Why do I still hate her?

[xplosiv]

Okay, so I've been doing pretty well since it's been over a year from the break up. I really don't know how why, but every now and again I have these thoughts about what my ex-girlfriend had said and done in the past which really just makes me angry.

 

I believe it was a "Gigs" break up, I had all the typical responses to why she felt the need to break up with me. All the usual "need to find myself", have to "get myself back", "see what's out there" etc... which just sounded like excuses to break up with me and go date other people. At the time, I was extremely irate about the whole situation because she was the one who wanted the relationship and I knew she would pull this kind of crap on me eventually.

 

She got cheated on by the guy she left for, btw (haha)

 

Anyway, fast forward to a year later. I admit things went south pretty quick from the break up. It's been a year since we talked and I am over it. I simply wouldn't want a relationship even if she came begging back on her knees.

 

The problem is, I still get these thoughts about the break up that just piss me off to no end, and I really don't know why... everyone has thoughts about people from time to time, heck I even think about people I haven't seen for years almost daily. But for whatever reason, when my ex crosses my mind it just makes me want to punch a wall in!

 

Is it possible that there is unfinished business? I never felt like I really got closure. All my attempts to meet up with her after the "news" of the break up were met with "I'm too busy" and every other excuse under the sun. I do not want to see or talk to her again and I've improved my life dramatically. I really enjoy my new passions and hanging out with a great new social group.

 

What can I do to stop this from happening?

[Samhain]

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

 

It doesn't necessarily mean there is unfinished business with your ex. After a while the nature of anger can change, from "how could they do this to me" to "how could I have stood for that and let someone do that to me". If you have improved your life dramatically, and you have a better sense of self worth, which you probably had to slowly build back up after the break up, you are likely to have resentment and anger left over.

 

Stop thinking of it as something only she can give you closure on, because she can't. Often people feel they had no closure and that that is what they need in order to fully move on, when in retrospect, their last actions regardless of what they are really is closure. She cheated, she left, she refused to communicate, she had no time to ease your pain or help you understand. That's closure. Because it speaks volumes above any crock of lies you'd be told to ease your pain should she have further communicated with you about it.

 

There isn't a set time for getting over an ex, especially when betrayal was involved. A year is a long time, but for you, it hasn't been long enough. You are still going through the healing process. You have done everything right by improving your life and acquiring new passions and a new social circle. Continue, and in time, when she crosses your mind, you will have no emotions to contend with. She will just be a distant memory like many other people from our pasts we think of now and again.

[xplosiv]

Thanks for your reply Samhain. I think you're right, there really is no closure because I would not have accepted the response anyway. But now that it has passed, I am glad it's over. I regret how I acted, with such little self respect for someone who didn't give a flying **** by the time it was over.

 

I think that's what really gets me... but it also stuns me how quickly some women just feel like they can switch up like it's nothing after you invested so much time and effort into them.

 

I am one of those people with a huge amount of "stick-to-it-iveness", and work on, fix/improve things. I was taught that finishing things is the most important thing in life. I guess that's why I pursued my new passions so hard and caught up to the skill levels of people who have been doing it 3 times longer and still put in just as much effort. But whatever, it's over and I'm much stronger for going through the experience, even though I lost my best friend in the process.