star Posted March 29, 2001 Share Posted March 29, 2001 I am seeing a guy who broke up with his ex 1 yr ago this month. I started seeing him last Dec. We started out as friends with him giving me rides on his motorcycle in October. He told me he didnt want a serious relationship. This was before Christmas when I relized we liked each other. Well, we spent the holidays together. And, of course, we got intimate. To make a long story short, we started seeing each other 1-2 x's a week. We were getting closer. (By the way, he broke up with his ex because he caught her cheating on him with her ex a few times. He was with her quite some time & wanted to marry her and is going to therapy) I was hurt bad too 5 yrs ago & also went to therapy. Anyway, we work together, he is upstairs working for another co. which does work for my co. We have lunch together, email alot. But 2x's when I mentioned something a little serious or something sounding committing he runs away. He tells me he cant see me for a while The 1st time (1 mo. ago) I said something about going out on Fri, then he asked me out 1-1/2 wks later & began an every Fri nite! Then 2 wks ago I assumed it will be that way & he said the same thing. He treats me very well. Cooked dinner, affectionate before & after being intimate, & was even being affectionate in public. Hugs & soft kisses. He sometimes stares at me & smiles. I think he cares, but what's going on? Does he really like me? Should I just be patient? Why does he run away when I say certain things? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 29, 2001 Share Posted March 29, 2001 1. Does he really like me? All indications are that he really likes you and cares about you. 2. Should I just be patient? With him, yes. But if you don't want to be, go find somebody else who is more ready for committment. 3. Why does he run away when I say certain things? Because he simply isn't ready for a long term relationship. There may be many things that happened in his life to cause him to have a fear of committment. He may not be ready for years...or he could be ready in six months. Very often in situations like this, the female gets sick of waiting and breaks up and the guy goes nuts...and suddenly becomes ready. It's really sad but lots of people have lots of hangups. It won't do you any good to mention committment stuff to him. As a matter of fact, your relationship will be much better if you don't. At some point, you may have to give him an ultimatum. But right now, just enjoy yourself. It sounds like everything else about this is going very well. Link to post Share on other sites
star Posted March 29, 2001 Share Posted March 29, 2001 By the way, he is 40 I am 43. Thats neither here nor there. I really like him. I've never been treated so well. He even took me to an expensive restaurant one nite. It's also difficult because we work in the same building. He is on the 2nd flr. next to acctg. Anyway, we see each other a few times a day. Sometimes before I go home, (I leave earlier) I go up & talk or give him a neck rub. Is that ok? I mean, its not every day I go up there. I call upstairs a few times a week to see if he wants lunch or I cook & bring him something. (He also cooked & brought for me too.) I dont want to make it seem like I am chasing him. Just that I thought if he sees me (at work) a few times a week, we talk whatever, (its always strictly talking) to keep remembering how much I like him & to keep me in his thoughts. Do you think that being that he does really like me, he could see another woman or maybe looking? He is not a club person. Maybe local bars with friends. He owns 2 houses, 1 he rents & is in the process of closing on another. He says he is doing this to keep busy. He also said last week during our conversation that he want to see me every Fri. that he cant give me what I want. I askied him what he thought I wanted he didnt really answer me. All he said was that he should be seeing me on the weekends & during the week. But cant do it now. But enjoys my company. Is he doing this cause he's scaird? I know there was some verbal/mental abuse too. He told me in the beginning that he was sick & tired of giving & not receiving. Could this be another issue? But with me I give & he gives back. Not all the time. I am so confused. HELP Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 29, 2001 Share Posted March 29, 2001 It sounds like this guy has been taken to the cleaners many times. He's probably been very nice in the past and got taken advantage of. Now, he's going to move much more slowly. Sometimes people get hurt so badly in life they just shut down emotionally in order to prevent that from happening again. That's what he may have done. I don't think you're going to get much more from this guy than you are getting right now and he's been pretty honest about that. He's just not ready to get involve in anything major. Carry on as you are but if you're looking for some hot romance in your life right now, you're barking up the wrong tree with this guy. There's no way of telling about the future. But a guy like him will go out with lots of ladies but he will avoid those he thinks he might fall for. So he obviously likes you but, in this case, that doesn't do you a whole lot of good. Look out for your own self and your feelings here. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted March 29, 2001 Share Posted March 29, 2001 All I keep thinking when I read this post is to tell you just enjoy NOW. This man seems terrific, he is a nice, caring man. Don't make him even more scared by pressuring. Enjoy the now and gain his trust. Love has no guarantees so whether you pressure him or will make no difference to that. Link to post Share on other sites
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