After all the drama, things are now too calm and weird?

[Fruitee]

The only thing he answered was: I understand.

 

Seems too easy. Well have to wait and see what happens now. In the mean time I can try to do better in my life.

[stillafool]

He is crazy and stalker.

 

.

 

Get a restraining order.

[stillafool]

I know that he is a loser. I even knew that when we went on our first date. And I just wonder how that gf didn't see him for what he is. And how she actually decided to make a baby with him. They were not even living together and this guy was basicly living with me leaving her alone. And yet she had no clue or "reason" in her mind to question him or his actions. I always called him on his lies.

 

And yes this thing is like from some kind of soap opera. I don't even really understand how I ended up in a situation like this. But there is no drama now. And I didn't set this up. I thought I was his girlfriend. To find out I wasn't was a huge shock to me. And to find out she is having a baby killed me. Yep it was my decision to continue seeing him. But before I knew. It wasn't me.

 

Of course I know adults don't end relationships like that. I have also told him very calmy that I don't want to be in this situation. And he should have been honest with me. Because I didn't sign up for something like this.

 

Now there are 2 people whos lives have been ruined and when that baby grows up and if they are not together she will for sure blame me. Even I had no clue she even existed. I know when I am writing this what is the right thing to do. To leave him. Because now I know and that is the right thing to do. But when I see him.. he always manages to turn my head. And it is so hard to resist. I know I need grandma or someone to lecture me and keep an eye for me. But this is not something I can go around telling people. And I don't have any family really. I don't even really wanna talk about it hence this forum.

 

I also feel very bad for that woman.

 

Why do you go on and on saying the same things? What type of advice are you seeking?

 

If you feel bad for her, block him, leave him alone, get a retraining order and move on with your life.

[privategal]

Why cant you meet or call his girlfriend and get her side?

[Fruitee]

Why do you go on and on saying the same things? What type of advice are you seeking?

 

If you feel bad for her, block him, leave him alone, get a retraining order and move on with your life.

 

I am no sure. I guess I am just trying to make sense of all of this.

 

I have blocked him and decided to move on.

[Fruitee]

Why cant you meet or call his girlfriend and get her side?

 

Because she said so.

[stillafool]

Because she said so.

 

I don't understand this. Are you saying the gf said she won't see you?

[Fruitee]

I don't understand this. Are you saying the gf said she won't see you?

 

Yes. Thats what she said.

[Fruitee]

I don't understand this guy. He was seeing so much effort to keep me. And I told him that you know there is point when you have been treating someone so badly that they don't even care anymore what you do. And then he just didn't say anything. Was just quiet.

[Fruitee]

I believe it is now over for good. When I wrote that I blocked him we spend weekend apart and then he came crawling back. I decided to try to be nice to him to see whats going to happen. Then last Saturday he didnt show up and I wasnt even surprised. Yesterday we spoke and I told him that its clear this thing is not working and I dont even care anymore. Today he then packed his stuff and left. Im having mixed feelings of all of this.

[Fruitee]

I really hate this feeling. I never felt like this. I still don't understand this whole mess and I guess I never will. I kind of miss him but at the same time in relieved. It was my decision to leave him. I should have done it long ago. But I don't know if I miss him or just having him around. I'm not even sure if it was love or if we were just using each other. If he is crazy or something. I just feel like I want to sleep forever.

[casey.lives]

when people feel free, it brings out the best in them. free will and freedom from expectations or responsibilities or judgement.. is the most comforting position to be in. In turn, you have become a soft cloud to him

[Fruitee]

when people feel free, it brings out the best in them. free will and freedom from expectations or responsibilities or judgement.. is the most comforting position to be in. In turn, you have become a soft cloud to him

 

I'm not sure if I understand this message.

[Fruitee]

I think that guy has new woman already. Or got back together with that "girlfriend". He is giving me the silent treatment and keepin his phone off. Which is of course good for me. Also bad. I was expecting him to fight little bit. But then again I'm just glad he is bothering someone else. I don't know. Why do I feel like this? I have been reading and it seems like he has some narcissistic or psycopaths traits. For instance all the lies he told me. And how he was in the beginning. I know I did nothing wrong when I was totally clueless about her and if he has someone new already it has nothing to do with me. I don't even want to see him. But still this weird feeling lingering inside of me. When will it pass?

[privategal]

I think that guy has new woman already. Or got back together with that "girlfriend". He is giving me the silent treatment and keepin his phone off. Which is of course good for me. Also bad. I was expecting him to fight little bit. But then again I'm just glad he is bothering someone else. I don't know. Why do I feel like this? I have been reading and it seems like he has some narcissistic or psycopaths traits. For instance all the lies he told me. And how he was in the beginning. I know I did nothing wrong when I was totally clueless about her and if he has someone new already it has nothing to do with me. I don't even want to see him. But still this weird feeling lingering inside of me. When will it pass?

 

You've played so many games. "I was expecting him to fight.." "he's keeping his phone off" why are you calling if you blocked him? He packed up and left...you've told him its done how many times? He came crawling back?

He has zero respect for you...you mean nothing you say, you have no idea how to be in a mature relationship and its best you stay apart.

All this crazy talk...hes dating her...or maybe her...get it together, you wanna play the makeup, breakup, pick me game with him bevause you've lost yourself, your value, your self respect. This is ridiculous.

[Fruitee]

You've played so many games. "I was expecting him to fight.." "he's keeping his phone off" why are you calling if you blocked him? He packed up and left...you've told him its done how many times? He came crawling back?

He has zero respect for you...you mean nothing you say, you have no idea how to be in a mature relationship and its best you stay apart.

All this crazy talk...hes dating her...or maybe her...get it together, you wanna play the makeup, breakup, pick me game with him bevause you've lost yourself, your value, your self respect. This is ridiculous.

 

Thanks. Well what do you expect after a relationship like this? Me being head high up with great sense of myself and my value?

[Fruitee]

I never played him. He was the one who had gf and secret baby with her. I had no clue. I thought I was overly jealous and crazy because I couldn't accept his behaviour and it made no sense. He was the one who was playing with peoples lives. Even with innocent babys life. Of course I lost myself and fall into a deep pit when I found out and realized everything I thought was real was just a big fat lie and he has no value for me or for anyone else for that matter. I was pulled into some kind of bs drama that I never signed up for.

 

Besides how can you even call a relationship like this mature? This is one thing I have had in my life. Nothing I ever experienced before. How could I even have a mature relationship with someone like him huh?

[privategal]

I never played him. He was the one who had gf and secret baby with her. I had no clue. I thought I was overly jealous and crazy because I couldn't accept his behaviour and it made no sense. He was the one who was playing with peoples lives. Even with innocent babys life. Of course I lost myself and fall into a deep pit when I found out and realized everything I thought was real was just a big fat lie and he has no value for me or for anyone else for that matter. I was pulled into some kind of bs drama that I never signed up for.

 

Besides how can you even call a relationship like this mature? This is one thing I have had in my life. Nothing I ever experienced before. How could I even have a mature relationship with someone like him huh?

 

I agree with you so why are you calling him and bellyaching about him? I give it 48 hours until your back to it because you aren't setting boundaries for yourself and showing class and respect for yourself. No one can pull you into anything or anywhere you dont want to be so please take responsibility as we all have to for our own bed we made. Once you found the truth, it was all on you after that. You are consistently playing games.

[Fruitee]

I agree with you so why are you calling him and bellyaching about him? I give it 48 hours until your back to it because you aren't setting boundaries for yourself and showing class and respect for yourself. No one can pull you into anything or anywhere you dont want to be so please take responsibility as we all have to for our own bed we made. Once you found the truth, it was all on you after that. You are consistently playing games.

 

Yes after I found out. I don't know myself anymore. My head is seriously messed up. Every turn feels wrong and I seriously do not know how to continue from here.

[razze]

One correction. It wasn't me who caused all the drama. It was him.

 

You allowed it to continue rather than dumping him when it first came to light.

 

That makes you a drama participant.

[Fruitee]

You allowed it to continue rather than dumping him when it first came to light.

 

That makes you a drama participant.

 

I did dump him. But we got back together yes. Also after that the drama ended.

[privategal]

Then comes more drama as you complained in this very title of this thread how his nice calm ways and nice demeanor were unsettling... you break up more times and let him back in...now look...he's packed up and left and you cant have any drama cause he's shut off his phone and you've potentially placed him with two other women the same day. Your counting the minutes to see if your gonna get to go another episode in this soap opera you wrote. Quit acting confused. You chose the disrespect, your inviting more, you contributed to it and your trying to call him.

Give it up..its not him...its YOU.

[Fruitee]

Then comes more drama as you complained in this very title of this thread how his nice calm ways and nice demeanor were unsettling... you break up more times and let him back in...now look...he's packed up and left and you cant have any drama cause he's shut off his phone and you've potentially placed him with two other women the same day. Your counting the minutes to see if your gonna get to go another episode in this soap opera you wrote. Quit acting confused. You chose the disrespect, your inviting more, you contributed to it and your trying to call him.

Give it up..its not him...its YOU.

 

I'm sorry but after break up from a relationship like this I'm not allowed to be confused and indecided? First of all. I haven't called him. I sent him a text because he forgot something in my place. It has been now 5 days since something snapped in my head and I realized I cannot continue like this. It's been 2 days since he packed and left. Or depends on how you are counting. Of course he is with someone else. Because thats what he has been doing this whole time. Its pretty easy and clear to understand. Yes. We always got back together because I was so weak and still believing in him and this relationship for reason I dont understand. And of course it is weird if someones behaviour changes into totally opposite. I guess anyone would be wondering why. Most common thing mentioned in all articles is change of behaviour. Why someone who has been so violent and dominant and demanding etc would suddenly be calm and nice and sweet? It just dont make any sense. Yes I did chose the disrespect because I knew nothing else.

[Fruitee]

I'm sorry that I'm not so perfect that I could just act all logical and calm and keep my head together after all of this. I'm sorry that I'm weak and let myself being used and played and I felt sorry for him. I fell in love with a lie and it is very painful to let go of something like that. Especially after all the lies and emotional abuse.

 

All of this he was doing to me:

 

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/11/26/signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/?

 

http://letmereach.com/2014/01/19/exposed-11-lies-love-bombing-narcissists-tell/

 

http://letmereach.com/2015/04/20/narcissists-lies-they-tell-and-the-secrets-they-keep/

 

This is also very good article of this matter.

 

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-spot-emotionally-unavailable-men/

Edited November 27, 2015 by Fruitee

[Fruitee]

First two months into the relationship was us just having fun, going out and having wild sex. He told me many things but I didn't take him seriously. Then I was busy with many things and handling my move and break-up, mourning and whatever stuff. Then I started to notice his odd behaviour. Because he had for example promised to help me with my moving stuff and didn't. He told me so many things. How he wished he met me before. How I was too beautiful for him. How he is having serious trouble with his ex. And he is busy and blah blah. I knew that everything wasn't ok but when we met we had so much fun. It was really nice to be with him. Then during summer all the weird drama started. During spring I was just confused and sad etc. About many things. But during summer he really started to spin me around. He said he wants me to be his girlfriend. How he never loved anyone like me. He was crying. He was so jealous. He would show me around to his friends (I had met them before) but this time he was telling people how he will marry me (??) And how he loves me and we will travel together and I'm the reason he breaths and he is alive because of me. All sorts of crazy stuff. His friends talked to me how he is so crazy about me. He could just stop and stare at me and tell me how could I be so beautiful and how he ever met me. And his friends are telling him that he should just marry me before someone else does. We spent a lot of time together. He had his stuff at my place. He really seemed like he was done with his casual behaviour and was ready to commit. But then I found out about the baby. During summer I went too deep in. And I didn't realize it until it was too late.