What in the heck do you do for childcare when not millionare?

[Haydn]

Registered childminder: (25 hours for a child under 2)

UK average: £104 per week

London average: £146 per week

 

Day nursery: (25 hours for a child under 2)

UK Average: £115 per week

London average: £152 per week

 

Part-time nanny: (25 hours)

UK average: £200-£275 per week including tax and NI contributions

 

Au pair: ‘Pocket money’ of around £70-£85 per week plus room and board.

(Au pairs are generally foreign students studying English in the UK, and subsidising their living expenses by working.)

 

There are further costs for different services, as you scroll down the page. Taking currency conversions into account, how do these prices compare with those in the USA/Canada....?

 

From here.

 

 

Your costs are almost correct give or take a few quid...(roughly 700-1000 a month in London.

 

The main problem i had was the limited places available at nursery....

 

In Fulham places were at a premium and the prices were not so fixed....

[jakrbbt]

I really don't care one way or the other about her, being British.... and I understand that she's quite wealthy... however, I don't know what her standing was when Chelsea was a child, but note she only has one kid. Maybe having a bigger family would have interfered a little too much with her political aspirations....

 

 

 

You see, I really am torn by the total unfairness of it all. I mentioned this some time ago in another post:

Even in this high-tech modern age of the high-flying, advanced 21st Century, we still haven't managed to work out a comfortable, workable and effective strategy, globally, which permits women to HAVE children (worth noting we're the only gender that can) AND have a successful, rewarding lucrative career too. Without having to go through hoops and hardship to cater for the offspring.

 

Men do not have that problem to consider.

They just don't.

They're wives could be juggling a workload which requires commitment, dedication, concentration and results, while nursing morning sickness, cramps, bloating, nausea, water retention, an unreliable bladder, food cravings and general physical and hormonal changes which would on their own be enough to drive most folk insane.

 

Meanwhile, their menfolk have the audacity to tell their colleagues - "Hey guys, it's happened, I'm a dad, because WE'RE pregnant!"

 

Yes: Are we growing breasts which leak, a belly which will expand to 8 times its normal size and possibly develop stretchmarks, as well as going through all of the above? I don't think so!!

 

Yet women are the ones who have to make the contingency plans and adapt to the conditions such a pregnancy imposes.

It seems we also have to carry a substantial load of guilt too...

 

Ain't modern life grand?

 

This is why sadly, we still can't "have it all" even though we should be perfectly entitled to. Just as our partners can.

 

Makes my blood boil.

(Oh, can you tell...?!)

 

Yet in my case, it's the father who has the bigger problem with how to afford da care.

 

Leaky breasts aren't my problem here. Leaky breasts did not require any strategizing before I could do my job. Pregnancy didn't get in the way of me filing briefs, and after pregnancy, I wouldn't say that the baby was something only I as a woman could care for. I also believe that having a job, and giving my son responsible care and socialization to a reasonable extent, is part of taking care of him. So even if I marry my well-off significant-other, I'll be keeping my job and still needing child care.

 

Many Other countries have well-funded solutions for what they areas a social need, not just women's problem. Ours doesn't have that, so I wonder what parents do.

 

I get what you're saying, I've heard and read many versions of that particular debate. You might consider love shack has a forum for rants (not my word) where people can engage more in the general debate. Here, I have neither the time nor the slightest obligation to engage in a broader debate with you (even if you were doing it politely) about whether childcare should be funded differently and who should have kids or who should stay home. My question was more specific...

 

And from some of you others, I'm getting some very helpful answers!

Edited November 13, 2015 by jakrbbt

[BlueIris]

While there are other very good solutions, one reason that I went with au pairs and nannies was that they were in-home and I had more interaction with them so I knew what they were like and they helped tremendously to take care of the household overall.

 

Jak, although the child care issue is the most important, the housekeeping that a good in-home caregiver provides is what made it nearly bliss for me. The first time I came home late to a clean home, laundry and grocery-shopping done, kids playing and a homemade meal simmering on the stove- I just cried. Then I hugged her. I was so grateful for this lovely woman caring for my home and children. Yeah, I’m a sentimental sort. But I couldn’t help think that if my exH had even once felt and expressed the appreciation I felt in that moment, or had viewed us as a team working together to make a peaceful home, we wouldn’t be divorced. So there’s my syrupy but sincere story of why in-home help was great. Now, some are not so great, but man, when you find someone who is great, it’s wonderful.

[Minnie09]

The fact that a woman with a good education who's now working as a full time lawyer is asking this question speaks volumes. There's definitely something seriously wrong with the system. I mean, if the OP cannot afford it (and I understand she can, but its still a financial struggle without the ex's help) - who the heck can afford to have children anymore?? It's ridiculous.

[BlueIris]

I agree that it’s ridiculous, but childcare and realism are not universal priorities in the US yet. To some, it’s “socialism and feminazi”-driven and therefore evil so they don’t want to talk about it. In the meantime, I do think that as more men (and therefore larger numbers in general) see childcare, dual-earning, family and single-parents' needs as a higher priority or challenge, it will change. It is already changing in the private sector as companies offer incentives to attract talent. My SIL's company has just yummy benefits for childcare.

[jakrbbt]

While there are other very good solutions, one reason that I went with au pairs and nannies was that they were in-home and I had more interaction with them so I knew what they were like and they helped tremendously to take care of the household overall.

 

Jak, although the child care issue is the most important, the housekeeping that a good in-home caregiver provides is what made it nearly bliss for me. The first time I came home late to a clean home, laundry and grocery-shopping done, kids playing and a homemade meal simmering on the stove- I just cried. Then I hugged her. I was so grateful for this lovely woman caring for my home and children. Yeah, I’m a sentimental sort. But I couldn’t help think that if my exH had even once felt and expressed the appreciation I felt in that moment, or had viewed us as a team working together to make a peaceful home, we wouldn’t be divorced. So there’s my syrupy but sincere story of why in-home help was great. Now, some are not so great, but man, when you find someone who is great, it’s wonderful.

 

Love this! I've been weighing the close-eye of in-home care against the socialization of day care (mine is an only child). But if house work were done, I'd be more free to spend more quality time with my toddler! And I didn't factor in the emotional benefit-- feeling supported and secure.

 

My sister has done "nanny share" in another city-- some kids gather at one house and parents split the nanny cost. Nanny got increased rate while parents each saved, and kids socialized. It worked well for them. But when I asked some local parent groups whether they'd consider nanny sharing, they all wondered what I was talking about. And viewed it with some suspicion.

[TaraMaiden2]

Yet in my case, it's the father who has the bigger problem with how to afford da care.

 

Leaky breasts aren't my problem here. Leaky breasts did not require any strategizing before I could do my job. Pregnancy didn't get in the way of me filing briefs, and after pregnancy, I wouldn't say that the baby was something only I as a woman could care for. I also believe that having a job, and giving my son responsible care and socialization to a reasonable extent, is part of taking care of him. So even if I marry my well-off significant-other, I'll be keeping my job and still needing child care.

 

Many Other countries have well-funded solutions for what they areas a social need, not just women's problem. Ours doesn't have that, so I wonder what parents do.

 

I get what you're saying, I've heard and read many versions of that particular debate. You might consider love shack has a forum for rants (not my word) where people can engage more in the general debate. Here, I have neither the time nor the slightest obligation to engage in a broader debate with you (even if you were doing it politely) about whether childcare should be funded differently and who should have kids or who should stay home. My question was more specific...

 

And from some of you others, I'm getting some very helpful answers!

 

Actually I was attempting to empathise with your dilemma.

I think the fact that you have a financial problem to worry about at all, is nothing short of criminal.

 

Ok, don't worry.

Good luck, whatever you do.

[hotgurl]

Actually I was attempting to empathise with your dilemma.

I think the fact that you have a financial problem to worry about at all, is nothing short of criminal.

 

Ok, don't worry.

Good luck, whatever you do.

 

I am willing to bet if the OP didn't have student loans she would be more comfortable.

 

It feels like such a rigged game sometimes.

 

I did daycare, it was subsidised since I was a poor single parent going to college. When she was in school I did after school care. my parents did help out picking her up in the afternoon. They helped a lot actually, I worked some crazy shifts. Then I finally got a flexible job and she was older so school and after school programs.

 

My husband had Au Pairs, he remembers both of them fondly, the IRish one the family still keeps in touch with and has visited in Ireland.

 

My mom did a combo of my great grandma, grandma and a day care run out of this woman's house.

 

We all turned out fine. The thing with child care is it will change and evolve so sometimes you have to go with it.

 

I found school aged summer care to be the more expensive and difficult to secure.

[mrs rubble]

I was a solo mum for several years and paid for day-care for my 2 boys while I worked fulltime. It was a major financial struggle for me too.

 

The benefit of being a broke fulltime working mum- My boys have grown up to respect and apprieciate money and how it is earned...unlike some of their friends who come from wealthy 2 parent homes where they get everything they want.

My boys are way more independent and self sufficient- this became clearly evident to me at my older boys 7th birthday party, I'd taken them ice-skating, my son's best friend sat there until I realized he didn't know how to tie shoelaces!! Mummy had been doing it for him until then.

 

I like the share a nanny idea too!! Wish I'd thought of that.

Good luck OP.

[preraph]

That's one of those things you have to figure out before you have kids and plan for. Once you're stuck, about all you can do if you don't have backup is do daycare and take 2 jobs to pay for it or live on the dole and take care of the kids yourself. Ideally, there are two parents able to coordinate schedules and get it covered.

[Gemma1]

I know this sounds suspect but try searching on Facebook for a childcare group for your area. You can find great small home daycares that way, as well as just normal sitters for when you need a night out. I use Facebook to find sitters all the time. There are great small daycares out there where the woman is just a stay at home mom who wants to make a little extra money on the side and have a few playmates for her kids.

 

But I feel you on the cost of daycare. My son's daycare is 13k per year and they don't offer part time slots. We don't take him every day, just for half days when we have other stuff to do. I couldn't imagine him going every day. I mean...kids go to bed so early, mine goes to bed at 7. If I had to use the full amount of daycare time, I would literally only see him for an hour in the morning and an hour at night. So crazy. I can't believe most parents have to do this - pay an arm and a leg just to never see their kid. It's not right

[StBreton]

Parents, what do you do these days for childcare so you can work? Can everyone just be using grandparents?

 

I am a lawyer. I make a decent but not high income. I have one child, who is two years old (and not potty trained yet). My parents are too old to be even part-time caregivers on any regular basis.

 

Two days of day care for my son costs $650 per month. Added to my $100k+ student debt, and other bills, that's stretching my budget, but I've been doing it so far.

 

Full-time, 5 days would be $1200. My ex theoretically should split the cost, but he is basically unemployed. And if he's even going to work, he's in a bind, because he probably can't come anywhere near to affording the child care to cover his work days.

 

What do most people do? Say you work at 8, and your child starts school at 8:30. How do you get them to/from school? Does everyone just have a stay-at-home spouse again? Ideas (besides getting a stay-at-home spouse) welcome.

 

Look into charter schools in your area. The one my kids attended started in the 3s class and went to 6th grade. There is this thing called "morning care" and "after care" where the 3s/preschool started at 9 am but you could drop your child off at 7 am and pick up at 5:30. The school also has 99% pass rate on standardized tests ... the average in district is only 70% ... all around a great education. We only paid for 3s and 4s class then the rest was state funded like a regular school. I'm not sure if all states have charter schools so look into them as it's competitive to get children into due to the demand.

Edited November 20, 2015 by StBreton

[TexasMan68]

How long until you can make partner at your current law firm?

[jakrbbt]

That's one of those things you have to figure out before you have kids and plan for. Once you're stuck, about all you can do if you don't have backup is do daycare and take 2 jobs to pay for it or live on the dole and take care of the kids yourself. Ideally, there are two parents able to coordinate schedules and get it covered.

 

He's in day care and I'm paying for it.

 

But one thing I'm trying to do with this very thread, is brainstorm on how to do it a better, more clever way. I'd like to do better both financially and with his care. I imagine plenty of households (the vast majority, based on statistics) can't even afford day care as well as I can, but still find something their kids do well with.

 

I understand about not having time to read up on all the previous posts and information. But when I was a pregnant woman in my mid-thirties, with a flexible job in a great career, great extended family, perfect health, husband who wasn't planning on losing his job-- no one would have said I should not be having a baby. Nor would anyone say it now. Again, you might have a general topic for the rant board, but please do not tell me that I should not have had my child. That's not only a baseless, but also a fantastically mean-spirited an unhelpful, thing to infer in this case.

[jakrbbt]

And preraph, if I misunderstood your post, please accept my apology for that.

[MrDuck]

I'm a single dad, I had my son when I was 17, I was travelling at the time and I continued travelling, predominantly volunteering around the world for the first 2 years of his life. When I was 19 I settled down for 2 years working on a game reserve In Africa.

 

 

Come home post that experience REALLY opened my eyes to how different child care is here than in smaller, rural communities, (quite a few of which would be seen as less developed countries).

As soon as my son was old enough and toddling around I took him with me everywhere I could, this was a massive bonding experience a lot of dads miss out on back home, and taught my son the kind of skills he would be going to nursery to learn over here.

For the work or activities my son couldn't do with me I relied very heavily on the community. This is a concept that's almost all but died out back home: free child care by the community whilst you carry out work for the community.

Like when I was in Africa, the partner of a guy I worked with would look after my son along with her own, completely willingly. Obviously I'd always help them out in whatever way I could. Its almost like the 'grandparent' thing here is extended to the whole community.

 

 

Moved back to the UK when my son was 4. Here 4 year olds are entitled to about 15 hours a week free child care, I had to add to this to take it up to about 25 hours.

 

 

Now he's 6 and in school, I'm super lucky not to have to pay for child care, but I rely super heavily on arranging my working week around my two brothers working week so that one of us is always home to take him to school.

I've also worked a system where one of my sons friends family pick him up and give him dinner one night and I return the favour on one of my days off for their son.

 

 

I do understand that paid childcare is more dependable etc so I see why people do it, but personally I like doing it in that kind of smaller, traditional way. Not because I'm anti paying, I just like the kind of authenticity.

[jakrbbt]

I'm a single dad, I had my son when I was 17, I was travelling at the time and I continued travelling, predominantly volunteering around the world for the first 2 years of his life. When I was 19 I settled down for 2 years working on a game reserve In Africa.

 

 

Come home post that experience REALLY opened my eyes to how different child care is here than in smaller, rural communities, (quite a few of which would be seen as less developed countries).

As soon as my son was old enough and toddling around I took him with me everywhere I could, this was a massive bonding experience a lot of dads miss out on back home, and taught my son the kind of skills he would be going to nursery to learn over here.

For the work or activities my son couldn't do with me I relied very heavily on the community. This is a concept that's almost all but died out back home: free child care by the community whilst you carry out work for the community.

Like when I was in Africa, the partner of a guy I worked with would look after my son along with her own, completely willingly. Obviously I'd always help them out in whatever way I could. Its almost like the 'grandparent' thing here is extended to the whole community.

 

 

Moved back to the UK when my son was 4. Here 4 year olds are entitled to about 15 hours a week free child care, I had to add to this to take it up to about 25 hours.

 

 

Now he's 6 and in school, I'm super lucky not to have to pay for child care, but I rely super heavily on arranging my working week around my two brothers working week so that one of us is always home to take him to school.

I've also worked a system where one of my sons friends family pick him up and give him dinner one night and I return the favour on one of my days off for their son.

 

 

I do understand that paid childcare is more dependable etc so I see why people do it, but personally I like doing it in that kind of smaller, traditional way. Not because I'm anti paying, I just like the kind of authenticity.

 

I am very impressed with your fortitude and responsible parenting. Wow. I know many men twice your age who can't manage a tenth of the parenting you describe, and they still whine about it. I hope you've got a blog or a book deal in the works so you can be an example.

 

Yes, I kind of thought some people would reply to my post with information about a clever parent-trade network, like Meetup but where parents in the area could (after getting to know each other) trade play-dates et c. I'm a former nanny and have weekends free, and would love to have some other kid play with mine while the parents worked those days. Closer to the informal set-up you've experienced. But maybe there is no such thing.

 

There is one local law firm where I could get paid twice as much, cut my commute from an hour to ten minutes, and several partners just bring their kids into the office during much of the work day. But I'd have to do some kinds of law I dislike. I never applied after doing an informational interview, but I know they like me. Maybe I should take another look. Great to hear that you enjoyed having your son with you at work.

[introverted1]

There is one local law firm where I could get paid twice as much, cut my commute from an hour to ten minutes, and several partners just bring their kids into the office during much of the work day. But I'd have to do some kinds of law I dislike. I never applied after doing an informational interview, but I know they like me. Maybe I should take another look. Great to hear that you enjoyed having your son with you at work.

 

So it seems you have the answer to your own post.

[MrDuck]

I am very impressed with your fortitude and responsible parenting. Wow. I know many men twice your age who can't manage a tenth of the parenting you describe, and they still whine about it.

Haha thanks!!

 

Yes, I kind of thought some people would reply to my post with information about a clever parent-trade network, like Meetup but where parents in the area could (after getting to know each other) trade play-dates et c. I'm a former nanny and have weekends free, and would love to have some other kid play with mine while the parents worked those days. Closer to the informal set-up you've experienced. But maybe there is no such thing.

Well, if you're feeling the lack of something bet others are too. Maybe you should start something up!!

[crederer]

I may well get blasted for this. Someone's not going to like my reply, but:

 

You think before you conceive.

You calculate and investigate costs and decide: Do I work, or do I raise a child and cut my hours?

 

I'm awfully sorry to say it, but I have zero sympathy.

Why have a child if you can't afford it?

 

Here's the crappy deal you've made yourself:

 

You can't afford to stop working because you have the natural overheads anyone has - living expenses which need to be paid for.

(Very few of us can budget AND incorporate easy-access savings. We tend for the most part to live to the limit of our means. Which means we don't have a strategy which allows for unforeseen circumstances which will pull on our resources....)

 

You can't afford to keep working because basically, you're now just working to pay someone else to raise, care for and look after your child's needs and you actually gain very little benefit or satisfaction from your job, because essentially, you're working for no pay. And you miss your child growing up.

 

The above question is a good one:

Why can't your ex raise his son, if he's not working?

 

Really, I honestly wish more folks would think this through.

Raising a child to adult age, costs in excess of a quarter-of-a-million.

It's up to you to find that money.

 

I stayed home.It was a conscious decision made all the much easier because my H. earnt a sufficiently high salary for us to be able to afford that.

 

I'm sorry for your child that you find yourself in such a predicament. Because he will either be raised by a stranger (or several, until you find the ideal) or by you, with a significant reduction in the advantages money can provide.

 

 

I agree with this. I made 12 grand last month and almost half of that went to taxes. Why do I get taxed so much? Where do these taxes go to? Roads are paid for by gas prices (gasoline is heavily taxed here, to pay for roads). Military in my country is completely unnecessary. Government went to a high end restu.....I could go on.

 

Anyway, nothing personal OP, but you shouldn't be having kids if you can't afford them.

 

I sincerely hope things work out for you.

[jakrbbt]

I agree with this. I made 12 grand last month and almost half of that went to taxes. Why do I get taxed so much? Where do these taxes go to? Roads are paid for by gas prices (gasoline is heavily taxed here, to pay for roads). Military in my country is completely unnecessary. Government went to a high end restu.....I could go on.

 

Anyway, nothing personal OP, but you shouldn't be having kids if you can't afford them.

 

I sincerely hope things work out for you.

 

Why do you think I can't afford kids? Because I'm asking how others worked out day care? Because I'm trying to move my finances around? I'm paying for day care right now. Part of the concern though, is that the child's father might start having day care needs and be unable to pay them, so I may end up agreeing to pay way more than my share. And if that happens, if like to look into minimizing the financial unfairness while not skimping on quality of care, if possible.

 

I'm someone who tries to find the optimal solution. And I analyze things. I look at possibilities. When I research and ask around, that does not mean I'm already up a creek without a paddle.

[Lois_Griffin]

Why do you think I can't afford kids? Because I'm asking how others worked out day care? Because I'm trying to move my finances around? I'm paying for day care right now. Part of the concern though, is that the child's father might start having day care needs and be unable to pay them, so I may end up agreeing to pay way more than my share. And if that happens, if like to look into minimizing the financial unfairness while not skimping on quality of care, if possible.

 

I'm someone who tries to find the optimal solution. And I analyze things. I look at possibilities. When I research and ask around, that does not mean I'm already up a creek without a paddle.

Several people on this thread have asked why your deadbeat ex isn't watching his kid while YOU work to support her? He does nothing else for her so it's the least he could do. He obviously does nothing all day while you bust your ass earning a living and actually PROVIDING for your child.

 

I believe you said Father of the Year quit his job - and irresponsible fool that he is, he had nothing lined up before he did it. I guess he thinks he's above having to help support the child he brought into this world - because that's what YOUR'E for so he doesn't have to. Men like him are a disgrace.