Thinking all men are attracted to me

[GunslingerRoland]

If you are being sexually harassed at work, even playfully, find a different workplace. Working in a respectful environment will change your perspective a lot and make you realize that even being beautiful should not get you treated that way.

 

 

But yeah, it still doesn't change the fact that people will be attracted to you and treat you better because of it. You can feel guilty about it, and let it ruin your self esteem because you can feel like you are only succeeding because of your looks. OR you can use it as extra motivation, to work harder and prove that, hey guess what, I'm not just a pretty face, I'm also damn good at what I do in life.

 

 

To me, it just seems like a waste of time, feeling guilty over things you can't control.

[ASG]

I felt like that in my 20s. Because they all were indeed

 

Men... most think with their lower heads. Specially with young women.

 

I still feel like that sometimes. And the I check myself. Surely it can't be true and I'm just a bit full of myself. Turns out they are. Every. Single. Time. I have a stupidly good radar for that, it seems.

[m4p]

OP, I don't think playing down your looks is the way to go... and I don't agree with some of the spiteful comments here.

 

You asked for help in what I thought was in a genuinely sincere and confused way, and you got pretty great analyse/response from SincereOnlineGuy. I really do think it is the rewards/validation thing going on. It is just how it has been for you your whole life up till now and you can't change the past but you can change you now. (not your looks but you)

 

Let's establish the fact that you're extremely attractive and get that out of the way.

 

I think what is most important right now is for you to analyse how you react to these everyday situations. I am definitely not victim blaming here, but is there any way that you behave/react that encourages or eggs people on with all the compliments, dirty talk and insecurities from friends?

 

I am also gonna sound presumptuous and full of myself right now, but I identify with you with regards to having it easy in life because of my physical attractiveness. Since I was young, things gets done easier and people are generally nicer to me everywhere I go. I get to talk my way out of fines, given discounts everywhere and I got my current (awesome) job because the GM of my company met me by chance when I was a student working part time and got me an interview directly. My looks helps, I will never deny it.

 

BUT. I also identify my own merits, strengths and weaknesses. I don't let my looks define everything that happened to me. When someone does something nice for me, I would like to think that it is because I was nice and polite to them, (added on with not-ugly). Because why not? That's how things work. I work hard and studied hard and when my client is taken with me even if he/she has never met me IRL before, I know then that it is not just because of my looks.

 

Secondly is BOUNDARIES. I've identified the attractiveness thing since puberty in high school. All those came along with sexual harressment, catcalling, unwanted advances all these years. I've learnt to set strict boundaries for the way I treat people especially males, because it is VERY EASY for males to get wrong ideas. I never play along with dirty jokes with male coworkers and when my boss does that (trust me I know how your work environment feels), I never have any reactions. It doesn't offend them but they do scale it down a lot since, because simply, it is not fun anymore because they are not getting any rewards out of teasing me.

 

Same goes with male friends and coworkers. I'd rather offend than indulge. You don't owe anyone anything just because they casted a vote in your favour. Perhaps you can think about this. Also, it could also be because you're simply lovely and kind and people gravitate towards you, why not too?

 

Try to set some boundaries, you don't have to return attention the same way that you've gotten it. People will get the message from the vibes you give out but they WON'T HATE YOU. That's something you gotta understand and get over the fear of not being liked. I am sure you are more than just a pretty face so work on it.

 

How I try to make it work is to simply be myself when I am with female friends and more guarded when it comes to guys that I don't trust or don't know well enough.

 

At the risk of sounding supremely disgusting: Something I only tell to my very very close friends is that I really cannot be to charming and I cannot be too "real me" when it comes to guys because it is very easy to fall in love with me. Verified by all my exes and friends- It's a character + looks combinations: I am funny, smart, goofy, beautiful- it's really not that hard to like me.

 

Don't downplay your looks, why should you!?!? Being well groomed/in good shape is nothing to be ashamed of. God gave you these, make it part of you but don't let it define you. Don't waste your prime. Be the very person that your looks embodies and live up to it. I've met so many beautiful ladies who are stunning inside and out. Be confident and know when to say NO. Not everyone deserves a piece of you. (this applies not only to conventionally pretty people but everyone who has self worth).

 

Ultimately as cliche as it sounds, what's inside is way more important.

 

I sincerely hope that this WALL OF TEXT (I'm sorry lol) gives you insights on how to deal with this. Hugs!

[Heatherknows]

Don't downplay your looks, why should you!?!? Being well groomed/in good shape is nothing to be ashamed of. God gave you these, make it part of you but don't let it define you. Don't waste your prime. Be the very person that your looks embodies and live up to it. I've met so many beautiful ladies who are stunning inside and out. Be confident and know when to say NO. Not everyone deserves a piece of you. (this applies not only to conventionally pretty people but everyone who has self worth).

 

Ultimately as cliche as it sounds, what's inside is way more important.

 

I sincerely hope that this WALL OF TEXT (I'm sorry lol) gives you insights on how to deal with this. Hugs!

 

I respectfully disagree. If I was getting too much attention and it was bothering me I'd downplay my looks. It's a simple fix.

 

I'm not being spiteful or jealous. I was an actress and a dancer and did a much of promotional modeling. I made lots of money standing around looking pretty. Lots. Right now I don't have to work, I'm a Stay at Home Wife and pet parent. But if I did need to get a job I get one quick because I'm cute, sexy, funny and intelligent. Intelligent enough to know if I didn't want to get attention because of my looks, I'd play them down.

 

Simple.