Retraining your brain not to listen to words... Only actions

[lostinlust80]

I'm embarrassed to be posting here again. After a few months of no contact last year with my AP, I was suckered back in after he reached out. I have since moved across the country so our affair has gone from PA to EA only. In this time, my AP has "declared his love for me" and suggested that I leave my husband. He also wants to fly to my town to see me. He's said he's pretty sure his marriage is over, but I follow his wife on social media and it paints a different picture entirely. I can't shake the feeling that he's saying these things because he thinks that's what I need to hear to keep me on the side. How can I convince myself to focus on his actions and not his words? I really want to believe that he loves me, but I have this nagging feeling that he doesn't love me - he loves how I make him feel, if that makes sense?

[EmbraceTheChange]

Never mind what he wants to do.

 

Do you want to leave your husband? Do you want to up-root your entire life? Have you have put things in place to do so? Also, do you have kids?

[burnt]

He's said he's pretty sure his marriage is over,

 

"Pretty sure"?

That sounds like a synonym for "kinda...maybe…I don't know…I'm not sure"

[Dylon]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/552613-what-wrong-me

 

I just read this thread. You should too. Lesson learned form others. Your red alert is right. Don't leave your husband for him. Leave your husband only if it's what you want to do and not because he makes promises. Set your own terms.

[livingon]

It's important to watch his actions rather than words. Words can be empty and deceiving. As for my case, the guy told me that he will not ask me to leave my husband and my family, he will be already contended if I would spend quality time for him. My mind is like oh, God Almighty, what does he mean?

[Goodbye]

MM are often masters of the Word. Yours is already waffling in his words, but wants YOU to leave your H for him? Wow.

 

Trust me, I got sucked back in with the words of a MM more than a bright woman should. You need to go back and cold turkey him. Just no. Not going to happen. Change your thinking. Think and plan of a future without him. If you are done with you marriage, start that process for YOU. If you aren't, work on your marriage. Do not listen to his words. They are empty. Worse than empty, destructive.

[LimeBlue]

It's important to watch his actions rather than words. Words can be empty and deceiving. As for my case, the guy told me that he will not ask me to leave my husband and my family, he will be already contended if I would spend quality time for him. My mind is like oh, God Almighty, what does he mean?

 

My MM says the same, that he is content with us spending time together - he doesn't want me leaving my H for him, and he doesn't want to leave his wife for me and that if we leave, it must be for ourselves and not for one another. But in my view, if we want to be together so badly, then we would both leave for one another? I am more ready to leave than he is, and I now doubt he will ever leave his wife. He would rather be miserable for the rest of his life than deal with upheaval.

[Patrice]

And, if you do what he wants? You are supporting him in a marriage he wants to stay in. Where does that leave you?