stand up for yourself and be strong. Love can make you put up with behavior you don't deserve, so speak up and don't let him walk all over you. Obviously he doesn't communicate very well and you are having to read into what his behavior means instead of him expressing his feelings straight forwardly.

 

Since he hasn't had a lot of relationship experience and acts immature sometimes, try to be patient but also you deserve to know where you stand with him instead of being so confused and not knowing why he is acting so differently. (by the way your english is perfect). Hope this helps a little!