After all the drama, things are now too calm and weird?

[Fruitee]

So I met this guy last year. We hit it off very well from the beginning. I was still living with my ex and told him about it. He said it is ok and will wait for me. So we were just casually meeting etc. I met some of his friends and we spend time together.

 

Then I moved alone and he started to act weird. He dissapeared. Didn't answer my messages etc.

 

So I started to look around. He find out one night that I spend night with someone else because he saw me in city center with another guy. He was so jealous and angry. I told him that he has no right to act like that because he wasn't around. He might see me once a week or once in 2 weeks. He didn't answer my messages for 3 days etc. All the typical behaviour when someone is not interested.

 

Then I also found out that he had been with someone else as well. I mean having sex with someone else.

 

It didn't make a lot of sense to me. Because he was telling me how much he loves me but wasn't acting like that. We were fighting a lot and sometimes he was even crying to me how much he loves me.

 

Eventually we decided to try that whole relationship thing. So we stopped seeing others and he was around more. Until I found out that the reason for his odd behaviour was that he had girlfriend and she was pregnant.

 

Again I dumbed him.

 

After all I realized I was the other woman. And I thought I was the girlfriend and he was cheating on me. Not him cheating on her with me.

 

Eventually his gf found out. This guy was trying to keep us both. I don't know what is the situation there. But eventually I told him that we can keep having sex but I won't be his other gf again. And I told him that I know he wants that gf back and he should be with her.

 

Anyway now we have been spending time together for like a week and half and he has been totally different than before. He answers my texts. He answers my calls. He is very calm and nice. He is all nights with me. And acting very nice and lovely. I told him that I know he is going to leave me etc. But he is telling me some bs how he loves me and wants to be with me.

 

I know what I am doing is wrong. Because he might still be trying to get back together with his girlfriend. But the thing that bothers me is how he is so different now. After all the drama... Why he is so lovely and loving and sweet now?

[basil67]

Could it be because you're giving him sex?

[Fruitee]

Could it be because you're giving him sex?

 

We have been having sex for over year now so I don't think so.

 

Even sex is different now.

 

We used to have sex a lot and like well like animals. Now even sex is sweet and calm.

 

He is like a different person. So loving and caring. He is still the same guy but his behaviour is odd. He used to be so angry and jealous and kind of dominant and even little bit dangerous. Such an ahole. Now he is asking me about my day and giving me back rubs.

 

I don't get it.

[basil67]

so is he still with his girlfriend?

[Fruitee]

so is he still with his girlfriend?

 

Actually I don't know. My theory is that he is waiting it out. Until she calms down and lets him back in. I asked him about it and he said they are not together and he don't want her. But I did saw her texting him some time ago maybe 2 weeks ago. So I'm thinking he is just waiting it out.

[privategal]

Actually I don't know. My theory is that he is waiting it out. Until she calms down and lets him back in. I asked him about it and he said they are not together and he don't want her. But I did saw her texting him some time ago maybe 2 weeks ago. So I'm thinking he is just waiting it out.

 

Well he sounds like a true prize...sleeping around, gets his girlfriend pregnant, then he doesn't want her. Hes sweet cause he needs a place to live and regular sex while he deals with her wrath for leaving her pregnant and alone and while he figures out how he will pay child support. Your being used. And I suspect you like the drama too.

[Fruitee]

Well he sounds like a true prize...sleeping around, gets his girlfriend pregnant, then he doesn't want her. Hes sweet cause he needs a place to live and regular sex while he deals with her wrath for leaving her pregnant and alone and while he figures out how he will pay child support. Your being used. And I suspect you like the drama too.

 

I used to like the drama, yes. But when I heard about the baby that was too much for even me. And I am pretty horrible person. But I have some limits... I don't think its true that he don't want her. He told me some bs story on how he wanted a relationship but then he met me. It don't explain the pregnancy tho. Because she got pregnant after he met me.

 

He really isn't any kind of prize or prince. At the beginning I thought he was good match for me but that has now wore out. For obvious reasons.

 

I am not sure where that girlfriends stand is on this matter. I know she loves him and she was totally clueless about all the stuff he had been doing. I knew he was player but didn't expect this low of him. So I am pretty sure she will take him back.

[trailrunner1975]

I like the drama, yes.

 

 

The real answer. Hop off the drama train and your troubles are solved.

[Fruitee]

The real answer. Hop off the drama train and your troubles are solved.

 

Well the thing is as I stated before the drama seems to have ended.

[Fruitee]

I have asked him to leave me and go away. I told him I know he is getting back with his "ex". And he is using me. Yesterday he took shower when he came and I told him I know why he doing that. But he is just asking: why you dont me here and do you have someone else and stuff like that.

[privategal]

I used to like the drama, yes. But when I heard about the baby that was too much for even me. And I am pretty horrible person. But I have some limits... I don't think its true that he don't want her. He told me some bs story on how he wanted a relationship but then he met me. It don't explain the pregnancy tho. Because she got pregnant after he met me.

 

He really isn't any kind of prize or prince. At the beginning I thought he was good match for me but that has now wore out. For obvious reasons.

 

I am not sure where that girlfriends stand is on this matter. I know she loves him and she was totally clueless about all the stuff he had been doing. I knew he was player but didn't expect this low of him. So I am pretty sure she will take him back.

 

The stakes are WAY higher now that theres a baby in the picture.

If you want an honest chance at being a couple, maybe you should meet with this girl and sort it out, what he is telling her, and you...I'd want to know the truth and then start from an honest place with all the facts.

If you are acknowledging your an aweful person, then begin today to be a woman of integrity. Try and fix yourself. Life a good life, be a good friend, a kind person, do right by others and take your self out of any situation that will harm you or anyone else.

Id call or meet her in a calm way, sit down and talk. Shes expecting his baby. Get her side.

[Fruitee]

The stakes are WAY higher now that theres a baby in the picture.

If you want an honest chance at being a couple, maybe you should meet with this girl and sort it out, what he is telling her, and you...I'd want to know the truth and then start from an honest place with all the facts.

If you are acknowledging your an aweful person, then begin today to be a woman of integrity. Try and fix yourself. Life a good life, be a good friend, a kind person, do right by others and take your self out of any situation that will harm you or anyone else.

Id call or meet her in a calm way, sit down and talk. Shes expecting his baby. Get her side.

 

Well the thing is that meeting her is not an option. That I know for a fact. I do know some stuff he has been telling her tho.

 

Also I did do the right thing. I told him to f*ck off and leave me alone. I blocked him and everything. But he just keeps coming back and crying to me how much he loves me. It is very hard to move on. I know no matter hard it is I should do it. But of course I love him. I just don't trust him and oh well.

 

It just seems like everything else is going so well in my life. But I always mess up all my relationships with men..

[stillafool]

But eventually I told him that we can keep having sex but I won't be his other gf again. And I told him that I know he wants that gf back and he should be with her.

So you were perfectly fine being his FWB.

 

He answers my texts. He answers my calls. He is very calm and nice. He is all nights with me. And acting very nice and lovely.

Isn't this what you wanted?

 

After all the drama... Why he is so lovely and loving and sweet now?

Because there is no more drama. Just the two of you being FWBs and him still being able to wait for his pregnant gf to come around. You were the one who said they should be together so why are you questioning him being nice to you?

 

He is like a different person. So loving and caring. He is still the same guy but his behaviour is odd. He used to be so angry and jealous and kind of dominant and even little bit dangerous. Such an ahole. Now he is asking me about my day and giving me back rubs.

Again, he hasn't anything to be stressed about at this point. He can enjoy the sex without the drama you provided before.

 

 

I have asked him to leave me and go away. I told him I know he is getting

back with his "ex". And he is using me.

 

So why now are you asking him to go away when he is now acting the way you like? You are very confusing. Edited November 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Clean up quotes and formatting

[Fruitee]

So you were perfectly fine being his FWB.

 

Isn't this what you wanted?

 

Because there is no more drama. Just the two of you being FWBs and him still being able to wait for his pregnant gf to come around. You were the one who said they should be together so why are you questioning him being nice to you?

 

Again, he hasn't anything to be stressed about at this point. He can enjoy the sex without the drama you provided before.

 

So why now are you asking him to go away when he is now acting the way you like? You are very confusing.

 

One correction. It wasn't me who caused all the drama. It was him.

 

I told him when I met him that we could just be fwb. But he said he wants to be serious and my bf. He is still saying that and jealous and angry if he hears I have been talking someone else. So whats the point if he has now what he wanted?

 

I don't understand why he is suddenly nice to me because he never was nice to me. And I know I am confusing.

[stillafool]

One correction. It wasn't me who caused all the drama. It was him.

 

I told him when I met him that we could just be fwb. But he said he wants to be serious and my bf. He is still saying that and jealous and angry if he hears I have been talking someone else. So whats the point if he has now what he wanted?

 

I don't understand why he is suddenly nice to me because he never was nice to me. And I know I am confusing.

 

But, you admitted you liked the drama which means you were feeding it also.

 

My point is if he is treating you better, you do not want him for more than sex, why are you having a problem with him being nice to you? Would you just have sex with him if he weren't nice to you? So what if he's jealous or angry if you talk to other people just keep reminding him that you are only FWB. Most men will get angry if they think they are putting their penis where someone else has recently put theirs; it's nasty. This even happens with FWBs too.

[Fruitee]

Even today I told him I want to break up and not be with him anymore. And he just said its coming from me not from him. And he will never leave me and he don't want to leave me. That his plan was to wait it out with the baby and figure those things out and then tell me the truth about it all. I don't believe him. I think his plan was to dumb me but now he is stuck with me because his gf found out about us.

[stillafool]

Even today I told him I want to break up and not be with him anymore. And he just said its coming from me not from him. And he will never leave me and he don't want to leave me. That his plan was to wait it out with the baby and figure those things out and then tell me the truth about it all. I don't believe him. I think his plan was to dumb me but now he is stuck with me because his gf found out about us.

 

If you feel his plan was to dump you and get his gf back don't let it happen. If you want to break up with him it's simple; just do it. You don't need his permission. Just block him so he can't contact you and move on. More than likely his gf will want him back sooner or later. She is hormonal now but she will start to want the father of her child by her side. You are doing right to break up with him because when she wants him he will run to her.

[privategal]

You dont want our help.

You dont really even have questions.

This is a mess and you've made your bed.

All contradictions and craziness.

Im not sure how old you are but you sound 18.

I don't think your truly seeking advice or how to make it better.

You dont end adult relationships by telling people to F off and leave you alone then they are over showering and such the next day.

Adults dont let that happen.

He has a gf and baby on the way.

Theres no stopping that train and if you think theres drama now, its only just begun but again, you set it up this way. You need a real friend or your mother or father to sit down and talk with. Not a chat board.

Sure the story is entertaining, but truly sad for the girl carrying his baby and will have this joker to not stand by her side and take her to doctors appointment and get the nursery set up. I hate to read this. Shes alone and hes thinking with his d*ck and your back and forth playing games.

The issue isnt hes using you...its that he is a loser.

[Fruitee]

But, you admitted you liked the drama which means you were feeding it also.

 

My point is if he is treating you better, you do not want him for more than sex, why are you having a problem with him being nice to you? Would you just have sex with him if he weren't nice to you? So what if he's jealous or angry if you talk to other people just keep reminding him that you are only FWB. Most men will get angry if they think they are putting their penis where someone else has recently put theirs; it's nasty. This even happens with FWBs too.

 

Ummm me talking to someone don't mean I am having sex with them. Also even if you think something is nasty do not mean everyone thinks so. People have different types of habits. Off topic yes. But just saying.

 

About the drama: this guys is nothing but drama. And I wasn't feeding the drama. I said I liked the drama. I like cats too but I don't have one. It don't mean even if I like something I am doing it.

 

I have reminded him of that and he just keeps repeating that we are more than that.

[Fruitee]

If you feel his plan was to dump you and get his gf back don't let it happen. If you want to break up with him it's simple; just do it. You don't need his permission. Just block him so he can't contact you and move on. More than likely his gf will want him back sooner or later. She is hormonal now but she will start to want the father of her child by her side. You are doing right to break up with him because when she wants him he will run to her.

 

With him breaking up is not simple. Because I have dumbed him. Blocked him. And then we meet up somewhere again. Like one Friday he saw me and followed me home like a puppy. He is saying he will never leave me and it is actually little bit scary. Like if he comes to my place he won't leave and once he said when I was angry he will wait a week and then just come to my place to see if I am still angry at him. I would have to start calling the police. He is crazy and stalker.

 

I don't think there is nothing for me to do to make him stay with me when he decides to go back to her. But also I don't see this thing ending nicely.

[Fruitee]

You dont want our help.

You dont really even have questions.

This is a mess and you've made your bed.

All contradictions and craziness.

Im not sure how old you are but you sound 18.

I don't think your truly seeking advice or how to make it better.

You dont end adult relationships by telling people to F off and leave you alone then they are over showering and such the next day.

Adults dont let that happen.

He has a gf and baby on the way.

Theres no stopping that train and if you think theres drama now, its only just begun but again, you set it up this way. You need a real friend or your mother or father to sit down and talk with. Not a chat board.

Sure the story is entertaining, but truly sad for the girl carrying his baby and will have this joker to not stand by her side and take her to doctors appointment and get the nursery set up. I hate to read this. Shes alone and hes thinking with his d*ck and your back and forth playing games.

The issue isnt hes using you...its that he is a loser.

 

I know that he is a loser. I even knew that when we went on our first date. And I just wonder how that gf didn't see him for what he is. And how she actually decided to make a baby with him. They were not even living together and this guy was basicly living with me leaving her alone. And yet she had no clue or "reason" in her mind to question him or his actions. I always called him on his lies.

 

And yes this thing is like from some kind of soap opera. I don't even really understand how I ended up in a situation like this. But there is no drama now. And I didn't set this up. I thought I was his girlfriend. To find out I wasn't was a huge shock to me. And to find out she is having a baby killed me. Yep it was my decision to continue seeing him. But before I knew. It wasn't me.

 

Of course I know adults don't end relationships like that. I have also told him very calmy that I don't want to be in this situation. And he should have been honest with me. Because I didn't sign up for something like this.

 

Now there are 2 people whos lives have been ruined and when that baby grows up and if they are not together she will for sure blame me. Even I had no clue she even existed. I know when I am writing this what is the right thing to do. To leave him. Because now I know and that is the right thing to do. But when I see him.. he always manages to turn my head. And it is so hard to resist. I know I need grandma or someone to lecture me and keep an eye for me. But this is not something I can go around telling people. And I don't have any family really. I don't even really wanna talk about it hence this forum.

 

I also feel very bad for that woman.

[Popsicle]

He's setting you up to be an OW forever, and he thought you were cool with it too, since you agreed to be FWB. He was happy, it's what he wanted.

 

And now you're complaining again, but you've already said once that you'd agree to be the FWB while he has a girlfriend, so he knows that you'd go there with him (unlike other women who'd be completely done with him) so he'll keep trying to maintain that, saying whatever's necessary.

[Popsicle]

And drama is only fun when the guy is single.

[Fruitee]

And drama is only fun when the guy is single.

 

Exactly.

 

But actually writing this thread made me see this whole thing and I have now decided to leave him and do the whole NC thing.

 

Before I guess I was too inside this whole thing and wasn't able to really see the situation from outsiders point of view. Now that I am reading this I realized it is time to move on and find a boyfriend who don't have a girlfriend.

 

I decided just to send him text saying that I want to find someone who is free and do the right thing etc. Because if I called him he would try to talk to me and make me change my mind. Texts I can just ignore.

 

For sure the saga will continue and letting go seems so difficult. But even yesterday he and his friend lied to me about his weekend plans. So he is still doing same bs as before..

[Popsicle]

He's setting you up to be an OW forever, and he thought you were cool with it too, since you agreed to be FWB. He was happy, it's what he wanted.

 

And now you're complaining again, but you've already said once that you'd agree to be the FWB while he has a girlfriend, so he knows that you'd go there with him (unlike other women who'd be completely done with him) so he'll keep trying to maintain that, saying whatever's necessary.

 

This is oversimplified, as I know he has feelings involved/for you, but with the situation, once the baby comes, you will end up having to take breadcrumbs from him, which will make you feel like a FWB and he knows it too and may accept it and try to get away with that, or he will future fake with you with the ILY's and blah blah blah. Not sure which is worse, they are both humiliating. You are better to just end the whole thing now and stop seeing him. If he ever works his situation out and finishes it, he knows how to contact you again.