Thinking all men are attracted to me

[SerCay]

Well yes that looks great on paper, but the reality is OP probably looks hot.

 

Thing is, I used to find myself really attractive. Nowadays I am 20 pounds above my usual weight, so I feel less attractive and comfortable in my skin. It doesn't seem to bother men though.

 

See how vain my thoughts are?

 

Now that I think of it, I've had low self esteem since I was a teenager. Somehow in my puberty years, it started and never really left. My bad reationship made it worse, and I started to feel like I can only feel good bout myself when I'm at my goal weight.

 

On the other hand, since I was a child, then during teenage years, and now more than ever, I've had people tell me that I'm gorgeous, I've had men gaze at me, I've had men feeling attracted to me always everywhere...I kinda got used to it but as you see, I've started to doubt myself.

 

This is a really weird phase I'm going through. How can it be that on the one hand, I feel so bad about myself, but on the other hand, the outer world seems to think so highly of me? (Purely talking about looks in this last sentence?)

 

I feel as if I'm either really weird, and my perception is wrong, and all men are like this to all women, all the time. OR there is something that I just don't see about myself that all these other people do see. Which would mean that I have very serious issues with myself....to the point that I'm blind for my own looks.

 

I must sound really strange to you all

[Heatherknows]

Well yes that looks great on paper, but the reality is OP probably looks hot.

 

...since we're all being honest. Now I want the OP to post a picture just so I can see if I'm better looking. Is that a gross think to think? Yep. But I get points for honesty.

[SerCay]

...since we're all being honest. Now I want the OP to post a picture just so I can see if I'm better looking. Is that a gross think to think? Yep. But I get points for honesty.

 

I do get this request...yet I'm not gonna do it as I think you'd understand.

I would like to stay anonymous, never know if someone I know irl is on here.

[WomenWubber]

Are you into fitness?

 

I can't talk for all men, but a healthy amount of fat and muscle on a woman to me is like honey to a starving bear.

[SerCay]

Are you into fitness?

 

I can't talk for all men, but a healthy amount of fat and muscle on a woman to me is like honey to a starving bear.

 

I used to be. I used to work out a lot both when I was a kid up until my early 20's, and I'm going to pick it up again. Started doing a little Yoga recently.

Gained a lot of weight during last r-ship, lost half of it, hence 20 pounds remained.

 

The sports I used to do left me looking fit, no hanging stuff, just with larger thighs, butt and boobs. I must admit that I'm fortunate in that way.

[Heatherknows]

I do get this request...yet I'm not gonna do it as I think you'd understand.

I would like to stay anonymous, never know if someone I know irl is on here.

 

I don't think you should. But I will say you've done an excellent job arousing attention here.

 

Five stars.

[WomenWubber]

I used to be. I used to work out a lot both when I was a kid up until my early 20's, and I'm going to pick it up again. Started doing a little Yoga recently.

Gained a lot of weight during last r-ship, lost half of it, hence 20 pounds remained.

 

The sports I used to do left me looking fit, no hanging stuff, just with larger thighs, butt and boobs. I must admit that I'm fortunate in that way.

 

Seems like you have done a great job nurturing your body. That's something commendable and deserving of respect. Most people don't have the discipline required to take proper care of their bodies.

 

I think you owe to yourself to see your good points and feel proud of yourself.

[Empyrea]

Hmm maybe you're a bit too concerned with appearance. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look your best, or with enjoying male attention, but if it's becoming an issue for you in some way, then it sounds like there might be something else there. I mean, like someone said, it doesn't take a lot for men to be attracted to an attractive woman. They ogle and gaze at anything in a skirt. Or pants. Or sweats. Why should that bother you? Take it as a compliment, but nothing more. It doesn't necessarily mean that they would pursue anything or be interested in dating you - at least you can't assume this based on a prolonged gaze. You just kind of brush it off and concentrate on men that are actually invested in getting to know you.

[craw]

Well yes that looks great on paper, but the reality is OP probably looks hot.

 

Uhh so what's your point?

[truthtripper]

So here's an embarrassing confession and I would like your help on it..

 

I think that all men I communicate with like me.

 

Whether this be co-workers or any other.

 

I hate this and I want to get over myself.

 

Anyone with true advice? I really need to get over this and be able to communicate with men in a normal way.

If all men were truly attracted to me, I would simply use this to my own advantage.

[newmoon]

Unfortunately, yes this is a trait of mine which I'm not proud of. I always want to be groomed 100% and I'm very conscientious of my looks and how others perceive it..

 

It might indeed be from a place of low self esteem, as I have been through a relaionship of 5 yrs that left me at my lowest point at the end..

 

What to do about this beside the obvious learning to love thyself?

 

How to overcome being overly conscientious anyway?

 

for many women their self-esteem and self-worth comes from being complimented, told they are beautiful, etc... all the while they might not actually feel that way inside. so, when a guy talks to them they feel flattered and assume he likes them a lot. if your looks are where you get validation about yourself that won't be something you can change, and it probably makes you happy to think men are interested (even if they are not). the let down would be if they are not, right? if they are just being friendly, you can end up feeling worse b/c you misread it as interest. focus on the interaction w/the person more and less on how you are coming across to them. start to assume that all men are just friendly until you meet one who engages you in multiple conversations or outright expresses interest by asking for a date/number.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Let me get specific...

 

I get the feeling that men I communicate with on regular basis, are physically attracted to me.

 

 

 

Thank heaven you spelled it out accurately.

 

 

It probably isn't inaccurate, or at all wrong.

 

And lord knows that most of us don't spend enough time imagining the life of the woman who is 'wanted' (at least sexually) from all angles.

 

 

And who cares whether the 3rd string waterboy on every fourth football team isn't attracted to you...

 

it really IS OK for you to observe that nearly all men (and lots of women too) would have sex with you if they could... particularly if your observations/perceptions are generally accurate.

 

 

Unfortunately, those not sharing your seeeeeeeeemingly lofty place in the social world will either put you down as the result of envy, OR won't be able to help you in any way for being unable to relate.

 

 

but the last thing you should do is dismiss your perhaps-carefully studied observation which, for you, could be very real.

 

 

Think of the times you've had to guard yourself in social settings just because you ARE so sought-after... and imagine not having to do that so much, were it not for your physical attributes.

 

LOL - the more time we spend on earth, the more often our minds flash to "wow I wish I could be like..."

 

 

But we're probably supposed to be figuring out that we can handle being ourselves just fine.

 

 

Hope you reach some conclusions.

[GunslingerRoland]

If you are very good looking chances are 95% of the time you are right. Isn't that what the word attractive means, that the majority of people are attracted to you?

 

 

Don't attractive women, get used to this and over it, by junior high?

[Dylon]

You sound like my ex. Many have said what's the problem.

 

My ex was attractive but not so much that if she walks into a room, every man wants her and every woman is jealous. She even claimed that women professors were jealous of her looks so they don't like her. I said seriously? She dressed down to not look too attractive. She admitted that she's not comfortable in your own skin. I was surprised. You said the same so the two must be connected.

Too much values placed in looks. She workout, take care of her looks and very vain.

 

So the question is not how you feel, but what you do with such vanity. Because looks is so important to you, you think it's all others care about when they talk to you. What do you think?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Too much values placed in looks. She workout, take care of her looks and very vain.

 

So the question is not how you feel, but what you do with such vanity. Because looks is so important to you, you think it's all others care about when they talk to you. What do you think?

 

 

 

But, the likes of ______(this image, only represented here BY SerKay)_______ is such that she probably learned to be drawn TO the praise at a very young age (much like a plant grows toward the sun).

 

 

So from long before she could talk, or think too deeply, people were likely praising her looks, which began a snowball-like effect where she concentrated more on her looks, which in turn drew more praise.

 

She didn't (learn to juggle, ride a unicycle, or play the Clarinet because she ALREADY GOT lots of attention with her looks). It became so easy to return there and play her aces every day... aaaaaaaand she was already well-practiced at optimizing her beauty for greatest impact with the briefest makeup routine.

 

 

So now... she's that woman who most of us would just like to sit back and admire... but that's too awkward (for all involved)... but it is a 'reward' system for her which was put in place long before sheeeeeeeeeee had anything to do with it. It's more near to a case where somebody's parents caused her to be addicted to cocaine upon her birth... only this was inadvertently perpetrated by the scores of adults all around her throughout her younger years rather than a blood-related thing when a mother was a cocaine addict upon this person's birth.

 

 

Yet to this day, SerKay is impacted BY the *reward* of (being told society values her particularly because of her beauty)... even IF, at times, she would like to fend-off the suitors and go home and sleep.

 

And it probably isn't as much her fault as the rest of us like to pretend (while we envy what we know of her life).

[Dylon]

But, the likes of ______(this image, only represented here BY SerKay)_______ is such that she probably learned to be drawn TO the praise at a very young age (much like a plant grows toward the sun).

 

 

So from long before she could talk, or think too deeply, people were likely praising her looks, which began a snowball-like effect where she concentrated more on her looks, which in turn drew more praise.

 

She didn't (learn to juggle, ride a unicycle, or play the Clarinet because she ALREADY GOT lots of attention with her looks). It became so easy to return there and play her aces every day... aaaaaaaand she was already well-practiced at optimizing her beauty for greatest impact with the briefest makeup routine.

 

 

So now... she's that woman who most of us would just like to sit back and admire... but that's too awkward (for all involved)... but it is a 'reward' system for her which was put in place long before sheeeeeeeeeee had anything to do with it. It's more near to a case where somebody's parents caused her to be addicted to cocaine upon her birth... only this was inadvertently perpetrated by the scores of adults all around her throughout her younger years rather than a blood-related thing when a mother was a cocaine addict upon this person's birth.

 

 

Yet to this day, SerKay is impacted BY the *reward* of (being told society values her particularly because of her beauty)... even IF, at times, she would like to fend-off the suitors and go home and sleep.

 

And it probably isn't as much her fault as the rest of us like to pretend (while we envy what we know of her life).

 

Great post. I agree. However you made the assumption that her reality is the same reality as others. Could it be? Yes. However taken to the extreme of "all me" or "everyone", no. As they say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and I just don't see how all men can agree on the beauty of one person. Other than that, I agree with your analysis.

[Samhain]

What one person finds attractive another person could have a completely different type. So is there a possibility that she's correct and every man she encounters is attracted to her? No.

You can acknowledge a woman is good looking without being attracted to her. I'm sure some guys do find the OP good looking if she's aesthetically easy on the eye, but I'm betting the majority of the guys she encounters at work have more important things on their mind.

 

People are correct in saying it's probably because you are putting too much obsessive thought into looks. Realising that you're so much more than what's on the outside (everybody is) would be a good start.

Edited November 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SerCay]

But, the likes of ______(this image, only represented here BY SerKay)_______ is such that she probably learned to be drawn TO the praise at a very young age (much like a plant grows toward the sun).

 

 

So from long before she could talk, or think too deeply, people were likely praising her looks, which began a snowball-like effect where she concentrated more on her looks, which in turn drew more praise.

 

She didn't (learn to juggle, ride a unicycle, or play the Clarinet because she ALREADY GOT lots of attention with her looks). It became so easy to return there and play her aces every day... aaaaaaaand she was already well-practiced at optimizing her beauty for greatest impact with the briefest makeup routine.

 

 

So now... she's that woman who most of us would just like to sit back and admire... but that's too awkward (for all involved)... but it is a 'reward' system for her which was put in place long before sheeeeeeeeeee had anything to do with it. It's more near to a case where somebody's parents caused her to be addicted to cocaine upon her birth... only this was inadvertently perpetrated by the scores of adults all around her throughout her younger years rather than a blood-related thing when a mother was a cocaine addict upon this person's birth.

 

 

Yet to this day, SerKay is impacted BY the *reward* of (being told society values her particularly because of her beauty)... even IF, at times, she would like to fend-off the suitors and go home and sleep.

 

And it probably isn't as much her fault as the rest of us like to pretend (while we envy what we know of her life).

 

Sincereonlineguy...I am speechless.

 

What you have said in your last 2 posts is so spot on that it actually caused me to tear up. You see..before I react on this post, I just want to explain WHY I got emotional after reading your post. Whenever a person tries to talk about an issue like this, people get all condescending, trying to put it off as being "vanity in my mind" when ALL I ever wanted to accomplish by creating this post, is to GET OVER this feeling, or get used to it, or whatever. This is not some sort of attention grabbing, as another poster mentioned, or some sort of, "I am soooo pretty eeeverybody likes me, see me going" type of thing. I've asked for genuine help and thanks so much to all posters who took it seriously and answered. But the look at those others, that you have so wonderfully described in your sentence: "And it probably isn't as much her fault as the rest of us like to pretend (while we envy what we know of her life)."

 

What you wrote up here, is my life story. First of all I do want to know how you know all this? You seem to know EXACTLY how I feel, and felt when I was a kid.

 

I have been complimented for my looks since I was a BABY. By strangers, by famiky, by friends, by everyone I encounter. Up until this day. And indeed. It makes a person to be a certain kind of lazy. Honestly?? I am also TERRIFIED that I will one day lose my looks. That's one of the reasons why I try to keep up with my body and my skin and everything. Because IT'S ALL I KNOW.

 

It is exactly like you said, sincereonlineguy, nothing ever goes wrong for me. This has made me extremely lazy. I always get jobs, I always get helped everywhere.

 

And indeed..it is as you say a "reward", because it is not a real reward. Let me give you an example of a day of my life.

 

I go to work, my boss compliments me on my eyes 4 times a day and makes dirty jokes about me a couple times. Which are not really nasty, but sexy dirty jokes, about which everyone can laugh, so I just shrug it off. Then I get stares, multiple times during lunch from him. My female co-workers also makes a couple of remarks, of how "such and such customer would WISH he could make me work for him." Then I get a call from another customer, who offers me a job. With my other ear, I hear my boss and my other male co-worker laughing and joking : "the old dirty b*stard, he would WISH she would go work for him." Everybody talks about their private lives at work, I do not so much. I have my friends to discuss those things. My boss makes jokes about "my lover" just to get words out of my mouth about who my lover might be, and if I'm seeing someone. Then I decide to go to the shop next door to get me some energy drinks, the guys start joking that the guy working at this shop was asking for me in the morning and that he's in love with me. Work day is over. I meet my friend. I am to meet her boyfriend for the first time. Her boyfriend is great, they make a lovely couple!!! We agree that we will do such and such activity in the future. THEN the boyfriend starts complimenting me on my eyes, ohhh with your gorgeous eyes, right in front of his girlfriend, and I thank him. Meanwhile I am TERRIFIED I will lose my friend, because it's happened like this before. The guy makes an innocent compliment, and my friend doesn't want to see me anymore. No, thankfully it didnt happen with this friend. BUT as you can guess, the activity of the 3 of us going to that place we discussed? Never went through. I meet my friend alone, as I did before. I take the train to go home. On the train a guy who is sitting a couple rows further, purposely comes down when he sees me entering and comes to sit across and stare at me. I notice it, so to fend him off, I take a huge gross bite out of my burger as if I'm some sort of cave woman. It helps, guy stands up and goes back to his old seat.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't dislike my life, my job, my friends. BUT this is exhausting. Not exhausting because the validation I get for my looks. It is exhausting because I am on the one hand addicted to it, I am NO ONE without my looks. Which is what this whole thread is about basically, I realize at this point.

 

I want to break free of this. I want to be a person who is valued for her mind and her wit and her humor and the fun you can have with her. I am sick and tired, of everything in my life being based on my looks.

 

Sincereonlineguy, I think you can advice me on this as you understand it so well....what can I do to break this lifelong cycle of "reward system" that started for me when I was only just a baby, never stopped and formed me into who I am???

[SerCay]

Oh, and btw, for the guy calling me the office selfie taker; I do not own a FB account nor do I have Instagram, nor any other IM system with my picture on it honestly. I do not even have a lot of pictures of myself to be honest.

 

So there it is. Keep your judgmental for yourself and help me for real if you like.

[Heatherknows]

Sincereonlineguy...I am speechless.

 

What you have said in your last 2 posts is so spot on that it actually caused me to tear up. You see..before I react on this post, I just want to explain WHY I got emotional after reading your post. Whenever a person tries to talk about an issue like this, people get all condescending, trying to put it off as being "vanity in my mind" when ALL I ever wanted to accomplish by creating this post, is to GET OVER this feeling, or get used to it, or whatever. This is not some sort of attention grabbing, as another poster mentioned, or some sort of, "I am soooo pretty eeeverybody likes me, see me going" type of thing. I've asked for genuine help and thanks so much to all posters who took it seriously and answered. But the look at those others, that you have so wonderfully described in your sentence: "And it probably isn't as much her fault as the rest of us like to pretend (while we envy what we know of her life)."

 

What you wrote up here, is my life story. First of all I do want to know how you know all this? You seem to know EXACTLY how I feel, and felt when I was a kid.

 

I have been complimented for my looks since I was a BABY. By strangers, by famiky, by friends, by everyone I encounter. Up until this day. And indeed. It makes a person to be a certain kind of lazy. Honestly?? I am also TERRIFIED that I will one day lose my looks. That's one of the reasons why I try to keep up with my body and my skin and everything. Because IT'S ALL I KNOW.

 

It is exactly like you said, sincereonlineguy, nothing ever goes wrong for me. This has made me extremely lazy. I always get jobs, I always get helped everywhere.

 

And indeed..it is as you say a "reward", because it is not a real reward. Let me give you an example of a day of my life.

 

I go to work, my boss compliments me on my eyes 4 times a day and makes dirty jokes about me a couple times. Which are not really nasty, but sexy dirty jokes, about which everyone can laugh, so I just shrug it off. Then I get stares, multiple times during lunch from him. My female co-workers also makes a couple of remarks, of how "such and such customer would WISH he could make me work for him." Then I get a call from another customer, who offers me a job. With my other ear, I hear my boss and my other male co-worker laughing and joking : "the old dirty b*stard, he would WISH she would go work for him." Everybody talks about their private lives at work, I do not so much. I have my friends to discuss those things. My boss makes jokes about "my lover" just to get words out of my mouth about who my lover might be, and if I'm seeing someone. Then I decide to go to the shop next door to get me some energy drinks, the guys start joking that the guy working at this shop was asking for me in the morning and that he's in love with me. Work day is over. I meet my friend. I am to meet her boyfriend for the first time. Her boyfriend is great, they make a lovely couple!!! We agree that we will do such and such activity in the future. THEN the boyfriend starts complimenting me on my eyes, ohhh with your gorgeous eyes, right in front of his girlfriend, and I thank him. Meanwhile I am TERRIFIED I will lose my friend, because it's happened like this before. The guy makes an innocent compliment, and my friend doesn't want to see me anymore. No, thankfully it didnt happen with this friend. BUT as you can guess, the activity of the 3 of us going to that place we discussed? Never went through. I meet my friend alone, as I did before. I take the train to go home. On the train a guy who is sitting a couple rows further, purposely comes down when he sees me entering and comes to sit across and stare at me. I notice it, so to fend him off, I take a huge gross bite out of my burger as if I'm some sort of cave woman. It helps, guy stands up and goes back to his old seat.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't dislike my life, my job, my friends. BUT this is exhausting. Not exhausting because the validation I get for my looks. It is exhausting because I am on the one hand addicted to it, I am NO ONE without my looks. Which is what this whole thread is about basically, I realize at this point.

 

I want to break free of this. I want to be a person who is valued for her mind and her wit and her humor and the fun you can have with her. I am sick and tired, of everything in my life being based on my looks.

 

Sincereonlineguy, I think you can advice me on this as you understand it so well....what can I do to break this lifelong cycle of "reward system" that started for me when I was only just a baby, never stopped and formed me into who I am???

 

No matter how beautiful you are you can always play down your looks if you're that concerned.

[Dylon]

You said you wanted help. Sounds to me you wanted people to validate that you are right. No one said you are not attractive. You wanted perspective on what people think. You wanted to know how to change your perception. We all seen pretty people in our lives so our views are valid too. You just trying to tell us that yes, everyone have the same views when they look at you. I just don't buy it. Like in life, it seems like you wanted anomously people to think you are pretty too.

 

Again, no one can judge that you are or not. I'm sure you are. It's not the point. We addressed your perception and you wanted opinions or do you just want us to accept your words.

Edited November 17, 2015 by Dylon

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Sincereonlineguy...I am speechless.

 

What you have said in your last 2 posts is so spot on that it actually caused me to tear up. You see..before I react on this post, I just want to explain WHY I got emotional after reading your post. Whenever a person tries to talk about an issue like this, people get all condescending, trying to put it off as being "vanity in my mind" when ALL I ever wanted to accomplish by creating this post, is to GET OVER this feeling, or get used to it, or whatever. This is not some sort of attention grabbing, as another poster mentioned, or some sort of, "I am soooo pretty eeeverybody likes me, see me going" type of thing. I've asked for genuine help and thanks so much to all posters who took it seriously and answered. But the look at those others, that you have so wonderfully described in your sentence: "And it probably isn't as much her fault as the rest of us like to pretend (while we envy what we know of her life)."

 

What you wrote up here, is my life story. First of all I do want to know how you know all this? You seem to know EXACTLY how I feel, and felt when I was a kid.

 

I have been complimented for my looks since I was a BABY. By strangers, by famiky, by friends, by everyone I encounter. Up until this day. And indeed. It makes a person to be a certain kind of lazy. Honestly?? I am also TERRIFIED that I will one day lose my looks. That's one of the reasons why I try to keep up with my body and my skin and everything. Because IT'S ALL I KNOW.

 

It is exactly like you said, sincereonlineguy, nothing ever goes wrong for me. This has made me extremely lazy. I always get jobs, I always get helped everywhere.

 

And indeed..it is as you say a "reward", because it is not a real reward. Let me give you an example of a day of my life.

 

I go to work, my boss compliments me on my eyes 4 times a day and makes dirty jokes about me a couple times. Which are not really nasty, but sexy dirty jokes, about which everyone can laugh, so I just shrug it off. Then I get stares, multiple times during lunch from him. My female co-workers also makes a couple of remarks, of how "such and such customer would WISH he could make me work for him." Then I get a call from another customer, who offers me a job. With my other ear, I hear my boss and my other male co-worker laughing and joking : "the old dirty b*stard, he would WISH she would go work for him." Everybody talks about their private lives at work, I do not so much. I have my friends to discuss those things. My boss makes jokes about "my lover" just to get words out of my mouth about who my lover might be, and if I'm seeing someone. Then I decide to go to the shop next door to get me some energy drinks, the guys start joking that the guy working at this shop was asking for me in the morning and that he's in love with me. Work day is over. I meet my friend. I am to meet her boyfriend for the first time. Her boyfriend is great, they make a lovely couple!!! We agree that we will do such and such activity in the future. THEN the boyfriend starts complimenting me on my eyes, ohhh with your gorgeous eyes, right in front of his girlfriend, and I thank him. Meanwhile I am TERRIFIED I will lose my friend, because it's happened like this before. The guy makes an innocent compliment, and my friend doesn't want to see me anymore. No, thankfully it didnt happen with this friend. BUT as you can guess, the activity of the 3 of us going to that place we discussed? Never went through. I meet my friend alone, as I did before. I take the train to go home. On the train a guy who is sitting a couple rows further, purposely comes down when he sees me entering and comes to sit across and stare at me. I notice it, so to fend him off, I take a huge gross bite out of my burger as if I'm some sort of cave woman. It helps, guy stands up and goes back to his old seat.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't dislike my life, my job, my friends. BUT this is exhausting. Not exhausting because the validation I get for my looks. It is exhausting because I am on the one hand addicted to it, I am NO ONE without my looks. Which is what this whole thread is about basically, I realize at this point.

 

I want to break free of this. I want to be a person who is valued for her mind and her wit and her humor and the fun you can have with her. I am sick and tired, of everything in my life being based on my looks.

 

Sincereonlineguy, I think you can advice me on this as you understand it so well....what can I do to break this lifelong cycle of "reward system" that started for me when I was only just a baby, never stopped and formed me into who I am???

 

 

You know what's just great about the notion of this topic ??? - that the internet can let us all seem so far apart, geographically, that we think we can get somewhere in conversation on just such a topic. (without as much of the envy and inability to relate, which probably limits such discussion in the real world )

 

I can't relate one bit to what you actually know and live... as my sense OF (the substance to your very sincere-and-accurate-seeming descriptions/observations) is more akin to deep space scientists, reading gravitational pulls, and measuring the speed of light (or some such thing) to determine that SOMEthing must be there (long before anyone actually discovers the star/planet/galaxy/black-hole).

 

 

But it's the internet which gives you half a chance at being able to describe your (one, personal testimony about how it really is ) while at least having the chance to express it all outwardly before it is met with the usual reactions of envy and lack of empathy)

 

I mean, what if you were the one, with the cardboard sign, expressing homelessness or that you were broke and hungry, perhaps while stranded in a city far from what you knew... Would most of us completely ignore you in the same way we reserve for the older male, with a 4-day beard and bedraggled clothing?? (it would be an entertaining experiment to see how much some passers-by would bend over backward to help you... (though some of it would be rather tasteless at times)). (side note: *you'd probably ruin the validity of the experiment by having a immaculately-written and clearly-visible statement on your fresh and new piece of cardboard, unlike your homeless counterpart)

 

 

Pause to mention how interesting, noteworthy and well-described was your typical day...

 

And a thought just came to my head... and y'know how we as a society always tell those seeking mates to get out and meet people, with a good way to do so being to pursue things you love to do... (such as taking a class here or there, learning about something that really interests/matters (to) you) (or maybe go on the company/neighborhood/church ski/bicycle trip, or whatever) with the main purpose being to delve into something you love, by expanding your horizons in such an area, and a side purpose being that, by engaging in something they're really passionate about, and doing so around many other people, they will stand a great chance of forging a reasonable bond with others, centered on their shared passion????

 

 

<sorry for that run-on thought>

 

 

Anyway, what IF the answer to your quest is that same effort toward learning something new (taking a class or two), or enjoying something in a group/educational setting that you've always been interested in, or always wanted to try???

 

Whether it be rock climbing, star-gazing, or skiing... there are always activities out there being shared by others, and while some in those groups will be there with an underlying inspiration being that of meeting somebody special, for you it could have the effect of piquing your mind in just the way that would perhaps first nudge away some of your own focus on your looks (for needing the room in your thoughts to entertain this new/renewed interest). Eventually you would keep pursuing things which best held your interest, and soon your experience and familiarity with those subjects will be enough to (keep your own attention, and that of a higher percentage of others all around you less on your looks and more on your immersion in your subject(s) of interest).

 

 

And yeah, many of us can predict the future that way, where just as soon as you sign-up for a class, and get slightly excited about the subject, the guys in that class, some of whom may have been coaxed to sign up juuuuuuuuust on the chance they might meet someone, will start fawning all over you. Sometimes even at the expense of the class as a whole.

 

So SOME of the best end result may have to be your own willpower in resisting much of the attention - at least in the classroom environment - while urging those paying too much attention to let you focus on what you are there to learn/do.

 

No doubt that too isn't (as easy as the rest of us think it is)... when everyone races to hold the door open for you, or be partnered in your mini study-group for homework or the like.

 

It really may be difficult to resist the onslaught of male attention, but you just neeeeeeeeeeed to find out whether you can evolve usefully through the pursuit of something like that.

 

 

Of course that idea may sound so foreign to you - because being around groups of new people always goes the same way for you - and that's why you need to be sincere in selecting a subject to learn/pursue (something you actually have interest in). (and it doesn't have to be a class/outing/event that males would even be drawn to... if it were mainly females, then maybe you could learn in peace)

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand maybe there is the chance that the (life alteration) that is to take such a class or pursue such an activity is as significant to you as it is to (the rest of us who resist actually following such advice) that none of us will ever get up and invite the new routine into our worlds.

 

I hope this gets your ideas flowing at the very least.

 

 

 

PS - and those dwelling on the ideal that SerCay thinks she is the most attractive person in the room/neighborhood/metropolis would probably do well to think back to math in school... where "X" (or Y) was merely approaching a certain limit, never to actually reach that point. Her observations are valid as shared, and the part about everybody having different tastes is no defense against the unique bit of sharing we've read here.

 

It would be akin to trying to refute the statement "Ronda Rousey could probably punch your lights out" with "(at least) SOMEbody is better/tougher than Ronda Rousey".

 

 

* and no, I don't especially like Ronda Rousey

[Samhain]

Oh, and btw, for the guy calling me the office selfie taker; I do not own a FB account nor do I have Instagram, nor any other IM system with my picture on it honestly. I do not even have a lot of pictures of myself to be honest.

 

So there it is. Keep your judgmental for yourself and help me for real if you like.

 

I didn't say you were a selfie taker, I was using a metaphor, to basically say while you're stood there assuming every guy at work you interact with is "attracted to you" they probably have a hundred other things on their mind.

 

I'm not sure what kind of feedback you expected here.

 

Finding someone attractive is very different to being "attracted to them" so even if you are right and the majority of men you work with think you are "good looking" chances are, they still don't give you a second thought.

 

I don't know how old you are but at some point in life you will come to the realization that looks are one small part of a very huge grand scheme of things. And a lot of 'good looking people' who have very little substance in any other aspect are usually dropped pretty quickly anyway.

[lino]

No matter how beautiful you are you can always play down your looks if you're that concerned.

 

100% true.

 

It's a lot easier to lose good looks than gain them.

 

Gain weight, stop any beauty treatments, don't do anything with your hair is just a start if you're 'too beautiful'

 

There are women who would kill to be in your place that will never in their life get a second look from a man.

 

There are guys who will remain virgins till they die, not even having held a woman's hand that wasn't their mother.

 

Make the most of what nature gave you. It costs you $0.00

[Heatherknows]

100% true.

 

It's a lot easier to lose good looks than gain them.

 

Gain weight, stop any beauty treatments, don't do anything with your hair is just a start if you're 'too beautiful'

 

There are women who would kill to be in your place that will never in their life get a second look from a man.

 

There are guys who will remain virgins till they die, not even having held a woman's hand that wasn't their mother.

 

Make the most of what nature gave you. It costs you $0.00

 

Most of the time I dress like a homeless person because I'm a housewife and spend a good amount of my time cleaning, cooking, taking care of the dog and working in the garden. Nobody looks at me. However, I'm by society standards very attractive and when I wear tight clothes or put on a little makeup i get lots of attention. It's easy to get attention. It's easy to get rid of attention.