Do you expect a guy to keep asking you out?

[Gloria25]

Hate to break it to ya, but maybe even one, two three, even six months into dating someone they can break up with you....

 

I say this cuz you are asking why women give out telephone numbers if they aren't interested.

 

Yes, some just give it out cuz they are put on the spot. They, instead of simply saying "not interested", they give it out and pray you never call or hope if they don't respond and/or act uninterested you'll give up and never call them back...They give out their tel in some sort of sense that they are being "polite", but in reality they are leading a guy on.

 

Some women actually "are" interested in you, but they probably did a double take after the encounter and changed their mind...and, last time I looked, this IS a free country and we have the right to break up with someone and/or change our mind about them.

 

I recently went on a date where I gave him my tel (my real tel), had a nice time, even kissed him at the end of the date. But, when it came to deciding if I wanted to go out again, I sat down and took a hard look at what I learned about him and decided I didn't wanna see him again. It happens. I had no mal intent, I was attracted, but when I did a double take I realized I didn't wanna see him again.

 

Also, after being stalked and/or burned by guys in the past...I only give out my tel when I'm interested and/or attracted...but that doesn't mean giving a guy my tel means that interest/attraction can't change.

 

Also, when a guy asks me out (or I ask him out) and I can't make it, if I'm interested I do follow up with a counter-offer.

[Wewon]

I always find it amazing how the only women that EVER reply to 90% of my posts are all on only one side of the situation or argument.

 

Its pretty much guaranteed that you will never see a woman post a comment and admit that yes, she does exactly what I am implying in my post. Its always the PC answers that are the utter perfection of manners and etiquette. We all know that there are women viewing these threads that fit the bill, but I will never understand why its so unbelievably rare to see any of them post, even though they can do so and remain completely anonymous.

 

 

 

In all fairness, although I haven't been here long, I recall a thread in the last couple of weeks where the OP was wondering if he should keep asking someone out.

 

Although there were several saying to try again and again and again, there were also women commenting that when they were younger they did take the non-confrontational route and kept making excuses hoping the guy would get the hint (which falls into line with a lot of guys real world experiences).

[Male]

Yes, some just give it out cuz they are put on the spot. They, instead of simply saying "not interested", they give it out and pray you never call or hope if they don't respond and/or act uninterested you'll give up and never call them back...They give out their tel in some sort of sense that they are being "polite", but in reality they are leading a guy on.

 

For the life of me I will NEVER NEVER understand why in the world a woman would give out her number and HOPE he doesnt call. Am I the only one that sees that as completely illogical???? But once again, in our f'd up society its accepted as normal because so many women do it.

 

I sat down and took a hard look at what I learned about him and decided I didn't wanna see him again. It happens. I had no mal intent, I was attracted, but when I did a double take I realized I didn't wanna see him again.

 

And let me guess...you are going to say that you didnt just ignore him like most women do in said situation right? Because we all know that majority of women just stop answering calls hoping the guy takes the hint. But thats another thing that perfectly normal in our society.

[TunaCat]

If I got asked out on a day that didn't work for me, but I was interested in the person, I would immediately offer a different day.

 

If I am not interested in the person at all, I tell them the truth, that I'm not interested.

[angel.eyes]

For the life of me I will NEVER NEVER understand why in the world a woman would give out her number and HOPE he doesnt call. Am I the only one that sees that as completely illogical???? But once again, in our f'd up society its accepted as normal because so many women do it.

 

 

 

And let me guess...you are going to say that you didnt just ignore him like most women do in said situation right? Because we all know that majority of women just stop answering calls hoping the guy takes the hint. But thats another thing that perfectly normal in our society.

 

Since dating women is so infuriating to you, perhaps you should date men instead. Of course, they never break their promises, flake, ghost, etc.

[Male]

Since dating women is so infuriating to you, perhaps you should date men instead. Of course, they never break their promises, flake, ghost, etc.

 

Interacting with certain types of women infuriates me. All the women that I've had relationships with have been great, amazing women. It just seems harder and harder to find more like them nowadays.

[basil67]

Then WHY do women give out their number in the first place???????????

 

 

I truly think for many women, the very thought of suggesting an alternitive date/time doesnt even enter their mind. If they are busy when you ask, they just subconsciously assume he's going to ask again because "he's a guy".

 

I would say that they gave out their number because it seemed like a good idea at the time. This doesn't mean that they still think it's a good idea when they sober up.

 

I'd always suggest an alternative day/time if I was keen. That being said, women are taught from the time they are young that a man loves the chase. I've seen it repeated many times in advice given by both men and women. Now, I ignore the advice because I think it's stupid. But I have also ignored the advice about avoiding first date sex. I reckon any man or woman who plays at being disinterested isn't worth the time of day

[basil67]

Question: are these women unavailable to meet for the first date? Or are we talking subsequent dates?

[joseb]

For the life of me I will NEVER NEVER understand why in the world a woman would give out her number and HOPE he doesnt call. Am I the only one that sees that as completely illogical????

 

It's been answered already but I'll clarify.

 

She might do this if

1. she is interested in you while talking, but thinks about it afterwards, and there really wasn't enough there to build a rapport, and she loses interest.

 

2. she is not interested, but feel pressurised to give her number out and /or does not like confrontation, so to avoid the embarrassment of saying no (and maybe from past experience of guys getting annoyed by this) she gives it out.

 

It's really not that hard to understand.

[Zapbasket]

For the life of me I will NEVER NEVER understand why in the world a woman would give out her number and HOPE he doesnt call. Am I the only one that sees that as completely illogical???? But once again, in our f'd up society its accepted as normal because so many women do it.

 

Because a lot of women have had the experience of declining a guy's request for her number and receiving insults, attitude, or worse from the guy in response. I will admit that I'm a free giver of my phone number and when it's someone in whom I have absolutely no interest, I enter their number in my phone as "DoNotAnswer1" and pray they never call. If they do, I ignore and hope they take the hint. I find it easier than risking a hostile response upon direct refusal to give my number.

 

You can say I indeed lead the guy on by doing this, but the way I see it, I also quickly let him down, by never responding to his subsequent advances. I feel a request for my number without any effort to hold a conversation with me is so ridiculous that I don't give any of it much thought and don't really care how they take it. I've had guys come up to me at cocktail parties and just straight-up ask for my number. I had someone ask for my number after a five-minute chair-lift ride that I got stuck on with him because I was skiing alone. I thought to myself, why on earth would you think I'd want to give you my number after a short ride like this? We are total strangers!

[JustGettingBy]

Because a lot of women have had the experience of declining a guy's request for her number and receiving insults, attitude, or worse from the guy in response. I will admit that I'm a free giver of my phone number and when it's someone in whom I have absolutely no interest, I enter their number in my phone as "DoNotAnswer1" and pray they never call. If they do, I ignore and hope they take the hint. I find it easier than risking a hostile response upon direct refusal to give my number.

 

You can say I indeed lead the guy on by doing this, but the way I see it, I also quickly let him down, by never responding to his subsequent advances. I feel a request for my number without any effort to hold a conversation with me is so ridiculous that I don't give any of it much thought and don't really care how they take it. I've had guys come up to me at cocktail parties and just straight-up ask for my number. I had someone ask for my number after a five-minute chair-lift ride that I got stuck on with him because I was skiing alone. I thought to myself, why on earth would you think I'd want to give you my number after a short ride like this? We are total strangers!

 

I would personally be a lot more mad at a woman who knowingly got my hopes up and wasted my time than one who was honest. If a guy's going to be hostile, lying to him to 'make him go away' is only going to delay the inevitable.

[Zapbasket]

I would personally be a lot more mad at a woman who knowingly got my hopes up and wasted my time than one who was honest. If a guy's going to be hostile, lying to him to 'make him go away' is only going to delay the inevitable.

 

But as he's usually a stranger or near-stranger, if he's mad when I don't answer my phone or respond to his texts, then at least he's not within physical proximity to me. I had a guy follow me out of a bar saying horrible things once as I was trying to walk home. Why? Because I refused to give him my phone number and he didn't like that. After that experience, I'll do anything I can to prevent confrontation in the moment.

 

Why would you waste your time, anyway, getting mad at the lack of response from a woman you don't even know? Who cares? Just move on to the next one.

[Zapbasket]

I keep reading guys on LS complaining that here we are in the 21st century and why do the antiquated dating rules still apply, where men ask women out, men pay for the first few dates at least, etc. And while sometimes some of them make valid points, what is forgotten is that while we're in the 21st century and yes, women have many more freedoms than they did even 20-30 years ago and certainly when compared with women throughout history, misogyny, sexism, etc. are still very much alive. Women still are very much objectified in modern society, and unfortunately many men unwittingly participate in that objectification. So it makes sense, to me, that the onus still is on the man to demonstrate that he values knowing a woman for something other than her looks, her sexual gifts, her degree of willingness not to rock the boat and challenge a man in any way.

 

Women who are smart grow all too aware that a lack of vigilance in whom they date can result in a very real potential physical threat. There are still many men out there who don't take kindly to the answer, "No." They feel entitled to getting what they want, and don't care about what the woman wants. Sadly, it's NOT a level playing field in gender politics, and there is still a long way to go before it is.

[almond]

I have experienced many many women that give me their number, but then when you try to schedule a time to meet up, they are busy, yet they offer no help whatsoever on their end to inform me when they are free.

 

 

"Hey, would you like to go for coffee on x date?"

 

 

"Sorry, I'm busy."

 

 

"No problem - let me know when you're free and we can arrange something then :)"

 

 

Easy fix. Nothing here worth stressing about.

[xxoo]

For the life of me I will NEVER NEVER understand why in the world a woman would give out her number and HOPE he doesnt call. Am I the only one that sees that as completely illogical???? But once again, in our f'd up society its accepted as normal because so many women do it.

 

.

 

It's illogical to you because you haven't experienced what the woman has experienced.

 

If she refuses to give her number, then there is a chance that he will have a hostile response. If that has been her experience, she will want to avoid that.

 

If she gives her number, then she avoids a hostile response 100% of the time. A ringing phone is no threat to her. She can control the situation by not answering.

 

Logical.

[PegNosePete]

Maybe she gave out her number, then he said/did something that made her regret it.

 

If she refuses to give her number, then there is a chance that he will have a hostile response.

Of course a far more logical solution is to simply give out a false number. Best of both worlds.

[xxoo]

Maybe she gave out her number, then he said/did something that made her regret it.

 

 

Of course a far more logical solution is to simply give out a false number. Best of both worlds.

 

That would work back in the day when her number was a phone at home.

 

Now, there's a risk he'll ring her right then and there :/

[SoulCat]

It's illogical to you because you haven't experienced what the woman has experienced.

 

If she refuses to give her number, then there is a chance that he will have a hostile response.

 

 

In the very short time I was OLD I had exactly that experience. Not once or twice, but regularly.

 

I am notoriously reluctant giving someone my phone number, especially to someone I haven't met yet.

After just a few OLD messages back & forth, guys would ask for my number, so 'they could take our conversation off line'. When I refused I got called a flake, a player, a b!tch, and a chancer. And those were the 'nicer' insults.

 

Or they veered towards the other end of the insult scale and called me a prude, frigid, a time-waster, a fake and they questioned why I was on OLD if I was so reluctant to give them my number.

Edited November 12, 2015 by SoulCat

[JustGettingBy]

But as he's usually a stranger or near-stranger, if he's mad when I don't answer my phone or respond to his texts, then at least he's not within physical proximity to me. I had a guy follow me out of a bar saying horrible things once as I was trying to walk home. Why? Because I refused to give him my phone number and he didn't like that. After that experience, I'll do anything I can to prevent confrontation in the moment.

 

Why would you waste your time, anyway, getting mad at the lack of response from a woman you don't even know? Who cares? Just move on to the next one.

 

I don't ask out women when we're near strangers, though. I've always thought of considering dating someone who you just met rather weird.

 

I thought this was about after you've known some one in meat space for a few weeks.

 

I think we were talking about two different conversations. Sorry.

[Wewon]

I keep reading guys on LS complaining that here we are in the 21st century and why do the antiquated dating rules still apply, where men ask women out, men pay for the first few dates at least, etc. And while sometimes some of them make valid points, what is forgotten is that while we're in the 21st century and yes, women have many more freedoms than they did even 20-30 years ago and certainly when compared with women throughout history, misogyny, sexism, etc. are still very much alive. Women still are very much objectified in modern society, and unfortunately many men unwittingly participate in that objectification. So it makes sense, to me, that the onus still is on the man to demonstrate that he values knowing a woman for something other than her looks, her sexual gifts, her degree of willingness not to rock the boat and challenge a man in any way.

 

Women who are smart grow all too aware that a lack of vigilance in whom they date can result in a very real potential physical threat. There are still many men out there who don't take kindly to the answer, "No." They feel entitled to getting what they want, and don't care about what the woman wants. Sadly, it's NOT a level playing field in gender politics, and there is still a long way to go before it is.

 

 

I think that this misses the point though.

 

Most of the guys aren't frustrated simply for the sake of rules themselves. Its more about the denial of the obvious. Its not so much about proving oneself as a decent person by going through these overtures, ask several women from abusive relationships and the lions share will speak of the guys charm, his social graces and ability impress her. Its almost to the point of cliche, so getting asked out and getting a free sandwich isn't the best way to tell if someone means you harm are not.

 

The problem that people keep stepping around and skillfully avoiding in these discussions is that the only rules that are being held onto are the ones that work in their favor, the rules that simply aren't a pain the bum.

 

Nobody LIKES putting themselves up to be scrutinized, judged and then accepted or rejected. Nobody would prefer to continue the scrutiny while continuing to pay for it. So let's at least be honest enough and respectful enough to admit that these things are the crappy side of leveling the playing field and women would simply prefer that men continue holding this bag without complaint. No need to blow smoke at each other.

[Mystique01]

In answer to your question OP....

 

NO I don't expect a guy to continue to ask me out if I have had to cancel out on the first date. Things do come up and happen from time to time, but if I'm interested in a guy and I can't make whatever he's inviting me to, I will say something along the lines of: "Aww...I wish I could go, but I have x, y, z already scheduled that night. But please keep me in mind for next time!" OR... "Unfortunately I can't make that day, but next Saturday I'm free!"

 

I agree with other posters, if she's not suggesting another time, then she's probably not interested. I say try a second time, and if she still flakes out, then drop it. Usually I think a guy will try a second time if he's really interested in me. But I don't expect him to.

 

 

 

 

It's been answered already but I'll clarify.

 

She might do this if

1. she is interested in you while talking, but thinks about it afterwards, and there really wasn't enough there to build a rapport, and she loses interest.

 

2. she is not interested, but feel pressurised to give her number out and /or does not like confrontation, so to avoid the embarrassment of saying no (and maybe from past experience of guys getting annoyed by this) she gives it out.

 

It's really not that hard to understand.

 

^^THIS!!!!

 

This has been the main reason. I don't want to hurt the guy's feelings. Or, maybe I don't want to see him get annoyed at me. Another thing as well.... Sometimes I may not be adverse to getting to know a guy better, so I give him my number. I may not be wildly attracted to him, but I figure that there's nothing wrong with talking with him and getting to know him better. Usually if someone is interested in me, I respect the fact that he actually had the guts to approach and ask for my number (something that is seeming increasingly more and more rare these days), and I'll give him my number if he asks. Hey, why not? He could turn out to be a really cool guy.