Author Onny Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 I do it... I don't even say HI when we meet... I know it's unpolite, but... I can't even look at him. I'm sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 No contact gets a lot easier when you revamp your entire life. I'm in LC with the MM I saw. We are still friends. I think the longest we've gone without talking is three months. We may go weeks without a word, then call each other 3 times in one week. We are also long distance. I had to change my life after I ended things. He was usually my wake up call or text. It took me a while to be comfortable with my new morning schedule. Some suggestions to changing your life: Divorce your husband Start a project around the house Ever been interested in something? Learning a new language? Taking a colleg class or an adult education class? I had a friend who was a casual Dr. Who fan and after a breakup, threw herself into the fandom. She now goes to a lot of conventions and meets with other people to work on costumes. Schedule some time to work out. No excuses. I'm the Queen of excuses for this one. I don't have the time, I don't have the money for a membership, I catch every germ possible at the gym. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 It's a week since I started the NC. (he didn't contact me at all, though). You should block him so you wont know if he reached out or not. Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Don't talk to him at all. Work on yourself. And why are you with your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onny Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 No contact gets a lot easier when you revamp your entire life. I'm in LC with the MM I saw. We are still friends. I think the longest we've gone without talking is three months. We may go weeks without a word, then call each other 3 times in one week. We are also long distance. I had to change my life after I ended things. He was usually my wake up call or text. It took me a while to be comfortable with my new morning schedule. Some suggestions to changing your life: Divorce your husband Start a project around the house Ever been interested in something? Learning a new language? Taking a colleg class or an adult education class? I had a friend who was a casual Dr. Who fan and after a breakup, threw herself into the fandom. She now goes to a lot of conventions and meets with other people to work on costumes. Schedule some time to work out. No excuses. I'm the Queen of excuses for this one. I don't have the time, I don't have the money for a membership, I catch every germ possible at the gym. I have some hobbies, I take swimming classes... I have all my spare time fully booked with all kind of stuff, I have no time to get bored. In this moment I am just sick because he doesnt stop showing up with her in front of me all the time, like he just don't care. And yes... he doesn't care because he didn't try to contact me. He just tries to say HI but I ignore him and not giving him the chance to say hi to me. For everyone who keep asking about the husband: I opened this topic to speak about the relationship with MM, and not about the husband... Link to post Share on other sites
MadJackBird Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Why do you refuse to talk about your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Why do you refuse to talk about your husband? Because then she might have to acknowledge that she's being more cruel than the MM. Seriously; the MM is cheating. You are cheating. And your poor husband? For his sake, I hope he's cheating. He deserves better than this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Thanks for advices... it's a weird situation now. We had a chat talk while I was looking on internet for a perfume, he asked me how I am and I said what I was doing. He said he wants to offer me that perfume, if I accept. I have read on the forums that a man never wants back an ex once he has dumped her. So why the heck he wants to make gifts if he doesn't want me anymore? He really doesn't give any sign he would keep me as an option - he is not willing to see me again. All times he offered something it was (he said) because he has some feelings and he wants me to have everything I want. Since we broke up from the relationship I have only question and all the time we tried to be just friends I adressed him the questions, his forever answer was that he still has some feelings for me. Since he is with the new girl, he hasn't allowed me to question him about anything, saying "I don't care if you have questions, believe what you want, keep opinions for yourself, I don't wanna justify anymore". I don't understand this behaviour. Often MM will do things so as not to look like the bad guy. My WH is notorious for this. Why are you holding out hope for this man? He is not treating you or his wife well and now he's already onto the next victim. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 For everyone who keep asking about the husband: I opened this topic to speak about the relationship with MM, and not about the husband... Why? MM is gone. It's best to concentrate on the bird in hand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Why do you refuse to talk about your husband? Its really not our business unless she wants to discuss. In A...unfortunately and fortunately the board is about AP...marriage board is about marriage 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Its really not our business unless she wants to discuss. In A...unfortunately and fortunately the board is about AP...marriage board is about marriage Fair enough. OP should give up on the MM because he has found someone newer and much younger and exciting. OP should then use some of the new-found free time left by the void of the AP and file for divorce from her husband, whose not only being made a fool of, but having his time completely wasted by being in a marriage that his partner feels cannot be repaired. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Fair enough. OP should give up on the MM because he has found someone newer and much younger and exciting. OP should then use some of the new-found free time left by the void of the AP and file for divorce from her husband, whose not only being made a fool of, but having his time completely wasted by being in a marriage that his partner feels cannot be repaired. I do agree with this. xMM has moved on and there's no friendship or real respect left there. It's unhealthy to be focusing so much on him and doing damage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I agree, time to let this die. If he hss a younger woman, it will be very difgicult for you to compete. Men are visual and she may be better looking than you at this point in life. Link to post Share on other sites
lftbehind Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Fair enough. OP should give up on the MM because he has found someone newer and much younger and exciting. OP should then use some of the new-found free time left by the void of the AP and file for divorce from her husband, whose not only being made a fool of, but having his time completely wasted by being in a marriage that his partner feels cannot be repaired. I think that comments like this are why people don't post here as much as they used to. When someone posts here, they usually feel low and need advice, not to be heavily chastised. They already know that cheating is wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I think that comments like this are why people don't post here as much as they used to. When someone posts here, they usually feel low and need advice, not to be heavily chastised. They already know that cheating is wrong. Do they? OP doesn't seem all that concerned about her cuckolded husband. Just the MM who's on to the next one. To me, this subject seems cut and dry. The MM is gone. The bigger issue, to me, is that there is still a husband out there who might be unaware that he's part of a marriage that the other person feels is beyond repair. I think that kind of sucks and should be a bigger concern of the OP's than the AP and his new trinket gal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lftbehind Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Do they? OP doesn't seem all that concerned about her cuckolded husband. Just the MM who's on to the next one. To me, this subject seems cut and dry. The MM is gone. The bigger issue, to me, is that there is still a husband out there who might be unaware that he's part of a marriage that the other person feels is beyond repair. I think that kind of sucks and should be a bigger concern of the OP's than the AP and his new trinket gal. That's true, she does need to deal with her marriage issues now. Maybe she still isn't ready to totally give up on her marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 She already said it's beyond repair. Basically, it sounds like her aloof husband is Plan B in case the AP doesn't pan out, which it sounds like it won't. She should still divorce him. Unless her husband is a piece of work, how lousy is that that the guy who actually loved her enough to agree to a "lifetime" together is basically the fallback plan in case things don't work out with the dude who can't seem to keep it in his pants around one woman for too long? I think that totally sucks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lftbehind Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 It's still hard to let go of a marriage sometimes, even if it's not good. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I don't doubt that, but what if this AP suddenly told the OP, "OK, I'm leaving my wife. I'm yours." She would probably leave her husband. I know it's hard to let go of any long relationship or marriage, but I see so many stories online each day from people who are going through a breakup and divorce after discovering that their partner has been unfaithful. Often times, especially in marriages, the unfaithfulness has been going on for some time. It doesn't seem uncommon that these relationships often not because the one cheated on ends it, but because the person having the affair finally "runs off" with the AP. I think if someone has agreed to be with you until "death do us part," then I think it's really crappy to keep them on the back-burner for someone you'd leave them for if possible. It's betrayal like that which sours so many people on concepts such as love and marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Do they? OP doesn't seem all that concerned about her cuckolded husband. Just the MM who's on to the next one. To me, this subject seems cut and dry. The MM is gone. The bigger issue, to me, is that there is still a husband out there who might be unaware that he's part of a marriage that the other person feels is beyond repair. I think that kind of sucks and should be a bigger concern of the OP's than the AP and his new trinket gal. that isn't the point because she came here not for marriage or moral advice but to get advice on her affair. Have you had one? (rhetorical) but the point is whilst inside one your feeling guilt confusion and craziness. She isn't concerned about her husband at the moment, unfortunately the AP usually becomes central and she needs to sort that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) I don't doubt that, but what if this AP suddenly told the OP, "OK, I'm leaving my wife. I'm yours." She would probably leave her husband. I know it's hard to let go of any long relationship or marriage, but I see so many stories online each day from people who are going through a breakup and divorce after discovering that their partner has been unfaithful. Often times, especially in marriages, the unfaithfulness has been going on for some time. It doesn't seem uncommon that these relationships often not because the one cheated on ends it, but because the person having the affair finally "runs off" with the AP. I think if someone has agreed to be with you until "death do us part," then I think it's really crappy to keep them on the back-burner for someone you'd leave them for if possible. It's betrayal like that which sours so many people on concepts such as love and marriage. Unfortunately if it was still the vast majority of marriages that stuck to the vows of til death do us part, you have to explain the exposure of millions of people discovered this year on Ashly Madison. I am not an advocate of affiars I am just stating that even on this site alone there are thousands of married people writing about their AP. Marriage seems like its not working for many. Its sad, A is wrong, its clear those things hurt people. But I think right or wrong, its happening all over the place. Edited December 5, 2015 by privategal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WestEndGirl Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I think if someone has agreed to be with you until "death do us part," then I think it's really crappy to keep them on the back-burner for someone you'd leave them for if possible. It's betrayal like that which sours so many people on concepts such as love and marriage. It's really crappy to keep anybody on the back burner, whether you're married to them or if you're in an exclusive R. My last significant other before MM did that. He was "unhappy for a long time". I had no clue, because he hid it so well. Two weeks before he broke up with me straight out of the blue, we had traveled to Europe together for his birthday, and I'd planned a Valentine's Day vacation with him. The break-up really, really hurt; however, what made me feel angry and cheated was that he kept me believing that things were fine between us -- for at least two years, by my estimation -- when he was seriously waffling. That's two years of my life I could have spent on my own, or with someone else who was more committed to the R. If you want to leave a R or M and stay out of some misguided sense of obligation (read: because you don't want to be the "bad guy"), that's selfish beyond belief. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Onny Posted December 6, 2015 Author Share Posted December 6, 2015 I agree, time to let this die. If he hss a younger woman, it will be very difgicult for you to compete. Men are visual and she may be better looking than you at this point in life. Believe it or not, I am far better looking than her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts