Author Mom22Boys Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 I understand what you are saying but I can manage this a few days alone. Yes I saw him today and he is no better. And has told them that they need to let him kill himself and that I need to let him go be with who he loves. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 I understand what you are saying but I can manage this a few days alone. Yes I saw him today and he is no better. And has told them that they need to let him kill himself and that I need to let him go be with who he loves. Understand, I am sure that you do, he has changed. This is a life altering event and he will never be the same. Stay stable in his life, don't coddle his guilt. Tell him that you know he has whistle blowing through his ears now and will for awhile. That said, you won't walk away because you know that it will be better in time but he can't quit. I am sure that other posters have talked about M.A.D.D and similar organizations of which to be involved. I am sorry, I have not read the entire thread. Mom, in time he will be better and will move forward. Time is what it will take for him and from you.....a tremendous amount of strength/patience and love. I am so sorry for your son, his gf's family and for you to not be able to remove his pain. Leave him in strict psychiatric supervision and wait....keep him alive. Time and sobriety will give him strength. His grief overpowers him for now. This too shall pass.......Love. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Yes, I agree - do whatever it takes to keep him alive. He doesn't know better; doesn't know that he can heal. He will see that in time but, for now, all he knows is pain and loss. The psychologists have dealt with this many times before, I'm sure. If I were in your shoes, I'd be leaning on them pretty heavily right now for advice and support, which I'm sure you're doing. Hugs, mom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I am so sorry for his loss. This is devastating not only he lost her, he also feel guilty He thinks, if only he was more careful, if only he didn't go to that movies.. he is thinking what's the point of living anymore, now she is gone... Be very attentive to him, he is in a very dark place now.. Who knows what might run into his mind.. I hope he get back on his feet again Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 I understand what you are saying but I can manage this a few days alone. Yes I saw him today and he is no better. And has told them that they need to let him kill himself and that I need to let him go be with who he loves. Understand that is his grief talking. The doctors won't let that happen. This is going to take a LOT of time for him to get past . . . years. But keep loving him. It's the best medicine there is. I can only imagine how deeply this shreds your heart. Make sure you take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Mom, how are things today? How is your son, and how are you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Hello, I am new here and need some help. My 17 year old son was in a 3 year relationship with his girlfriend who was the same age. Well a month ago, He was taking her home from a movie and My sons car was struck by a drunk driver. His girlfriend died on scene and my son was airlifted and spent a week in ICU and another week in regular care of the hospital. Well he is just now back to going to school. And things are not well, He is drinking a lot and we are not sure where he is getting the alcohol is coming from. He is depressed and cries uncontrollably lately and his hygiene is gone. He doesn't shower for days and wears the same cloths even to school. He is pushing away friends at school and getting into fights. And is very near getting kicked off of the Football and baseball teams. On the Football team he is the starting QB or was before the wreck. And baseball he was there CF'er. He was/is a very well liked kid at school. My husband and i are unsure what to do at this point. We are lost. That's awful and I'm sorry that your son is going through this. He needs counseling and grief counseling so badly to help him cope with this. He isn't handling this well and as much as you and your husband love him, he needs to be on medication to help him and counseling to work through the pain and prevent PTSD from taking over. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 I understand what you are saying but I can manage this a few days alone. Yes I saw him today and he is no better. And has told them that they need to let him kill himself and that I need to let him go be with who he loves. The Dr's will take good care of him and make sure he isn't able to hurt himself. He may be suffering from survivor's guilt which is making this so much worse... Be strong and please, reach out to your family and friends, even do counseling to help you cope with this. Its heartbreaking to see someone you love, let alone your own child go through so much pain and not be able to stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mom22Boys Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 Mom, how are things today? How is your son, and how are you? Struggling on both ends. He is angry they saved him instead of his Girlfriend and this is breaking my heart Link to post Share on other sites
phreckles Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 (edited) I'm so sorry to hear all this, mama. I can't offer much but my sympathy and hope. Once he's released from the hospital/observation, is there anything you can do to give him a change of scenery? Maybe take a little trip with him, or perhaps even send him to stay with relatives who live out of town? I've found that the best way to get unstuck on something extremely painful - for me - is to get far away to somewhere unfamiliar and new. I really hope you & he can pull through this! Edited November 24, 2015 by phreckles Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Struggling on both ends. He is angry they saved him instead of his Girlfriend and this is breaking my heart hugs The poor kid. I can only imagine how broken your heart is. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 24, 2015 Share Posted November 24, 2015 Struggling on both ends. He is angry they saved him instead of his Girlfriend and this is breaking my heart Aw. I think any of us can understand how he feels. And you. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mom22Boys Posted November 24, 2015 Author Share Posted November 24, 2015 I am just unsure how to help him. Just praying doctors can turn him around. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I am just unsure how to help him. Just praying doctors can turn him around. I pray that they can, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mom22Boys Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 He still won't talk to me. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 He still won't talk to me. I'm so sorry. Are you able to stay with him for awhile, or is your time with him strictly limited? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mom22Boys Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 I sit with him most of the day while he isn't with doctors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I sit with him most of the day while he isn't with doctors. Wow. And he hasn't said anything to you. That's really tough. Well, I'll say this, you may think he doesn't want you there or that your presence doesn't mean anything to him, but it does. Just keep doing what you're doing. He'll always remember how you stood by him. You don't say much about your husband. How is he handling this? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I am just unsure how to help him. Just praying doctors can turn him around. He still won't talk to me. On a lot of levels you just being there & not turning away from him while he's trying so hard to push you away because he's in so much pain is the best thing you can do. You are showing him that his mom's love is unconditional, even while he's so broken. Do make sure you are taking care of your own emotional health needs because you won't be any good to him if you are broken too. Hope the rest of your family makes it safely to TX & your little guy is happily distracted for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mom22Boys Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Wow. And he hasn't said anything to you. That's really tough. Well, I'll say this, you may think he doesn't want you there or that your presence doesn't mean anything to him, but it does. Just keep doing what you're doing. He'll always remember how you stood by him. You don't say much about your husband. How is he handling this? He doesn't which is probably why I don't speak of him a lot. He acts our son is fine and this is normal. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Oh, wow. Maybe he feels he can't or doesn't know how to deal with this but that's no excuse. Do you have other people in your life you can talk to and use as a support system? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mom22Boys Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 Talk with my sister and a close friend a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 He doesn't which is probably why I don't speak of him a lot. He acts our son is fine and this is normal. Ugh. That's too bad. I'm glad you have others to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Thinking of you today.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hang in there mom. Stay the course. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Link to post Share on other sites
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