Nathan Jo Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Hello all, So here's the deal. My girlfriend was "seeing" this guy before we met. When we met, she chose me over him, and we've been together since, about 6 months now. she always talked down about him. But now, things they are a-changin'. First of all , a while back, they met for coffee. I found out, but only by asking. She didn't hide it from me, but she didn't tell me about it either, wheareas had it been someone else, she would have mentioned it. Up to now, no problem - I'm a bit concerned, but nothing more, I keep my mouth shut. More recently, he's been texting her more, while we are out, on a date or something, and she'll text back. Now I think, hmph, bit cheeky, but whatever, if I kick up a fuss I look bad. Now today it changed again. She pretty much kicked me out because he needed to meet her. She won't let the two of us meet because she says she's worried I'll react badly. (Unsure about what this means.) I said that I thought that was a bit confusing for me and jokingly said "Oh, you're ditching me for him now eh?". She then said she felt really bad and made it up to me. In all honesty, there was nothing to make up. But she felt bad. Could someone please give me their opinions on this? Am I not supposed to react at all? Am I within my right to react? Am I doing anything that is unreasonable, or am I being a pushover? Any opinions are most welcome. Thankyou. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Hello, My opinion is that you are indeed being a pushover. Do you honestly think if the roles were reversed she would be so understanding and accepting of your previous girlfriend being so connected to you? The reality of the situation as you explained it is that she still wishes to be connected with her ex boyfriend and has not gotten over him. The fact that she will not even let you meet him is a huge red flag. She texting him when on a date with you? The bottom line is that she seems to be a cakewoman. She enjoys having you as a boyfriend and but also like to be with her ex boyfriend as well. This is totally unacceptable and very disrespectful to you. I have a hunch that there is a pretty good chance that she may have already started cheating on you behind your back. I think you need to open your eyes. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Let's see: another guy is seeing your girl, texting her, she kicks you out and you see NO red flag? Get better glasses, man! It's either you or him. What's she making contact with him for? It's not like he's her friend. HE's competition. Three is a crowd. Don't let yourself get kicked at the courb! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nathan Jo Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Wow, thanks for the replies! I appreciate what you've both said, but I think I've been a little unclear. She never dated this guy. She had an experience with him which she calls "a mistake". She's told me I shouldn't feel threatened, and today she pretty mcuh forced me to wait for her so we could have lunch together after she had seen this guy. The guy seems needy and desperate. Apparently now he's seeking sympathy from her. I have no doubt that he wants her. I do however doubt that he is a threat. Hope this clears things up a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 "There is nobody as blind as person who refuses to see". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nathan Jo Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Right, OK, let me just get my head around this. What should I do? You are pretty much telling me that she is definetely cheating on me, but I have no proof of this, and to be quite honest, no reason to suspect it. Where do I go from here? Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 A guy she hooked up with once is sending your g/f texts, talks to her, and wants to hang out with her and you are consistently excluded from this? I'd be more trusting if it was an ex b/f than some dude she gave it up to; chances are at a minimum he wants another shot, or wants to steal your g/f. Given her behavior, I'd explain very clearly that this is b.s. and it ends, unless she's not interested in dating. Then take that, and your pride, and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 she had an "experience"? Ill assume you mean she had sex with him. Im all for guys and girls being friends, but, this guy wants more than that. Thats no secret. Its obvious. Now her on the other hand. It SEEMS like shes testing the waters. How she can do this to you without admiting she'd go ape sh*t if it were the other way around is beyond me. Bring that up to her. Ask her how she'd react to that. Ofcourse shes gonna say she'd be fine with it just to justify her side of things but then DO IT. Tell her your going out with a GIRL friend of yours. Or if your not into games...........tell her you arent going to tolerate her seeing this guy who CLEARLY wants to get in her pants. If she insists,.........leave her. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Nathan Jo Right, OK, let me just get my head around this. What should I do? You are pretty much telling me that she is definetely cheating on me, but I have no proof of this, and to be quite honest, no reason to suspect it. WHAT?! no reason to suspect it? are you for real? read through this whole thread again. slowly. pretend you are reading someone else's experience. then think of what you would say if someone said "i have no reason to suspect cheating." changes your perspective a little? it should. leave this girl in your dust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nathan Jo Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 But she isn't seeing him. She knows I won't tolerate her seeing him, but she isn't seeing him. She talked to him on the street today. I can't ask her not to talk to him on the street can I? She went for a coffee with him because she hadn't spoken to him in 6 months, but since then all she's done is seen hm in a club and on the street. I think I'd be out of order asking her for any less. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Nicely PUT, Sexkitten !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Holy sheep sh*t................................dude.....................she asked you to take a hike while this dude comes over. Hold on,.....lemme clear my throat...Hrphmmmmmph.....................okay....DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Holy sheep sh*t................................dude.....................she asked you to take a hike while this dude comes over. Hold on,.....lemme clear my throat...Hrphmmmmmph.....................okay....DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!! push over??????? My friend,...you were PUSHED over long ago.......now shes just walkin all over you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nathan Jo Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 No, she didn't. She was with me. This guy said he was upset or something and had to see her. She felt really bad, but said she had to go because she felt sorry for him (bad final or something). She was back with me in 10 minutes. She then apologised and told me she doesn't want me to think she's cheating on me. I can't believe that I'm the only one here who thinks she could be telling the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Listen to yourself,...........shes got you posting a question AND then answering it yourself AND defending her..............................you .....are......whipped. And she knows it. And she treating you LIKE it. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 I don't think she's cheating on you. Yet, anyway. I think in order to have a nice and good relationship you should ask her not to contact him, not to answer his texts and if he continues to contact her, to tell him that he's making her feel uncomfortable, because she's seeing someone. What are they to talk about? What? They are NOT friends, Nathan. They had sex. And exchanging texts back and forth does equal to flirting. Coming to her house? What for? How long have they known eachother? She's not cheating, Nate, but she is sending the right signals alright! Explain to her that this is unacceptable and ask her to stop. If indeed he's not a threat, she'll have no problems losing him! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 there you go! Good advice, Curly !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bunnylove Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 It seems like he is interested in her...but maybe she doesnt feel the same way and wants to set him straight! But this matter should be cleared up with one talk. However maybe she DOES like him too and wants to go out with him to see if there is anything there. But seems unlikely as she has been honest with you about meeting him. Why not just talk to her about her feelings, be open with her about how you feel too. You as her bf have a right to know exactly where you stand and whats really going on here. If you trust her then let her do what she needs to do and if she loves you she will respect your feelings on this matter and put an end to these meetings and txts. Ask her if she needs some space and time to sort her feelings out. What ever will be will be...if she wants to be with YOU and not him, thats where she will stay. But don't be in denial. Something might be there, or might not be. Time to get things out in the open! Link to post Share on other sites
Bunnylove Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 ps...another suggestion...why not talk to the guy to find out what the problem is? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Nope, he risks to freak the girl out. Plus, he would be solving HER problem. It's her business, she needs to deal with it, she needs to solve it! Reponsability! Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 lose this girl. she's not worth the trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 amen to that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Nathan Jo Hello all, So here's the deal. My girlfriend was "seeing" this guy before we met. When we met, she chose me over him, and we've been together since, about 6 months now. she always talked down about him. But now, things they are a-changin'. First of all , a while back, they met for coffee. I found out, but only by asking. She didn't hide it from me, but she didn't tell me about it either, wheareas had it been someone else, she would have mentioned it. Up to now, no problem - I'm a bit concerned, but nothing more, I keep my mouth shut. More recently, he's been texting her more, while we are out, on a date or something, and she'll text back. Now I think, hmph, bit cheeky, but whatever, if I kick up a fuss I look bad. Now today it changed again. She pretty much kicked me out because he needed to meet her. She won't let the two of us meet because she says she's worried I'll react badly. (Unsure about what this means.) I said that I thought that was a bit confusing for me and jokingly said "Oh, you're ditching me for him now eh?". She then said she felt really bad and made it up to me. In all honesty, there was nothing to make up. But she felt bad. Could someone please give me their opinions on this? Am I not supposed to react at all? Am I within my right to react? Am I doing anything that is unreasonable, or am I being a pushover? Any opinions are most welcome. Thankyou. You should of put your foot down. Tell her either she stops this crap or you're gone. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten lose this girl. she's not worth the trouble. I believe that giving up too easily says something about someone. Stay and fight your ground. Even if she means nothing to you. You're doing it out of respect for the relationship you have with her. I'm terrible at letting go, but then I believe one can learn lots from those around you. c'mon, fight ! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise You should of put your foot down. Tell her either she stops this crap or you're gone. good ultimatum SALPARADISE. but he better make sure he is "gone" if she does not stop the "krap". otherwise he'll look like a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
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