bentleychic Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 I just wanted to say that it is COMPLETELY possible to move on and have a healthy relationship after being in an affair. The difference in my current partner (soon to be fiance!!!) compared to my A is just phenomenal. Being able to be in public together, call or see him whenever I want...little things that people take for granted in "normal" relationships are absolutely amazing to me now. My BIG fear when I began a free relationship is whether or not to be completely open and honest about my past. I felt that was huge because it's kind of hard to hide a 3 year relationship AND I wanted whomever came in to my life to love ALL of me, imperfections, mistakes and all. As it turns out, I told my guy fairly early on. I wanted him to know because if my past was a deal breaker, I obviously wasn't the right one for him. Needless to say, he didn't even flinch (despite the fact that his previous wife had an affair on HIM) and loves me, all of me, completely. My kids and family adore him, I've met his family and they adore me, he IS my other half. I never believed in soul mates until I met him. I truly believe I have gone through everything in my life that I have, the abusive marriage, the stupid affair, the heart break...to bring me to the point in my life that I can totally and completely appreciate what a wonderful man that has found me. If you're considering moving on and are worried that you will never again find someone that you love as much as your affair partner or vice versa...take heart! At the end, I told MM that I hoped I never loved anyone the way that I love him because it hurt too much! Well..I don't love anyone that way and I still hope I never do again. I love my guy different. There's no pain, no frantic worrying/wondering/stressing/waiting/anxiety. Only peace, happiness, purety, safety, goodness. I have never, ever felt this way with anyone before. Ever. And I truly thought I'd loved people before. BUT this is different. No judgement to anyone at all. We all follow our own paths, we all make our own choices and choose the roads that we do for a reason. May we all find our ways to happiness, no matter which road gets us there...but do know that if you want happiness, but are afraid you'll never find such a strong love and passion outside of an A...it can and does happen. Much love to all, this will be my last post on this board. Thank you for the support over the years for those that supported me and I hope I've been a support to at least a few over the years as well. May you all find the paths that make your hearts smile! 28 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Bentley, I was so, so happy to see your post! You were always one of my favorite posters and I always found you to be amazingly self-honest and a ct alm, rational poster. But to know that you have found this amazing happiness means the world to me. We had similar paths. While I was never in an affair, I was in love with a commitment-phobe who broke my heart just before I met my husband. When I met my husband, I realized just how much healthier my new relationship was and how much more I was able to love him because I could trust him with my whole heart. Hearing that you've found so much happiness in a very similar way is just great. You deserve this. Enjoy this incredible time in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Bentley, Your post is so refreshing and gives me hope! Congratulations on finding peace and on finding someone who will give you 100% of him. Everyone deserves that and anything less is unacceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 (((bentleychic))) I have often wondered about you and this is the best update ever! I am so happy to see that you are with someone truly for you, one that is not attached to another. Congratulations on the engagement that is fantastic news. I hope nothing but the best for you and I was very happy reading this from you! Link to post Share on other sites
Snotra Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Thank you! This post was perfectly timed for me. I've followed your posts because of similar circumstances. I'm just a little behind you but I know I'm okay no matter what and I'm ready to take care of myself. I'm so happy for you:love: Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Very happy to read your update, Bentley. I wish you all the best. But I really hope you'll think twice about this being your last post. You have such valuable wisdom and experience to share with others who are stuck in an affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 So pleased to hear your news Bentley. Poppy.xxx Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 It's great to hear this update bentley. You have always been one of my favorite posters. Your message is so valuable. I have come to find out the same thing as you - that you can move on and love someone even SO much more after an A. In my case I don't know if it will work out in the long run, as we have our own unrelated challenges, but at least I know it's possible to move on from a disastrous relationship (the A) and have it be infinitely better. I wish you peace and happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 This is really great. Thank you for sharing with us! Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 This is a lovely update to read, thank you for taking the time to post it. I remember you from a year or two ago, and now I am back here on the forum because of an affair. Reading your story gives me some hope again, although right now I cannot see it at all. Anyone remember LilGirlAndOW? I remember her story well too, but I do not see any update on how she is doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bentleychic Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) Thank you all so much. My A ended horribly and not by my choice originally. We ended up expecting a baby, MM chose to tell his wife fairly early on and the A ended in a toxic and cruel way on their end (wherein his W and I talked so she ended up knowing everything from my end, too, with both of them on the phone, since he claimed he'd told her everything and didn't care what I said), followed by threats and cruelty to me if I ever dared tell anyone about the kind of person he truly was. I truly wanted to die for several weeks because he did a complete 180* of who I believed him to be for 3 years, but then I decided that I would be totally fine, as would my baby and we would be better off without him in my life. Unfortunately, I ended up having a miscarriage. Soon after, MM requested that we start a physical A (ONLY physical, with no promises of anything), but had to be completely hidden. Needless to say, that didn't happen. However, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and this time, it wasn't a train. I swore I'd never love again, I swore I'd never be happy again. My god, I now know that I never knew true love and I certainly never knew what happy felt like. My friends and family say that I'm a totally different person and honestly knew there was a big change in my life before I even told them. I'm also getting picked on (jokingly, sweetly) at work because he's sending me roses at work just about weekly and the ladies are holding him up to my male coworkers as an example of how men are supposed to be. haha Edited November 12, 2015 by bentleychic 5 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I am so happy for you! I have wondered about you, and am glad to hear things are going so well. Enjoy the peace and happiness that comes from a true and happy relationship!! Much love. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I am so glad you have moved on and have an amazing life and partner now, bentley!!! All the best for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Thank you all so much. My A ended horribly and not by my choice originally. We ended up expecting a baby, MM chose to tell his wife fairly early on and the A ended in a toxic and cruel way on their end (wherein his W and I talked so she ended up knowing everything from my end, too, with both of them on the phone, since he claimed he'd told her everything and didn't care what I said), followed by threats and cruelty to me if I ever dared tell anyone about the kind of person he truly was. I truly wanted to die for several weeks because he did a complete 180* of who I believed him to be for 3 years, but then I decided that I would be totally fine, as would my baby and we would be better off without him in my life. Unfortunately, I ended up having a miscarriage. Soon after, MM requested that we start a physical A (ONLY physical, with no promises of anything), but had to be completely hidden. Needless to say, that didn't happen. However, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and this time, it wasn't a train. I swore I'd never love again, I swore I'd never be happy again. My god, I now know that I never knew true love and I certainly never knew what happy felt like. My friends and family say that I'm a totally different person and honestly knew there was a big change in my life before I even told them. I'm also getting picked on (jokingly, sweetly) at work because he's sending me roses at work just about weekly and the ladies are holding him up to my male coworkers as an example of how men are supposed to be. haha My god I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I'm so happy you are okay and even flourishing! You deserve it Link to post Share on other sites
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