Restraining order is in place...divorce in progress

[Emerald_11]

I have known for a while that divorce was inevitable but I never thought it would end like this.

It was Saturday the 7th & my husbands birthday was the 8th. My friend and I planned a birthday party at a bowing alley and got a cake and our 4 kids. I invited a few of my husbands friends and family. It was a fun time until my husband started getting mad. He yelled at me because I didn't carry his shoes for him then he got mad again when I was taking pictures of everyone with my phone....then when we were leaving my husbands cousin got in my friends face yelling at her in front of my kids and everyone. I immediately decided to take the kids home and leave. my husband didn't want to leave for some reason but I convinced him to go...we all got in my car and followed my friend who had all the kids in the car. My car had me my husband & friend in it. On the way were really confused and upset about the incident in the parking lot. My husband defended his cousin and then tried to jump out of the car on the freeway going 70mph. My friend grabbed my husband so he didnt fall out. I stomped on the gas to make the door shut. It was so stressful! My husband tried to jump out again near train tracks saying he wants to get run over by the train and die!!!! We managed to make it to the house where things just got worse. My husband slammed a metal gate on my heel when I was walking and I went flying and landed hard on the ground. Then later he pushed me & my friend around until her babys dad came outside and told my husband to leave. Then my husband left and came back a few minutes later to tell me he let my dog get out and he was running loose. Then my husband left saying he was going to drive into oncoming traffic and die. So after my friends convinced me to I called 911. Now there is a report documenting the huge bruise I have from that night. I haveca temporary restraining order and am going to try to extend it to a year when I go to court.

 

My advise to anyone is if your lover/ spouse hurts you even once he Will do it again. Many times. So get away fast!

 

I realize how I have been manipulated it's sad.

[S2B]

You planned a party for a lunatic drug addict while you're planning to divorce him?

 

 

Why would you have anything to do with him? He's mentally unstable!

 

I hope you don't allow your kids to be alone with him - EVER!!!

 

Did you file for sole (100%) custody?

[Emerald_11]

It was his cousins idea I had my friend help me.

 

Another reason I think I went along with it is every year on his birthday he gets depressed & I thought this could prevent that.

Even though I got nothing on my birthday.

It was my sons first time bowling.

 

I changed the locks on the house because my husband said he was moving out the following day because how dare I call the cops on him.

He came back after a couple days and banged on the door but me & my kids did not open the door.

He has been calling and texting a lot.

I think I need a new phone #.

 

I am going to find counseling

 

His family might all hate me.

 

But I see that the future could be really beautiful now. I am starting to feel better. Its such a relief.

Im still scared tho.

 

I don't want the kids to be alone with him or his family

My friend told me about a place called ywca I went there today. I think they can help. Its embarrassing because I try to talk to them & cry in front of these strangers. They have a lot of resources.

& give me hope.

 

Also a lot of my girlfriends have been so supportive. I love my friends.

[S2B]

It was his cousins idea I had my friend help me.

 

Another reason I think I went along with it is every year on his birthday he gets depressed & I thought this could prevent that.

Even though I got nothing on my birthday.

It was my sons first time bowling.

 

I changed the locks on the house because my husband said he was moving out the following day because how dare I call the cops on him.

He came back after a couple days and banged on the door but me & my kids did not open the door.

He has been calling and texting a lot.

I think I need a new phone #.

 

I am going to find counseling

 

His family might all hate me.

 

But I see that the future could be really beautiful now. I am starting to feel better. Its such a relief.

Im still scared tho.

 

I don't want the kids to be alone with him or his family

My friend told me about a place called ywca I went there today. I think they can help. Its embarrassing because I try to talk to them & cry in front of these strangers. They have a lot of resources.

& give me hope.

 

Also a lot of my girlfriends have been so supportive. I love my friends.

 

Stop listening to his cousin.

 

Depression is a direct result of the drug use.

 

Did you file divorce papers yet? Did you disclose to the court his drug use and erratic behavior? Let the court know the kids are not safe in his care!

[Emerald_11]

I filed a restraining order so he is not allowed within 2 miles of me, my house, my kids, their school, or my work. I am looking into divorce. I found an advocate to go to court with me so I feel better about that. I will seek full custody. It scares me to think about him having the kids without me around.

I did write all about his drug use and recent and not so recent behavior.

He will have to surrender his guns when he gets the order served on him.

[S2B]

I filed a restraining order so he is not allowed within 2 miles of me, my house, my kids, their school, or my work. I am looking into divorce. I found an advocate to go to court with me so I feel better about that. I will seek full custody. It scares me to think about him having the kids without me around.

I did write all about his drug use and recent and not so recent behavior.

He will have to surrender his guns when he gets the order served on him.

 

The restraining order will need to be filed with your local police dept.

 

 

Get the divorce filed. You can do that filing of paperwork without an advocate.

 

Looking into it is not the same as taking action to file. Protect yourself after filing. He's likely to be angry. Stay with a relative for a week or so.

 

Remember he's not in his right mind - he's extremely altered and capable of anything.

[Emerald_11]

I am staying here. I told my landlord who lives close by and they understand they should call police if he is here because he is not allowed to be.

I will file for divorce. I have to.

It is a lot of paperwork and I want to make sure I do it right.

My landlord knows about my husbands problem because my husband has got in his face and threatened him as well. I think the only reason he didn't kick us out then was that I apologized for his behavior and he didnt want yo kick me & my kids out. My landlord is glad the neighborhood is getting cleaned up.

My landlord has surveillance video from that night also. Right in front of my house he said he will review the tape tomorrow.

[MJJean]

If your kids are school aged, contact the school and explain the situation. If the restraining order prohibits your H from being there, take them a copy. Until you have a court order, you share equal custody of the kids you share. This means he can legally pick them up and take them with him, just like you can, and there is nothing anyone can do. So, make sure the school knows he cannot come there and get custody paperwork done ASAP.

[Emerald_11]

If your kids are school aged, contact the school and explain the situation. If the restraining order prohibits your H from being there, take them a copy. Until you have a court order, you share equal custody of the kids you share. This means he can legally pick them up and take them with him, just like you can, and there is nothing anyone can do. So, make sure the school knows he cannot come there and get custody paperwork done ASAP.

 

 

I included my children in my protection order. He is no longer allowed anywhere near any of us. I feel so relieved. He was served by police earlier today and is having to surrender any guns he has very soon. know my husband has 2 hunting rifles and his dad has a lot of handguns and a semi automatic rifle. Scary!

[moonwalker86]

Sorry for your pain, it sounds like you were in a very hostile situation. Your husband needs some serious mental health help and soon. I hope he can better himself and you can find peace in your situation.

[Emerald_11]

Thank you Moonwalker,

This situation is really difficult! My husband shut my cell phone off the other day and a friend of mine called him and convinced him to turn my phone back on due to saftey reasons for the kids. Later my friend called him in front of me and put it on speaker phone. My husband is saying my huge bruise happened a different way than it actually happened. He is minimizing the incident and not taking responsibility for what he did. He is trying to say that I hurt myself. The problem with that is there were witnesses that know the truth and were there. It amazes me how he tries to lie. His behavior could have gotten people killed that night! He is lucky I didn't wreck the car when he was hanging out the door on the freeway.

 

He says he shut my phone off because he was mad at me for not allowing him to see the kids. When we go to court next week we will discuss his visitation. He says he is looking into drug treatment counseling. My friend told him about several different options available in the area for counseling and addiction treatment. I hope he learns something if he does go. It was hard for me to hear his voice. I told my friend that I don't want to hear any more phone calls.

Mt friend thinks he is trying to get sympathy and have a pity party for himself instead of thinking about mine or my kids point of view.& that He has a lot of narcissistic personality traits.

I know I can get past this. I feel better since he has been gone like a cloud is lifting and I feel free again instead of burdened and trapped.

[moonwalker86]

I'm sorry your children are involved, it's so hard to deal with when there are kids in the middle of it all. Even when you are over your own emotions you have to worry about another human beings emotions on top of it. I am going through a separation with a 6 year old child in the middle of it, he doesn't even know it's going to happen yet which breaks my heart. Not even sure how we are going to tell him but I dread that day.

[schiller]

No more bowling birthday parties.

[Emerald_11]

I'm sorry your children are involved, it's so hard to deal with when there are kids in the middle of it all. Even when you are over your own emotions you have to worry about another human beings emotions on top of it. I am going through a separation with a 6 year old child in the middle of it, he doesn't even know it's going to happen yet which breaks my heart. Not even sure how we are going to tell him but I dread that day.

I know the best thngs to do with kids is to not talk bad about the other parent make sure you tell them both parents love them and that it is not their fault. I dont know specifics of the situation but in my situation I handled it the best way I knew how.

I told my kids dad is very sick and I hope he gets better soon. I told them that him being sick makes him dangerous. My daughter understands completely but she is still sad about it. My kids saw my huge bruise and I did tell them the truth about it. I wont lie to them. My daughter had a lot of questions. My son has not said much about it. Both my kids know they might not be safe if they go anywhere with their dad. They know they are not allowed to right now. I told them they will see their Dad again but just don't know when.

My husband hired a lawyer. The lawyer called me today. I am very nervous about court next week I think the lawyer is trying to trick me into not going to court. But I will be there. It makes me mad that he is paying for a lawyer but not any of the past due bills or buying anything the kids need like winter clothes etc..

[moonwalker86]

I know the best thngs to do with kids is to not talk bad about the other parent make sure you tell them both parents love them and that it is not their fault. I dont know specifics of the situation but in my situation I handled it the best way I knew how.

I told my kids dad is very sick and I hope he gets better soon. I told them that him being sick makes him dangerous. My daughter understands completely but she is still sad about it. My kids saw my huge bruise and I did tell them the truth about it. I wont lie to them. My daughter had a lot of questions. My son has not said much about it. Both my kids know they might not be safe if they go anywhere with their dad. They know they are not allowed to right now. I told them they will see their Dad again but just don't know when.

My husband hired a lawyer. The lawyer called me today. I am very nervous about court next week I think the lawyer is trying to trick me into not going to court. But I will be there. It makes me mad that he is paying for a lawyer but not any of the past due bills or buying anything the kids need like winter clothes etc..

 

I agree about talking about the other parent, we both agreed we would never put eachother down in front of him, that we aren't in a competition, our divorce will be very peaceful between us since we agree in joint custody and to let him see us as often as he needs to. I think with enough space and time your husband will realise that you two are not supposed to be together and he can't do terrible things or make threats to try to get you to come back to him. I hope you stay safe and know that there will be a silver lining to all of this.

[Emerald_11]

I agree about talking about the other parent, we both agreed we would never put eachother down in front of him, that we aren't in a competition, our divorce will be very peaceful between us since we agree in joint custody and to let him see us as often as he needs to. I think with enough space and time your husband will realise that you two are not supposed to be together and he can't do terrible things or make threats to try to get you to come back to him. I hope you stay safe and know that there will be a silver lining to all of this.

Thank you for your encouraging words!

It has been really difficult lately!

It does seem like he hopes I drop the protection order in court but I think I need more time without him. I want to set up visitation for him & the kids but I want him to have his own place to live without just staying on a couch ( I heard that us what he is doing) before it would be a good environment for the kids to see him. Also I don't want him to be drinking smoking pills or sniffing pills around them anymore. I will make sure he has to be doing a treatment program before I feel safe letting him be around them. I am gathering statements from witnesses to take to court with me. That way it is not just me saying these things other people were there too.

I feel better already about providing for my kids. I applied for state assistance and now my kids and I have medical coverage and lots of resources.

Once I have been at my job a while I can get raises.

One day at a time but I keep faith that the future will be beautiful!