oregon0011 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Ok, so you meet a girl who has a lot going for her, and you have great chemistry...Constant laughing, great sex, connect on many levels.. Now during some of these laugh sessions, she slips up and starts telling stories about random sexual encounters. Sleeping with her doctor, a guy from the gym, a guy she DIDNT like from online dating at the park after dinner, a customer that came into her store, etc.. And she has no problem stating it was just "casual fun". Sort of like she was always just a FWB with random guys that hit on her.. So my question for the ladies here would be, is this pretty much common behavior amongst a lot of single women, except they do not talk about it? if you were promiscuous in the past, could you be trusted in a relationship? And my question for the guys would be, would this bother you? Could you trust a girl who was promiscuous? Do you feel your girl is kind of lying when she says she only had a few partners? Does it not make any difference? As for me when I am with her things are fine... But having hearing her stories it does make me wonder what she is doing when I am not with her. Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I think there is still a stigma for women to be like this (openly). Some probably do hide it. I've experienced two type of women that have been promiscuous and told me. 1. The type of woman that is open about it but doesn't discuss situations in detail with you. I am fine with this type of woman. I have dated a girl that tripled my 'count', but she was adamantly clear how much she liked me and never described her other encounters. As such, I never experienced jealousy. 3. The type of woman that does what your girl did. I have experienced this, and I have a hard time getting past it. Because everything becomes a comparison of what she did with others to what she did with you. Plus, it's plain unattractive to know someone else could get what you have so easily. ---- I don't know what to tell you, other than don't dwell on it. Also, keep in mind that describing your sexual past may upset women in the same way. Being respectful is always a good thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I've been promiscuous I guess by most people's standards (around twenty sexual partners, most of whom I wasn't in a relationship with but all of whom I at least knew for a while, no ONS), have done plenty of wild stuff (S&M relationships, open relationships, slept with two separate guys within a few hours of one another...) and I've never cheated, on anyone, ever. Not even a kiss. I just wouldn't. I couldn't, because I know that once I broke that bond of fidelity, I'd HAVE to tell the other person, I've always struggled to imagine how people keep it to themselves and hide it, because once I did it I know I'd be so torn up with guilt I'd have to confess. So, I just wouldn't cheat. Because I would expect someone I cheated on to leave me in an instant like I would them. So cheating for me would mean the end of the relationship... it's just not something I could allow myself to ever do. Once I'm in a relationship, I'm very committed. I've only ever left one relationship and that was after four years of trying to make it work. The rest of the time I've usually been the one left, as once I'm with someone and in love it takes a lot for me to change my mind. Sexual promiscuity while single has nothing to do with fidelity while in a relationship. In fact I've anecdotally known more people cheat because they haven't played the field and wonder what they're missing out on, than I have promiscuous people keep on sleeping around while in a relationship. At least when you've slept around a tonne you know what's out there, so there's less risk of wanting to stray out of sheer curiosity. If a guy I meet doesn't want to date me because I've slept around then that's totally his choice and doesn't bother me. But to presume I will cheat because I've been promiscuous would be so far off the mark. For the record I'm the type of girl that is as open with a partner as he wants me to be. I'd never lie about my past or 'number' if asked, but wouldn't shove the details in his face unless he wanted to know enough that he specifically asked. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Natalie8 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Are you deadelvis with a new profile name?? To answer your question, i fail to see what does a promiscous past got to do with being faithful in a relationship. Many years ago i was in a ltr. My count was a lot higher than of my partner. ( i never spoke about my past much but he did tell me his number so thats how i knew)..guess which one of us ended up cheating. I also dated a guy some time ago who coaxed things out of me about my past then called me a reformed slut when he was drunk..charming. He had a massive madonna-whore complex. There are guys who dont want to know...but ask..then get upset when hear the answer and hold it against you forever..no matter what. No, i have never had sex with someone in the park after a first date but i think i can see where this thread is going 4 Link to post Share on other sites
grmi66 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Think this also depends on what your plans are for this relationship. Is this going to be a long term relationship or are you just dating for fun? What are her expectations. I'm in a similar position and in a LTR with a woman with a promiscuous past. When we made the decision to move in and work towards getting engaged we discussed our mutual pasts. So we both for the most part know the basics, just not the specifics and mechanics of our past. But based on her family experience and some of her traumas, it did not surprise me that she was promiscuous. Nor was she surprised to hear about my past in light of what happened to me. When my GF did have a relapse into her old behavior a few years ago before we met, I made sure that I understood what happened. Plus she knows what drove me to relapse into unhealthy dating patterns last year. We keep each other in check. Biggest thing is to talk about it. But it is tough, think it is tougher for men to get over a partners past than it is for women. My number is in the triple digits and hers is under 15 for the past 20 years (I don't bother keeping score of what she did before her first marriage). But the fact that 6-7 of the 15 happened in a three month period still bugs me a little. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 A lock opened by many keys is a poorly made lock. Link to post Share on other sites
Natalie8 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 A lock opened by many keys is a poorly made lock. Jesus wept.. I hope you are kidding 12 Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I don't find her behaviour that strange, but I do find it strange that she would go into such detail about it.. THAT is the part that would concern me. What did she hope to gain by telling you all of that stuff i wonder? To establish that the situation between the two of you was casual I would guess? I've been quite promiscuous in the past (but safe). I'm sexually liberal and experimental, but I would never and have never cheated on anyone despite being in 3 long term relationships. I also have never had any STDs and get checked regularly. I just like sex and am not always in relationships, and prefer to have casual sex than to commit to a relationship with someone that I don't truly care about. When I'm with someone that I do care about then none of those other things matter. I'm ferociously loyal when I'm in a relationship, which is probably why i don't enter into them with just anyone I want to sleep with. I don't tell my boyfriends the details of these things unless they ask however. I don't pretend to be sexually conservative at ALL, nor do I lie or mislead them about my past in any way. However, there are some things you'd just rather not know about the person you're dating. I don't want the gory details of what they've done in the past because then I can't get the image out of my head and it has nothing to do with me anyway. I don't know why she would think you would want to know all of those things. Are you two just starting to date now? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Worry less about numbers and worry more if she even cheated on a man or used a guy for material gain or whatever he can do for her. That is a bigger red flag than who she slept with. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I was promiscuous in the past. And stayed totally monogamous for a good 14 years... I recently had a brief affair - but the reasons where many. I think my views regarding sex made sleeping with someone outside of my relationship a bit easier, but was far from the main reason. So, despite being pretty casual about who I hooked up with in the past, I was able to keep my pants on for quite a while. Now like someone else pointed out - I was truthful with my boy friend that I had some casual flings - but never divulged details. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Jesus wept.. I hope you are kidding Let's say you're 30 years old and slept with over 80 men. Now, are you excited to share that with your man? Probably not. Why is that? Because you probably assume that your man doesn't want to hear that you've had, on average, about ((6" x 80men) / 12") 40 feet of dick inside you. Link to post Share on other sites
dads new boyfriend Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 The Social Pathologist: Sexual Partner Divorce Risk Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Let's say you're 30 years old and slept with over 80 men. Now, are you excited to share that with your man? Probably not. Why is that? Because you probably assume that your man doesn't want to hear that you've had, on average, about ((6" x 80men) / 12") 40 feet of dick inside you. I hope you hold yourself to the same standards at the very least (in terms of how many people you have slept with). That is such a misogynistic, objectifying, and childish way to think. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingDeadGrl Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) I don't think it should be an issue of how many men she's slept with, the issue is that she is telling you about it. What good could possibly come from her telling you all about each guy she's slept with? It doesn't look or sound good, and obviously is creating some unwanted feelings on your part. I mean honestly, how would she feel if you did that? If a guy I was seeing told me all about his past sexual partners I'd be done. It's just not appropriate. This will probably always stick in the back of your mind now. If anything, I would explain to her that her past is her past but you really don't want or need to hear about it. If you can't get passed it then dump her. Edited November 12, 2015 by LivingDeadGrl Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Let's say you're 30 years old and slept with over 80 men. Now, are you excited to share that with your man? Probably not. Why is that? Because you probably assume that your man doesn't want to hear that you've had, on average, about ((6" x 80men) / 12") 40 feet of dick inside you. Wow. Just wow. If a guy asks my number I tell him, it's a neutral disclosure for me. It's something I'm neither ashamed of nor excited to share. My ex had slept with triple digits of women prior to me and it didn't make a blind bit of difference to our relationship or fidelity or our perception of one another. I've never dated anyone insecure or religious enough to care about how many feet of dick I've had inside me, nor has it mattered to me how many miles of vag his dick has plundered. Sex is fun. Some people can have sex without commitment. I don't care what a guy has done before me, I care about what we do together. I've genuinely only ever had the same attitude in return. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dads new boyfriend Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 The Social Pathologist: Sexual Partner Divorce Risk Can't argue with studys. In general, the more sexual partners a woman has had, the less likely she will be happy in a LTR. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oregon0011 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 Are you deadelvis with a new profile name?? To answer your question, i fail to see what does a promiscous past got to do with being faithful in a relationship. Many years ago i was in a ltr. My count was a lot higher than of my partner. ( i never spoke about my past much but he did tell me his number so thats how i knew)..guess which one of us ended up cheating. I also dated a guy some time ago who coaxed things out of me about my past then called me a reformed slut when he was drunk..charming. He had a massive madonna-whore complex. There are guys who dont want to know...but ask..then get upset when hear the answer and hold it against you forever..no matter what. No, i have never had sex with someone in the park after a first date but i think i can see where this thread is going I never asked her, it just sort of came up in conversation. I guess being a guy, I would think a promiscuous girl would be less faithful as there are so many guys who will always take it. But at the same time, I married a woman who it took me 3 months to sleep with. She had an affair and left me without a second thought. So I was curious to hear from women the connection between being more open sexually and monogamy in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I hope you hold yourself to the same standards at the very least (in terms of how many people you have slept with). That is such a misogynistic, objectifying, and childish way to think. I do. Therefore, when asked my about my past partners and the number, I answer truthfully. Its up there, but I'm here with her, now, and she should be assured in that choice. I wouldn't go into detail and let her know everything unless she's one of those girls who came crawling back after her FWB didn't work out. I have no problem showing her my 'options' she left with me. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I've never dated anyone insecure or religious enough to care about how many feet of dick I've had inside me, nor has it mattered to me how many miles of vag his dick has plundered. Sex is fun. Some people can have sex without commitment. I don't care what a guy has done before me, I care about what we do together. I've genuinely only ever had the same attitude in return. You are right. Sex is fun. I would have sex with someone who has a high number of past partners assuming that there is no STDs, commitments, etc. What I wouldn't do is expect to be in a relationship with that person. Should a female think I'm only good enough to be a lover because of my past partners, that's a decision I'd have to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 A lock opened by many keys is a poorly made lock. I do. Therefore, when asked my about my past partners and the number, I answer truthfully. Its up there, but I'm here with her, now, and she should be assured in that choice.. You are right. Sex is fun. I would have sex with someone who has a high number of past partners assuming that there is no STDs, commitments, etc. What I wouldn't do is expect to be in a relationship with that person. So wait.... You hold yourself to the same standards, but consider women who have slept with many men to be un-datable.. So does that mean that you also consider yourself not worthy of a relationship? Because that is what holding yourself to the same standards would mean. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author oregon0011 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 I'll be honest. I am sure my number is much higher. I guess it is a male thing inside of me that hates to picture another guy doing her. Especially "just for fun". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 So wait.... You hold yourself to the same standards, but consider women who have slept with many men to be un-datable.. So does that mean that you also consider yourself not worthy of a relationship? Because that is what holding yourself to the same standards would mean. Yes, I'm single, and from previous posts, you'll see I refuse to date anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I'll be honest. I am sure my number is much higher. I guess it is a male thing inside of me that hates to picture another guy doing her. Especially "just for fun". And that's why she shouldn't have told you! We all have our pasts... but she didn't need to fill your head with mental images like that. While my partner's pasts and numbers of partners don't bother me at all (as long as they were safe), i still don't want mental images of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I'll be honest. I am sure my number is much higher. I guess it is a male thing inside of me that hates to picture another guy doing her. Especially "just for fun". Other than having a fetish for being a bull in a cuckhold scenario, the woman I'm romantically interested in being with another person for fun is a thought that would drive me insane. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I think a lot of this goes back to compatibility. I've had a number of past partners and my husband knows of them. And stories of them. And I know the funny stories if his sexual past too. I see nothing wrong with what your girlfriend did. I'd likely do the same if I was single again. If a guy doesn't want me because I'm open and laugh about old stuff, then that's his prerogative. Better to know sooner rather than later, eh 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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