How To Tell Needy Bossy Mother I don't want to live with her

[sickofmymother]

Is telling your parent "I don't want to live with you because I have no freedom when I'm around you" when you are an adult in your 40s going to be seen as an attack and instigate more problems?

 

 

Long story short, I allowed my mother to move in with me. I am trying to start a home based business and at the same time having some financial trouble as I get the business started, so at the time this seemed like a good idea to split responsibilities. Well it didn't turn out like that. She still acts like she's my parent and bosses me around (i'm 43) and it's her way or no way. She constantly wakes me up at 5 in the morning and I can't get any sleep (among other issues), I have bipolar disorder and her waking me up exacerbates my symptoms, and she recently said she doesn't care (yep moms getting nasty as she ages). She does not communicate, she refuses to discuss anything so we are pretty much at a brick wall at this point. I will no longer tolerate this so I'm ready to move out even with limited income.

 

 

Rather than get into the rest of whole story of how she's making my life difficult, all I want to ask of anyone reading this is would it be appropriate to tell her that I no longer want to live together because I have lost all my freedom. I don't want to get into another argument about how she has made my life much more challenging, as it's not going to improve the situation or make her be more concerned about my mental health or career success, it's all about her in her mind right now.

 

I feel that saying "I don't want to live with you because I have lost all my freedom" is not an attack on her, but she might see it that way. All I want to do is get out of here, and I need something to say to get her off my back.

 

What is your opinion?

Edited November 10, 2015 by sickofmymother

[Tayla]

Find another way to say it. Such as "I have found myself a bit confined and wish to gather my experiences elsewhere". This way you are NOT holding her accountable for your happiness or discontent.

 

Its okay to be polite when disengaging a previously agreed upon living arrangement. Exit with the least amount of harm to yourself or her as a parent.

[d0nnivain]

Start with Mom I love you but we really have to talk about our living arrangements. I assume you do realize that I am a grown adult but you don't seem to treat me like one. That has to change or this arrangement will no longer be viable.

 

I need you to do the following:

 

1. Stop waking me up at 5:00 a.

m

.

 

2. Allow me the freedom I need to . . .

 

3. . . . .

Another option might be to find a true 2 family or mother daughter so you have truly separate spaces.

[sickofmymother]

Find another way to say it. Such as "I have found myself a bit confined and wish to gather my experiences elsewhere". This way you are NOT holding her accountable for your happiness or discontent.

 

Its okay to be polite when disengaging a previously agreed upon living arrangement. Exit with the least amount of harm to yourself or her as a parent.

 

 

PERFECT. Thank you. Excellent idea, thank you so much Tayla.

[sickofmymother]

Start with Mom I love you but we really have to talk about our living arrangements. I assume you do realize that I am a grown adult but you don't seem to treat me like one. That has to change or this arrangement will no longer be viable.

 

I need you to do the following:

1. Stop waking me up at 5:00 a.

m

.

 

2. Allow me the freedom I need to . . .

 

3. . . . .

Another option might be to find a true 2 family or mother daughter so you have truly separate spaces.

 

I tried this and this resulted in me being told to give up on my homebased job, find a regular job fast and she's moving back to her home state end of discussion (she hasnt packed yet so I think that was BS, but whatever, I'm calling her bluff she can move back for all I care).

 

I tried to talk very rationally and calmly, but she can't do that, she responds like a 5 year old having a tantrum. But thank you for the advice, I wish I could talk to her but she flat out refuses to have a conversation with me. I even moved out to sleep in the garage, which is illegal and cold, but she acts as if she hasn't noticed. I guess it's more important to drink coffee at 5 in the morning so you can be rested for watching TV all day long, while your daughter tries to do better with her life. I gave up on talking to her frankly, I just need a way to get her off my back so when I move out there's not some big blowup.