brokenhearted85 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I'm really struggling tonight. I'm a little over two months post breakup. I keep thinking about all the pathetic things I said when we first split up, and just wish I would have waited until I wasn't so emotional to speak to him. I have not initiated contact with him in two months. He is the dumper, and has broken it every time. Last time he texted me a breadcrumb, i just ignored it and still feel bad about it. Yes, he hurt me, but I never ignore people and it just feels bad to have to take that route. He still follows me on Instagram and all that but I'm taking a social media break. I just want to disappear. Honestly for the first month I couldn't get out of bed. I am finally seeking treatment for my depression (was an issue before I even dated my ex, it's been a long time coming) anyways I'm doing the treatment in an outpatient setting 3 times a week. I'm feeling a little more hopeful but then like tonight, I get hit with a wave of overwhelming sadness. I miss his voice, his scent, the way he held me, how much he comforted me and made me feel safe and like I was at home. Nothing has ever made me so depressed in my life. I just cry and cry thinking of how we talked every day and now he's gone. It's such a stark contrast to what we had that I cry in my bed, wondering "did this all even happen? Were we really crazy in love or was that all a dream?!" It just feels unreal. I just want the pain to end. I want to be able to think of him and not break down. He was insistent that he wanted me in his life as either a friend or however. I can't do it though. I can't be just friends with someone who I loved and adored and someone who decided impulsively to end our relationship while he was "still very much in love with Me" (we broke up because of a significant age difference) Anyways. The tears won't stop tonight, I feel small, insignificant and incredibly alone. Link to post Share on other sites
xera Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 You are not alone in your depression and heart break. I am suffering the same thing. I pray everytime I am down and just tell Jesus everything that I am going through. Please keep fighting your depression. There are other people who loves you like your family.. you deserve to love yourself too.. When he's already stabbed your heart, why would you go back to him to get it stabbed again? Lick your wounds and move on. Its hard, I know. were all going through this process.. we'll get there! Please keep going no matter how slow. Link to post Share on other sites
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