Am I within my rights, or being a pushover?

[SexKitten]

why don't you both grow up and stop seeing other people?

 

that might solve the problem.

 

she's out with some dude,then texting him on your time, and no doubt thinking of him when you're together. you'll lunching with an ex. why not try paying 100% attention to each other? she's into this other guy, and you're ignoring it. now you're justifying it with saying "well i went out with my ex, but it was only once." no, you don't get off the hook that easily. you're both screwing this up. well guess what. no one needs to see an ex--they want to see an ex. i've been there. some of my exes now, i never talk to. i really want nothing to do with them--and not even because they were bad to me, they were good, but i am so over them that i just like to let that part of my life go.

 

there have also been exes that i would call and justify hanging out with because "exes need to be friends." it never worked. either you start sleeping with each other, or the "friendship" fizzles. she's on her way, or is already there, on the 1st one.

 

 

the most important question is this.

 

do you even want to be together? or are you just clinging to each other because it's familiar and easier than being apart?

 

if you want to be with her, tell her this. "you seem like you've been very distracted lately. maybe you should take some time to yourself and see if this is really what you want."

 

surprise her with it and see her reaction. you'll probably know then. and even if you don't know, it will open up the conversation.

 

honestly.

[Nathan Jo]

She texted him once while we were together.

 

I had lunch with an ex as she'd been in Japan for two years.

 

SexKitten, I value your opinions very much, but mine is that you tend to see the worst in this situation.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by Nathan Jo

She texted him once while we were together.

 

I had lunch with an ex as she'd been in Japan for two years.

 

SexKitten, I value your opinions very much, but mine is that you tend to see the worst in this situation.

 

i edited my last post. and who cares if your ex was in japan for two years? what a lame excuse. why does it matter if your ex is away for years? you're EXES. you're not TOGETHER. get over it. people are full of such crap and they make themselves believe themselves and it's frightening.

 

 

also, i do see the worst in some situations, and yours is one of them. that's because there's reason to see the worst. think about it.

 

if i thought it was something else, i would tell you. but i have seen this before, and it's not good. but you don't want to know that. you want to post a problem and defend this girl's every action; so here:

 

"nathan jo, your girlfriend loves you. she texts another boyfriend because that guy needs her. When she asks you to leave because another boy needs her, it's because she knows what's best for both of you. She is faithful, kind, and considerate to you. She devotes all of her attention to you. you will be together forever. women and men in relationships should be friends with the opposite sex with no problems. friendly. yay."

 

there you go.

 

good luck.

[scarlyjones]

Sometimes people who arent being honest with us,....USE the fact that you trust them to be able to get away with stuff. I mean you can trust,.....but dont be a doormat. Theres a fine line between being very trusting and being made a fool of. Just be careful. You deserve respect, sweetie...

[Nathan Jo]

This is too heated for me now. Thanks for the advice.

[scarlyjones]

this is getting too heated in here for you?????????????????????????????? What a joke. Go. Go ahead. Go get walked all over then. Like being cheated on ISNT too heated. sheesh

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Nathan Jo

This is too heated for me now. Thanks for the advice.

 

Nathan, this comment lends a little insight into your personality.

 

Are you prone to avoiding conflict?

Do you sometimes say nothing to avoid a disagreement?

 

Those are indeed symptoms of being a bit of a pushover. If you want your SO to respect you, you need to draw that line of respect and hold her accountable. If you don't have the intestinal fortitude to follow through on your threats, they will mean nothing.

 

She may even leave you if you do, but she WILL have your respect. We always want to control the outcome and cling on to the ones we love when we should be showing them a little "tough love" as you should be doing in this case.

 

Once your girl knows she can walk on you, you're in trouble.

 

Scarly, please. That was unncessary.

[scarlyjones]

Yeah,.....Im curious if you "back down" in most of your arguements with your SO?

[Bunnylove]

Back off Scarly....he is here for advice not abuse!

 

Nathan...is it over now? have they stoped texting? All you have to do is tell her your not happy with this situation. Thats all you CAN do. Maybe she knows this now and will think twice in the future.

 

To answer your original question...you are within your rights to feel uncomfortable with this situation, but if your honest about how you feel with her, your not being a push over. If you trust her and all is out in the open, then it will all be fine untill the next little earthquake comes along. Relationships are a challange and there is always much to learn about each other as well as yourself.

 

I would have a little think about trust though. You SAY you trust her but I'm not sure you do. Maybe that parts needs a little work and attension. But if it does, again, be honest with her and yourself. The way she has been behaving is putting you on guard. Its all about love, respect and communication. To be honest, I don't think what happened was a big deal. But I do think you should let her know how you feel. It's maybe time she prioritised your feelings above his.

 

Maybe even give her some advice about her situation. Maybe she is all this guy has at the moment and she feels that she can't abandon him.....anyway...who knows...maybe it's all over now and this whole thing is blown out of proportion. It was only one txt and one short talk...I think. Live and learn sweetie. But always remember to keep things out in the open. I don't belive relationships can survive unless you do. You might not agree on everything and maybe that's why you are here. Well at least you know people are agreeing with you, but of course it's much easier for us to sit and spectate. There HAS been alot of negativity here but I think these people want to see you fight for your women. But only you know whats best for you. Maybe now your women will too!

 

Much love xoxo