Thoughts on dating a girl with a promiscuous past

[Oregon_Dude]

How demeaning. Repulsive.

I know! It IS repulsive the way she demeans herself.

[oregon0011]

How demeaning. Repulsive.

 

He is actually right. A guy needs to be careful with what type of woman he is with. Tons of these borderline/ bi polar/ narcisstic/ histrionic girls running around destroying lives.

[BlueIris]

Well, then being a man of wisdom, principles and integrity, I’m sure you didn’t have sex with her. Oops, nope! Just looked through your posts on this thread and you did. In fact:

 

I'll be honest. I am sure my number is much higher.

 

I guess it is a male thing inside of me that hates to picture another guy doing her. Especially "just for fun".

 

You are assigning a personality disorder to her because she got scrambled up one night, was running late, and decided to cancel coming over to your house. (post #110) Otherwise times were great, no complaints, you enjoyed her and thought she’d be a good GF. But then she cancelled one night. Mm, mm, she shouldn't have done that… now she has a personality disorder!

 

It’s fine for you to use her for sex, as Oregon Dude suggested, while calling her mentally ill- defamation per se, ya know, that’s how appalling society considers that behavior.

 

Look up the definition of the word histrionic and then reflect on what you’ve said here. Face it, she didn’t show up to have sex with you, so you’re ticked off and “painting her black.” Look up “BPD painting black” while you’re at it.

 

I hope you broke it off in a gentlemanly and respectful way, since you have principles and values and all.

[losangelena]

well, then being a man of wisdom, principles and integrity, i’m sure you didn’t have sex with her. Oops, nope! Just looked through your posts on this thread and you did. In fact:

 

 

 

You are assigning a personality disorder to her because she got scrambled up one night, was running late, and decided to cancel coming over to your house. (post #110) otherwise times were great, no complaints, you enjoyed her and thought she’d be a good gf. But then she cancelled one night. Mm, mm, she shouldn't have done that… now she has a personality disorder!

 

It’s fine for you to use her for sex, as oregon dude suggested, while calling her mentally ill- defamation per se, ya know, that’s how appalling society considers that behavior.

 

Look up the definition of the word histrionic and then reflect on what you’ve said here. Face it, she didn’t show up to have sex with you, so you’re ticked off and “painting her black.” look up “bpd painting black” while you’re at it.

 

I hope you broke it off in a gentlemanly and respectful way, since you have principles and values and all.

 

 

+1,000,000

[oregon0011]

Well, then being a man of wisdom, principles and integrity, I’m sure you didn’t have sex with her. Oops, nope! Just looked through your posts on this thread and you did. In fact:

 

 

 

You are assigning a personality disorder to her because she got scrambled up one night, was running late, and decided to cancel coming over to your house. (post #110) Otherwise times were great, no complaints, you enjoyed her and thought she’d be a good GF. But then she cancelled one night. Mm, mm, she shouldn't have done that… now she has a personality disorder!

 

It’s fine for you to use her for sex, as Oregon Dude suggested, while calling her mentally ill- defamation per se, ya know, that’s how appalling society considers that behavior.

 

Look up the definition of the word histrionic and then reflect on what you’ve said here. Face it, she didn’t show up to have sex with you, so you’re ticked off and “painting her black.” Look up “BPD painting black” while you’re at it.

 

I hope you broke it off in a gentlemanly and respectful way, since you have principles and values and all.

 

Well this actually happened a few times that we had plans. But the way she drags out the cancellation is irritating.

 

Cancellation 1: "I am at work and have a stomach ache but should be fine. "

I wasn't sure if she was coming, so I waited. She texted me she was leaving work but then didn't text back or answer phone for 3 hours.

 

Cancellation 2. A few hours before date : "my coworkers are sick and I might get sick too. Let's play it by ear"

 

Cancellation 3. I only have one hour tonight because my roomate is going to dinner and a movie and I work with her.

 

Cancellation 4. The running shoe episode.

 

All of these are days and times she picked, and she initiated.

 

So I told her this isn't working for me. 2 days go by and she texts she is thinking of me. I said likewise, made a joke etx. Then she text me this Wednesday.

 

"I was going to suggest we maybe get together tomorrow but I have to go to a work function after I get off work "

 

So I texted back asking what that means

 

Thursday am she texts :

 

"Good morning! Yeah our boss is throwing a party and we are expected to make an appearance so we are going after work. It would be late that we are leaving her house. But if you are around maybe since I'm babysitting this weekend and you have your son so it probably wouldn't be till Monday that I see you. Play it by ear since idk what time I will leave her place but if you have plans by all means keep them...really more just wishful thinking that I see you lol "

 

I haven't cancelled on her once. I plan things , and then is always some new excuse. But she initiates the contact, even after I told her it doesn't work for me.

 

And she makes plans with these texts that are pretty confusing to me.

[LoveRefreshed]

Ok, so you meet a girl who has a lot going for her, and you have great chemistry...Constant laughing, great sex, connect on many levels..

 

Now during some of these laugh sessions, she slips up and starts telling stories about random sexual encounters. Sleeping with her doctor, a guy from the gym, a guy she DIDNT like from online dating at the park after dinner, a customer that came into her store, etc.. And she has no problem stating it was just "casual fun".

Sort of like she was always just a FWB with random guys that hit on her..

 

So my question for the ladies here would be, is this pretty much common behavior amongst a lot of single women, except they do not talk about it? if you were promiscuous in the past, could you be trusted in a relationship?

 

And my question for the guys would be, would this bother you? Could you trust a girl who was promiscuous? Do you feel your girl is kind of lying when she says she only had a few partners? Does it not make any difference?

 

As for me when I am with her things are fine... But having hearing her stories it does make me wonder what she is doing when I am not with her.

 

I think you're insecure and worried that you don't compare to the previous 163 guys. Maybe she's had bad luck, high expectations, or just wanted fun. Who cares, she's choosing you over the others.

[oregon0011]

And I would add the plans we make are usually days ahead. And in between she is texting how she can't wait, making sure we are still on etc. Then a couple hours before something comes up.

 

So I am left wondering if she made other plans. If she is nervous. It it is real. Etx. And she only texts. Sort of shy to talk on phone

[jay1983]

Ok, so you meet a girl who has a lot going for her, and you have great chemistry...Constant laughing, great sex, connect on many levels..

 

Now during some of these laugh sessions, she slips up and starts telling stories about random sexual encounters. Sleeping with her doctor, a guy from the gym, a guy she DIDNT like from online dating at the park after dinner, a customer that came into her store, etc.. And she has no problem stating it was just "casual fun".

Sort of like she was always just a FWB with random guys that hit on her..

 

So my question for the ladies here would be, is this pretty much common behavior amongst a lot of single women, except they do not talk about it? if you were promiscuous in the past, could you be trusted in a relationship?

 

And my question for the guys would be, would this bother you? Could you trust a girl who was promiscuous? Do you feel your girl is kind of lying when she says she only had a few partners? Does it not make any difference?

 

As for me when I am with her things are fine... But having hearing her stories it does make me wonder what she is doing when I am not with her.

This would've made me throw up.

[lino]

I won't attempt to speak for any woman on this board but I have never seen a known player struggle with women. That is simply something I have observed.

 

Me neither. In fact, I've seen the total opposite of struggling with women for guys like that.

Their behaviour is constantly rewarded and so they keep doing it. Not that hard to figure out.

[PaperCrane]

I feel a lot of this comes from what values get attributed to the other person.

 

In dating, we all spend time and resources and energy.

 

Men have a truly harder time dating. We're held to having to pursue, initiate, take all the risks, be held for most of the blame if something goes wrong.

 

So when a man finds out this girl he's really really into, has had sex with a lot of other men, he'll start to wonder. He'll wonder about his own worth at this point. If he had to work harder or longer for something he views as very valuable to him. The risk of STI's increases, the likelihood of her being unhappy in a LTR increases. The ego gets bruised. He'll wonder why she's hiding the number. Is it a shameful number? Are the times we spend together as special? Is she just settling? Etc etc.

 

Women are the gatekeepers of sex and relationships, so when a women opens those gates for a large number of people it will reduce her value to a lot of potential partners.

 

Society attributes inherent worth to women with lower numbers, men will see her actions of sleeping around as being an action of low-self worth. Slut shaming.

 

This all really wouldn't matter if men had as easy as a time finding sexual or romantic partners, but they don't. They always have had to work harder for it, and will for the foreseeable future. And as men, we want something that is worth it for all of our efforts.

 

Regardless of right, wrong, or indifferent; this is how it is often perceived.

 

In direct response to the OP; no I would not date a woman with a large number of partners. Would I sleep with her? Maybe. But only if we were close friends or had another kind of mental connection or some such, but chances are it would turn me off.

 

I think you're insecure and worried that you don't compare to the previous 163 guys. Maybe she's had bad luck, high expectations, or just wanted fun. Who cares, she's choosing you over the others.

 

That's a lot of benefit of the doubt and not a lot of reality thrown in there. 163? Why did everything else fail and failed to be repaired? Chances are as #164 you won't last long either.

Edited November 20, 2015 by PaperCrane

[losangelena]

I haven't cancelled on her once. I plan things , and then is always some new excuse. But she initiates the contact, even after I told her it doesn't work for me.

 

And she makes plans with these texts that are pretty confusing to me.

 

Well ... you do have the option to say no to her each time she comes back around. If you say "this isn't working for me," and then each time she texts you and you respond, you're not exactly sending a very consistent message.

 

I would not let someone cancel on me like that more than one or MAYBE two times; I don't tolerate it. This has happened to you five times now! What is preventing you from cutting off contact with her? It doesn't sound like she's going to magically be cured of her flakiness. You deserve someone who is actually going to be consistent and show up. Enough's enough.

[oregon0011]

Well ... you do have the option to say no to her each time she comes back around. If you say "this isn't working for me," and then each time she texts you and you respond, you're not exactly sending a very consistent message.

 

I would not let someone cancel on me like that more than one or MAYBE two times; I don't tolerate it. This has happened to you five times now! What is preventing you from cutting off contact with her? It doesn't sound like she's going to magically be cured of her flakiness. You deserve someone who is actually going to be consistent and show up. Enough's enough.

 

Well she also comes off as insecure at times and says things where we are together like "I am out of her league".

 

Then she texts things about how she absolutely loves seeing me. Real in depth long texts.

 

So I have been patient. We hung out about 12 times in the past 2 months and in person it gets better everytime. But when apart the flaky starts to happen

[losangelena]

Well she also comes off as insecure at times and says things where we are together like "I am out of her league".

 

Then she texts things about how she absolutely loves seeing me. Real in depth long texts.

 

So I have been patient. We hung out about 12 times in the past 2 months and in person it gets better everytime. But when apart the flaky starts to happen

 

But why do you put up with her flakiness is what I'm asking? I personally wouldn't care how great our together time is if the guy couldn't get his sh*t together half the time and do what he says he's going to do.

 

I don't think she's going to change her behavior. At a certain point, it's up to you to say enough.