Husband not calling while away with the boys

[Davey L]

My fiancé often takes weekend trips with his buddies... sometimes he texts , sometimes he doesn't.

 

 

I understand that this is their bonding time, I DON'T take it personally if he doesn't text or call me for a couple of days!

 

 

The irony is because I DON'T expect it....and just tell him to have a great time and see him when he gets back.... he often DOES contact me!

 

 

I would suggest you try to understand him better, understand he sometimes needs "guy" time... and to just do your own thing and enjoy YOUR lone time when he's gone.

 

 

Take it or leave it.

 

Top girl! It's no surprise he's happy to call you precisely because you DON'T demand it. It's a needy (or complaining) attitude that will make a man not want to call.

[MissBee]

Sorry but I know if I was away and barely communicated with my husband he would not be terribly thrilled. You want the person to have fun but you want to have some touching base time.

 

Our set up, if one is away traveling for work or pleasure, we touch base at least once a day and there will be some texting in there as well. It shows that the person misses you, wants to connect, etc. The frequency will be determined by events and individuals but it should be a compromise and we should WANT to make our spouse happy.

 

And I don't know about the people here who had loved ones fall off the face of the earth prior to cell phones but even then my boyfriend/first husband and I still communicated via email or pay phones/phones.

 

Since my maturation in the 90's I have never had a SO have an issue with a decent level of communication.

 

Right!

 

I would never be with someone who needed to get away from me so badly that sending a text is considered as putting a damper on their fun...like really? And acting like this is normal is truly astonishing to me.

 

But in my real dating life I've never been in a situation like that. I am someone who likes my space maybe more than most, as I need to recharge by being alone sometimes. I always have a life and date men who have their own lives, yet if they go away or I do, I don't have to beg for contact. They do it because they 1. have manners 2. actually miss me and don't think that they've made a run for it so I'm cramping their style by checking in.

 

Likewise, when in a relationship, going out with my friends is not mutually exclusive from wanting to check in with a bf. I do it to firs let the person know I'm safe and alright (i.e. having good manners, being considerate) and I also do it, not out of any force, but because regardless of how much fun I'm having with friends, friendships and relationships fulfill VERY DIFFERENT functions in your life. Usually at the end of a hang out or when I turn in at night, even on a girl's weekend, I still miss my SO and want to hear their voice and it's usually the same for them. It clearly depends on who you're dating and their approach....but I know for me, no matter how fun my boyfriends' boys are, at the end of the day my voice is what he wants to hear, maybe even a little sexting happens lol...that's been the case in my relationships. They don't have to talk to me 24/7 during their trip, but they check in at least everyday because they genuinely like me and I'm their SO and someone important that they still think about and miss and don't act like they've just flown the coop for freedom....

[PrettyEmily77]

Right!

 

I would never be with someone who needed to get away from me so badly that sending a text is considered as putting a damper on their fun...like really? And acting like this is normal is truly astonishing to me.

 

But in my real dating life I've never been in a situation like that. I am someone who likes my space maybe more than most, as I need to recharge by being alone sometimes. I always have a life and date men who have their own lives, yet if they go away or I do, I don't have to beg for contact. They do it because they 1. have manners 2. actually miss me and don't think that they've made a run for it so I'm cramping their style by checking in.

 

Likewise, when in a relationship, going out with my friends is not mutually exclusive from wanting to check in with a bf. I do it to firs let the person know I'm safe and alright (i.e. having good manners, being considerate) and I also do it, not out of any force, but because regardless of how much fun I'm having with friends, friendships and relationships fulfill VERY DIFFERENT functions in your life. Usually at the end of a hang out or when I turn in at night, even on a girl's weekend, I still miss my SO and want to hear their voice and it's usually the same for them. It clearly depends on who you're dating and their approach....but I know for me, no matter how fun my boyfriends' boys are, at the end of the day my voice is what he wants to hear, maybe even a little sexting happens lol...that's been the case in my relationships. They don't have to talk to me 24/7 during their trip, but they check in at least everyday because they genuinely like me and I'm their SO and someone important that they still think about and miss and don't act like they've just flown the coop for freedom....

 

Just shows how different people are. Doesn't necessarily mean either is wrong or right though, IMO.

 

I'm probably more sociable than most, and I like to keep in touch with family and friends often, although not necessarily on a daily basis but I'd personally feel suffocated if I HAD to contact my BF on a daily basis when we're apart (the occasional text is fine, but a phone call is really not necessary to me).

 

We both often go on conferences, I've been on two girls-only w/e since I've been with him and he once took his sons to a camping trip for 3 days. All I want to know is that he's reached destination safely and maybe a text when he's about to leave, and he is the same.

 

It really doesn't mean that we are inconsiderate people or that we forget about each other's existence when away, though. And the feeling of missing him and seeing him after a few days is great.

 

Not sure what to suggest to the OP other than make sure she clearly states her expectations before he leaves.

[Clockwork]

My husband went on a weekend trip to a football game with his friends. He left early in the morning Saturday, and said he would call me Monday when he got back. I didn't think he actually wouldn't call until Monday because we usually talk when one of us is away.

 

He has barely even texted. Saturday night at 2 am he texted to ask if I was still out (I was at a conference and we went out in town after). I started talking about what was happening at the conference and he said he wants to hear all about it when he gets back. I called him right then because it felt like he was shutting me down.

 

Sunday he texted me just once to ask how our cats were. Not how I was or if I made it home okay or how my weekend is going. Sunday night at 1am I still hadn't heard from him so I texted him that I was going to bed whether he planned on checking in or not. He asked what was wrong and I told him. He said he thought I would be asleep already so he didn't contact me. I told him he could have texted me to find out.

 

He apologized last night and said he would talk to me in the morning. Well, his plane just left for home without a word from him. And I'm supposed to drive an hour to pick him up. I'm so tempted to tell him to find his own way home.

 

We've talked about his lack of communication before. I'm so hurt that he barely reached out. I'm trying to hold back tears but it's hard.

 

My wife has this theory of hers whenever either one of us go away..................HAVE FUN! See you when you get back! Don't call unless it is an emergency.

 

 

I say the same thing. Why? We trust each other. We know who they are going away with. We love each other and know that constant communication is a buzz kill and just want the other person to enjoy themselves. I know that is a very "1990s" way of thinking, but we were happier in the 1990s when we didn't have an itch to text each other every two seconds.

 

 

I've never called her when I've been away. I don't own a cell phone. You should let him be. Nothing is worse than the guy who calls his wife all the time when you are trying to enjoy yourself.

[GunslingerRoland]

I could see the issue if

 

 

a) you were expecting him to call but he didn't.

- he specifically told you he wouldn't call until Monday.

- If you really were upset with that plan you should have told him before hand.

b) he didn't contact you at all

-he checked in with you a few times via text

 

 

 

 

He told you exactly that he wasn't planning on contacting you, and now you're holding it against him.