Accused but not guilty

[confused_heartbroken]

OK. This is going to be a long one... My ex and I have remained friends and occasional lovers from the time I was 15 (I am in my 40's now) In that time we had a daughter and tried to work on us, but he wasn't ready and I was. I gave him his space but continued to hold out hope. In the meantime he had had 5 more kids (that range from 10-3) outside of me and I continued to love him and support him. Fast forward - in 2005 I started dating someone and found out I was pregnant, I told my ex, he wasn't pleased about it but understood. in 2007 I got married to my son's father, it wasn't a happy union and we are still together but both know that we shouldn't be together but are for my son's sake. More info - I am about 16hrs away from my ex and have been for the last 10 yrs, but we find time to visit each other to spend some time. (I know I've stepped out on my husband, but so has he and there is no intamacy in our marraige at all). My ex also got married in 2013 and I wished him the best but he continued to contact me and even called me while he was on his honeymoon. My father recently passed away and I had to go back home for the funeral. I told my ex that my husband was coming becuase he paid for the plane tickets (if he didn't he woudn't have came) and that I thought it was a good idea if he didn't come around me, but spent time with his daughter. He agreed and did just that, but one night kept texting me to meet him outside to talk. I coudn't, i was too lost in my grief of losing my father and didn't want to leave my kids alone with my husband (he's an alcoholic and had already polished off a whole bottle of cognac). The next morning I had a text from my ex calling me a liar and that he basically couldn't believe anything I said. That everything I've ever told him was a lie and that I need to do some self reflection. That I no longer need to contact him and he's being a real jerk to me. So not only did I lose my Dad I lost my ex & best friend for something that I didn't do. We talked about (in depth) moving on with each other since we were both unhappy in the people that we are married to. But now he's saying that he could never see himself with me. In the meantime my plans are still in place for leaving my husband and becoming a better me in spite of my ex. What I don't understand is why he's so upset, how can he flip the switch on me so fast of love to hate and why am I so heartbroken behind this. Do I continue to try to get him to talk to me or should I just move on?