Cloudcuckoo Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 ....so many years....still leaves me with awful triggers. Especially when I am home alone while my husband is away at work. I'll keep it brief. After dday, it transpired that he had left his servicemans mess uniform and medals at her house after attending a rememberance day ceremony with her in tow in London while he was working there (he was still in service then). Through legal channels we were forced to employ to rid ourselves of her, she tried to incite me when we took legal action to have the medals returned,by suggesting that he had left them with her as collateral (he took money from her...oh you've no idea, but anyway) and that he had given her permission to wear them at rememberance ceremonies in his absence.. (To this day it is the one thing every year at this time guaranteed to cause me nausea). Any service wife knows, the only person who has the right to wear a servicemans medals is his widow. As she was neither his wife nor widow, this goading was terribly painful, and she knew it. Not looking for anything my lovelies, simply putting it out there, in this place where perhaps it might be understood. Just feeling the sadness of it today. Thank you all. Cuckoo X 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 ....so many years....still leaves me with awful triggers. Especially when I am home alone while my husband is away at work. I'll keep it brief. After dday, it transpired that he had left his servicemans mess uniform and medals at her house after attending a rememberance day ceremony with her in tow in London while he was working there (he was still in service then). Through legal channels we were forced to employ to rid ourselves of her, she tried to incite me when we took legal action to have the medals returned,by suggesting that he had left them with her as collateral (he took money from her...oh you've no idea, but anyway) and that he had given her permission to wear them at rememberance ceremonies in his absence.. (To this day it is the one thing every year at this time guaranteed to cause me nausea). Any service wife knows, the only person who has the right to wear a servicemans medals is his widow. As she was neither his wife nor widow, this goading was terribly painful, and she knew it. Not looking for anything my lovelies, simply putting it out there, in this place where perhaps it might be understood. Just feeling the sadness of it today. Thank you all. Cuckoo X Hug. When liberties are taken that are intended to debase you, take no notice. She has to do this tosh because she doesn't have any remberances of a life shared an a big love. X 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I hope you got those medals returned. You are absolutely correct. Only you or your husband are supposed to be in possession of Military medals. Strength and Honor 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted November 8, 2015 Author Share Posted November 8, 2015 Hug. When liberties are taken that are intended to debase you, take no notice. She has to do this tosh because she doesn't have any remberances of a life shared an a big love. X Thank you for that NewLeaf, and for your thoughtful comments, though the business of it essentially is far behind us in trauma and years, Rememberance weekend is annually quite difficult and seems to hit a particularly tender spot. I believe this is because of its enormously personal connotations in relation to our maritime history and a lifetime of the cameraderie that comes along with a service life where as serving members wives, we maintained a strong network of support. I always felt there was something bitter and perverse about that particular attack on me by my husbands other woman. I shall be glad when Monday arrives and my spirits lifted! Taking the time to respond is greatly appreciated. Cuckoo x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted November 8, 2015 Author Share Posted November 8, 2015 I hope you got those medals returned. You are absolutely correct. Only you or your husband are supposed to be in possession of Military medals. Strength and Honor Bless you Charger, that's most kind, and yes we most certainly did get my husbands service medals returned, but not without some protracted legal intervention! It was evidently some sort of perverse way of making me suffer the consequence of her unfortunate demise. Terribly upsetting at the time, and as you have seen, still rather painful to recall over Rememberance weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 I'm so sorry that you have experienced these things in your life. I hope (Oh how I TRULY hope) that triggers diminish over the years. Hugs strong lady. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 Cloud The medals appear to be the tangible reminder of a horror-filled experience for you especially. I'd view them as stolen then remarkably retrieved prizes. Your WH inadvertently gave them away with more, so ofcourse this is painful and I'm sorry for your pain lingering. OWs vengeance would be complete if she knew. A crazy piece indeed. You may allow that crazy part of your life to remain there. I'm not trying to invalidate your justified pain but allow you the freedom of pride regardless. And you should be very proud of yourself. Many hugs Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted November 8, 2015 Author Share Posted November 8, 2015 Thank you both Lionheart and shattered lady for your kind thoughts and comments. You've all certainly helped relieve the sadness that blights this yearly occasion. I am a very fortunate woman with a good life for which I am eternally grateful and shouldn't really allow this incident to repeatedly cast a cloud each year. It is a trigger though none the less and they can be blighters no matter how old the scar can't they? Normal service shall resume tomorrow, so I allow myself this momentary disturbance as it reminds me of how far we, and I, have come on that dreadful journey through the hell of infidelity, and that I never lost my dignity. To those of you who have been kind enough to walk a little with me, I want to tell you how grateful I am for your concern. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 Thank you both Lionheart and shattered lady for your kind thoughts and comments. You've all certainly helped relieve the sadness that blights this yearly occasion. I am a very fortunate woman with a good life for which I am eternally grateful and shouldn't really allow this incident to repeatedly cast a cloud each year. It is a trigger though none the less and they can be blighters no matter how old the scar can't they? Normal service shall resume tomorrow, so I allow myself this momentary disturbance as it reminds me of how far we, and I, have come on that dreadful journey through the hell of infidelity, and that I never lost my dignity. To those of you who have been kind enough to walk a little with me, I want to tell you how grateful I am for your concern. Cloud It's humbling for you to give thanks. Entirely unnecessary but Thankyou back. X Triggers are a B****. Now you know this weekend triggers you, is there some way to change this weekend (in ANY way) so that any triggers may be alleviated even just a little? Like a change of routine or place or some type of family celebration straight after to have you change focus - as a distraction? I guess the period before Remembrance Day, 1 or 2 weeks could be a build up of tension? Can you holiday somewhere exotic or get extra pampering or things entirely different to the previous norms? Please don't think I'm trying to minimize the affect this whole period has on you. I'm wondering if there's a "salve" of types to ease you through it or hopefully reduce the major triggers associated here. I hope there are. I really do. Suffering for one's country is enough of a sacrifice imo. I wish you could relieve your own personal suffering more. Peace in all facets of your life is what I'm getting at. X Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted November 8, 2015 Author Share Posted November 8, 2015 Cloud It's humbling for you to give thanks. Entirely unnecessary but Thankyou back. X Triggers are a B****. Now you know this weekend triggers you, is there some way to change this weekend (in ANY way) so that any triggers may be alleviated even just a little? Like a change of routine or place or some type of family celebration straight after to have you change focus - as a distraction? I guess the period before Remembrance Day, 1 or 2 weeks could be a build up of tension? Can you holiday somewhere exotic or get extra pampering or things entirely different to the previous norms? Please don't think I'm trying to minimize the affect this whole period has on you. I'm wondering if there's a "salve" of types to ease you through it or hopefully reduce the major triggers associated here. I hope there are. I really do. Suffering for one's country is enough of a sacrifice imo. I wish you could relieve your own personal suffering more. Peace in all facets of your life is what I'm getting at. X Lion Heart. Thankyou once again Lion Heart, for your thoughtful suggestions and your kindness. I have had my eldest daughter and her partner with me for our local memorial tribute, and they've spent most of the day with me which has been a huge comfort (and as you have suggested, a distraction) , which has helped enormously. I am already feeling relieved that the weekend is all but over for another year! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts