queenie01 Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Do they ever come back if they broke up with you because they said "somethings missing" My guess is no but just curious if anyone has ever experienced this? Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessincnd Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Well my ex and I broke up the first time b/c apparently "it just wasn't right" for him. But then after a month of missing me he came back (right when I was getting over him)! And now after being back together for another 2 months we are split again because he "just doesn't have those feelings anymore". I am not sure what to make of the whole thing. I know that we might have been spending too much time together and it made him a little sick of me - or maybe it is outside factors - or maybe someone abducted my ex and switched his body... moral of the story - yeah they can change their mind but maybe there were right the first time. And if I had stayed broken up with him I wouldn't be going through this again and maybe I would have met someone better by now. So do what I am doing .... forget about him and chalk it up to learning. I'm not a freakin' yo-yo and neither are you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 wow sorry to hear you are going thru this again...thats no fun. Friday will be a month since we've been broken up and we had a long email conversation yesterday and i realized that basically i was feeling the same things as him, we spent too much time together so our relationship got boring and routine...and eventually that "passion" died. Was it worth throwing the towel in? For me absolutely not...every relationship has that down period where you arent feeling it as much as you were in the beginning, but thats when you need to work at it to make things work... I explained that to him but he really doenst want to try, he said that something is missing and trying isnt going to fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessincnd Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 wow! it sounds like were dating the same person!! Yeah I think that the too much time together thing was a real issue for us BUT I also think that spending time together should not make you love someone less - it should make you love them more. My ex and I have agreed to take some time apart and talk about how we feel in a few weeks when we have spent some time apart. I am not sure that this will change anything and I am certainly not holding out hope that it will. Don't get me wrong i was really upset a first but I just keep reminding myself that I really don't want to convince someone to be with me and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't think that I am right for him. It's a hard pill to swallow since up until the minute we broke up I was convinced that he loved me and that things would all work out. I am really on the fence about the whole things and sway from one emotion to the other but I know that if he can't love me for who I am and be able to spend any amount of time with me then I am better off with someone else. When we got back together we both asked that some things change. Well I kept my end of the deal but he didn't - this just proves to me that he is not willing to change for me and our relationship. He expected that I could just change and it would all be what he wanted. But people who are in relationships b/c they want to be will compromise, I can see that now. Keep your chin up and know that if you do get back together it might never be the same and will just lead to broken hearts if both parties are not willing to work on it - which is something you really don't want! Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 Thanks for your response and I agree.... I unfortunately dont think we will ever get back together, he is pretty adamant with his decision regarding "somethings missing" Makes me so sad that he wasnt willing to try, he said it was something that trying wouldnt fix so im not really sure what he means... I guess i can be happy for the great nine months i did spend with him, it was awesome and we never fought or anything so i am grateful for that but sad to see it end all because of his doubts. I guess in my eyes if the relationship and me mattered that much to him he wouldnt be able to walk away like he is so i am probably better off. Sad part is that i have to see him almost everyday and that is making it so hard to move on... Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 queenie, I think what he meant by 'something's missing' is a missed connection with you. I had a boyfriend who I got along with great and we never fought either, but I broke up with him because of a number of reasons but mainly because I didn't feel like he could completely understand me, and he wasn't the first person I would go to for all my problems or the most exciting things that happened in my life. At the time I couldn't understand, because we spent day and night together, anytime we didn't have school I would be at his house. Yet at the same time, I was comfortable with him, but I knew it wasn't right, but didn't really know why. I broke up with him for a number of reasons like I mentioned and he was heartbroken, probably because he couldn't understand it either, and I couldn't explain it well enough to him. Fast forward to half a year later, and I met a guy who to this day, has fulfilled every hole that was missing in my previous relationship and much much more. When I was with him, it was like we had known each other our whole lives and I could finish his sentences and read his mind even. It was like we were telepathic, and even when I see him now, we both feel such a strong connection (long story why things ended). Anyways, the point is that this kind of bond that I had with this 2nd guy was something that I couldn't have even known while I was with my ex. It's like somebody opened my eyes to a whole new world when I met the 2nd guy, and this was what was 'missing' from the 1st one. It's a feeling that when you're with the person, nothing else matters because you're as happy as you can possibly be. Actually, this 2nd guy had an ex who was much like you, because he broke up with her for the same reason. He had fallen out of love with her and she asked if they could fix things, and he said it wasn't something that could be fixed. He just couldn't love her the way he used to, probably because they had changed alot over the years. She kept callng him and could never let go, and I suspect it's because he couldn't tell her that it really was that he just didn't love her. He saw her more like a friend, and he still cared for her, but he couldn't be in a romantic relationship with her. I'm not going to assume anything about your ex, but I guess I'm just trying to provide you with some answers to that 'something's missing' feeling. I expect that my 1st ex went through a lot of pain because I couldn't answer his questions or explain to him what it was that was missing, and I wouldn't want anyone else to go through that. If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me or keep posting here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 Thanks for your response and you may be right although i dont know if i feel that is the way he is feeling....i really feel like our relationship just got so routine and boring that we drifted apart but in my mind it was something that could have been changed but in his mind its not apparently. Weird thing is that when he broke up with me he told me several times if its meant to be him and i would end up back together and be stronger, then he even text messaged me saying he had an idea, to keep my stuff at his place and then we could get together in a couple weeks to talk and see how we feel... My ex has only had one other serious relationship and it was a terrible one, they broke up and got back together all the time and took breaks etc.... he said it was a crackhead relationship, then us on the other hand never fought and always had a good time, he talked about the future with me and wanted me to eventually move in with him. I guess its possible that he just didnt feel it for me anymore... I guess i will never really know, all i know is he said he tried and wanted things to work and it sucked losing me... My point is that he tried alone, i wasnt even aware he was having doubts... btw my ex is extremely insecure and has trust issues as well.. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Maybe that was what he was used to - the drama and intensity of breakups and makeups? And the undramatic routine and no fighting was just not the same. The drama was missing - drama can reve up the blood and create an artificial sense of intimacy and give you a "high" as well - when you get back together it's like the first time. For about 3 days. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 trust me i have thought the same thing and if thats what he wants, god bless, i have been there and done that and its just not a healthy relationship! He told me that i opened his eyes up to what a good relationship should be like and how to trust, he said that is something hes never had with anyone... pretty sad! Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Maybe that was what he was used to - the drama and intensity of breakups and makeups? And the undramatic routine and no fighting was just not the same. The drama was missing - drama can reve up the blood and create an artificial sense of intimacy and give you a "high" as well - when you get back together it's like the first time. For about 3 days. Just a thought. This is so true. This was also my first thought after reading your last post. Some guys need the drama 'highs' to know that they are secure and loved, and don't know that security can come from a loving, stable relationship. My point is that he tried alone, i wasnt even aware he was having doubts... This is likely because he was so scared. When first thought of breaking up goes through a dumper's mind, it's pretty scary. You're scared because here you are with a person you once loved so much and would do anything for, and now you feel guilty for even thinking that you should break up, even though you know that it's probably what's best for both people. They don't want to share it with you because they don't want to freak you out, in case things get better and therefore there would be no need to worry you. I'm not saying that this is the right thing to do, because in hind sight it's always better to discuss these things, but when you're breaking up with someone, it's hard to think clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 well whatever, im not going to chase after him or anything...just sucks because honestly we had a great relationship, he just gave me all this jewlery from tiffanys that i dont even wear now, actually just got a ring a month ago for my bday. Funny part is that the day before he broke up me he texted me to say good nite hon, i love you... I guess i will never understand what was missing, only he will, i guess i just had hoped he would realize that he made a mistake and missed me but so far its been a month and nothing... I hate the fact that we work for the same company because i have to see him everyday pretty much, when we first broke up he wasnt going to the gym at the same time anymore but now he is back to the same schedule as me and its so hard to see him... He even told me that his last relationship was horrible and there wasnt a bone in his body that would go back to that but maybe thats what hes looking for... Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 Do you think i should change my gym time to avoid my ex completely. Here is the scenario, he broke up with me a month ago and at first he switched his gym time to an hour later than me, now he is going at the same time as me and its driving me crazy to see him.. we dont speak at all. He emailed me tuesday and said he wished it didnt have to be so awkward but he also told me the reason hes acting the way he is is becuse he didnt want to lead me on or give me hope ( who the hell does he think he is..) I dont see that he has any regrets to what he has done and if you read my previous posts here you will get the basics of the story... Anyways seeing him is hard.. I am thinking of changing my time to avoid him but at the same time i dont want him to think he is getting the best of of?? Link to post Share on other sites
eastern_mystique Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by queenie1 I am thinking of changing my time to avoid him but at the same time i dont want him to think he is getting the best of of?? If seeing him is hard, then I would think about changing your gym time. Not that not seeing him will miraculously make you fall out of love with him, but at least you won't have to go through the stressful situation of having to see him from afar and wonder "has he seen me? will he talk to me? is he ignoring me?" and etc etc. Originally posted by queenie1 he broke up with me a month ago and at first he switched his gym time to an hour later than me, now he is going at the same time as me and its driving me crazy to see him.. Sounds like he's playing games with you (in my opinion). Perhaps he's testing to see how much of a hold he has on you? Trying to boost his own ego? And emailing you to tell you why he doesn't acknowledge your presence.....that seems so cowardly. You know the situation better than anyone else, so you have to go with your gut instinct....but if it were me, I would do exactly the same to him as he is doing to you. Act likehe doesn't exist - don't answer his emails, texts, phone calls and completely ignore him when you see him at work. But you don't have to see him at the gym, so change your time as well. he'll get the message pretty quickly that you're shutting him out and it'll drive him crazy too. I don't think he'd see it as him getting the best of you, he'll see it as you rejecting him from your life. Out of interest, when he said that's "something's missing" did he mean that he felt that way throughout the whole relationship but didn't want to admit it, or just towards the end? My ex said something to a similar effect ("something's not right"), but he said it was only during the last couple of weeks of us being together that it started to "slow down" (whatever that means), and it was really over a 2 day period that he went from being very affectionate to saying "it doesn't feel good anymore". I don't know if it makes any difference to whether you eventually get back together with them, but there is certainly a distinction between the two. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 27, 2005 Author Share Posted May 27, 2005 yeah i think i am going to change my gym time, at least for the next couple weeks starting next week....i have to do it for myself but i also think it might make him wonder what happened to me... The things he says are so hurtful, just that something was missing from our relationship and that it was something that "trying" wasnt going to fix... im not quite sure what it means...in my opinion i think because our relationship got boring, that feeling of passion disappeared and maybe that is what he was looking for?? I really have no clue...all i know is that i didnt see it coming, at all. He told me he just didnt feel like it was working and he just kinda finally realized it. He is suppose to bring my stuff over to my house next week for me but honestly i dont even know why he would bother, we work together might as well just give it to me here... I asked him if he still wanted to talk about things since he suggested that a month ago and he said he really has nothing much to say... I guess his mind is made up, so I am not going to hold out for hope anymore, there is no sense in it! All I know is i can walk away with my head held high because i was a great gf and he even admitted it, he said it sucked losing me because i was such a great gf but it wouldnt have been fair to either of us... whatever! Im done contacting him tho, no emails, no texts, no phone calls... today is a month since our break up, i really dont know how long it takes someone to start missing the other person, and the fact that he sees me everyday at the gym probably makes him miss me less..... Link to post Share on other sites
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