Mx12345 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I've been single for two years now and the only dates I've been on have all been guys I have met on online dating sites like Tinder and Match. In two years I have never gone on a date with a guy i met out in public. Do guys still approach girls that way? Prior to being single for two years I was in a four year relationship with someone I met through mutual friends. Now it seems so hard to meet someone. I was at this music festival last weekend. Tons of attractive guys there, but I wasn't approached by any. I see cute guys at the grocery store sometimes, but I've never had any talk to me. I probably go out to social events once a week (not necessarily looking to meet someone, but just to be out with friends) and I have NEVER once been approached by a guy. I go to wine tastings, local concerts, sporting events, outdoor bars, local festivals, you name it, nothing ever comes of it. But when I go out with guys I meet online and I tell them I never get approached in public, they are shocked and say things like "you never get hit on? You're kidding, right?" Do guys even ask girls out that way anymore? I really want to give up on the online thing, too many flakes. But if I do, I won't get to go out at all! 5
Rydo Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 It's a lot less common now there are easier ways to speak to women but it still happens.
SwordofFlame Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I personally don't know of anyone that met their significant other from a 'cold' approach at a bar, club or anywhere. It's either they met through friends, work, or online dating.
Myragal Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I am all the time. If I'm in the grocery quick check out line about 6 pm then it's 10 guys and me. I can usually tell if they are single by what they are buying. I can also tell if they lean towards a healthy lifestyle. Add a dress, heels and give him a smile. In the 4 years I've lived in this city and shopped at the grocery store I have had coffee with a few guys in the adjacent store cafe. 2
alphamale Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Do guys even ask girls out that way anymore? not really
Author Mx12345 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 I'm so disappointed to hear this lol. I work in a small office with four other people, all a lot older and married, so I won't be meeting anyone at work. Guess it's back to online dating. Which is just a sad thought in general lol 4
kismetkismet Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I think it's probably pretty rare that guys approach people, but that is how i've met all of the guys I've dated.. This is not advice at ALL because my approach is neither standard nor a very good idea, but most of the guys that i've dated seriously were the result of getting super drunk at a bar or party and hooking up with them. I know that people always say that guys never want a relationship after that, but I've never had them not try to date me afterward.. to each their own I guess! My current boyfriend I actually met through work, but we'd never spoken or interacted at work (completely different departments) and it wasn't until we went to a drunken staff campout that we drunkenly made out and then began dating seriously immediately. The last guy i dated before him I met on the dance floor at a club at like 2am and we had a perfectly healthy, adult 1.5-2 year relationship and are still friends.
joseb Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) I'm so disappointed to hear this lol. I work in a small office with four other people, all a lot older and married, so I won't be meeting anyone at work. Guess it's back to online dating. Which is just a sad thought in general lol I still do. Much more exciting than typing to then from a computer. And far more successful, despite the fact that the majority "reject". The main think holding be back on making more aporoaches is i have no idea if they are single or not. If you can convey your singleness / openness to be approached you should get some guys talking to you. And heres a secret. There isnt actually a law in place that says if you see a nice guy somewhere that looks single you cant talk to him. Edited November 9, 2015 by joseb 4
Wewon Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Do guys even ask girls out that way anymore? I really want to give up on the online thing, too many flakes. But if I do, I won't get to go out at all! The stakes have been raised too high and lot of young men are responding accordingly. They don't want to be caught in the next video of a woman walking for 10 hours saying "Good morning". Seriously, a lot of guys are looking for more structured settings to initiate or are waiting for undeniable signs of interest i.e. the woman saying, "I'm undeniably interested." to avoid having their actions misconstrued. I can't say that I really blame them.
RecentChange Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I don't know, I have never been the wait for them to approach me type. Granted... I am not single, but I find it pretty easy to "meet guys" as I am quite comfortable starting up a conversation with strangers.... And if I find them cute or interesting I am even more likely intiate conversation. I admit I like to flirt.... So I will! If I want to talk to a guy, its usually pretty easy to find a way to talk to him. More than once that conversation turns to him asking "well do you have any single friends!?" (If I did, I could totally hook them up!) 1
udolipixie Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Unfortunately for me guys still ask out in public. 1
thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Yes they do but for me this has never turned into anything serious. Most guys who've approached me out of the blue in public have turned out to be slightly creepy and sleazy. They make me uncomfortable. Men have stopped me and asked for my number while I'm walking down the street minding my own business or while I'm at work. I don't look like anything special so they must just like something about me. One of my friends gets a lot of attention. We are both just normal girls but approach-ability is a factor. My friend is really down to earth and will hold conversation with anyone she meets. She has no airs and graces and has an open personality. This tends to draw men to her. If a guy said to me "you never get hit on? You're kidding, right?", I wouldn't let it get to my head. I see it as a neutral compliment rather than meaningful in any way. I see many girls everywhere more attractive than me. I wouldn't normally approach a man myself - not because I'm shy but it's not the right setting or I don't want to seem desperate. I know a guy in my neighbourhood who's older than me and he gave me some straight up honest dating advice, saying not to start conversation with guys at a bar but to let them approach as this will filter out all the wrong guys. I have followed his advice since. Obviously in a different setting, slightly different rules would apply. It just depends. For instance, if with mutual friends and the guy is around us in a social group, I would start up conversation with him myself as this wouldn't be a blatant approach.
FeelingFireworks Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Haha! Yes, yes they do! But I must add the caveat...with encouragement. What is your body language like? Do you smile or scowl? Do you meet a guys gaze and confidently or do your eyes dart away? Do you look up at people or at the Floor/your phone (big way to lost interest imho)? These things really can make the difference between being approached or being ignored, even if ur hot. Also Where do you live/socialise? Is it busy with options or like a retirement village? Do you also make the most of your physical attributes? Not talking really about having your cleavage out but just emphasising your best features e.g. Posture, dress, hair. Certain guys approach me more, even without a green light from me. In my experience, It seems to be the more stereotypically vocal men...so the 'street' guys who think they've got the swag of a million rap stars, or men from more 'romantically expressive' cultures (eg Italians, French, Spanish). You can tell I've been in some cosmopolitan places and that helps. But I get smiles in public, and if returned with decent eye contact the guy will often come forward. But not all smiles/stares from men mean interest/availability, so a smile back with open body language should be enough to encourage those really interested to introduce themselves. Should work in most open places. Maybe try taking a new route to work eating in a different cafe or attending a community class. That might give men more opportunity to meet your lovely self!
Author Mx12345 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 My sister made the comment to me about a year ago to smile more and try to be more open and approachable by making eye contact. So over the past year I've been mindful of this. I agree with one user about appearing desperate when a girl tries to make conversation with a guy. ive tried being the first to make conversation and the few times I did it i got the feeling the guy thought I was weird/desperate. I live in a fairly large city of just under a million people. The places I go always have tons of younger people. Granted, lots of times its couples that are out or groups of women like myself and my friends. It just seems like the cold approach isn't very popular. 1
joseb Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 It just seems like the cold approach isn't very popular. No it's not that popular for a couple of reasons: 1. It's hard to do - most guys find it extremely difficult. 2. You can even see on this thread, which is about you hoping for more guys to approach, women complaining about the ones that do, calling it creepy, etc. If guys have met a lot of negativity from women it makes it harder to be upbeat about trying to meet people this way. 1
Woggle Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Not much because men are afraid of being treated like a predator for simply speaking to a woman.
Myragal Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Not much because men are afraid of being treated like a predator for simply speaking to a woman. The men I date aren't afraid. They are confident and masculine.
Rydo Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Men ARE predators. The secret is to try to hide that fact. The difference between being creepy and being sweet seems to be how attracted to you the girl you're approaching is.
thecrucible Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Well it genuinely freaks me out. I am not saying creepy as a throwaway comment either. This guy once approached me, we got talking, and against my better judgement, I agreed to go on a date with him. I decided I wasn't into it but he just so happened to be getting the same public transport home as me. The guy sexually assaulted me on that train. Other guys who've approached are probably more into my looks and I'd like something less shallow than that. I don't mind if someone finds me attractive but I'd rather be asked for my number on the basis of us having a conversation and discovering that we gel and have common interests after we have broken the ice.
one goal Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Not much because men are afraid of being treated like a predator for simply speaking to a woman. I mostly agree. It seems most girls date guys they already know thru friends or work and school or already know well. That is why dating is much harder these days. Women generally don't want to make friends with people they don't meet and if you try and talk to them many get creeped out. I guess teaching "stranger danger" at a young age I wonder is a factor in this too.
joseb Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Well it genuinely freaks me out. I am not saying creepy as a throwaway comment either. This guy once approached me, we got talking, and against my better judgement, I agreed to go on a date with him. I decided I wasn't into it but he just so happened to be getting the same public transport home as me. The guy sexually assaulted me on that train. Other guys who've approached are probably more into my looks and I'd like something less shallow than that. I don't mind if someone finds me attractive but I'd rather be asked for my number on the basis of us having a conversation and discovering that we gel and have common interests after we have broken the ice. A couple of things: 1. I'm really sorry for that horrible experience, I don't blame you for being guarded after something like that. 2. Guys approach based on looks. It's a simple fact. Why else would they approach? They have nothing else to go on. BUT - he shouldn't just be saying "can i have your number?" immediately. I've approached a lot of women and not asked for their number. Why? Because either I find out they are with someone, or I am not that interested in them after talking to them. The ones I ask for their number are the ones I find I have something in common with and gel to some degree.
TheBathWater Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I've been single for two years now and the only dates I've been on have all been guys I have met on online dating sites like Tinder and Match. In two years I have never gone on a date with a guy i met out in public. Do guys still approach girls that way? Prior to being single for two years I was in a four year relationship with someone I met through mutual friends. Now it seems so hard to meet someone. I was at this music festival last weekend. Tons of attractive guys there, but I wasn't approached by any. I see cute guys at the grocery store sometimes, but I've never had any talk to me. I probably go out to social events once a week (not necessarily looking to meet someone, but just to be out with friends) and I have NEVER once been approached by a guy. I go to wine tastings, local concerts, sporting events, outdoor bars, local festivals, you name it, nothing ever comes of it. But when I go out with guys I meet online and I tell them I never get approached in public, they are shocked and say things like "you never get hit on? You're kidding, right?" Do guys even ask girls out that way anymore? I really want to give up on the online thing, too many flakes. But if I do, I won't get to go out at all! Funny, I just posted recently about how a stunning female friend of mine in her late 20's told me she got approached recently for the first time in her life. I know women are still approached today, but I would say that empirically speaking, it's got to be less than before thanks to online dating. I personally approach less women today than ever before. The reason is that 1) with OLD I have more than just 'looks' to go by and so can virtually 'approach' more compatible women rather than wasting time trying to talk to them about their education and interests, and 2) like any human, I fear rejection. Having said all that, I have been thinking more lately about getting rid of OLD and solely approaching women now. I miss the charm of it, and from what I gather, so do you. Let's get this world spinning on its axis again, huh? 3
Shanex Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I tried it a couple times and in a very courteous manner and also with a context at the moment and it didnt work. Im not a vulgar creep at all ... Im even a bit shy and since approaching women in real life didnt work even politely, I gave up (parties/ the pub/club scene not included).
one goal Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Funny, I just posted recently about how a stunning female friend of mine in her late 20's told me she got approached recently for the first time in her life. I know women are still approached today, but I would say that empirically speaking, it's got to be less than before thanks to online dating. I personally approach less women today than ever before. The reason is that 1) with OLD I have more than just 'looks' to go by and so can virtually 'approach' more compatible women rather than wasting time trying to talk to them about their education and interests, and 2) like any human, I fear rejection. Having said all that, I have been thinking more lately about getting rid of OLD and solely approaching women now. I miss the charm of it, and from what I gather, so do you. Let's get this world spinning on its axis again, huh? Well in those cases if she's really good looking, a lot of men are too nervous to approach them. I'm not ugly myself but I'm very nervous when approaching an attractive woman, especially one I might like. Which is natural for men. I wish asking women out and that was as easy as sending a text message lol. Do women feel the same way around men as nervous as we feel when approaching women?
adiamond Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I really dislike online dating. It's the easiest way to get dates I think but having all these options kind of makes the dating process less meaningful and special, in my experience. You go on a nice date with someone and you have a great time and you get home, get online and it just feels bad seeing the person you just went a date on looking at other prospects. 4
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