Couldn't be happier right now. But previous heartache makes me terrified.

[python23]

I've been dating this wonderful stunning girl for 3 months we've recently made it official and we've just had our first weekend away together, it was unbelievable for various reasons and since I've met her she's really knocked me off my feet, we've met each other's parents and everything is going really well.

 

But I should feel happier. 2 years ago I went through the worst experience of my life. I was crushed by an ex who really manipulated me which really sent me into a bad place. I became quite ill because of it and I had to get treatment.

 

2 years down the line and she's long gone, I've had another ex since her which just didn't work out. It wasn't a bad break up which was good.

 

But this girl now I feel so strongly for, it reminds me of how I felt with the girl I mentioned above. And it scares me. I'm terrified of things not working out and me feeling the way I did. I know lots of people have felt like this but it's the first time for me. She's been through a rough break up earlier this year so I know she's had a hard time too. I've told her how much I care about her but I wouldn't dream of telling her just how terrified I am of losing her.

 

Does anyone have advice on how to lose this feeling of being so scared of heartbreak? Or do I just have to give it time? I should be happier than this, even though things couldn't be better right now. I've met an unbelievable girl.

[Digger123]

I've been dating this wonderful stunning girl for 3 months we've recently made it official and we've just had our first weekend away together, it was unbelievable for various reasons and since I've met her she's really knocked me off my feet, we've met each other's parents and everything is going really well.

 

But I should feel happier. 2 years ago I went through the worst experience of my life. I was crushed by an ex who really manipulated me which really sent me into a bad place. I became quite ill because of it and I had to get treatment.

 

2 years down the line and she's long gone, I've had another ex since her which just didn't work out. It wasn't a bad break up which was good.

 

But this girl now I feel so strongly for, it reminds me of how I felt with the girl I mentioned above. And it scares me. I'm terrified of things not working out and me feeling the way I did. I know lots of people have felt like this but it's the first time for me. She's been through a rough break up earlier this year so I know she's had a hard time too. I've told her how much I care about her but I wouldn't dream of telling her just how terrified I am of losing her.

 

Does anyone have advice on how to lose this feeling of being so scared of heartbreak? Or do I just have to give it time? I should be happier than this, even though things couldn't be better right now. I've met an unbelievable girl.

You know what? Screw fear! It gets to much credit and steals from ones life! I say take a leap of faith! I spent to much of my life full of fear and it dictated almost every choice I made! The past is not the measure of your future! Relationships take work from both sides. Always be honest and one thing as a women I appreciate more than anything is honesty and hopefully someday I can meet a man who will put fear aside and take a chance on me! My two cents

[scooby-philly]

I agree with the previous poster. Fear can ruin our lives (and not in some grand, dramatic way). We're so accustomed now to fear/hate "failure"....everyone fails multiple times a day. We don't avoid that extra bag of chips...we anticipate getting x,y,z done today when GHIJK show up at our doors demanding attention, we miscalculate a turn and scrape our car, we back into a spot too far and dent the bumper, we burn the rice for dinner, we take that extra cigarette break or run 30 minutes late to the gym.....

 

Most people live in fear of something (or someone) and most of the time (not all though) our fears or concerns are either unfounded, or when we finally do, say, or try it - even the worst case scenario isn't as bad as we thought.

 

In your case OP - tell her. You have nothing to lose. If she cares about you she'll understand and be empathetic - as long as you are calm and not creepy about it. Good relationships are built around people sharing emotions.

 

I'll tell you right now...I'm 34. I'm white. Good career. Good education. Saving for a house.....met a woman online 2-3 months ago. Single, 22, black, mother of a 4 year old, still working on her degree. But we click. She finds me funny. I think she's genuine, has a good heart, etc. I'm scared as hell. but I'm not letting it stop me from hanging out with her.

[SpiralOut]

Try not to think about how you "should" feel. Fear is normal. Take your time with trusting her. As time goes on and the relationship continues to go well, the fear will slowly drift away.

 

 

Are you really afraid of losing her, or are you afraid of being manipulated again? Just asking since you can't control the former, but you can control latter. No matter what happens, you don't need to be in a bad relationship again.

Edited November 20, 2015 by SpiralOut