Confused, and a little lonely

[Cutie_face]

[color=blue][/color]

 

Hey i'm new to these forums too, so i don't really know what to expect, but here goes.

I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 7 months now. When we first started going out, everything was really really good, we spent all our time talking, we couldn't stop thinking about each other, it was so exciting and new and fresh and i really put alot of faith into the relationship, we seemed like such a good fit.

 

In the last couple of months though, there has been some strain on the relationship. We both have exams and stuff at college and are really conscientious people, so we haven't been making the time for each other, or really making the most of the time we have together, almost taking each other for granted. Things finally came to a head a week ago. I was so confused because he had started being so short with me, he didnt really seem like he was that interested in talking to me, no matter how hard i tried. It was awful, because i just felt like he didnt even care about me anymore and we'd grown so close whilst going out that i just didn't understand. I asked him if he wanted a break, almost really suggesting it because i just wanted to solve our problems. He said yes and now we are on a break till the exams are over, which is about a month.

 

However, we are still supposedly talking as 'friends'. The thing is though that though i try to talk to him really hard, because i want to keep us talking during this break. i feel like if we don't bother with each other properly for a month, it will just get even worse. I appreciate he needs space and stuff to do his exams, and maybe he doesn't want to think about us while his exams are going on, but i really wish i felt like he cared. He said that he loves me as much as ever, and wants to address this after exams (on the phone when we broke up), but i just feel so low, its making it difficult for me to concentrate, and i'm just miserable. If i try to talk to him, and he doesn't bother, i jut feel really rejected.

 

 

It's my birthday next week and we are spending the day together, just hanging out, chatting (we've always said we wanted to stay friends no matter what), and so i hope we can talk about it then, but i know that he doesnt really want to broach the subject until exams are over.

 

So here's the part where i really need advice. I'm starting to really lose hope at the moment, i am finding it so hard to give him space when all i want to do is sort things out. I want to try and focus on my exams, which are clearly so important to me right now, but i just need to get him out of my head, but i don't want to give up on us. I'm sure i will still want to go out with him when we finish our break and start talking about it again, but i don't want to lose hope. What does anyone think that i should do?

[eastern_mystique]

Hey,

 

I am in a *vaguely* similar situation to you - except my b/f broke up with me approx. 3 months ago. I tried being friends with him, as he wanted, but my inner voice was telling me that going down the friendship road, when I want so much more, would lead to only more misery for me.

 

So with that in mind I told him that I wanted a complete break from him until after the exams (I'm at college too, doing A-Levels). I knew that if I just disppeared from his life and stopped taking his phone calls and replying to his text messages, he would be hurt and angry, so I wanted to at least let him know. That was about 3 weeks ago, we haven't spoken to each other or had any form of contact since. And we were so incredibly close, that it's so sad that I've had to resort to this. I do feel however that taking this time away from each other will ultimately make or break us.

 

Originally posted by Cutie_face

I want to try and focus on my exams, which are clearly so important to me right now, but i just need to get him out of my head, but i don't want to give up on us.

 

Tell me about it....it's so hard for me to care about anything or anyone else but him, and it's making revision very hard for me when I'm feeling so miserable.

Are you religious at all? Having faith in some higher power to take care of it for you can be really good because it takes the responsibility off of you having to try and do everything for yourself. My mum keeps telling me over and over again "Think positively, don't give in to despair, have faith in God and give it time". One thing she said to me is "Imagine how stupid you'll feel if in a few weeks time he and you get back together and you've just spent all the time you should have been revising being miserable and worried."

Or if you're not religious, have faith in yourself - feel confident that this will be resolved.

Concentrate on the task at hand - which is your exams. I keep telling myself that if I do my duty and take care of what I need to do, then God will take care of the rest.

 

The only way I'm managing to keep myself together through all of this is holding onto the hope that after this we'll be together, and holding onto my faith in God. Some will say that's naive and unrealistic - but if I lose that hope then I'll lose the will to carry on.

 

As for what you should do, that's really down to you. I don't think it's anyone's place to tell you "right, you should definitely do this". You have your own guiding voice, your own conscience, and it's best to follow that than rely on what anyone else might say. Mine was telling me to cut off contact with him completely (until the end of June), so I've done that and although it's hard and painful, I know inside I've done the right thing.

 

What do you feel is the right thing to do? The thing is, your break is not so much a break from each other, but a break from your relationship. With staying friends with him during this 'break', there is the possibility that he may find that he prefers having a 'friendship' with you and not want to go back to the relationship. You could always try doing limited contact with him, not talking or seeing each other a lot, and when you do keeping it light and somewhat distant. Or you could just cut off contact with him completely from now until the end of your exams. If you've been so close to each other, I'm sure he'd find it a bit of a shock to the system for you to suddenly not be there anymore and it may shake him out of his complacency and he could realize that he misses being with you.

 

You have the options, but it's up to you to decide what you feel is the best approach to take. If you want to be with him and he makes you happy (and is good for you), then don't lose hope.

[lonelyandnonexistant]

i know exactly how u feel cutie_Face. i was just wondering because im in a situation very similar to yours. probably the most similar ive found on here, if you could pm me and we could talk about it into more detail and share feelings on the subject.