Tony, I need your help.

[John]

This is in response to your reply to my message "Please help, another arranged marriage case, posted on wednesday, March 28, 20001 at 1:07am.

 

I live here in the philippines and as far as I know arranged marriages are seldom heard here. Of course, I maybe wrong.

 

My girlfriend doesn't like the guy and much more to marry him and she's been giving the guy a cold shoulder. The reason the guy is still pursuing is because of the fact that my gf's dad will want them to marry no matter what except if she ran away. If she ran away, she told me that her dad will disown her just like what happened to 2 of my gf's step sisters. My gf told me that she don't care if her family disowned her because it's me that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and she will ran away with me once the marriage is near since I'm still looking for a job so I have to trust her.

 

I'm pissed off that she have to face the guy once a week but now it's summer vacation here, that's why she have to face him everyday. Her family is going on a vacation trip with the guy included. He even drives her home from my gf dad's store but with her mom together since she don't want to have anything to do with the guy and she doesn't want to hurt me. I'm really pissed off from what's happening. I talked to her about it and she said she's pissed off too but she has no choice but to face him against her will.

 

Now, What is the best thing I should do, like what kind of behavior or treatment should I have on my girlfriend? because I'm always upset everytime I bring up the topic and I can't help not bringing it up coz I'm really upset. I don't want to sound as if I'm blaming her or accusing her for not doing anything about it since misunderstanding always happens after I bring it up, but I don't like whats going on and I have to trust that she doesn't like what's going on either. Should I trust her that it's me she loves and she'll ran away with me so we can spend the rest of our life together? God..I'm so confused. Please tell me what should I do? What kind of behaviour should I have toward her? PLEASE HELP. I love my girlfriend so much that i don't want to lose her.

 

By the way, you also mentioned about me having problems with her later on due to her upbringing but serious problem due to the dyfunction of her family. Can you please tell me more of these.

 

Thanks.

[Tony T]

There's really nothing you can do at this point except STOP making your girlfriend feel bad by bringing this up. Since it's out of your control and out of hers, why do you want to make both of you feel bad and upset all the time? That is crazy.

 

I know exactly how you feel but understand this girl, right now, is dependent upon her family for support and is also legally bound to them.

 

It sounds like when she is of age and able to marry, the entire problem will be resolved. But for now, just calmly deal with it.

 

There is just no other alternative. The father sounds very unreasonable and not openminded enough to discuss the issue.

 

So resolve yourself to stop stirring yourself and your girl into a frenzy over this or you will definitely lose her. Nobody likes to be around somebody who makes them feel bad all the time.