If the dumpee disappears completely from the dumper's life...

[Itspointless]

Because I didn't understand the timeline. Thanks for explaining.

 

I still don't get why she and her friend would beat you up, physically. That's a huge sign that she never respected you.

 

I have noticed on this forum when things like this happen to a poster, the offender often gets diagnosed by forum-goers as having bipolar disorder (BPD). This is not something I necessarily believe in but it seems to resonate with many posters so you may wants to look into the disorder.

Sounds more like he he fell victim to a criminal network.

[TunaCat]

So you are 100% sure she will never come back to me anymore?

 

If she's smart, she won't.

 

You are scary and any chance you ever had at getting her back was dumped in the toilet with all the begging, pleading, chasing, essentially stalking her.

 

There is NO excuse for your behavior.

[Heartbrokenguy80]

Amargeddon, I m also in the same situation as you just different scenario. I would beg her, message her everyday, go to her house only for her to shut the door, I'll see her fb everyday etc. I totally understand how u felt. I'm also now in pain just like u but I know that time will heal. 1 year later u won't feel like this anymore

[Armageddon]

Amargeddon, I m also in the same situation as you just different scenario. I would beg her, message her everyday, go to her house only for her to shut the door, I'll see her fb everyday etc. I totally understand how u felt. I'm also now in pain just like u but I know that time will heal. 1 year later u won't feel like this anymore

 

I'm sorry to hear that you went through a similar experience. When did your break-up happen? Was it recent? I don't know if I can ever get over this because she was my first relationship and I devoted everything to her. I'm really overwhelmed by this and the feeling of loss is unbearable now for me.

[Armageddon]

If she's smart, she won't.

 

You are scary and any chance you ever had at getting her back was dumped in the toilet with all the begging, pleading, chasing, essentially stalking her.

 

There is NO excuse for your behavior.

 

She is definitely a very smart girl. She is very street-smart and she knows how to manipulate men's emotions for her own needs. This is why her ex boyfriend left her as he couldn't cope with her. I'm the only man who is stupid enough to keep supporting her. You're probably right, she will most likely never ever come back to me after everything I did.

[Heartbrokenguy80]

I'm sorry to hear that you went through a similar experience. When did your break-up happen? Was it recent? I don't know if I can ever get over this because she was my first relationship and I devoted everything to her. I'm really overwhelmed by this and the feeling of loss is unbearable now for me.

 

It was in July. This is my 4th and the worst breakup. She said we could still be friends when I'm not that emotional.

[Armageddon]

Because I didn't understand the timeline. Thanks for explaining.

 

I still don't get why she and her friend would beat you up, physically. That's a huge sign that she never respected you.

 

I have noticed on this forum when things like this happen to a poster, the offender often gets diagnosed by forum-goers as having bipolar disorder (BPD). This is not something I necessarily believe in but it seems to resonate with many posters so you may wants to look into the disorder.

 

Because before she went to her friend's house, she was at my hotel's downstairs and she was on the motorcycle getting ready to leave. I immediately ran after her and tried to get her off the motorcycle but she told me to go back to my hotel. I refused to leave and she threatened to call her fixer and to stop her from calling him, I grabbed her phone and then I got on another motorcycle and chased after her which led to her friend's house.

 

When we reached her friend's house, she and her friend demanded me to return her phone to her and I refused. I told her I'd only return her phone if she come back to my hotel. She told me she hate me and she started to strangle my neck. After I returned her phone to her, her friend started punching and beating me in order to get me to leave her premise as she feels that I'm making a scene at her place and disturbing her family. I drank a lot before this happened so I was drunk when I did all these.

 

I don't know if she suffers from Bi-polar disorder but my personal trainer told me that she is a psychopath. This is what he emailed me.

 

Hey Buddy, it’s a good thing you came here.

 

Sounds to me like you had a typical “relationship” with the classic Femme Fatale, a borderline Cluster-B disordered psychopath. Those girls feed on nice guys like you. Forget about building muscle mass and gaining weight for a second, there are much more important issues to solve here. The reason you’re a “beta” (in your eyes) is not because you’re physically skinny and weak, but because you’re mentally weak. You’ve lost your balance (if there was ever any) and let her play with you. Forget about this girl. You’ll need to cultivate the attitude of a champ. You’ll have to develop confidence and self esteem, to the point where you just don’t give a ****. Otherwise you’ll recover (and you will, don’t worry) but get entangled in similar “relationships”. When you value yourself, you’ll never COMMIT to girls like those.

 

Now, lifting weights and gaining muscle can help you tremendously with that. Let me give you a quote from my upcoming book (Destination Poon, 01.01.16, stay tuned):

 

“If you’re looking for the most reliable way to become more confident and attract more abundance into your life, build a solid foundation of health and strength and the rest will follow. You see, eating well and exercising heavy strengthens your physique. And strengthening your physique strengthens your mind. You will begin to feel more masculine and walk with an aura of confidence and allure. You will discover the true horsepower within you. Weightlifting will give you the highest “life return” on time investment. Overall, your fulfillment in this world is largely based on how successfully you manage to replicate the physical and social environment that our DNA expects, and weightlifting is basically the modern equivalent of carrying a heavy animal carcass back to camp. It will toughen your spirit, develop patience, fortitude, and determination, and nourish a healthy view on life. All else being equal, a man is always better stronger than weaker. Oh, and it will get you pussy.”

 

So go out and train. But know that big muscles and size are only as good in attracting women as their ability to alter your inner state of mind. Now go and conquer. And remember that no particular girl is worth your dignity.

 

The first 6 months the pain was so acute, I couldn't function or think rationally. I was just a mess. At the 9 month mark, I started functioning like a normal person but still hurting a lot. At the 1 year mark, I had fully accepted things (that it over and what had transpired) and the pain morphed into something dull but I still thought about him everyday. At the two year mark, I met someone else, and poof, the ex was gone instantly out of my mind. I was totally into the new guy.

 

The pain you felt back then is exactly the pain I'm going through now and I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. At least, you have fully recovered now. My sister is right after all. She told me that someone need to find someone else to fully recover from the pain of the last break-up because there's always going to be a void.

 

If you don't mind me asking, what did you do during the 9 months to 1 year to get over your ex? And during this entire time frame, did your ex ever reach out to you at any point?

[Armageddon]

It was in July. This is my 4th and the worst breakup. She said we could still be friends when I'm not that emotional.

 

It's been 4 months and I'm so sorry to hear that you're still feeling the pain. It's been 26 days since I last saw her and I highly doubt I will be ok come Feb 2016. That's exactly what my ex told me too. Just before I flew over to chase/stalk her, during the begging and pleading over the phone, she told me she will only see me when I become normal because I was too emotional. Did your ex reach out to you at any point during these 4 months?

[Heartbrokenguy80]

It's been 4 months and I'm so sorry to hear that you're still feeling the pain. It's been 26 days since I last saw her and I highly doubt I will be ok come Feb 2016. That's exactly what my ex told me too. Just before I flew over to chase/stalk her, during the begging and pleading over the phone, she told me she will only see me when I become normal because I was too emotional. Did your ex reach out to you at any point during these 4 months?

 

I went to her house and work place more than 10x. I only saw her 4x. I message her nearly daily but out of tons of messages she only replied 4-5x. Those are the same. That we could only be friends. Nothing more. Only when I'm not emotional.

 

Most of my messages were ignored but she did read but she just kept quiet.

[Armageddon]

I went to her house and work place more than 10x. I only saw her 4x. I message her nearly daily but out of tons of messages she only replied 4-5x. Those are the same. That we could only be friends. Nothing more. Only when I'm not emotional.

 

Most of my messages were ignored but she did read but she just kept quiet.

 

I can imagine myself doing this too if I knew where she lives but she doesn't even have money to rent a place so she was staying at her best friend's house and since she has a boyfriend now, she is staying with her boyfriend now and after what I did that night, I plan to disappear from her life and use NC to heal myself.

 

During the post break-up, I did exactly what you did too and she blocked me many times and only unblocked me and bothered to reply to me because I kept calling her friend. When I asked to be friends with her after she broke up with me, she also said the same thing as your ex. "Only friends. Nothing more." and she would only meet me when I calm down.

 

Seems like my situation is somewhat similar to yours. How are you feeling now? Do you feel better after 4 months? How long have you gone NC since your last message with her?

[Heartbrokenguy80]

I can imagine myself doing this too if I knew where she lives but she doesn't even have money to rent a place so she was staying at her best friend's house and since she has a boyfriend now, she is staying with her boyfriend now and after what I did that night, I plan to disappear from her life and use NC to heal myself.

 

During the post break-up, I did exactly what you did too and she blocked me many times and only unblocked me and bothered to reply to me because I kept calling her friend. When I asked to be friends with her after she broke up with me, she also said the same thing as your ex. "Only friends. Nothing more." and she would only meet me when I calm down.

 

Seems like my situation is somewhat similar to yours. How are you feeling now? Do you feel better after 4 months? How long have you gone NC since your last message with her?

 

Maybe because this is my longest relationship and which has the deepest impact, which is why these 4 months, it only improved a little. I just stumbled on this website and read about NC today. So far I haven't used it yet. I kept telling myself I'll just myself one more week before NC. Just hoping things will work out. But deep down I know I'm just lying to myself

 

My last message to her was two days ago. These two days I didn't message her at all. But I kept checking her on fb. Her online status and her going out with her friends.

 

How are you coping?? Yea we are I similar situation.

[Armageddon]

Maybe because this is my longest relationship and which has the deepest impact, which is why these 4 months, it only improved a little. I just stumbled on this website and read about NC today. So far I haven't used it yet. I kept telling myself I'll just myself one more week before NC. Just hoping things will work out. But deep down I know I'm just lying to myself

 

My last message to her was two days ago. These two days I didn't message her at all. But I kept checking her on fb. Her online status and her going out with her friends.

 

How are you coping?? Yea we are I similar situation.

 

Don't even go there. Just cut off all communication with your ex and disappear from her life. This is what I kept telling myself too. I would just beg and plead with her for 1 or 2 more weeks and then go NC. Eventually I couldn't take it because she kept ignoring me and I missed her so much that I flew over to find her, and you know what happened next.

 

My only form of communication with my ex is via WhatsApp. I don't have her on Facebook or any form of social network so that helps me in my recovery.

 

I suggest you should deactivate your Facebook, I uninstalled my whatsapp ever that night. How long were you with your ex and when did she break up with you? Were you begging her for 4 months?

 

I'm still struggling. I cry every night before I sleep and waking up every morning, she is the first thing which come to my mind. I'm fighting a war inside me everyday.

[pisces_gurl]

I wish my boyfriend behaved this way after I dumped him. I blocked his number and Facebook and never heard from him again. So sad! :-(

It makes me feel worthless, his love a lie and his behavior indifferent.

[Heartbrokenguy80]

Don't even go there. Just cut off all communication with your ex and disappear from her life. This is what I kept telling myself too. I would just beg and plead with her for 1 or 2 more weeks and then go NC. Eventually I couldn't take it because she kept ignoring me and I missed her so much that I flew over to find her, and you know what happened next.

 

My only form of communication with my ex is via WhatsApp. I don't have her on Facebook or any form of social network so that helps me in my recovery.

 

I suggest you should deactivate your Facebook, I uninstalled my whatsapp ever that night. How long were you with your ex and when did she break up with you? Were you begging her for 4 months?

 

I'm still struggling. I cry every night before I sleep and waking up every morning, she is the first thing which come to my mind. I'm fighting a war inside me everyday.

 

My only form of communication is fb. She blocked my whatsapp, SMS and phone. I told her why not u del me from fb. She replied me "u didn't do me anything wrong or bad , why should I ".

 

I was with her for 3 years plus. We were on the verge of getting married. I begged her almost daily for 4 months. I sent her pics of us together. Reminded her our sweet memories. Things we done. I told her I would be a good husband. She just replied it's too late now.

 

I cried initially. But it stopped. I have the same experience as you. The moment I wake up I'll think of her. I'll go check my fb whether she msg me. Every moment even when I'm in the toilet or at work at eating I'll think of her. Probably 100x a day. The only moment I don't think of her is when I sleep. That too, sometimes I dream of her. Once I dreamt we got back together, then when I woke up I realized it's just a dream, I was depressed. I'm also fighting a battle now.

[Heartbrokenguy80]

I wish my boyfriend behaved this way after I dumped him. I blocked his number and Facebook and never heard from him again. So sad! :-(

It makes me feel worthless, his love a lie and his behavior indifferent.

 

I guess u did the right thing breaking up with him now that u see his true colors

[ExpatInItaly]

I guess u did the right thing breaking up with him now that u see his true colors

 

I strongly advise you to read her other thread to get some context as to why he left. He had every right to.

 

And OP, what help are you seeking for your own behaviour? You went way beyond what can be considered normal or healthy. This isn't about her anymore. You have deep issues you need to address.

 

PS: A personal trainer cannot diagnose anyone with a medical or psychological condition. They are not qualified or trained to do so.

[pisces_gurl]

He didn't leave me. I blocked his phone number, Facebook, whatsapp and everything. Just to check if he would call me or contact me from fake number or ID. He didn't. Now I feel so sad and worthless. I hate him even more now. I never loved him in the first place, but i was expecting a better behavior from his side.He claimed to love me so much

I never did.

[pisces_gurl]

I strongly advise you to read her other thread to get some context as to why he left. He had every right to.

 

And OP, what help are you seeking for your own behaviour? You went way beyond what can be considered normal or healthy. This isn't about her anymore. You have deep issues you need to address.

 

PS: A personal trainer cannot diagnose anyone with a medical or psychological condition. They are not qualified or trained to do so.

 

He didn't leave me. I blocked his phone number, Facebook, whatsapp and everything. Just to check if he would call me or contact me from fake number or ID. He didn't. Now I feel so sad and worthless. I hate him even more now. I never loved him in the first place, but i was expecting a better behavior from his side.He claimed to love me so much

[Heartbrokenguy80]

I strongly advise you to read her other thread to get some context as to why he left. He had every right to.

 

And OP, what help are you seeking for your own behaviour? You went way beyond what can be considered normal or healthy. This isn't about her anymore. You have deep issues you need to address.

 

PS: A personal trainer cannot diagnose anyone with a medical or psychological condition. They are not qualified or trained to do so.

 

Now trying the NC. Will be deleting all her pics in my com. It's gonna be tough but it has to be done.

[ExpatInItaly]

He didn't leave me. I blocked his phone number, Facebook, whatsapp and everything. Just to check if he would call me or contact me from fake number or ID. He didn't. Now I feel so sad and worthless. I hate him even more now. I never loved him in the first place, but i was expecting a better behavior from his side.He claimed to love me so much

 

So what exactly is the problem, then? Stop playing games with other people. Their hearts are not your toys.

[pisces_gurl]

Toy?

If he cared about me or loved me, he would have contacted me:(

[Samhain]

Armageddon, you chased your ex girlfriend on a motorbike while you were drunk.. You could have killed yourself, her, or both of you. NC is better all round here, it sounds like you have some serious healing to do emotionally, and it wouldn't hurt to maybe speak to a therapist also, as I have a feeling your issues maybe go a little deeper than just the break up.

 

When a woman strangles you and involves dangerous people just to get rid of you, it's probably a given that she does not, and will not miss you. So use NC the way it's supposed to be used. Not as a tool to hang on to hope, but as a means of fixing yourself and moving on in life with full acceptance that this relationship is over and will remain so.

 

Also, if she had a new boyfriend 3 days after breaking up with you via text with little to no explanation, it's probably safe to say that he was in the picture before you broke up, and she was already emotionally detached from you.

 

If you have trouble accepting a break up to a point you will go to the extent of stalking somebody and snatching their possessions in order to blackmail them into doing what you want them to do, you have emotional issues and you need to talk to somebody who can give you some psychological insight and help. That is very unhealthy and your emotional state may have gone some way to making her feel "****ed in the head", possibly the catalyst for her initial emotional detachment. Until you try to fix yourself you won't be able to maintain a stable relationship in the future.

[pisces_gurl]

Armageddon, you chased your ex girlfriend on a motorbike while you were drunk.. You could have killed yourself, her, or both of you. NC is better all round here, it sounds like you have some serious healing to do emotionally, and it wouldn't hurt to maybe speak to a therapist also, as I have a feeling your issues maybe go a little deeper than just the break up.

 

When a woman strangles you and involves dangerous people just to get rid of you, it's probably a given that she does not, and will not miss you. So use NC the way it's supposed to be used. Not as a tool to hang on to hope, but as a means of fixing yourself and moving on in life with full acceptance that this relationship is over and will remain so.

 

Also, if she had a new boyfriend 3 days after breaking up with you via text with little to no explanation, it's probably safe to say that he was in the picture before you broke up, and she was already emotionally detached from you.

 

If you have trouble accepting a break up to a point you will go to the extent of stalking somebody and snatching their possessions in order to blackmail them into doing what you want them to do, you have emotional issues and you need to talk to somebody who can give you some psychological insight and help. That is very unhealthy and your emotional state may have gone some way to making her feel "****ed in the head", possibly the catalyst for her initial emotional detachment. Until you try to fix yourself you won't be able to maintain a stable relationship in the future.

 

Samhain, what about a person like me? Can u help me too?

[Itspointless]

“If you’re looking for the most reliable way to become more confident and attract more abundance into your life, build a solid foundation of health and strength and the rest will follow. You see, eating well and exercising heavy strengthens your physique. And strengthening your physique strengthens your mind. You will begin to feel more masculine and walk with an aura of confidence and allure. You will discover the true horsepower within you. Weightlifting will give you the highest “life return” on time investment. Overall, your fulfillment in this world is largely based on how successfully you manage to replicate the physical and social environment that our DNA expects, and weightlifting is basically the modern equivalent of carrying a heavy animal carcass back to camp. It will toughen your spirit, develop patience, fortitude, and determination, and nourish a healthy view on life. All else being equal, a man is always better stronger than weaker. Oh, and it will get you pussy.”

 

So go out and train. But know that big muscles and size are only as good in attracting women as their ability to alter your inner state of mind. Now go and conquer. And remember that no particular girl is worth your dignity.

Weightlifting, that is the best advice I have ever read The question is are you going for poon (from the title of his new book) or resilience and love? If it is the second I recommend other things and the sport just for moral. Start with reading about attachment styles. And let us be very careful with labelling people. If what you wrote today is true than her problems probably lie in an entirely different area than being a borderline Cluster-B disordered psychopath.

Her dad is an alcoholic and he committed suicide 9 years ago because of her. As a result, she blamed herself for her father's death and she treats every man as a tool so she is incapable of love. She even admitted to me that her heart is locked.

[Armageddon]

Weightlifting, that is the best advice I have ever read The question is are you going for poon (from the title of his new book) or resilience and love? If it is the second I recommend other things and the sport just for moral. Start with reading about attachment styles. And let us be very careful with labelling people. If what you wrote today is true than her problems probably lie in an entirely different area than being a borderline Cluster-B disordered psychopath.

 

I want to go into weight-lifting to to build up my confidence and self-esteem. I'm very skinny so I've always wanted to bulk up.

 

I've been reading about attachment styles and I do admit I have codependency issues. Yes that was what she told me. So if you don't think she is a borderline Clustered-B disordered psychopath, what problems does she have?