Trane Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Women on OKCUPID who strictly say they aren't into FWBs, casual hookups or ONS in their "you should message me if" section. Are they simply past the FWB and casual sex stage of their lives or is it more a result of meeting sexed crazed guys or players who have depth or commitment issues? Some women have told me from the very beginning when they started to date and have sex whether in high school or college, have no use for it because they've had plenty of it and are tired of it. Others are strictly the pure relationship type which is believable but not entirely, because lots of people have casual relationships, with or without sex involved or any romantically intimate intentions. Have you FWB'd yourself out or had plenty of experience with casual sex and one night stands to want strictly and explicitly, something more exclusive? Too many bad ONS experiences with not-so-great guys? Not that I'm am put-off with this in dating profiles, but why is it such a point to state that? The women I've met live or on line who don't have these stipulations have been some of the most amazing and fun people to know and be with. Open to anyone who wishes to share their experiences are welcome.
Odinani Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 There's nothing unusual or noteworthy about a woman refusing to engage in ONS and FWB. It's called being normal. 8
lilmissjava Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) In my experience with OLD, I specifically state that I am not interested in FWB, random hookups or ONS. Simply because I have either been messaged profusely with those requests, although it doesn't deter them from asking anyway. Another reason is that a couple of my dates were going that route. I then wasn't interested. I am older, and I am past the hookup stage of my life. However, I did maintain at arms length, a "friend" that I have kept in "touch" with during periods between relationships over the past 10 years. But we have never crossed the line if either or both of us were in relationships. So yes, an FWB just to get us through the relationship downtime. I wouldnt be inclined to look for a different FWB though lol Edited November 8, 2015 by lilmissjava Typos 1
LoveRefreshed Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Smeh. Some say it to deter men from asking, but from my experience they are really deterring from the normal riff raff. Make a connection with that girl and then tell her what you're looking for (fwb)and they will sometimes agree.
Eighty_nine Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Any FWB I've had has happened organically. I don't know many women who'd seek out a FWB online. 1
ScienceGal Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I've never had a ONS or been in a FWB situation. I would specify that on my profile to hopefully spare myself the messages from guys who are looking to just hookup, not to mention the ones who simply write "hey sexy". 2
thecrucible Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I don't say I don't want that on my profile. I think it would attract more of what I don't want and result in more sleazy messages. But I steer clear of any questions relating to sexuality on OkCupid as I think they are too personal and give across the wrong impression. I'm very selective about what questions I answer on there. 1
kendahke Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Women on OKCUPID who strictly say they aren't into FWBs, casual hookups or ONS in their "you should message me if" section. Are they simply past the FWB and casual sex stage of their lives or is it more a result of meeting sexed crazed guys or players who have depth or commitment issues? Most likely, because they aren't there for FWB, ONS's or casual sex. Have you FWB'd yourself out or had plenty of experience with casual sex and one night stands to want strictly and explicitly, something more exclusive? Too many bad ONS experiences with not-so-great guys? No, not even on both counts. Not that I'm am put-off with this in dating profiles, but why is it such a point to state that? Mostly likely they're tired of having to answer emails from guys who only want to hit it and quit it, so it's easier to just put that in their profile. If you ain't that guy, then no worries, right? If you are that guy, now you know and you don't have to bother with her. There are plenty others on there who are down for a hit it and quit it.
HansonGirl Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 In my experience with OLD, I specifically state that I am not interested in FWB, random hookups or ONS. Simply because I have either been messaged profusely with those requests, although it doesn't deter them from asking anyway. Another reason is that a couple of my dates were going that route. I then wasn't interested. I am older, and I am past the hookup stage of my life. However, I did maintain at arms length, a "friend" that I have kept in "touch" with during periods between relationships over the past 10 years. But we have never crossed the line if either or both of us were in relationships. So yes, an FWB just to get us through the relationship downtime. I wouldnt be inclined to look for a different FWB though lol i had one of those too! he is engaged now to someone. 1
phineas Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Smeh. Some say it to deter men from asking, but from my experience they are really deterring from the normal riff raff. Make a connection with that girl and then tell her what you're looking for (fwb)and they will sometimes agree. This. I've had women who specifically stated no fwb and wanted a relationship sleep with me on the first date then proceed to make me her fwb. I didn't even try to sleep with them. They came onto me. 1
aprilisi Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I feel the same. But I don't mention it in my profile. No point really. I used have it in there and got the messages anyway. In fact it was worse then than now. Like the boys saw it as a challenge. Now when I get a message I just say no thank you. They normally leave me alone after that. Although some won't leave it be. I think they get super excited just to get a response. But those hey sexy guys are the worst. I just reply nope to them. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I'm not sure why this needs to be analyzed to death. Everyone's entitled to a preference and men tend to be relentless when it comes to sex. I think I posted something similar for a short while when I was online but soon realized it was absolutely pointless. Originally, I did it because, like lilmissjava said, it got to a point where I was just bloody exhausted with having to deal with all the requests for NSA sex or cyber sex or whatever sex. That's not what I was looking for at the time. Eventually, I stopped including that little disclaimer because, let's face it, men don't read profiles I just dealt with them one by one and often referred them to another site I was familiar with where they could get exactly what they wanted without having to work so hard for it. 1
oregon0011 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I think some of the girls who say that already have a fwb, so want something more. I think it is kind of silly to draw attention to that, as I first think they do that quite often. They usually are just as easy in my experience. If not easier
Shanex Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Well if you are into FWBs and thats only what you are looking for make it clear. Or else dont post a description and state it in the message you send. Its being honest. Plenty of guys pretend to look for RS or anything serious when all they want is getting laid and drop the woman afterwards. Okcupid from little I know about it is a bit more serious than - say Pof. And free at least.
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Well if you are into FWBs and thats only what you are looking for make it clear. Or else dont post a description and state it in the message you send. Its being honest. Plenty of guys pretend to look for RS or anything serious when all they want is getting laid and drop the woman afterwards. Okcupid from little I know about it is a bit more serious than - say Pof. And free at least. OKcupid and POF are about the same in terms of the quality, which is pretty poor. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that OKcupid is probably worse. Both places have notorious reputations for being hookup sites. No problem if that's what you're looking for or if you have copious amounts of time to vet your prospects. And I'll agree that there are guys online that say they want a RS but really just want to get laid and nothing more. The RS is often just a cover to get into a woman's good graces 2
Shanex Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Yep Michelle. Also saying they want to settle for a RS get them more attention than saying bluntly they want nothing more than casual/hookups. I still believe most women on Pof or Okc want the whole thing. Maybe its delusional but some believe in it. A few find it. 1
TheBathWater Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Women on OKCUPID who strictly say they aren't into FWBs, casual hookups or ONS in their "you should message me if" section. Are they simply past the FWB and casual sex stage of their lives or is it more a result of meeting sexed crazed guys or players who have depth or commitment issues? Some women have told me from the very beginning when they started to date and have sex whether in high school or college, have no use for it because they've had plenty of it and are tired of it. Others are strictly the pure relationship type which is believable but not entirely, because lots of people have casual relationships, with or without sex involved or any romantically intimate intentions. Have you FWB'd yourself out or had plenty of experience with casual sex and one night stands to want strictly and explicitly, something more exclusive? Too many bad ONS experiences with not-so-great guys? Not that I'm am put-off with this in dating profiles, but why is it such a point to state that? The women I've met live or on line who don't have these stipulations have been some of the most amazing and fun people to know and be with. Open to anyone who wishes to share their experiences are welcome. This is an interesting post. I was talking with a buddy of mine about a year ago about this exact phenomenon. He and I have both used OkCupid and encountered this. From both of our experiences, we agreed that the women we met who said in their profile or told us to our face that they were not interested in casual sex ALL went to bed with us on the first night. Is this true of every woman on OkCupid who says this? No, probably not. I think most (not all, but most) women will go to bed with you if you know how to talk, make them feel comfortable, and like you're not just going to use them up and brag to your buddies the next day. When people feel safe and sensual at the same time, sex is inevitable if you know how to talk and how to escalate physically. Just my two cents. 1
oregon0011 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I also think this is similar to when girls put on their profile "not into drama". Then you meet them and they are 100 percent drama. I think most of these women who feel the need to type out "casual sex" on their profile always have it, so it is on their mind. If it was foreign to them their wouldn't be much reason to mention this.
salparadise Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Not that I'm am put-off with this in dating profiles, but why is it such a point to state that? The women I've met live or on line who don't have these stipulations have been some of the most amazing and fun people to know and be with. Open to anyone who wishes to share their experiences are welcome. There are guys cruising these sites who are asinine enough proposition women in a crude and direct manner. Women don't appreciate it they're trying to filter these idiots out before the send a crude message. Also, there are women who aren't comfortable putting themselves online because of the old stigma... they're making themselves overtly available and worried about what people think of them, and their own self-image. So saying they don't want a hookup is a way of mitigating or image control... which is reasonable, even though I think putting these statements in a profile is distasteful. Hell, I don't want a FWB or hookup either, or a gold-digger or bat-sh*t-crazy, but I don't feel the need to put a bunch of negative, defensive disclaimers in the profile.
Miss Peach Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Hell, I don't want a FWB or hookup either, or a gold-digger or bat-sh*t-crazy, but I don't feel the need to put a bunch of negative, defensive disclaimers in the profile. This. It reminds me of when I see things in men's profiles like "No drama please". There are a lot of guys (and women) on OLD who are looking for FWB or ONS. But there are better ways to screen that out IMO. Some guys aren't in the place for more. Others don't know until they meet you and figure out what they want from you. I think Steve Harvey's explanation about the sports fish and the keeper fish was right in my experience with dating men and listening to male friends.
Odinani Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 This is an interesting post. I was talking with a buddy of mine about a year ago about this exact phenomenon. He and I have both used OkCupid and encountered this. From both of our experiences, we agreed that the women we met who said in their profile or told us to our face that they were not interested in casual sex ALL went to bed with us on the first night. Is this true of every woman on OkCupid who says this? No, probably not. I think most (not all, but most) women will go to bed with you if you know how to talk, make them feel comfortable, and like you're not just going to use them up and brag to your buddies the next day. When people feel safe and sensual at the same time, sex is inevitable if you know how to talk and how to escalate physically. Just my two cents. It doesn't work like that.....
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