Thoughts on dating a girl with a promiscuous past

[oldshirt]

I disagree.

I think that particular friend of him had sex with another guy to spite her boyfriend for not texting back. Which is a horribly way to react. But i dont think that it was her promiscous past that made her like that.

I dont think that just because a person , male or female, had more sexual partners then they will jump ship faster than others. Maybe having had many casual hookups will make them value a proper relationship more and they are willing to put the effort in and fight to save it.

A person who had sex with more people than some regard as average or normal can love and respect their partner just as much. And then they wont jump ship easily. People who have a modus operandi of not communicating well or not being able to deal with disagreements, fights and negative emotions will carry on jumping ships when issues arise. But i dont see why having a promiscous past would make someone like that.

 

I have a very simple outlook on life and that is that do what they want to do.

 

If someone values relationships and working through issues..... - they are in relationships or have a history of LTR(s)

 

People that have a history of casual hook ups may say that they value relationship so they don't look or feel indescriminate, but the fact is they actually value fun and excitement and freedom more.

 

A persons character and values and mores are revealed by their actions, not what they say.

 

In other words people have sex with their doctors and in parking lots and bars, because they want to.

 

Casual hook ups are fun and people don't ask much of you. Relationships have times that are not fun at all and your partner will ask more of you than some horny dude in a bar. Someone who has an established pattern of casual hook ups is because they prefer the fun, freedom and frivolity of hook ups over the work and routine maintenance of relationships.

 

If they are in a relationship and things get dull or difficult or crimping their style, they will be more likely to bail.

 

People are what they do. Not what they think, feel or say.

 

A person with a pattern of casual hook ups is a casual hookerupper, not a relationshipper.

[JGirl83]

Yes,actions speak louder than words. I agree. And i never said the opposite so im not sure why you responded with that while quoting my post.

When it comes to hookups and ltrs one can be both. I dont think it is an either this or that. Like you have to choose a box and stay there forever. One can have a history of having ltrs and hookups. I now plenty of people who in between serious ltrs wanted fun and nothing serious..for a while.

I value relationships but im not in one. Because i find it hard to find the right person. Im actively looking though. And no, im not having hooksups either, but i could. And i would still value relationships and would carry on looking for a relationship.

Not everyone is lucky enough to find suitable partners for relationships. For some people these things dont come along easily. So they make most of their singledom. To say that people who value relationships are in relationships is very condescending.

 

I can also very easily imagine that one can get tired of shallow hookups eventually and want to start something serious. So a hookuper can become a relationshipper. In this case past behaviour is not indicative of future behaviour.

I think people change, expectations and ideas change too. Something that is a lifestyle choice for a certain period of time can get boring and then the person want something else.

It is like saying that a party girl will always be a party girl. Which is of course not true.

I think people bail if they dont value their relationships. And maybe people who can easily successfully get into a new relationship will value their rs less because another one will come along easily. So in that case it is people who have a pattern of relationships are the ones who jump ship easily.

Anyways, im just playing devils advocate here.

There are so many factors to take into considerations when it comes to why a person does this and that.

Edited November 13, 2015 by JGirl83

[oregon0011]

I guess my first question was do women today all pretty much exhibit this behavior, yet hide it? For obvious reasons.

 

Example. Let's say I meet a girl at the gas station and have sex with her within 20 min and never talk to her again. Is she going to tell her future boyfriend this? Chances are she will have a future boyfriend.

 

I have to agree with old shirt too. Unfortunately.

 

The promiscuous women I have known for years all had issues. They wanted love, and are good people, but sort of destroyed it for various reasons (usually stemming from childhood issues) which led them to lots of random hook ups.

 

I'm not saying I really care about te past just out of jealousy, but more or less wondering why women do this, and what it might mean for my future.

 

I mean why would one woman bang her doctor for fun and not care, and another never even consider such a thing outside of a relationship

[sandylee1]

What I am asking is if you are dating a woman, is she more likely to be having sex with others if she had 100 previous partners or 2? Or completely irrelevant ?

 

And yeah. Very few women ever admit to cheating. Always an excuse.

 

I understand what you mean. The truth is once you've reached a certain number it's no big deal to keep going. The body count mattered to me.

 

I think the reason you mentioned your friend is......how easy she'll go out and have sex. It's not sacred..she doesn't have to like the guy that much...certainty doesn't have to know him that well.

 

Not all women are the same...Some will have sex for fun..others don't drop thier knickers at the drop of a hat. I have a friend with a 6 month rule of no sex till she knows you better.

 

I personally care how I'm viewed...so I'd never hope for a serious relationship from a ONS. Years ago my BF introduced his friend to a single friend of mine. She slept with him the first night and that was the last night.

 

I asked my BF why his friend wasn't interested..as my friend really really fancied him. He told me she gave it up too quick and even when guys push for it....They respect you more when you don't do it straight off. Funny thing is my BF at the time wanted it from me on our first date.....I had a policy of not doing that.

 

It's about how your GF is now. If sex is no big deal and she still has that casual attitude.... she's not the one for you.

 

Perhaps give her the example of your friend and get her take on it.

[oregon0011]

I understand what you mean. The truth is once you've reached a certain number it's no big deal to keep going. The body count mattered to me.

 

I think the reason you mentioned your friend is......how easy she'll go out and have sex. It's not sacred..she doesn't have to like the guy that much...certainty doesn't have to know .

 

Exactly. And she doesn't view herself as promiscuous or a cheater. And she will never tell the guy she is dating. It's sort of his fault.

 

Times with this girl are great. But I now picture she has "great times" with any guy? If that makes sense. She said she is falling for me, but I am not sure why she told me any of this.

[basil67]

I guess my first question was do women today all pretty much exhibit this behavior, yet hide it? For obvious reasons.

 

Example. Let's say I meet a girl at the gas station and have sex with her within 20 min and never talk to her again. Is she going to tell her future boyfriend this? Chances are she will have a future boyfriend.

 

I have to agree with old shirt too. Unfortunately.

 

The promiscuous women I have known for years all had issues. They wanted love, and are good people, but sort of destroyed it for various reasons (usually stemming from childhood issues) which led them to lots of random hook ups.

 

I'm not saying I really care about te past just out of jealousy, but more or less wondering why women do this, and what it might mean for my future.

 

I mean why would one woman bang her doctor for fun and not care, and another never even consider such a thing outside of a relationship

 

OK, so you think you've had many more partners than she has. Tell us why promiscuous men sleep around. You may well find more similarities than you expect.

[mrldii]

OK, so you think you've had many more partners than she has. Tell us why promiscuous men sleep around. You may well find more similarities than you expect.

 

 

Curious if OP's new "promiscuous" love interest should be equally concerned with his ability to be/become/remain faithful, too, given his now-confessed-to even greater "promiscuous" past.

 

 

[sandylee1]

I guess my first question was do women today all pretty much exhibit this behavior, yet hide it? For obvious reasons.

 

 

I mean why would one woman bang her doctor for fun and not care, and another never even consider such a thing outside of a relationship

 

No. Not all women have sex within 20 or 30 minutes of meeting a guy. Those who do.....have a different attitude about sex like I said.

I recall a friend saying she'd slept with 11 guys and would not sleep with anyone else unless she felt it would lead somewhere. She was about 25/26 at the time and felt the number was too high...

 

Your GF has sex like it's a kiss. I don't think you can change that attitude or thinking. She is going go with it if she wants to.

[oregon0011]

Curious if OP's new "promiscuous" love interest should be equally concerned with his ability to be/become/remain faithful, too, given his now-confessed-to even greater "promiscuous" past.

 

 

 

Women don't care nearly as much. They actually want to land the guy who can have many women. Once again off topic, and completely different. Women aren't seeking a guy with the prevailing thought being "will he be faithful"?

 

Obviously goes back to evolution. The woman knows the kid is hers. The guy does not. Hence different feelings about promiscuous men and women

[mrldii]

Women don't care nearly as much. They actually want to land the guy who can have many women. Once again off topic, and completely different. Women aren't seeking a guy with the prevailing thought being "will he be faithful"?

 

Obviously goes back to evolution. The woman knows the kid is hers. The guy does not. Hence different feelings about promiscuous men and women

 

 

Just following the flow of the conversation here, and where it goes...much like you are.

 

In response to where you've now taken it, last I checked I'M a woman (maybe even a "promiscuous" one, depending on the brand of label-maker being used), and I care about a man's ability to faithful, so there goes another etched-in-stone theory right out the window.

 

In my (and other women's) defense, we may have become equally concerned about men's - "promiscuous" or not - ability to be faithful right about the time The Pill came on the market, in the 60s.

 

 

Or, maybe it was in the 80s, when AIDS was *introduced*.

 

In any event, nowadays, it appears to be a goose/gander thing-y.

[losangelena]

Women don't care nearly as much. They actually want to land the guy who can have many women. Once again off topic, and completely different. Women aren't seeking a guy with the prevailing thought being "will he be faithful"?

 

Obviously goes back to evolution. The woman knows the kid is hers. The guy does not. Hence different feelings about promiscuous men and women

 

 

Oh god (facepalm).

 

Well, can't say as I agree with most of this. There are so many other parts of human evolution that've gone by the wayside, yet it's still fine for a guy to be promiscuous and not for a woman.

 

In my book that's what's known as a double-standard.

 

I also think a man's potential faithfulness is a big deal for a lot of women. I trusted my last BF so much in part because he was obviously not a player. That was very attractive.

[oldshirt]

 

Now during some of these laugh sessions, she slips up and starts telling stories about random sexual encounters. Sleeping with her doctor, a guy from the gym, a guy she DIDNT like from online dating at the park after dinner, a customer that came into her store, etc.. And she has no problem stating it was just "casual fun".

Sort of like she was always just a FWB with random guys that hit on her..

 

 

 

 

I think how she divulged her past is what is telling in this situation and is why I said what I said above.

 

 

Her discussions of this is very revealing as to her attitudes and beliefs and values. She is indicating that her adventures are more less a lifestyle choice.

 

 

To me this indicates that she is a free spirit and enjoys her freedom and likes to have some sexy fun and adventures with what opportunities are presenting themselves at the time.

 

 

I am not saying that she is wrong or a bad person or shows maladaptive behavior or anything, just that she is kind of a fun-time girl.

 

 

That's cool if you are seeking a fun-time girl and are just wanting some fun and adventure in the moment.

 

 

That does not mean that she can't or won't be in a relationship and nor does it mean that she is destined to cheat if she was in a relationship.

 

 

But it does mean that her pattern of established behavior indicates that her preferred lifestyle choice is that of a free spirit and adventuress. Her default setting is to have a fun time at the bar or the party and probably not necessarily in a serious, exclusive relationship.

 

 

Can she change??? Sure. She can if she wants. The real question though is does she want to.

 

 

And it's just my own personal bias, but I believe that people who's core character leans towards being a free spirit and adventuress, quickly become bored and restless within the confines of a LTR.

 

 

The issue isn't really will she cheat. cheating is a moral issue and nothing said so far indicates she has any morality issues. The real issue is will she get restless and move on if she doesn't get her daily dose of excitement and validation that she is accustomed to.

[RedRobin]

Women don't care nearly as much. They actually want to land the guy who can have many women. Once again off topic, and completely different. Women aren't seeking a guy with the prevailing thought being "will he be faithful"?

 

Obviously goes back to evolution. The woman knows the kid is hers. The guy does not. Hence different feelings about promiscuous men and women

 

Not true. I want a man who shares my values. I am not promiscuous, so I want a guy who is also not promiscuous.

 

Based on what you have shared in this thread, it seems that you and this woman you are talking about share the same values when it comes to sex. If you arent ashamed about your own history, why should she be ashamed of hers? I fact, you could look at her sharing with you as a way of bonding... Talking about shared interests... Which in this case, happens to be sex.

 

In this day and age, you are going to have a hard time defending hypocrisy. This is something I tell my younger female friends and relatives all the time. One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make is attaching herself to a hypocrite. It comes out in so many ways...none of them good. It's really more like a 'power' move on the guys part to somehow diminish her and get a leg up.

 

No matter what ones sexual values are, I'd run far far away from any guy who thought I needed to demonstrate behavior or values that felt himself above adhering to himself.

[oregon0011]

So old and boring. It is switched to women pretending to care nearly as much where a guy put his penis in the past. It's not even comparable.

 

Here's the difference.

 

Let's say a guy is a bartender. A bartender that is a player.

 

Girls all know he is seeing different women. Yet it becomes a competition to see which woman lands him. Girls and guys like him

 

Now let's say there is a girl who everyone knows sleeps around. Girls hate this woman. And guys are like "awe man you nailed Suzy? I hope you wore 2 rubbers"

 

Please don't tell me all these women wanting to bang doctors, pilots, CEOs, rock stars, politicians, pro athletes and millionaires are thinking "oh man I feel sick inside. He had some careless sexual experiences and gave himself away "

[losangelena]

Not true. I want a man who shares my values. I am not promiscuous, so I want a guy who is also not promiscuous.

 

Based on what you have shared in this thread, it seems that you and this woman you are talking about share the same values when it comes to sex. If you arent ashamed about your own history, why should she be ashamed of hers? I fact, you could look at her sharing with you as a way of bonding... Talking about shared interests... Which in this case, happens to be sex.

 

In this day and age, you are going to have a hard time defending hypocrisy. This is something I tell my younger female friends and relatives all the time. One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make is attaching herself to a hypocrite. It comes out in so many ways...none of them good. It's really more like a 'power' move on the guys part to somehow diminish her and get a leg up.

 

No matter what ones sexual values are, I'd run far far away from any guy who thought I needed to demonstrate behavior or values that felt himself above adhering to himself.

 

+10,000 points for this.

 

Exactly.

[oregon0011]

+10,000 points for this.

 

Exactly.

 

Lol. Of course there are double standards.

 

Just like how women complain when men don't pay for the date. A double standard.

[mrldii]

So old and boring. It is switched to women pretending to care nearly as much where a guy put his penis in the past. It's not even comparable.

 

Here's the difference.

 

Let's say a guy is a bartender. A bartender that is a player.

 

Girls all know he is seeing different women. Yet it becomes a competition to see which woman lands him. Girls and guys like him

 

Now let's say there is a girl who everyone knows sleeps around. Girls hate this woman. And guys are like "awe man you nailed Suzy? I hope you wore 2 rubbers"

 

Please don't tell me all these women wanting to bang doctors, pilots, CEOs, rock stars, politicians, pro athletes and millionaires are thinking "oh man I feel sick inside. He had some careless sexual experiences and gave himself away "

 

This contains so much errant reasoning, rampant presumption, and porous ergo ipso facto *logic* in this whole thing, it defies any attempt at an intelligent rebuttal,

 

so, being a woman, I'll defer to another to tackle it.

 

 

[oregon0011]

Not true. I want a man who shares my values. I am not promiscuous, so I want a guy who is also not promiscuous.

 

Based on what you have shared in this thread, it seems that you and this woman you are talking about share the same values when it comes to sex. If you arent ashamed about your own history, why should she be ashamed of hers? I fact, you could look at her sharing with you as a way of bonding... Talking about shared interests... Which in this case, happens to be sex.

 

In this day and age, you are going to have a hard time defending hypocrisy. This is something I tell my younger female friends and relatives all the time. One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make is attaching herself to a hypocrite. It comes out in so many ways...none of them good. It's really more like a 'power' move on the guys part to somehow diminish her and get a leg up.

 

No matter what ones sexual values are, I'd run far far away from any guy who thought I needed to demonstrate behavior or values that felt himself above adhering to himself.

 

Yeah. Let's pretend men and women are the same. I never heard a woman say "oh I would date this guy but to many women slept with him before because he is so charismatic, rich, cool and good looking"

[mrldii]

Yeah. Let's pretend men and women are the same. I never heard a woman say "oh I would date this guy but to many women slept with him before because he is so charismatic, rich, cool and good looking"

 

To be fair, I've never heard a man say, "oh I would date this chick but to [sic] many men have slept with her because she is so charismatic, rich, cool, and good-looking", either.

 

I have now read about a man not wanting to date a woman because she's too "promiscuous" even though she's had fewer partners than he has. I would not have believed it was NOT a stand-up comedian's joke, had I not read it with my own two lying eyes, first-hand.

[oregon0011]

To be fair, I've never heard a man say, "oh I would date this chick but to [sic] many men have slept with her because she is so charismatic, rich, cool, and good-looking", either.

 

I have now read about a man not wanting to date a woman because she's too "promiscuous" even though she's had fewer partners than he has. I would not have believed it was NOT a stand-up comedian's joke, had I not read it with my own two lying eyes, first-hand.

 

It's actions, not words.

 

Women are after the guy who had many conquests, because he exhibits the traits women want. Thus he had manyconquests. Women aren't wanting a guy who slept with 1 woman in the past lol. Not do they really care about his past. They are just happy to be arojnd this successful cool guy.

 

Any woman can open her legs. It takes no charisma, skill, beauty, or brains.

[mrldii]

It's actions, not words.

 

Women are after the guy who had many conquests, because he exhibits the traits women want. Thus he had manyconquests. Women aren't wanting a guy who slept with 1 woman in the past lol. Not do they really care about his past. They are just happy to be arojnd this successful cool guy.

 

Any woman can open her legs. It takes no charisma, skill, beauty, or brains.

 

PLEASE stop telling us women what we will/will not tolerate, what we do/do not like/want, and what we should/should not do.

 

I have been a woman for 55 years; I have known oodles of women in those same 55 years. Not a single one has been even remotely attached to the handles you're so desperately attempting to velcro onto us, for the ease of your grip.

 

Thankyouverymuch.

[losangelena]

It's actions, not words.

 

Women are after the guy who had many conquests, because he exhibits the traits women want. Thus he had manyconquests. Women aren't wanting a guy who slept with 1 woman in the past lol. Not do they really care about his past. They are just happy to be arojnd this successful cool guy.

 

Any woman can open her legs. It takes no charisma, skill, beauty, or brains.

 

 

All I can say, with a hearty laugh, is, "nope."

 

And I'm out.

[oregon0011]

PLEASE stop telling us women what we will/will not tolerate, what we do/do not like/want, and what we should/should not do.

 

I have been a woman for 55 years; I have known oodles of women in those same 55 years. Not a single one has been even remotely attached to the handles you're so desperately attempting to velcro onto us, for the ease of your grip.

 

Thankyouverymuch.

 

Whatever.

 

I knew a CEO of a company sleeping with ten different women that worked there. They all knew, and they all hated each other. It was a big competition to see who could keep him.

 

Not so for guys. It's more of a disgusting feeling. "Ewww. She banged joe and Larry. I wouldn't marry this girl"

[basil67]

PLEASE stop telling us women what we will/will not tolerate, what we do/do not like/want, and what we should/should not do.

 

I have been a woman for 55 years; I have known oodles of women in those same 55 years. Not a single one has been even remotely attached to the handles you're so desperately attempting to velcro onto us, for the ease of your grip.

 

Thankyouverymuch.

 

This ^

 

I've been a woman for 48 years and I don't know any woman who fits your generalisations.

 

The more we dig through this, it's becoming apparent that your issues with this girl have their basis in your own hypocrisy and broad, incorrect judgements of women.

 

I'm wondering what your long term dating success is. Do you generally find that strong women reject you eventually?

[anna121]

Um, yeah.

 

Good luck with that, OP.