carhill Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Girl: I called Jim yesterday and asked if he'd like to go see a movie friday night...he said yes. So I told him I dont want to see him anymore because he's always available everytime I ask him to do something. Easy....insufficient attraction. She's thinking the interaction. Danger Will Robinson, danger. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 In the past, I would systematically fall for self proclaimed 'nice guys' who, after a few months, turned out to be actual 'bad guys' (no cheating or physical abuse, but most everything else between them all). My BF is kind, thoughtful, intuitive, funny, accomplished, polite and sexy; incidentally, he has also not once described himself as a 'nice guy' - that's how I know for sure he is one... Excellent point... I've ran through my fair share of "nice" guys who won't take responsibility for being a doormat and blame the female gender for all their woes and become what they "think" makes them stronger and now a "bad boy"...when in reality now he's just a jerk. Funny how at the end of the day they still get screwed over by manipulative chicks who can read people...while they gave ME a hard time and I meant them no ill will and even treated them good for once in their pathetic lives. I don't know, maybe they're so starved from actually meeting a good and true woman that they don't trust it when they meet one and go back to chasing manipulative chicks Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Anyone that isnt biased will have no trouble admitting that women in general are attracted to the stereotypical bad boys. Its been going on long before any of us were born, so I never understand why theres always a handful of women that try to suffocate the subject when it comes up. Oh, I totes love a bad boy With the caveat that he must be nice to me, and to children and puppies and kittens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 I will NEVER understand what is unattractive about a guy being "always" available. How insane does a woman have to be to stick that label on a guy??? Where in the world did it even come from???? Girl: I called Jim yesterday and asked if he'd like to go see a movie friday night...he said yes. So I told him I dont want to see him anymore because he's always available everytime I ask him to do something. Am I the only one that dissects these labels and sayings....and realizes how most of them make no sense whatsoever??? If a guy is trying to date a woman or hang out with her, how is making yourself available a bad thing????? But no....in our stupid f*cking backwards society....as a guy, you're supposed to always make a game of it and "pretend" that you are busier than you are, because godforbid if the crazy dumb chick you are trying to date might misinterpret your being available for having no life!!! I don't believe in "pretending" you're busy....but if you call someone and evertime you do they just have nothing going on "but" to be with you, makes you wonder if they even have a life. Even in a marriage, where you're pretty much gonna see their mug 24/7, separate and joint friends, interests etc is what keeps the marriage strong. No one likes a dog wagging their tail and following them around 24/7. You know, one of the hardest things for humans is to accept "what is"...hence the existence of the "Serenity Prayer".... If you don't agree with advice given, then great, keep on making yourself available early on in the RL and when after it doesn't work for the millionth time, maybe you'll get it. I've been there and done that with guys who had girls that played manipulative sex games...the whole "I wanna wait" game and the guys chase them like dogs in heat. I'm a sexual and passionate woman and if we're dating and I'm into you, we're having sex. Well, guess who the guy found more "intriguing" in the long run? Not me... I'm not saying to play games, but again, people don't value what comes easy to them...don't hate the players, hate the game. If I had more game I'd probably be married now, but me just trying to be "me", for almost 40 years ain't working for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Male Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) I don't believe in "pretending" you're busy....but if you call someone and evertime you do they just have nothing going on "but" to be with you, makes you wonder if they even have a life. If you are calling them, then why in the world would you hope they are busy doing something else???????????????? It makes no sense. Guy: I'm gonna call Lisa again today, but I hope shes busy so I dont have to hang out with her again. If you dont want the person to be available then dont call. Or am I just so smart that noone else can realize the solution is that easy???? "Being too available" is a made up problem by the person applying the label to the other person. Whoever has a problem with it, is the one that actually has a problem. . Edited November 9, 2015 by Male Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 In the past I read some articles by this author. She is not the kind any man with his head screwed on straight should want to be with. Be a jerk and attract women like her or be a good and genuine man and attract women like my wife. I know which one I would choose. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 If you are calling them, then why in the world would you hope they are busy doing something else???????????????? It makes no sense. Guy: I'm gonna call Lisa again today, but I hope shes busy so I dont have to hang out with her again. If you dont want the person to be available then dont call. Or am I just so smart that noone else can realize the solution is that easy???? "Being too available" is a made up problem by the person applying the label to the other person. Whoever has a problem with it, is the one that actually has a problem. . It's all related to attraction. When people have interests and passions, that makes them more attractive to us. We look forward to being with them more, have more to talk about, feel more interested. When they have (or seem to have) no interests or passions, they are less attractive. Yes, we want to see them. But we expect to sometimes hear that they are/were busy doing something else. It is the healthy normal, and being always available seems unhealthy. Similarly, expecting me to be always available is unhealthy. I wouldn't want to be with someone who expected that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 Haha, not only does the 25yo author have a boyfriend, I'll wager the dudes are lined double deep waiting for him to become too much of a nice guy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Male Posted November 10, 2015 Author Share Posted November 10, 2015 In the past I read some articles by this author. She is not the kind any man with his head screwed on straight should want to be with. Be a jerk and attract women like her or be a good and genuine man and attract women like my wife. I know which one I would choose. The author is totally irrelevant to the topic. It doesnt matter who wrote the article, or who brought up the discussion, its a known fact that the general outline of the article is true. Anyone putting their focus on the author is simply looking for ways to not talk about the topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Quality attracts quality. If you act like a jerk you attract jerks. Does anybody ever stop to think that women who go for men like this are just like the men they lust after? 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Elite daily is a cesspool of people that think they can write. All of their articles are like this. I should know, I read them as several women on Facebook have the page liked. I read the article and jump straight to the comments because they are as juicy as a Florida orange. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Lulz, on LoveShack we don't even need the article. Blast from the past, same topic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/214755-reasons-women-won-t-date-self-proclaimed-nice-guys 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I would just like to point out that one guy I fell for decades ago and then worked with and am still friends with is considered a very nice guy. His niceness didn't stop him from breaking my heart more than once, though. Blame it on his own naivity and willingness to let other women manipulate and lie to him and take it all at face value. It's not as black and white as "nice guy" and "bad guy." Nice guys can hurt you just as bad as anyone else -- because they're too nice to everyone and not just you. The one guy I was nuts about who didn't hurt me really bad was, in fact, widely considered a womanizer. He was the best looking guy around, full of attitude, and was batting women off like flies. But with me, he was very careful not to bruise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 When most women talk about liking "bad boys" they're really talking about some movie image bad boy that that doesn't exist..not some hardened criminal.. Link to post Share on other sites
bradfordpear Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 It may be click-bait, but the meat of the article rings true. Just because 2 or 3 offended women on a forum scoff at its claims doesnt mean its not true. Anyone that isnt biased will have no trouble admitting that women in general are attracted to the stereotypical bad boys. Its been going on long before any of us were born, so I never understand why theres always a handful of women that try to suffocate the subject when it comes up. YOU may not fit into the category, but many other women do. So just let it be, you dont need to come in guns blazing and try to discredit the entire topic. But that seems to be the norm on this forum no matter what guys say about women. Theres always a small number that try to defend all women, as if they never do anything that anyone accuses them of doing. I'm not sure what offended you....but the entire above rant is something that is highy unattractive to most women. A man who has this kind of attitude and thinks every woman around him cannot pick up on it is fooling himself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 It's one thing for a guy to be genuinely nice. A good dude is respectful...and he also has a spine. He is able to debate, tease/joke around, have discussions, manage interpersonal conflicts and so on while keeping his emotions under control. It really boils down to self-esteem in my opinion. He discusses and debates because he has a genuine interest in expressing his thoughts and hearing the thoughts of his significant other (or friend, coworker, etc). New interesting things and perspectives can be learned from anyone. Real nice people do not state that they're "nice"...they just ARE nice/kind; it's ingrained and intertwined in their core personality. "Fake" nice was already covered by others in this thread. Honestly though I've hardly ever met a person IRL who self-described himself as "nice". I would probably think that such a person is a bit...odd and insecure. I hear it a lot more on forums like LS. It's another thing for a guy to be a wimp. If the guy is being too agreeable or being a people-pleaser, then he's probably a wimp. If he lets others walk over him, then he's a wimp (i.e. a doormat). He surely has thoughts, ideas and opinions of his own...but is either too mentally weak to express them, or he just doesn't have any self-respect. Most people do not like wimpy guys. Very few people respect them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 If you are calling them, then why in the world would you hope they are busy doing something else???????????????? It makes no sense. Guy: I'm gonna call Lisa again today, but I hope shes busy so I dont have to hang out with her again. If you dont want the person to be available then dont call. Or am I just so smart that noone else can realize the solution is that easy???? "Being too available" is a made up problem by the person applying the label to the other person. Whoever has a problem with it, is the one that actually has a problem. . You need to have a life outside of whatever stuff I plan for you. People who are too available never seem to have many friends or interests. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Theres many women that do find it attractive. Just as the article states, some women get sucked in, thinking they need to "out jerk" the jerk by playing the same game and trying to get one over on him. I think it feeds the ego of some women in a weird way. As I've stated before, I personally know a few married couples where the women totally hated their husband the first time they met. But somehow even those women became attracted to the biggest ahole they had ever met. Being just nice and polite, and treating women with respect does not work most of the time, especially in the under 50 crowd. And the younger you go, the more you can act like an ahole, and still get the girl. Older women nowadays will of course make statements that they wouldnt put up with behavior like that. Yea, right now you wont...but I guarantee you did 25-30 years ago. What I find amusing is that there will always be women that try to extinguish the whole topic, and act like its a very small percentage of insecure women with issues that do stuff like that. But anyone that isnt biased, knows damn well that majority of women are guilty of it at one time or another in their life. And one of the biggest mysteries of all, is the part of the article that talks about women not learning from their mistakes. That is something I just dont understand. And again, its not a small percentage of women, its a huge mass of the population that continually falls for jerk after jerk, and getting used, hurt, and burnt by guys over and over. Its like they have no memory of what happened the last 3 times they went for that type of guy. Most women love drama. Period. They love it in their relationships, they love hearing about it with their friends or family, they love hearing the drama of their co-workers, they love watching it play out on soap operas and reality shows, its just an endless fix that many of them cant get enough of, and dating the types of guys that the article references helps feed the need. I never said there's no truth to it. I never said that alot of women DON'T apply to this. I just said that jerky behavior does nothing for me. It doesn't attract every woman on the planet. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I am pretty smitten with a super nice guy right now. He is supportive to friends and family, chivalrous, interested in my interests and super caring. This doesn't mean he is a pushover and has no backbone. He has strong opinions, a strong personality, confidence, life goals, and swagger. He just also happens to be nice too. He is a guy's guy who happens to be sensitive. Nice-Ness and assertiveness are not mutually exclusive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Plus it's designed and written as total clickbait! I think the real question here is why men and women both are drawn like moths to the flame to these poorly researched, highly unscientific articles that exist only to confirm their worst fears about themselves and others. That's sort of like the same impulse that leads people to seek out bad boys/girls. Hmmmm. Oh, the answer to the question you ask is pretty simple: People as a whole are drawn to any piece of media (news, 'research' articles, etc.) that play on their emotions, especially negative ones. Its the same reason almost all news stories, political discussions, etc have a villain, it draws out the need to feel you're 'fighting' against someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I was a "nice guy" when I was married. My ex wife ended up cheating on me. (Stick with me, this is going somewhere) When I found out, I grew a backbone for the first time with her. I told her I was done (and meant it). I rejected her when she reached out after her affair ended. I picked up the pieces of ny life and moved on. Today, my career has moved forward leaps and bounds and I'm making a lot more money, I'm closer to my little girl, and I got my **** together. I stay out of her life, I treat her humanely (albeit a little coldly), but demonstrated a long time ago that I won't tolerate crap from her. I just recently found out my xWW is openly cheating on her new husband with multiple people. He's a very nice guy. And a total pushover. However, my xWW is extremely nice to me. Doesn't cause me drama. Meets me halfway on everything. She offered to give up child support. Hell, she even offered to make me a CD of pictures she took of our daughter. She respects me. Not because I'm a jerk to her (because I'm not), but because when push came to shove, she saw what I was made of. Her new husband may be a few inches taller than me, and I genuinely like the guy, but he's total doormat. I said "No" to her and stood by it. Him? Not so much. I do consider myself to be a nice person. I treat people how I want to be treated. Just don't cross me, or the people I love. It is acceptable to be nice and have boundaries. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I never cared for drama but in college I did the whole bad boy thing. I was kind of a female player. The guys who every girl said to stay away from, I was drawn to like a moth to a flame but I only wanted the thrill of the chase. As soon as I "tamed the beast" & had the so called bachelor bad boy eating out of my hand, I was done & on to the next one. The secret was I never gave them my heart because I knew they couldn't be trusted with it. They'd play their usual games but I'd change the rules. They would try to jerk me around & be unavailable, I'd show up with a date or flirt with their roommate. It drove them crazy that I wasn't chasing them & crying that I'd do better or whatever else they needed to hear. Because I didn't care, they couldn't get enough. It was all very empty. Fun but lacking in substance. It was also just fine for college. You probably don't realise it but this precisely proves the point of the OP. Women who give away their best years to a$sholes, whether in college or not, and then settle later in life with a good guy. Doesn't exactly make the good guy feel special. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 It's all related to attraction. When people have interests and passions, that makes them more attractive to us. We look forward to being with them more, have more to talk about, feel more interested. When they have (or seem to have) no interests or passions, they are less attractive. Yes, we want to see them. But we expect to sometimes hear that they are/were busy doing something else. It is the healthy normal, and being always available seems unhealthy. Similarly, expecting me to be always available is unhealthy. I wouldn't want to be with someone who expected that. So because you think this way it has to be so for everyone? If you like people who are unavailable, that's ok but it doesn't mean those who want available people are unhealthy. I'd say that way of thinking is far more unhealthy. 'This is the way it's gonna be! You disagree? You're unhealthy!!' Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I was NEVER into the Bad Boy. I fell in love with my husband when he showed interest in my world record and talked about us living together and accommodating my hobby. Didn't even understand the attraction to the bad boy. Who wants a guy that's banging someone new every week? New. My mother wasn't either into "the bad guy" either. She wanted the "nice settle-down have kids type." Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 It's a retarded study cause women under 24 haven't even developed their brains yet. Study needs to be on women in their 30s plus. Link to post Share on other sites
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