HansonGirl Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) If you have a significant other and some person you dated like four years ago contacted you out of nowhere would you even respond? The person doesn't even live in the same time zone as you any more! The letter acknowledges that it's weird that they are contacting out of the blue but is basically sayjng sorry I was an immature idiot when we went out and sorry for not saying so sooner . Hope everything is good in your life . I got one of these .I did think the guy was immature but I didn't think he was so bad at all! He liked me a ton though. Does this mean he's trying to get me me again .What would you make of this? Edited November 8, 2015 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
Myragal Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 After 4 years? I'd ignore it. If I wasn't in a relationship I might answer 'thank you, I hope things are going well with you'. My responsibility is 100% to my current partner. I would not hide things from him or do anything to plant a seed to make him feel insecure. You may feel flattered, curious, etc. That's normal and fine. However, it's like opening Pandoras Box. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 4 years is a long time and the ship has sailed a while ago. It could be he's just feeling guilty and looking for absolvement or some sort, or it could be he's looking to rekindle. The 4 years and the generic-ness makes me lean towards the first (absolvement). Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 I wouldn't assume that he wants to get back together again. Instead, I'd assume he's been doing some reflecting and wants to put old wrongs right. On the weekend, I went to a school reunion where I apologised for hurting someone 35 years ago. I didn't want to become part of her life again - I simply wanted her to know that I was wrong and regretted hurting her. Sometimes an apology is simply an apology. Edited to add: she graciously accepted my apology and for this I was grateful. If I were you, I would graciously accept this guy's apology but not encourage more contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 Leave the past in the past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Ironically, something like this did happen to me. An ex contacted me after several years simply to check in, (no apologies for being immature). I was married at the time. I sent an email just saying hi and that was the last that I ever heard from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 This happened to me the other day, my ex messaged me randomly saying how she's sorry for how she acted, sorry she'll always be the one who broke my heart and i'm a great guy etc. We had been NC 8 months or so. i replied but kept it very short, didn't say thank you just said everything was good with me and that was it. It could be a lonely evening and that person wants to get some comfort from you, or they simply realised their errors. 4 years is a long time but better late than never I guess? if you reply just keep it short and sweet. i don't think hes trying to get you again, he's just trying to put right old wrongs Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Seems to me like he's trying to reconnect with you to see if there still is some interest. Maybe he recently broke up with someone, got lonely, so he started to think about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 If you have a significant other and some person you dated like four years ago contacted you out of nowhere would you even respond? The person doesn't even live in the same time zone as you any more! The letter acknowledges that it's weird that they are contacting out of the blue but is basically sayjng sorry I was an immature idiot when we went out and sorry for not saying so sooner . Hope everything is good in your life . I got one of these .I did think the guy was immature but I didn't think he was so bad at all! He liked me a ton though. Does this mean he's trying to get me me again .What would you make of this? Yeah why not. Link to post Share on other sites
Glynda Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 When I was in college, I was contacted by an ex I'd broken up with a few years before in high school. I took him back, but later wished I hadn't. When we were in high school, we had good times together, but we had some issues, the main one being sex. Basically, he wanted it and I wasn't ready for something that serious, so we didn't. I almost broke up with him after he tried to force himself on my after we went to the prom, but he apologized the next day and for the next few months, stopped trying to get sex from me. I was enjoying our relationship then he told me he got another girl pregnant, so I ended it with him. A few years later while I was in college, he found me and wanted to start dating again, and I, remembering the good times, hoping he'd grown up a little, decided to give him another chance. We had some good times, and I did develop real feelings for him and wondered if we could have a long term future, but the sex thing came up again, and I had at that point decided to wait before taking that step with someone, but that didn't stop him from trying to get me into bed. One evening after a date, I ended it with him for good when he hit on my roommate in a very disgusting way right in front of me. I started crying and went to my room and my roommate started screaming at him for what he did and told him I had real feelings for him. He then started crying himself and talked about how his single mother often had different men spending the night with her so he didn't know better. I got myself together, went back out and told him I never wanted to see him again and I hoped that would be it, but it wasn't. He did call a couple of days later and I stood my ground then I didn't hear from him again until a couple of years later when he called my parents' house looking for me. I wasn't there so he left a message and I never called him back. Around a year or so after that, he called again, but this time I was there to take the call and told him I didn't want to see him again and to leave me alone, and he did until a few months ago(almost 20 years later). He messaged me on Facebook saying he only wanted to be friends, and I told him I was married now and he said he wouldn't date a married woman, but then he told me he'd just ended a relationship and wished he'd proposed back when we were together. This upset me and my husband, so I told him that there was no chance with us because I'd moved on and married the love of my life and would never do anything to mess that up. I told him I moved on and he needed to do the same. He later unfriended me on Facebook and I hope this is the last I hear from him. I took him back and he hadn't changed, broke it off with him a second time, and still, he thinks he can get me back all these years later even though I'm married now. The one thing I've learned is exactly what sort of person he is, and how even now, he hasn't changed. I didn't date for a long time after I broke up with him the last time and pretty much wanted nothing to do with men. Even though I had started dating others when I met the man who would become my husband, it wasn't easy for me to trust and be comfortable with men for a long time after him. What am I trying to say? I think taking back an ex is a bad idea because they're usually an ex for a good reason and once you give them that second chance and it doesn't work out, they keep coming back for more chances. My advice is just ignore it and move on. Glynda Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 I wouldn't assume that he wants to get back together again. Instead, I'd assume he's been doing some reflecting and wants to put old wrongs right. On the weekend, I went to a school reunion where I apologised for hurting someone 35 years ago. I didn't want to become part of her life again - I simply wanted her to know that I was wrong and regretted hurting her. Sometimes an apology is simply an apology. Edited to add: she graciously accepted my apology and for this I was grateful. If I were you, I would graciously accept this guy's apology but not encourage more contact. Everyone is going to respond and give you their version of a similar situation but that doesn't mean they know THIS person's true intentions. Only HE does so take all the advice with a grain of salt. I for one have to agree with basil67. Stop assuming the worst and just appreciate it for what it is. Sometimes an apology is just that, an apology. And if it isn't, if this guy wants more from you, that doesn't mean he gets to have it and certainly not without your consent for heaven's sake. You can easily shut this down ASAP if you feel his intentions are unworthy. You still have some control after all. My advice? Be gracious as well as grateful since not many get this kind of closure. Then put it behind you and carry on with your life. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts