Do parties and social gatherings ever exhaust you?

[emerald86]

Every time I'm invited to some sort of social gathering, I dread going. I think about it days in advance, and just a few hours before the party, I'm so close to just not going. But I force myself to go, only because I don't like being a flake. What's weirder is that almost all the time, I end up having a great time at these parties. The first few minutes I'm a little nervous, but after that I relax pretty quickly. I make a lot of new friends, and everything goes well, so I feel like at this point, I shouldn't be dreading them anymore.

 

But for some reason I do. Hours before the party, I think about who might be there and every possible thing that could happen. And the next day, I'm exhausted--even if everything went well. I tell myself that there's no way I can go to another social gathering for at least two weeks. Most of my friends are the extroverted types and I see how they get super excited to go to parties--and they do it basically everyday. I just fail to see how they do this.

 

I wish social gatherings didn't exhaust me so much. I just want to go and have a good time without dreading anything. Am I in the minority here, or can other people relate?

[truthtripper]

Yes, I can relate to this. Socialising takes energy and it also depends on your personality type. Although I enjoy parties if the company is good, I'm the type who prefers my "alone time". I know some people who can party every night, but this is just not me.

[sadwithouthim]

I could have written this post word for word. I'm the exact same way. I'm surprised more people haven't responded to your post.

 

For me, I'm just more introverted, though I do enjoy good company (but only realize such after I warm up & after the event). I guess I'm a little insecure, and have some social anxiety.

 

I looked at some of your other posts, and you seem to worry a lot (like me). I guess we should loosen up a bit, and not worry so much. Now that I'm older (44), I try to quiet those worrisome thoughts. I will try to push the thoughts away as soon as they come in, or even distract myself from it by thinking of something else. It's pretty effective.

 

For the most part, people want to like people, so don't worry. Enjoy good company.

[truthtripper]

I guess I'm a little insecure, and have some social anxiety.

These feelings are more common among people than one would expect. It's just that most people aren't open about them for fear of being negatively judged.

[Els]

I'm the same way. It's a normal part of being an introvert - socializing drains our energy, so we need to recuperate after. Your friends are extroverts who gain energy by socializing. I don't understand it either, but that's the way they are.

 

I think it's important to find a balance for yourself. Do make yourself go sometimes so you don't become a shut-in... on the other hand I don't think it's necessary to exhaust yourself every single weekend by accepting every single invitation. I've turned down a few invitations before and am glad I did.

[Michelle ma Belle]

My issue has more to do with the social demands of my job/career. My position requires me to attend several social functions through out the year that include fancy dinners and galas, cocktail parties, networking luncheons, meet and greets and on and on. Many of them spill over into my personal time which really can really a toll particularly when I have too many things going on.

 

Not only do I have to be "on" as a myself but I also have the added pressure of being "on" as the title written on my business card. To say it's exhausting would be an understatement especially when you're an introvert.

 

Sometimes I think I'm in the wrong line of work :D:D

[carhill]

OP, it's called, IME, social anxiety and, yup, some folks have it and others don't. For myself, getting married and being totally immersed in socializing and travel for a number of years, that seemed to kill it. Prior, I didn't mind putting on big parties and hosting them, but didn't like going to them, especially when I hardly knew anyone. Now, no biggie. I meet a few folks, do my thing, have some fun and go home when I feel like it. I don't dwell on expectations. IMO, a lot of it is expectations we put on ourselves that aren't reflective of the world out there at all.

 

The difference between social anxiety and introversion is introverts don't dread and can enjoy the party but can get overwhelmed by the stimulation and activity and need to recharge in a quiet and solitary place. A socially anxious person dreads the party but can, as you noted, be fine once there and not feel like escaping. Scary version?: Social anxiety and introversion. That's trending to Agoraphobia. Someone can become a shut-in that way. However, it's only scary if one wants social contact cognitively but is inhibited emotionally. If one is fine with lack of social contact, it's not an issue. Sure, generally, humans are social animals but it's not required. Eventually, most of us find a path that fits ourselves and we live life without thinking about such matters except perhaps when discussing them like here.

[preraph]

I'm a weird mix. On one hand I'm social and outgoing, but I really really hate being alone and feeling awkward even for a moment if no one is talking to me and I don't want to go up and interrupt (which I used to make myself do, but honestly, they usually went right back to ignoring me). So I have certain conditions that I really enjoy socializing. One is that there's a central focus so that if I am there alone, I can just focus on whatever that central focus is, such as dinner buffet or a band playing. If there's no focal point, I don't want to be there alone. I want a friend with me -- one who won't run off and leave me.

 

All that said, there was only a couple of decades in my life when I was part of something that made me want to go out and do all that, and that was music stuff. That was what I lived for, night and day, so that being my passion overrode my natural tendency to be introverted.

 

I can remember periods all through my life when going to something just seemed like too much trouble. I get bored very easily, so there has to be something fun going on there. I love spending a holiday or two with a friend and her family, for example, but sometimes I am over it way before the festivities end and just have to tough it out. For example, some people seem quite content to focus on whichever young kid is showing off and indulging that, and once that begins, I am good for the first round of it and after that, I desperately want to leave and will wash dishes or anything to hasten that end.

[Miss Peach]

I don't feel the anxiety you discuss but I find social gatherings draining. The smaller the gather and the closer I am to the people I'm socializing with, the less draining I find it though. I need a day to myself afterward. I just chalked it up to being introverted.

[Myragal]

Not at all. I manage just fine. Yes, also the fewer people the better but that is just because a gathering is more intimate and better discussion.

 

The more I socialize and more physical activities I do...the more energy and enthusiasm I have. Thus why I love Meet Up groups. The motivation becomes self fulfilling.

[d0nnivain]

Why do you get some worked up in advance? You said it yourself, you end up having a good time.

 

So next time you feel anxious about a gathering, acknowledge you are feeling that way, then flip the script. Tell yourself what you told us, that you end up having fun. Now remind yourself that in light of past experiences there is nothing to worry about. Put it out of your mind. Then go & have fun.

[ASG]

I'm the same way. It's a normal part of being an introvert - socializing drains our energy, so we need to recuperate after. Your friends are extroverts who gain energy by socializing. I don't understand it either, but that's the way they .

 

Ha! I don't understand being drained!! I mean... I do need time alone, but mostly because I'm LAZY and need sleep and also time to catch up on tv shows (they dictate my life!).

 

But other than that, I very rarely say no to an invite to go out. Even if it means lack of sleep.

For instance, I have two potential drinks plans on friday. Neither os particularly interesting. But I WILL go to one of them and hope for the best. I'm sure I'll have fun!!

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I love, and miss, socializing.

[emerald86]

I could have written this post word for word. I'm the exact same way. I'm surprised more people haven't responded to your post.

 

For me, I'm just more introverted, though I do enjoy good company (but only realize such after I warm up & after the event). I guess I'm a little insecure, and have some social anxiety.

 

I looked at some of your other posts, and you seem to worry a lot (like me). I guess we should loosen up a bit, and not worry so much. Now that I'm older (44), I try to quiet those worrisome thoughts. I will try to push the thoughts away as soon as they come in, or even distract myself from it by thinking of something else. It's pretty effective.

 

For the most part, people want to like people, so don't worry. Enjoy good company.

 

Haha, you are right in that I tend to worry. But I guess I've learned to hide it somehow--at parties I appear to be just like any other extroverted person. It is true that the best thing to do is to try to push those worrisome thoughts away! It really helps to tell yourself that the thoughts are irrational.

[emerald86]

OP, it's called, IME, social anxiety and, yup, some folks have it and others don't. For myself, getting married and being totally immersed in socializing and travel for a number of years, that seemed to kill it. Prior, I didn't mind putting on big parties and hosting them, but didn't like going to them, especially when I hardly knew anyone. Now, no biggie. I meet a few folks, do my thing, have some fun and go home when I feel like it. I don't dwell on expectations. IMO, a lot of it is expectations we put on ourselves that aren't reflective of the world out there at all.

 

The difference between social anxiety and introversion is introverts don't dread and can enjoy the party but can get overwhelmed by the stimulation and activity and need to recharge in a quiet and solitary place. A socially anxious person dreads the party but can, as you noted, be fine once there and not feel like escaping. Scary version?: Social anxiety and introversion. That's trending to Agoraphobia. Someone can become a shut-in that way. However, it's only scary if one wants social contact cognitively but is inhibited emotionally. If one is fine with lack of social contact, it's not an issue. Sure, generally, humans are social animals but it's not required. Eventually, most of us find a path that fits ourselves and we live life without thinking about such matters except perhaps when discussing them like here.

 

Yes, that difference between social anxiety and introversion makes sense. So I guess those who like being around people but dread the situation are socially anxious extroverts?

[xxoo]

I'm an introvert. I sort of dread events because I know I'm going to feel drained after, and have a deficit of "alone time" because I spent part of my time budget socializing

 

Ironically, I'm very social when with people. That's not unusual for introverts. We are emotionally intuitive, and concerned with other people's experience. When I'm in a social situation, I feel very "on" and am concerned with making sure others are having a good time. I don't relax and enjoy it myself.

[Gigi2015]

I read something that made sense: An extrovert feels energized by social involvement and an introvert feels drained...Two different types of people.... Neither wrong.