somegoodman Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 31 year old guy here. Starting to realize I'm probably never going to be married or meet a lifelong significant other. Not that I'm repellant, I've had a number of relationships, flings and one-nighters (not proud of this). But now I find that I'm rather isolated socially and simply don't have opportunities to meet people. Which is fine and all, I don't really think marriage is relevant unless it is taken seriously, and nobody really takes the vows and sacraments of marriage seriously in the modern world. So now I'm wondering just what to do with myself, other than work sleep rinse repeat. Do I embrace God and become a monk now? Do I take on some random hobby and just go all in on it? Curious what others like me are doing in this situation... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) 31 year old guy here. Starting to realize I'm probably never going to be married or meet a lifelong significant other. Not that I'm repellant, I've had a number of relationships, flings and one-nighters (not proud of this). But now I find that I'm rather isolated socially and simply don't have opportunities to meet people. Which is fine and all, I don't really think marriage is relevant unless it is taken seriously, and nobody really takes the vows and sacraments of marriage seriously in the modern world. So now I'm wondering just what to do with myself, other than work sleep rinse repeat. Do I embrace God and become a monk now? Do I take on some random hobby and just go all in on it? Curious what others like me are doing in this situation... My social life is kind of like a patchwork. I get things to fill time here and there. A couple of friends who don't have kids who still go out a bit. A friend in from out of town, a date once in a blue moon. I'm also active and I run, hike, and kayak some. But I do feel if you are seriously thinking you will be without a wife or family in your 30s and 40s, and going forward (forever), then you need a passion. If not a passion, then something to throw energies towards. Maybe it'll be your job, or caring for animals, painting art. Otherwise, I feel like your life lacks purpose. I work with a couple of guys in their 40s who have so obviously given up on finding somebody and they just kind of do whatever. Work 8 hours, watch sports, TV, go to a movie every now and then. Go through the motions as you suggest. I mean, that's cool if that works for you. For me, I need to do more with my life, so I need a passion to fill whatever time I would be spending with a spouse. Edited November 10, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
Author somegoodman Posted November 10, 2015 Author Share Posted November 10, 2015 Same here, I need a passion or else it is all so meaningless to me. Been looking into taking this online philosophy program at Oxford. Art is important to me too, I love books, film, etc. I guess the problem is that these are solitary endeavors so sometimes it gets a bit lonely and you find yourself wondering why you even bother. Link to post Share on other sites
OrangeParty Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Agree with the whole passion thing. If not passion, then something you enjoy and look forward to. I'm a 29 "forever alone". Outside of work and school I am heavily involved in volunteering at the animal shelter and doing improv shows and practice. I go to the shooting range with a couple of friends once a couple of months or so (can get expensive sadly). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Well, we aren't single - but I can tell you my mid 30's guy lives very active social life! (We have our own time consuming hobbies). He into mountain bikes, great exercise, plus group of guys get together and day trip (or sometimes longer) out to the trails etc. Every weekend there is some sort of meet up, plus week day rides, clubs etc. He is into beer brewing. Again, clubs, weekend meet ups, helping each other brew, a big group all gather at a local pub on Thursday nights. Then there is the "band" group of friends that just play for fun these days - but they still get together, practice, have fun, and play an occasional BBQ or party. You could call all of these things passions. Gets him out of the house - and out with like minded guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Stuff I actually 100% like doing alone? Drink, go to work, drink, try out new restaurants, drink, watch Netflix, drink, play guitar, drink, masturbate, drink... you know usual time wasters for failed 30-something guys. I do plenty of other things but there's always some level of bumout factor having to do them alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Stuff I actually 100% like doing alone? Drink, go to work, drink, try out new restaurants, drink, watch Netflix, drink, play guitar, drink, masturbate, drink... you know usual time wasters for failed 30-something guys. I do plenty of other things but there's always some level of bumout factor having to do them alone. God dude. We should hang. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I was single for the first half of my 30s. I loved it. That's prime time to be single, in my opinion. If I was ever bored, I'd go for a walk, read a book in the park, play guitar, go on a hike or a bike ride, go to the movies by myself, hang out with friends, create random DIY projects to do, etc. I had the time to exercise an hour and a half most days of the week, and if I wanted to work late to get ahead or had a deadline, nobody was bothered if I worked through dinner and didn't get home until midnight. Now I look back on all the time I had available to do those things, and I miss it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
testmeasure Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 (1) Live cheap, reduce expenses, get rid of all debt. (2) Study investing and money management. Regardless of your aptitude, this is one skill set you need to learn for yourself because any professional or 3rd party will not care about your money the way you do. (3) Invest any excess preferably in an investment that generates income. If you can't generate any excess income, you have more pressing concerns than taking on the time and expense of finding a mate. (4) Re-invest the investment income and continue to invest any excess ordinary income. (5) Eventually there will be a snowball effect. The bottom line is if you waste "dry powder" (money) to put on a fireworks display to impress, it's not going to be all that big. You're better off re-investing and never burning cash just to impress. Only replace a car when it makes financial sense to do so. Buy a house as soon as it makes financial sense to do so, but keep it modest and minimal (unless investing in houses is your thing after studying). Let everything keep snowballing. Eventually the overall success will be far more impressive than just burning money to impress. I've been reading a little bit here and I've seen a wide variety of politically incorrect remarks and responses. So, I'll risk throwing one out. If you buy into the idea that men are attracted to appearance and women are attracted to wealth, success, resources, power, there is an interesting consequence. For one side it's an inherently losing battle to become more attractive over time. As for the other side, just imagine a world where a women's appearance magically became incrementally more attractive each time she put a dollar in the bank. Stay humble if you are successful. Otherwise you may get everything you ever wanted but still not be happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Career, reading, gym...............occasionally watch a movie...................rarely go out. You're either a people person, or you're not; you're born that way. Sometimes living for yourself is hard, but other times I don't think about it (due to being busy), so it doesn't bother me much. Either that, or when I am on drugs lol. About to try and find a weekend hustle, and just work my life away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somegoodman Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 (1) Live cheap, reduce expenses, get rid of all debt. (2) Study investing and money management. Regardless of your aptitude, this is one skill set you need to learn for yourself because any professional or 3rd party will not care about your money the way you do. (3) Invest any excess preferably in an investment that generates income. If you can't generate any excess income, you have more pressing concerns than taking on the time and expense of finding a mate. (4) Re-invest the investment income and continue to invest any excess ordinary income. (5) Eventually there will be a snowball effect. The bottom line is if you waste "dry powder" (money) to put on a fireworks display to impress, it's not going to be all that big. You're better off re-investing and never burning cash just to impress. Only replace a car when it makes financial sense to do so. Buy a house as soon as it makes financial sense to do so, but keep it modest and minimal (unless investing in houses is your thing after studying). Let everything keep snowballing. Eventually the overall success will be far more impressive than just burning money to impress. I've been reading a little bit here and I've seen a wide variety of politically incorrect remarks and responses. So, I'll risk throwing one out. If you buy into the idea that men are attracted to appearance and women are attracted to wealth, success, resources, power, there is an interesting consequence. For one side it's an inherently losing battle to become more attractive over time. As for the other side, just imagine a world where a women's appearance magically became incrementally more attractive each time she put a dollar in the bank. Stay humble if you are successful. Otherwise you may get everything you ever wanted but still not be happy. I have a decent salary but never cared much about money. Or what part it plays in attracting women. I guess your advice would be useful to retire comfortably in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Honestly? I do nothing. It's destructive, it's depressing, it certainly doesn't get you dates or friends, and it can be incredibly lonely. Being a Jerry is awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
Author somegoodman Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 Honestly? I do nothing. It's destructive, it's depressing, it certainly doesn't get you dates or friends, and it can be incredibly lonely. Being a Jerry is awesome! But what else is there to do? Anything you do you're going to be doing alone anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
NinjaTurtlesAreCool Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I do lots - I'm fortunate enough to enjoy my job and it also allows me to get out and do things I enjoy in my spare time. At the moment, I'm in London - I'm at a Doctor Who con tomorrow. I don't let the fact I'm single stop me from doing things I enjoy, meeting up with friends, etc. I'd love to share stuff like that with someone special but I'm not going to wait for her to appear before I enjoy my life. In fact, she wants to hurry up a bit really as she's already missed some pretty cool stuff! ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I think it sounds like you are doing what you need to do. I like to just do things I enjoy and meet people that way. I would just encourage you (if you're not already doing so) to flirt and ask women out as you go through life. Link to post Share on other sites
Protec Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I play videogames, make music, go to gym, go running, hang around in shopping malls. I just try to stay around people as much as i can. Some mornings i feel like absolute s*it. I am miserable, i am alone. But then i put some music on, kicking my self "you are better than this!!" Go out. Maybe see a woman and i smile at her, she smiles back. That saves my day. Just try to keep as positive as you can. You are the MOST important person in your life Not your friends, not your family, YOU. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 31 year old guy here. Starting to realize I'm probably never going to be married or meet a lifelong significant other. Not that I'm repellant, I've had a number of relationships, flings and one-nighters (not proud of this). But now I find that I'm rather isolated socially and simply don't have opportunities to meet people. Which is fine and all, I don't really think marriage is relevant unless it is taken seriously, and nobody really takes the vows and sacraments of marriage seriously in the modern world. So now I'm wondering just what to do with myself, other than work sleep rinse repeat. Do I embrace God and become a monk now? Do I take on some random hobby and just go all in on it? Curious what others like me are doing in this situation... I work, work out, smoke weed, game, ride motorbike, and that's pretty much it. No time for friends, and zero motivation to get into any type of relationship with a woman. It's too much work, even if you're good-looking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 I work, work out, smoke weed, game, ride motorbike, and that's pretty much it. No time for friends, and zero motivation to get into any type of relationship with a woman. It's too much work, even if you're good-looking. You are starting to grow on me a little; I would consider you one of my favorite posters now. Link to post Share on other sites
JollyDays Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 (edited) I watch sports, and read political articles and online blogs. I study various subfields of history that interest me, and seek new academic knowledge in varied and interesting fields (sociology/geography/demography). I also listen to music and developed an incredible interest in city photography. I also read and watch anything related to old school baseball during the off-season---actually, I barely watch it during the regular season, and prefer football and basketball. Perhaps it's the political science graduate in me that admires the statistical aspects of the game. Hell, I actually hated mathematics in college. LOL I'm also preparing to return to school for an online Masters degree in Political Science in January 2016. In hindsight, I think that I should've taken the on-campus option and left this ****hole of a city and metro. But I'm 38, and it's not the relocating that's the issue, but having to deal with the politics of academia and being on-campus again like during my 20s that's a turn-off. I find that as I get older, the dark twin shadows of loneliness and depression creeps further and further over my mind, heart, and soul. I try to ignore it while focusing on myself, while also clinging to the belief that eventually the right lady will come along. But I've come to the conclusion that since the chances of that occurring are slim-to-none, I have to have interests that sustain me for the rest of my life---I haven't been in a relationship since AOL Chat was relevant (2004). Edited November 28, 2015 by JollyDays Link to post Share on other sites
Mendalore Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) I work 8-5, daily. I run 5k, daily (usually more). I run 10k, weekly. Most nights I'm honestly in with my roommates watching TV, playing video games, or reading. Concerts Hockey games Broadway shows Beers with friends New restaurants Belly dancing shows (friend of mine performs) It's tough because even though all of these are fun things to do, none of them are passions. I love going to concerts, but couldn't tell you what the guys' names are in the band. Love going to broadway shows, but couldn't tell you who the directors or any actors are. I feel the same as some others here, though. It can be a bummer to do something on your own. Not very attractive, but true. Not having a girlfriend doesn't stop me from doing the things I want to do, but I feel like I'd be more motivated to try even more new things (and get out more) with someone else. Part of being in a partnership like that is you cause each other to branch into new areas. Edited November 30, 2015 by Mendalore Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Stuff I actually 100% like doing alone? Drink, go to work, drink, try out new restaurants, drink, watch Netflix, drink, play guitar, drink, masturbate, drink... you know usual time wasters for failed 30-something guys. I do plenty of other things but there's always some level of bumout factor having to do them alone. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being a tiny bit jealous. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Ever since quitting women last year, I went deeper into my hobbies, entertainment and bettering myself when I'm not working or sleeping. I'm currently resurrecting an old dream of mine. I had a skill that got rusty over time, so I'm out of practice. The struggles of real life got in the way, but since then new opportunities have opened up that can make that old dream possible again. That goal is where my energy goes now. • Drawing comics • Playing video games • Posting on forums • Collecting nostalgia Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I wasn't going to admit this here but anyway. I pass my time by writing, I am currently busy with my first novel and yes, there is a romantic aspect to it, in many ways writing allows me to live vicariously and write about the experiences I wish I could have. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I wasn't going to admit this here but anyway. I pass my time by writing, I am currently busy with my first novel and yes, there is a romantic aspect to it, in many ways writing allows me to live vicariously and write about the experiences I wish I could have. Sounds like fun! Exploring your fantasies! Link to post Share on other sites
Vilgefoz Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 31 year old guy here. Starting to realize I'm probably never going to be married or meet a lifelong significant other. Not that I'm repellant, I've had a number of relationships, flings and one-nighters (not proud of this). But now I find that I'm rather isolated socially and simply don't have opportunities to meet people. Which is fine and all, I don't really think marriage is relevant unless it is taken seriously, and nobody really takes the vows and sacraments of marriage seriously in the modern world. So now I'm wondering just what to do with myself, other than work sleep rinse repeat. Do I embrace God and become a monk now? Do I take on some random hobby and just go all in on it? Curious what others like me are doing in this situation... hey dude, I have this sort of worry too (but clearly I am repelant type of guy ) and I was seriously thinking... You know, there are millions of children in the world who have no future - no parents or family, they was born to poverty, no education, no healthcare, only hunger, military conflicts, even death. I saw them on my own eyes... I think bringing such person to first world country, giving him a chance and making a family of him... might be quite honorable, what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
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