knockout33 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Sometimes, I feel like there are just some things as an adult you should know. Just wondering why does one individual have to let the other know they want respect? In other words why does the term people treat you how you let them apply? Even if its two adults who generally know better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johndoelol Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 because people are selfish and often respect themselves more than others 3 Link to post Share on other sites
schiller Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 ^ What the newcomer said. It's spot on. People are generally selfish. Why are we in relationships in the first place? Because the person satisfies our needs, that's why. Sure, "true love" means putting the other person first, but who REALLY does that? If anything, the nicer a person is the more we tend to take advantage of them, it's just human nature. I read stories like that all the time. Often it's the guy who has the wife who does everything, he gets lazy and takes her for granted, she complains, he doesn't listen, finally she gives up and files for divorce and he's like "WTF I'll change!". So he does the dishes for a week and expects it all to be better. It's usually too late when the lightbulb comes on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Sometimes they just don't get it. One of the early twenties ladies at my workplace reported a woman who is in her fifties this week for rude behaviour. The older lady received a disciplinary. Rightly so too and there were 15 witnesses to the incident. In romantic relationships people have ingrained views and expectations and sometimes just feel so entitled that they expect XYZ. This is what instinct is for but also being aware of traits to look out for can help you to walk from a situation before it gets to be bad. No one can control another's actions and reactions. We can only control/act on our own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author knockout33 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Ya. So I guess it's kind of like that's how life goes. Its just something I thought I'd post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 "If you want respect, be respectable" Grandma used to advise things like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kovsky Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Those kind of people are limit testers. They take perverse pleasure in watching the other person's frustration unfold. Why? Because they can. They manipulate the reality of a situation out of habit, out of fear, and the need to be right. The only way to shut down a limit tester is to call their bluff. If that doesn't work then just ignore that person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Those kind of people are limit testers. They take perverse pleasure in watching the other person's frustration unfold. Why? Because they can. They manipulate the reality of a situation out of habit, out of fear, and the need to be right. The only way to shut down a limit tester is to call their bluff. If that doesn't work then just ignore that person. You can't shut shut down a "limit tester". The best thing you can do is walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 "If you want respect, be respectable" . It doesn't work with bullies. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 It doesn't work with bullies. No need to worry what THEY think. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Let's just say I know a bit about chemistry and biology... Nature goes to its lowest energy level ... always ... has to do with positive entropy (measure of chaos so ordered -> random) because it takes a zero input of energy. The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that there is a natural tendency of any isolated system to degenerate into a more disordered state. Most people will go to their "lowest" energy level ... which is what we can call the "bad" behavior. It takes extra (an input of) energy to do the "right" thing ... many people are just too lazy to input energy... it takes "extra" energy to go the extra mile. If we look at the situation as most people doing the very least amount (which is expected) ... we actually appreciate those who rise above. Adults do "know better" but many are basically lazy ... until you use your energy to call them on their BS ... they'll go to the lowest energy level. Expect less ... but don't put up with BS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 No need to worry what THEY think. If for example, you are are being constantly traumatised by a narcissistic bully employer, it does matter what THEY think, because what THEY think effects how they treat you. It really can be quite tiresome and draining having to deal with a bully. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Why do you think that adults should know to respect all others? Some people are arseholes and don't deserve respect. And them asking for respect doesn't have any results. People respect us or they don't. Discussing the issues won't make any difference. This is the best I can do without context. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 If for example, you are are being constantly traumatised by a narcissistic bully employer, it does matter what THEY think, because what THEY think effects how they treat you. It really can be quite tiresome and draining having to deal with a bully. Who cares how they treat you? At the end of the day, you do your work and you get paid, and if you're unhappy you polish that resume. Maybe this is a girl thing, and I don't get it, but yeah, no care here. YMMV I guess? Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Because people are fundamentally selfish and only care in so far as it suits ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 (edited) Sometimes, I feel like there are just some things as an adult you should know. Just wondering why does one individual have to let the other know they want respect? In other words why does the term people treat you how you let them apply? Even if its two adults who generally know better. I think this has to do with transference. For example, I was abused by my grandfather all my childhood(child abuse is much more common than one would expect). As I was conditioned to accept this abusive treatment as normal behaviour between people, in my adult life I tend to subconsciously assume a position of inferiority in the presence of others. The other person then subconsciously takes on the abusive behaviour of my grandfather, with little awareness or none at all, of how offensively they are treating me. In other words, it's a behaviour I attract from other people-this is what transference is. It's as if I have a sign on my forehead reading "please abuse me." Over the decades I have been improving on my self-worth and self-belief, so that the abusive interactions occur less now. But I find they happen more when I'm tired and my defences are down. Also, a person who has suffered child abuse, can repeat the abusive behaviour of their perpetrator. The same person can also flip between the victim and the abuser/bully roles, depending on whom they are interacting with. No family is "normal." There will always be some kind of abuse in any family, from fighting between parents or between parents and children and rivalry between siblings(which can be healthy, but can also be equally as abusive) to sexual abuse. All deeply ingrained emotional disturbances, which then effect the way we treat others, stem from upbringing. The only way to stop abusing each other, is to first acknowledge that we are and start working on our self-awareness. The reason why this doesn't come naturally to us and we have to make a real effort, is because human consciousness as we know it today is a relatively recent development. It is an ever-evolving process and as you can see, we have a hell of a lot more evolving to do. Edited November 16, 2015 by truthtripper 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 ^ What the newcomer said. It's spot on. People are generally selfish. Why are we in relationships in the first place? Because the person satisfies our needs, that's why. Sure, "true love" means putting the other person first, but who REALLY does that?. Codependency exists in every love-relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Sure, "true love" means putting the other person first, but who REALLY does that? I would disagree with this definition. How boring to have a partner who always put me first! I want a partner who cares for his own needs while respecting mine. As far as the practicalities go, if I put my hubby's needs before mine and he put mine before his, we'd just go around in circles with nobody giving or receiving anything. I think it's all give and take. Sometimes things go my way and sometimes they go his. Balance is the thing which really matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 I would disagree with this definition. How boring to have a partner who always put me first! I want a partner who cares for his own needs while respecting mine. As far as the practicalities go, if I put my hubby's needs before mine and he put mine before his, we'd just go around in circles with nobody giving or receiving anything. I think it's all give and take. Sometimes things go my way and sometimes they go his. Balance is the thing which really matters. Good point, but I'm pretty sure schiller is referring to codependency ie:Schiller-"....because the person satisfies our needs..." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Sometimes, I feel like there are just some things as an adult you should know. Just wondering why does one individual have to let the other know they want respect? In other words why does the term people treat you how you let them apply? Even if its two adults who generally know better. I don't buy that idiom. As a matter of fact, I don't take most old sayings as fact or truth... they're often just a single perspective simplified and represented by a cutsie little metaphor that attempts to trick us into believing it's an absolute truth. Some people treat everyone with at least a modicum of respect. Other people try to bolster their own sense of self by diminishing others. Some are open about it all, others pretend to be one when they're actually the other. People are complex and unique. You can't reduce everyone's motivations or behaviors to an idiom. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 ^ What the newcomer said. It's spot on. People are generally selfish. Why are we in relationships in the first place? Because the person satisfies our needs, that's why. Sure, "true love" means putting the other person first, but who REALLY does that? If anything, the nicer a person is the more we tend to take advantage of them, it's just human nature. I read stories like that all the time. Often it's the guy who has the wife who does everything, he gets lazy and takes her for granted, she complains, he doesn't listen, finally she gives up and files for divorce and he's like "WTF I'll change!". So he does the dishes for a week and expects it all to be better. It's usually too late when the lightbulb comes on. I was watching sex in the city when Carrie cheated on Aiden with Big. They both only cared about losing what was important. Big was worried about losing Carrie and Carrie was worrying about losing Aiden even though she clearly didn't respect him. If she respected she would not have cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
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