She knows it can be fixed what's stopping her? 😔

[Luisjontorres]

So first things first I'm 21 and my ex is 18 and yes I know what some of u are gonna say "she's to youn" "get over it" and blah blah but we dated for exactly a year officially unofficially alittle over a year we had suchhhh a blast with eachother we loved spending time with eachother we would see eachother almost everyday during the summer after she graduated we were so in love (infatuated) one day during the summer we had a huge fight that lasted probably a week because she lied to me twice I know I over reacted because it didn't necessarily affect our relationship and how we felt about eachother although I did fall out of love with her because of it and fell right back in love after then she went away to college not far just about a 40 minute drive but went away nonetheless and things the last couple of months started getting rocky as far as petty arguments and stupid and pointless arguments maybe once or twice a week n yea it caused more stress in both of our lives specially hers considering she's in school and all the work load she has so we had one of those pointless fights on Halloween morning.

 

yes I started it idk why or for what and wen I wanted to stop she would say something that pulled me right back into it anyway it got out of hand to the point she dumped me then and there I automatically reacted because although I may have been irritable that moment I knew I didn't want to loose her so anyway she didn't back down from her decision and I was supposed to go over for a party and sleep over which obviously didn't happen and it was a constant back and forth she kept trying to give me excuses and when I debuted them she came up with new ones till she got to the to say she didn't love me anymore and that her feelings have been up n down lately although up to that point she kept saying she loved me n missed me n I meant so much to her n how much she wanted me to make love to her n feel me close. Anyway we kept talking for two days and it was a constant back and forth of I'm sorry I do love you I do care I do miss you and I do want you to later saying she made the right decision n it'd be best for both anyway before I get to far I did go over Saturday night to talk to her n we cuddled and kissed and hugged and embraced and felt that genuine connection I would even say more genuine than we've ever felt I showed her the most intimate part of me and she was so overwhelmed with it all she could do was say thanks and cry but never changed her mind.

 

fast forward to Sunday she wanted me to return some of her stuff that morning and I felt like I couldn't see her so I dropped it off at her parents' house instead talked to her mom she consoled me or atleast tried to anyway I kept talking to her even after she took a few hours of not talking to me and ignoring me because her friends told her it was best so I ended up texting her at 2 am n she responded right away and we ended up talking on the phone till like 7 in the morning basically about how we felt and I made it a point to let her know I could see past the front she was trying to put up as far as saying she didn't love me and so on and she broke into tears because everything I was saying was true we got to the point of intimacy n connection like Saturday night when I came over and she even kept saying she actually does love me specially after I had revealed stuff I was doing without her knowing as surprises for her like paying my school off to go back and such and she went to say "omg baby I had no idea about all this! I had it all wrong in my head!" so I said I was going to go over to see her that Monday morning in between classes and she agreed because she wanted to cuddle with me n feel me close n Hug and be with eachother so she went back to sleep for a couple of hours.

 

when she woke up she had talked to her friend (roommate) one of the people telling her to get over me n this is the best decision and when she talked to me after talking to her she went back to saying this was the best decision and what not n how I probably shouldn't come over even tho she wanted me to because she had made her mind up and wasn't gonna change her decision. I said I was coming over anyway because I believed the girl I was talking to all night the vulnerable and open one not the one that had her friends prepare her for talking with me anyway I ended up going over and we talked we hugged we cuddled kissed caressed eachother the whole time. We cried I tried to convince her to change her mind and it was a lot of tug and pull there was times she wanted to say "okay let's try it one more time" but fought the urge to anyway we got so close n intimate I asked her to make love to me which she naturally originally reluctantly turned down and I asked her why and she said "because I know you're just gonna pull me back in and I won't be able to fight it!!" So she tried turning me down until she couldn't resist herself so we got into it kissing and caressing like never before doing things we hadn't done before and getting more intense than ever and in that moment all the feelings I was feeling overwhelmed me and I started crying and babbling and we had just started to make love and as soon as she noticed that I started crying n feeling she closed herself up to me and gave me a weird look which I asked why she was looking at me like that n she said it didn't feel right anyway my emotions overwhelmed me so much I automatically went soft and couldn't make love anymore which she took as another sign. We both had to leave without the chance of talking about what had happened.

 

she ended up texting me saying that that was proof that she made the right decision anyway I had to leave so I did and I came back after she got out of class and waited for her so we could talk about what had happened because she ignored me texts and when I came back one of her friends saw me come in n before u know it all her friends knew including her room mate I ran into a couple of them I know they were checking up on me n what not because they didn't want me talking to her. I ran into her room mate twice and the second time she kicked me out and I left without arguing or saying anything and she decided to call my exs dad (which is director of public safety at that college) and make it seem like I was stalking and harassing my ex so my exs dad made me meet him up and we talked and he basically in short terms said that our relationship couldn't work because I'm a minority and we have different values and he when on to say that I couldn't contact my ex or I could be charged with stalking and harassing and much more the only reason he wasn't going straight to that was because he had grown to "like" me anyway I stopped texting her because I had to considering I work in a school I can't have any sort of record like that (and yes I admit that I got excessive with the texting as a normal reaction).

 

so I left her alone for a few days and contacted her that following Saturday (which btw was our anniversary mark n date) and we talked fine.

 

we talked yesterday and I got to FaceTime her and talk to her thru text she seemed alittle hostile and reluctant to talk but thru FaceTime it was as if we were back to when we first me flirty giddy smiley both couldn't stop smiling from seeing eachother and we got to talking thru this time of not talking I decided to study relationships and psychology of relationships and began to understand that EVERYTHING we had gone thru and we're going thru is actually more normal and usual than we thought and even sometimes necessary to push to a deeper and true meaning of love and I explained how falling out of love (infatuation) is natural n it will happen in every relationship n every excuse she had I explained with facts and explained it has to happen in some relationships in order to push to another stage and that our relationship was more than fixable because all we really had to fix as far as "problems" was the stupid little arguments we would have there was NEVER infidelity or abuse or anything at all other than the little arguments and the stress they caused she seemed receptive to every thing and agreed with every single point I was making specially cuz of the chemistry we had in that call n the giddiness and flirtiness and smiles and connection like we had in the beggining.

 

but towards the end she started to close off again n went back to saying she made her mind up and started giving me excuses again and I kept putting facts to them n showing how fixable it is and she even got to saying that she missed me n couldn't stop thinking of me and that she loved me even if she wasn't in love with me (infatuated) I shared with her a famous quote that says (in order for a marriage or relationship to work you must fall in love more than once with the same person) she kinda stopped in her tracks and thought n said "oh **** that so true" n she opened up again n listened to more of my research an advice psychologists had given me in the past week on how to fix everything but once again caught herself and ended up giving me the excuse/reason/explanation that she didn't have time for a relationship n went I proved her wrong about that coming up with solutions and compromises I would make she went to say that she just didn't want to give me another chance she then went to change the subject and ask what will I feel when she starts dating again in the future to which I responded with a quote from a psychologist I had talked to earlier "you rather start everything over from scratch with someone u don't know n dosnt care for u instead of fixing a relationship that is soo fixable and not complicated with a person who already cares for u and understands u more than anyone else does and who treats you nice and well? It is irritational thinking" (she considers herself a rational thinker) she once again stopped in her thoughts in her tracks and she forced herself to say "u know how stubborn I am (as she smiled at me) I can't"

 

I need help!!!!!! I can't quit because it's a very fixable relationship! I have had break ups that hurt (not as much as this) but hurt n I gave up on a few days later because deep down I knew there wasn't a fix and it would end up with us breaking up again but this is so fixable and she and I both know that. It basically has come down to her friends convincing her she can't have fun and enjoy school if she's in a relationship that's why she's so torn even if she tries to put up a face that she isn't. N she knows I know she knows that if she gives me another chance I can make her fall in love again (like I said she loves me but isn't in love with me)