gabaee Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 My boyfriend and I are in a committed long distance relationship and see each other frequently as well as long holidays together. Last Christmas he was with his family and he came to see me a few days before the holidays. My birthday also happens to be on Christmas eve. Anyway, this year I would really like to spend if not both, at least either Christmas OR New Years with him. He is very tight with his family and did mention that for sure he would be with them in Italy for Christmas. But we still havent discuss in detail what we are doing together. For me Christmas and my birthday is a very tough time of year, because I am living abroad away from my own country where my family lives. So this time of year is very hard for me. I would like the idea of including me with hıs family for Christmas to come from him. So I am not sure how to talk about this and approach the subject. Many people say that it is perfectly normal for a couple to be spending their holidays away from each other with their families. And I do get that Christmas is all about famililes. And many also say that unless you are married, you are not obligated to be together for Xmas. I am not sure how I should feel IF he choose NOT to spend it with me. Should I feel hurt, excluded and consider dumping him or should I be okay with it? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 There's no specific way you "should" feel. Your feelings are your feelings. I'm in a somewhat similar position. I also live abroad (hence my very creative username!) and my boyfriend is local. Last year he invited me to spend Christmas with him without any mention from me. We hadn't been dating very long but he knows I'm alone here (ie with zero family, thousands of km from home) We both live in Rome so there's no distance involved, in that aspect. You said he'd be spending Christmas in Italy with his family - is he Italian, and does his family live in Italy? Or is this a family holiday abroad? If it's the latter, I can somewhat understand that this might be a family-only trip. Do you currently live very far from Italy? He might think it's not feasible to come here together, depending where you're currently at and how much this would cost. I would simply ask him if it's possible to spend time together over Christmas. Tell him you enjoy sharing this time with him, given the holiday and your birthday, and see how he responds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gabaee Posted November 8, 2015 Author Share Posted November 8, 2015 Thanks for your reply! To gıve a bit detail about our locations: I live in Istanbul and he lives in Rome, while his parents and his hometown is in Perugia, where he spends some of his weekends. So distance wise, it is VERY feasible for us to see each other. In fact for the last past year, he comes to Istanbul usually once a month and I go to Rome for the weekends once a month. ı am originally from Canada so I am also away from my family in Vancouver so Christmas is a tough time to be alone. So for Christmas, he is not that far from his parents. From Rome to Perugia, it is only a 2 hour car trip. For me to fly to Italy from Turkey, it is 0nly a 2 hour plane ride. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 Thanks for your reply! To gıve a bit detail about our locations: I live in Istanbul and he lives in Rome, while his parents and his hometown is in Perugia, where he spends some of his weekends. So distance wise, it is VERY feasible for us to see each other. In fact for the last past year, he comes to Istanbul usually once a month and I go to Rome for the weekends once a month. ı am originally from Canada so I am also away from my family in Vancouver so Christmas is a tough time to be alone. So for Christmas, he is not that far from his parents. From Rome to Perugia, it is only a 2 hour car trip. For me to fly to Italy from Turkey, it is 0nly a 2 hour plane ride. Ha, you and I have another thing in common as I'm Canadian too. (From the Toronto area) I've lived in Rome for the last three years and am well-acquainted with Perugia too, and you're right - the distance between the two cities is negligible. I would just ask him what he thinks about spending Christmas together this year. I'm rather surprised that he hasn't already considered inviting you, given that Italians are quite family-oriented and would not generally want you to spend the holidays alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gabaee Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 Oh that is cool to meet a fellow Canadian here ) My mom says it can be that his parents are very conservative and closed to outsiders and from a small town. She says it is probable that he is aware of this and doesnt want me to feel uncomfortable around them. Anyway that is just speculation at this point. He has been trying to convince his parents to make a weekend trip with him to Istanbul where I live, so he can show them the highlights of the city. But they have been postponing due to different work and life reasons. Yes I will have to ask him about the xmas plans. I am not if I should be calm and cool in case he is choosing his parents over me or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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