Author Fruitee Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 I had a very deep gut feeling that he loves me. And I still kind of believe it. Because how could someone go through so much trouble to keep someone. Then again my brain was telling me all the time none of his behaviour makes any sense. And still when I'm thinking logically I know all the answers and hows and whats. But love like that is very alluring and something deep inside of me is earning for him and his affection. My inner child that was abonded is begging for him to love me and not to leave me like this. It feels like there is no life and loving after him. Nothing feels like anything anymore. I have no joy in things I am doing. I get a lot of stuff done because all of my energy is not going to this drama. And it feels good to do things. But it is also pointless. Who cares if I work or study or clean up or take a shower. Whats the point of anything. I never loved and spinned like this. I have some problems with loving myself and others and with my self-esteem and I don't value myself. I don't think I deserve anything or anyone. There is no one out there for me. All of these thoughts and feelings are tangled up inside of me. And nothing helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Even today he texted me that he is coming here. I told him if he comes I will call the cops. After we broke up he thinks that he can just come here without telling me in advance. Without any plans. I told him he left his stuff but he wont be needing it and I dont want to see him. And then he still thinks he can come here. Only way to keep him away is telling him I will call the police. Me telling him I dont want to see him does nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 Eventually I did see him in clubs and we ended up having sex. Then it just kind of went from there again. I was feeling more calm than before tho. Now he has dissapeared which I was waiting all along. I am kind of relieved but little bit sad too. It is hard to let go when other one is not willing to do it. But I think he is travelling now and during that time my plan is to move on and heal from this. Last Saturday he sent me over 20 texts from have fun with your bf to where are you. Then he found me and was crying to me at the streets how much he loves me. He was acting little bit weird again. Like the old times. Telling me how much he had missing me and how much he loves me. But some how calm and relax. I guess he knew he would be leaving soon or something. I am not sure how to continue from here. How will anything feel anything from now on. How to go back to dating from this. I have decided of course to give myself a lot of time. Lets see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 I asked one of his friends. So yes he is travelling. And didnt even tell me he is leaving. You were right. He was just using me. Well at least nc and moving on will be easy now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 How can he leave without even telling me. Then he is expecting me to wait for him. That after he is back we would continue seeing each other. I must mean 0 to him. First he was telling me how much he loves me and how he has been missing me. Then puff gone. Without even saying bye. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 There are none so blind as those who will not see. That is all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 I have had **** buddies before. None of them ever cried to me how much they love me or acted jealous. Or had their stuff in my place or wanted a key to my apartment. Or all those "relationship" kind of things. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 It's time to get an injection of self esteem and chalk it down to experience. Look to the future where only date single available men, otherwise you're selling yourself short and will never be a priority to the man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 It's time to get an injection of self esteem and chalk it down to experience. Look to the future where only date single available men, otherwise you're selling yourself short and will never be a priority to the man. Yes of course. I thought I was dating single guy. Not that easy to trust people from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 15, 2015 Author Share Posted December 15, 2015 5 days gone. Going strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 16, 2015 Author Share Posted December 16, 2015 Havent seen him now for over a week. Didnt txt him or anything. He contacted me today to tell how much he is missing me. Told him Im very happy without him and I have heard enough of his bs. I actually managed to go for a date too. And have whole week planned nice activites. Christmas is coming soon too. I feel some how so much better now. Less stress. Funny how so many things can change in a week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 16, 2015 Author Share Posted December 16, 2015 So later he texted me how he wants me to go to his home town to meet him. First he leaves town without telling me. Then asks me to go there. I told him hell no also isnt enough that his gf is going there soon to show the baby he then told me to f**k off. Its weird how not long time ago I was so willing to do anything and afraid to say no to him. And now I dont even wanna go. It surprises me. My own reaction. Just be there and leave me alone. Im aftaid that it is easy now because he is away. I wonder what happens when he comes back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 He is so weird. First he send me during night clips of "our song" then when I didnt answer. 12 hours later: go f**k yourself. He is not well right? Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 He is so weird. First he send me during night clips of "our song" then when I didnt answer. 12 hours later: go f**k yourself. He is not well right? He is definitely not well. At all. Look up BPD. It's not a diagnosis, but it might give you and insight into this kind of behavior. I hope you get through this! And I know what you mean about trust. I also thought I was in love with a single guy. The world turned upside down nine months ago, and I am still trying to get myself upright...failing harder some days than others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 He is definitely not well. At all. Look up BPD. It's not a diagnosis, but it might give you and insight into this kind of behavior. I hope you get through this! And I know what you mean about trust. I also thought I was in love with a single guy. The world turned upside down nine months ago, and I am still trying to get myself upright...failing harder some days than others. Actually reading from Wikipedia about BPD sounded a lot like him. Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Actually reading from Wikipedia about BPD sounded a lot like him. A lot of the "Cluster B" disorders, which BPD falls under, might sound a lot like him, unfortunately, because sometimes they are co-morbid. I didn't tell you this to classify him, but more just to give you an idea of how broken people can be, with or without disorders. But what you need to know, especially in this situation is that you shouldn't cut yourself trying to put together his broken pieces. And make no mistake about it, it will cut deep if you try. Xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 A lot of the "Cluster B" disorders, which BPD falls under, might sound a lot like him, unfortunately, because sometimes they are co-morbid. I didn't tell you this to classify him, but more just to give you an idea of how broken people can be, with or without disorders. But what you need to know, especially in this situation is that you shouldn't cut yourself trying to put together his broken pieces. And make no mistake about it, it will cut deep if you try. Xoxo I am not trying to fix him. At least not anymore. I just told him to enjoy his family time and he should now concentrate on getting his life together. What or how he does it is none of my business. I try not to think about him too much. I have allowed myself to be sad. But also I have a lot of stuff to do. So I am taking it day by day. Feels weird to notice now how deep I was in his drama and how he was able to pull me in and how I lost myself. I am still quite not myself. But going to right direction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 He is so weird. First he send me during night clips of "our song" then when I didnt answer. 12 hours later: go f**k yourself. He is not well right? He is seeing that you're taking back control and he's trying to woo you back. Trying to tempt you and manipulate you. What an idiot! Keep ignoring him. You're doing great!! Next up? Some illness. He'll call/text making it seem like an emergency so you will react...DO NOT fall for it. He has a wife and family he can turn to so remember that when he pulls the stunt. And he will pull some form of it to try to make you scared and worried for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 He is seeing that you're taking back control and he's trying to woo you back. Trying to tempt you and manipulate you. What an idiot! Keep ignoring him. You're doing great!! Next up? Some illness. He'll call/text making it seem like an emergency so you will react...DO NOT fall for it. He has a wife and family he can turn to so remember that when he pulls the stunt. And he will pull some form of it to try to make you scared and worried for him. Hehehe I wouldnt be surprised about that. Because he told me that reason for his sudden departure was some legal issues he has to take care of. But when I spoke with our common friends they told me he had been planning this the whole autumn. Whenever I asked him he just said he is not going home for Christmas. Then he said that if he told me he is going then I would get mad. And since I didnt agree to travel there for Christmas and told him if he wanted me there he should have planned it with me instead of leaving without even saying bye and then week later asking me to drop everything and go. Then he told me to f**k off again. He had called me again twice last night. I dont understand why. He knows I work and study and wont be answering my phone 4 or 5 am. So whats the point of calling then? Yesterday I asked him not to text me anymore because we broke up and I dont want to think about him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Hehehe I wouldnt be surprised about that. Because he told me that reason for his sudden departure was some legal issues he has to take care of. But when I spoke with our common friends they told me he had been planning this the whole autumn. Whenever I asked him he just said he is not going home for Christmas. Then he said that if he told me he is going then I would get mad. And since I didnt agree to travel there for Christmas and told him if he wanted me there he should have planned it with me instead of leaving without even saying bye and then week later asking me to drop everything and go. Then he told me to f**k off again. He had called me again twice last night. I dont understand why. He knows I work and study and wont be answering my phone 4 or 5 am. So whats the point of calling then? Yesterday I asked him not to text me anymore because we broke up and I dont want to think about him anymore. BLOCK him. He told you to F-off? For real? I'd cut him completely out and that means blocking or changing your number if need be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 BLOCK him. He told you to F-off? For real? I'd cut him completely out and that means blocking or changing your number if need be. Yep. Also blocked him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 Now that I am looking back I never imagined it would end like this. I guess I knew back at my head it would end. But not like this. And I dont want to spend evenings wondering where he is. Holidays alone. Making trips alone. Or not being able to be in a real relationship because I am involved with someone who dont really want me or want to settle down. It kind of hurts. But also I guess the harsh truth is needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 20, 2015 Author Share Posted December 20, 2015 Were some messages removed from here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fruitee Posted December 21, 2015 Author Share Posted December 21, 2015 I have been trying to do all sorts of things. I went to movies, bought new clothes and make up. Changed my hair. I went to this house party and met some interesting people. One guy even wanted my number. Tomorrow Im leaving for xmas. I cant believe I almost skipped the family Xmas for this guy. I have been skipping a lot of parties and events etc because of him and then he just stood me up. I actually made this list of all the times he stood me up. It was kind of sad to read that list. Why I never realized it before. Once he told me the reason why he makes me wait for him on Saturdays even if he is not coming is because he dont want me to go out and meet someone else. Next year I wont be putting my life on hold.. I will make plans and things and then the future guy I will be seeing can come with me or not. But I wont be missing stuff anymore because of some ahole. If someone can stood me up once he can do it twice. Same with cheating and lying. I could see from my call log his calls but I havent answered or called back. Didnt even bothered to read his texts. I wish android would have same kind of blocking as iPhone has. Now I can see him in my call log. In iPhone it just dissapears without no trace. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Once he told me the reason why he makes me wait for him on Saturdays even if he is not coming is because he dont want me to go out and meet someone else. . What a selfish, manipulative, cunning bast**d. Don't EVER let another man do this to you. I'm glad you can see him for what he really is. Keep meeting new people and he'll become a distant memory... well done for waking up to his bull. I once had a BF who worked nights,.but he got his friends to come and take me out to party on Saturday nights. At the time I thought he wanted me to have fun......that he was being considerate.... now being older and wiser.... I think it was so his friends could keep an eye on me. I couldn't even talk (just talk nothing more) to another guy while they were there......it was to stop me going out on my own. But we were both single at least. Link to post Share on other sites
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