Having affair with my Ex husband

[Mrs.Scarlet]

I'm having an affair with my ex-husband. My ex and I were married for 16 years and together for 19. Long story short, I started an affair with my boss and I left my ex for him. My ex found out about before I decided to leave. As of now I am still single he’s current engaged to his girlfriend.

 

It started out as an emotional affair almost a few months ago. He was going through a tough time professionally, and we began texting and calling each other it usually stared out about the kids and it would escalate. During the summer the affair became physical. Over the last few months we have stared spending more time together having dinner together and we even took a trip together.

 

Here's my problem: I've been so happy on my own. It took me awhile to reach that point. I know what we are doing isn’t right. But we understand each other. He stimulates me mentally in a way that no one else does. When I talk to him, I feel at home. I want us to get back together. I don’t know if he does. He doesn’t say anything about leaving his fiance and I don’t think he wants. I’m too scared to even bring it up. So I don’t see where I fit in. I know I should cut my loss and try to move on but deep down I still love him. I still believe, deep down, that we are meant to be together and I think he knows that.

 

Ps. Our kids don’t know about us yet.

[Marc878]

Hmmm hard to say. Why would you go back to someone you left.

 

Sounds like you both should have kept moving on but stranger things have happened. Sorry for his fiancé she definitely deserves better.

 

Did you marry your boss?

[S2B]

Sounds even more complicated than when you were married having the affair...

 

Did you have a question?

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm having an affair with my ex-husband. My ex and I were married for 16 years and together for 19. Long story short, I started an affair with my boss and I left my ex for him. My ex found out about before I decided to leave. As of now I am still single he’s current engaged to his girlfriend.

 

It started out as an emotional affair almost a few months ago. He was going through a tough time professionally, and we began texting and calling each other it usually stared out about the kids and it would escalate. During the summer the affair became physical. Over the last few months we have stared spending more time together having dinner together and we even took a trip together.

 

Here's my problem: I've been so happy on my own. It took me awhile to reach that point. I know what we are doing isn’t right. But we understand each other. He stimulates me mentally in a way that no one else does. When I talk to him, I feel at home. I want us to get back together. I don’t know if he does. He doesn’t say anything about leaving his fiance and I don’t think he wants. I’m too scared to even bring it up. So I don’t see where I fit in. I know I should cut my loss and try to move on but deep down I still love him. I still believe, deep down, that we are meant to be together and I think he knows that.

 

Ps. Our kids don’t know about us yet.

 

Do you think maybe you have a bit of a thing for forbidden fruit?

[Mrs.Scarlet]

Hmmm hard to say. Why would you go back to someone you left.

 

Sounds like you both should have kept moving on but stranger things have happened. Sorry for his fiancé she definitely deserves better.

 

Did you marry your boss?

 

Part me does feel bad about what we are doing to her. She a great person and she doesn’t deserves this kind of treatment. But he was mine to begin with.

 

No, I never married my AP we only lived with each other for a few months.

[S2B]

Part me does feel bad about what we are doing to her. She a great person and she doesn’t deserves this kind of treatment. But he was mine to begin with.

 

No, I never married my AP we only lived with each other for a few months.

 

 

 

But you didn't treat him kindly at the end of 'having him as yours'. He's not yours now and his intent is to marry someone else.

 

 

And you've said he's happy with her. And that you just want him to be happy.

 

I would think even IF you ended up back together - he wouldn't be able to trust you. You cheated on him and now you're helping him cheat on her.

 

He plans to marry her. Why not leave him to marry her and find an available man to start with?

[Starbright78]

But he was mine to begin with.

 

Sorry, this struck me the wrong way. The day you divorced, he was no longer yours. That excuse doesn't justify what you are doing.

[Artie Lang]

do you think that maybe you're just a serial cheater and need some outside stimuli to keep you interested in a relationship?

[Mrs.Scarlet]

But you didn't treat him kindly at the end of 'having him as yours'. He's not yours now and his intent is to marry someone else.

Yes I know I don’t have to be remained. It’s still my biggest regret.

 

And you've said he's happy with her. And that you just want him to be happy.

I thought he was happy and I do want him to be happy but he came on to me.

 

I would think even IF you ended up back together - he wouldn't be able to trust you. You cheated on him and now you're helping him cheat on her. Maybe but I am willing to try if he was open to give me another chance.

He plans to marry her. Why not leave him to marry her and find an available man to start with?

I left him alone for the most. Before we stared down this road I was in a good place. I was happy with the way things were going. For whatever reason he pursued me he was the one who wanted to start this not me. I was wrong in going along with it

[Ms. Faust]

But he was mine to begin with.

 

 

No he wasn't. You banged your boss, left your husband, and got a divorce.

You would be doing the fiance a favor telling her the truth so she could let you two have each other.

Edited November 11, 2015 by Ms. Faust

[S2B]

Let him get married and stop having an affair with him.

 

 

 

And take responsibility for participating in the affair with him... You participated too.

 

When a guy who's taken flirts with me I shut it down... But that's not how it went with you. You kept communicating with him to the extent that you took your clothes off for him. He didn't make you have sex with him.

 

 

That doesn't "just happen".

[TunaCat]

But he was mine to begin with.

 

The minute the divorce was finalized he was no longer yours.

 

His fiance is the innocent one in all of this. Stop taking your clothes off for him.

 

If you didn't want to start it, you wouldn't have started it. Start taking some responsibility for the decisions you made.

Edited November 11, 2015 by TunaCat

[Sassy Girl]

Nah... He might have been yours, but you tossed him away like yesterday's garbage... And now what? Now he's someone else's you want to play?

 

You don't care about anyone but yourself. If you cared about him you'd know that you are not a safe bet for him. You treated him poorly and now he's not acting in his own best interests and you're just going along for the ride. You dont love him. You love you. You don't care about the damage you've inflicted on anyone around you - your ex husband, his new partner, your children, your ex boss (was he married too? Bet he was... Didn't care about that either did you?). Just out of curiosity- why did that relationship end?

 

In any case... There's a saying about going back - never go back to the ex. It's like reading an old book over and over... You already know the ending.

 

Just stop already and do the right thing for a change.

[MuddyFootprints]

You have a history, you have a family connection.

 

He's engaged. He's planning marry someone else.

 

Someone is going to be hurt, but it's time to get real.

 

Both of you.

[sandylee1]

The thing that strikes me here is that you LEFT your husband. Doesn't sound like you wanted to give it a go and to a large part..you felt your boss was a better man for you.

 

Despite the fact that you have kids together....you obviously felt the boss was worth breaking up your children's home life and that your husband wasn't worth staying with.....that's something you must have thought about very carefully I presume.

 

What is so different about your ex that makes you want him back ?

 

Why did you have the affair?

 

Why do you think you wouldn't stray again if you did get back with him?

 

Was he a good husband?

 

How did your H react when you left? Was he distraught? Did he want you to stay and work it out?

 

I do feel sorry for his fiancée because you two always have a reason to communicate (the kids) and I see this happen quite a bit. Having an affair with the ex.

[purplesorrow]

Maybe this is just ego for your ex. You left him for another man and he needed to prove he could have you again. He probably has no real interest in getting back with you. Is there a reason you lean toward unavailable men?

[sandylee1]

Maybe this is just ego for your ex. You left him for another man and he needed to prove he could have you again. He probably has no real interest in getting back with you. Is there a reason you lean toward unavailable men?

 

Good point.

 

This is what some BSs plan as revenge or ego boost. Get you back then dump you in the same way they were dumped .......but that's more done among those who were just couples and not married from the cases I've seen.

[EmbraceTheChange]

You know, your story is similar to mine. I had an affair, my ex moved out. Later on I dumped the AP, and got engaged to another guy. After he moved out there was a lot of anger (understandable), but we still talked daily because of the kids. And little by little we started reconnecting and enjoying being together. 3 years later we went back together (and since we added 3 kids to our family). I personally needed to be alone to get my head screwed on and have a total change of attitude towards a lot of things. So maybe that's where you're at, right now.

 

The only thing I would be cautious is you saying that he was "yours". He never was, even when you were married to him. It was his choice to be with you, it was your choice to be with him. Maybe you will end up being with him again, but please don't see it as a "right" of yours, see it as a second chance. When you are deeply grateful for something, you protect it by the skin of your teeth. And this means you will never be disengaged from your husband because of somebody else.