How do you stop thinking about ex with other person?!!!

[cleebie]

My bf left 4 months ago and we haven't had any contact now for 9 weeks.

 

He said he didn't leave me for someone else although I suspect that he has, and now that it is all I can think about...

 

It upsets me to think that I have just been so easily replaced after 4.5 years together. While I see my life as empty, just a continuous cycle of work, tv, sleep, work, tv.........with nothing to look forward to. The summer is coming and whilst before, I would have really looked forward to it, now I just find it a depressing reminder of everything I have lost. My life now feels like an open-ended, meaningless void.

 

How do I stop thinking about my ex with someone else, doing all the things that we used to do?..His life has not changed and I feel that I have been completely forgotten about and the 4.5 years together have meant nothing.

 

Nothing has changed for him. I imagine him happy and smiling and laughing with this new person, in the pubs we used to go to, in our favourite restaurant, in the cinema watching films that we would have watched together...and it hurts too much to bear.

 

[outdated]

Trust me, after 4.5 years, this was tough on him too. Unless he had backed out emotionally a long time ago, he is probably hurting just as much. Being a dumper is not easy. Being dumped is not easy. Relationships aren't easy. It's easy to imagine them moving on, running through the fields hand in hand with their new found love, but the truth of the matter is that unless he's found a true love, he's probably just killing some time. Like the saying goes "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." I used to think that way about my ex when I found out she was dating someone else. Her relationship with this guy from work lasted about two seconds. Trust me, it's not always greener on the other side. Whatever you do, don't listen to Neil Young! I had this song in my head for like five weeks and it drove me crazy!

 

"I bet she's not like me, she's out and fancy free, flirting with all the boys with all her charms. But I still love her so, and brother don't you know, I'd welcome her right back here in my arms. There must be someway that I can lose these lonesome blues, forget about my past, find someone new, i've thought of everything from A to Z, oh oh lonesome me."

 

I highly recommend not listening to "After The Gold Rush."

 

This e-mail makes no sense, I'm sorry I went on a tangent, but it's a funny memory of getting over my ex.

 

I guess the key is to keep busy, don't go to the places that remind you of him, get out and do new things and under no circumstances listen to Neil Young.

[rastafari]

im going through the same thing with my first ex of two years. wow, does it hurt. i think she is messing with this specific guy(my roomate), but all my roomates think im paranoid and she isnt messing with him at all. i have reason to be parinoid though. anywho..worrying is not going to solve anything. if they are screwing that shows how f***ed up she really is. and i still cant do anything about it...

 

you have to stay busy all the time. if you give yourself time you will think about your ex. so stay busy and go out with your friends. go eat your favorite food and buy yourself things. eat a lot and go out...and if you have nothing to do go to sleep. thats how i cope with things...and dont contact them for any reason.

[cleebie]

Thanks Rastafari and Outdated,

 

Sorry you are going through it too Rastafari. It is difficult enough without them being with someone else already, although I have been thinking whether it is better for me that he left me for someone else rather than leaving because he would rather be on his own than with me!!

 

I am a bit curious about your story though...is this roomate that you suspect is seeing your ex one of the same roomates who is telling you that you are paranoid?

 

anyhow, you are right that worrying about it doesn't help but is doesn't stop me thinking about it even though I go to work, go out with friends, see my family, etc..nothing can block these thoughts however occupied I am, it keeps creeping in. oh well.

 

 

Outdated, thanks for the tip about Neil Young. Coincidently, I bought my ex a Neil Young CD for xmas...think I'll bin in now!

 

I'm afraid it is too hard to believe that my ex is hurting in anyway whatsoever, ok..so he cried when he told me he was leaving, he has cried everytime we have spoken or met since, but that is just guilt as far as I am concerned and not actual pain at losing me. He told me that I am his best friend and doesn't want me out of his life yet I haven't heard anything from him in 9 weeks, not anything, not a single "are you ok" - not how I thought you treated your "best friend".

 

In my opinion, he has simply moved on, cut off. I have been replaced and therefore he has absolutely no need for me in his life. I am a part of the past he wants to forget and no longer a part of his future.

 

My life would have been a hell of a lot easier if I could could also cut off emotionally as easily as he seems to.

 

I need a new man to think about instead of the old one!

[rastafari]

damn i was writing the story and i decided that it would be to one sided if i wrote what i had seen and what went on...you would have to know the whole story to get perspective, and i started writing the story and im on the 3rd page in word, that how long it is..well i dont know if my roomate is with my exgirl or with her roomate...my origional roomates think that nothing is going on between my ex and him. it goes both ways, thats why i keep thinking about it, i wish i just knew one way or the other. i will just give a few examples...

 

this guy(my roomate) moved in and started hanging with her roomates, one day he came home with lipstick and kisses all over his face...me and my past(girl at the time) thought that those girls were redicilouse.

 

he would hang in her and her roomates apartmnent to watch movies and hang out.

 

my past(girl at the time) asked him if she could take nude pics of him without even asking me first. she majors in photo.

 

this guy and the ex's roomate are sort of close...on of my other roomates siad that once the two were licking eachothers faces(these people are weird)

 

i came home from school once before we broke up and i wanted to go out because i couldnt be in the apartment anymore. she told me that her and this guy(my roomate) had already bought wine and got a movie. i dont remember if anyone else came over or was there. i was sort of annoyed at her so i just went on my computer in my room. i come out later and his head is resting against her leg like a pillow, she was half passed out sitting up. i said "uuuu. im going to bed" in a smart ass voice. it bothered me a little but i didnt want to be the paranod boyfrind and bring it up, i thought they were friends. but i shoud have.

 

around this time she was checking my history on the computer and asking me why i was looking at girls on myspace. "she looks like ms.piggy anyways" is what she said. i went to highschool with this girl and told her that.

 

i see him and the ex's roomate walking together at times

 

i have seen him and my ex walk to the store

 

i saw my ex, him, and her roomate that is not so buddy with this guy leave..she said that they were going to the music store(he had his instraments)...after that he said "im going to my friends house" out of nowhere. but i called him out about the nude pics thing before this, he acted akward around me after that...my other roomate went down there that night and said my ex and him gone. she told me before that she was going to have dinner with her friend friend on friday, that night. i dont know.

 

my roomates (not the suspect) say im just parinoid and that he is with my exes roomate.

 

before we broke up he would sleep down there in her place sometimes(she would sleep in my bed at this time) after we broke up he started to sleep down there all the time.

 

when this guy would come upstairs and work on his computer, the exes roomate would come up and sit on his chair with him in his room a bunch. she would come in and out when he was there. sometimes bring him food. but he was dong her homework.

 

this guy flirts heavely with the exes roomate. spankes her butt and "playes with her" in front of me.

 

the guy walkes buy me in our apartment and doesnt say anything to me. doesnt say much to any of our roomates.

 

i herd dood and the exes roomate are getting a place together, but thats what i herd.

 

some of there friends that i knew came up to stay with them. i asked this friend what was going on with my roomate and ex. friend said they seemed close but she didnt want to get into there business. i asked if it made her think abouth them being togehter..she said that they were just close and couldnt say much else. then i asked if he was closer to the ex or the exes roomate. friend said they all seemed close, when they got there my ex, her roomates and dood were in a big pile watching a movie.

 

maby he is screwing both of them, i dont know. cant tell. but the ex's roomate and dood flirt alot.

 

o yea my roomate said something to dood about him banging the exes roomate, and he said somthing along the lines of "boring"...that what my roomate said. so who knows

 

she could be, i dont know..i told her when we broke up to make shure that the next guy loves you before you do that, because i could have just left her..she gave me the oppertunity to bang her and i didnt want to at first. she said "i know(she knew she screwed up by doing that a long time ago), im not going to be doing any of that stuff for a while"...so i dont know

its hard to tell...definattly when your paranoid...

 

my roomates say..."i think your paranoid dood, he is with her roomate. i know she dumped you, but do you think she is that f*cked up?"

 

 

i seriously dont know. sometimes i think that the two roomates are flirting in front of me to cover things up. that how freeked out i am. i wish there was some closure. i wish i just knew one way or the other. at least you know.

[broken guy]

It sucks big time knowng your ex is with someone else. Its happening to me as I write! She was seeing him whilst supposedly seeing/working things out with me.

As for them feeling pain, well, when she dumped her ex for me 4.5 years ago, she cried about it a lot and spoke about him a lot and didnt take his pics or cards down for a few months, hence why I broke the relationship off about 2-3 times as I didnt want to be the cause of this pain. This time, however, I dont think the same thing is happeneing. She says she tried to reason herself out of the decision but time didnt heal her wounds it seems. I am not good enough despite my best efforts.

Oh well, at least I know I'm a nice guy!

[Marshbear]

I know my ex is seeing another guy and it doesn't bother me because I just feel sorry for him. I don't put my ex on a pedestal and I know alot more about her after the break up ( it was a messy, hateful one ) then I did when we were together. So no, I don't care if she dates others and you shouldn't either. Just be glad you didn't get married.

I agree with outdated that he hasn't forgotten you after 4.5 years. He is probably just trying to move on and thinks this is the easiest way to get on with his life. When I see my ex I can see that she is sorry now for what happened and feels remorse but I could care less. She screwed up and there are no second chances. Some words cannot be taken back once voiced so be careful what you say in anger.

 

You should follow his example and and continue with your life. Go at your own pace and think of yourself and not him. He will just hold you back and you want to move forward.

 

Good Luck.

 

Peace...