Became friends with ex-narcs ex-wife whom he hates, but now I want him back...

[Decipher_Man_Speak]

Okay, so I already have an idea of the kinds of responses I'm going to get about this, but really need some honest insights...

 

I was in a relationship (on-again-off-again) for two years. We got engaged last Christmas, I quit my job and moved out of state with him, and then found out he was lying to me/talking to his ex-girlfriends, so I left.

 

At first he wanted me back. But that lasted about a day and then he cut me off cold. I did contact him and I contacted the married ex-girlfriend whom he had been planning on meeting while we were together and let her know that I knew and what I thought of her--not vicious, just that she was being stupid going out on her husband with an ex-boyfriend who talked about and treated her like ****.

 

Not my finest moment. I know. Would have not done that had I had it to do over.

 

Well, when he found out, he talked to me and said he was going to get a restraining order and prosecute me for defamation of character. He said he was going to come at me, "Full guns blazing," and hung up. He then called and cursed out my parents. I'm 30 and he's in his late 40's, so there was no reason for that level of immaturity. I would never have contacted his mom or kids and said anything to them, let alone curse them out. And I honestly had not done anything to warrant those threats.

 

However, at this point I was jobless, homeless and scared that I'd be taken to court, when I couldn't afford that.

 

So, I did the only thing I knew to do: contacted his ex-wife.

 

The reason for this is because she is the only other person I knew knew the truth about him. He has taken her to court and made her life hell for the two years that we've been together.

 

She said she would testify against him, should he take me to court, and would help me in any way possible. We ended up getting really close and she and I are now facebook friends and friends in real life.

 

Well, he found out.

 

He hasn't contacted me, but he contacted her, threatening to take both of us to court and telling her how pathetic and crazy we both are, though he did say he had loved me. Actually, he said, "Ours was a strange love."

 

That's an understatement.

 

Anyway, I have since moved. I am trying to date and move on. That said, I'm dying to hear from him. In the past, he has reached out to all of his exes. He is facebook friends with most of them and many of them have done crazier things to him than I have.

 

Well, different kinds of "crazy," but crazy nonetheless.

 

That said, none of them are friends with his arch nemisis, namely, his ex-wife.

 

I don't know what I want, exactly, but I do know I want him to contact me. We are obviously no contact now, but much of my stuff is still with him, though I have returned all of his stuff.

 

I foresee that he will eventually contact me, probably during or after the holidays, using returning my things as an "in."

 

That said, I guess my question is three-fold: (1) how long does it take for an ex to eventually reach out after NC, if at all? (2) For the guys out there, how likely are you to contact an ex who is friends with another ex or who you think is crazy? (3) If it is unlikely that he'll contact me, is there any way for me to soften him toward me again after all of this?

 

Thanks in advance!

[basil67]

Why on earth do you want him back? All I can see is a list of reasons why you shouldn't want him!

 

Go talk this through with his ex wife. I'm sure she'll remind you what an arsehole he is and why you should avoid him.