How can I make him trust that I won't hurt him again?

[johndoelol]

I met my best friend when I was just 15 and was already in a relationship with my first love. We clicked from the off and have always had a very strong bond, which quickly developed into something more on his part. My relationship with my boyfriend was very intense, too intense even, from a very young age and I have been in that rocky, emotionally abusive relationship up until a few months ago, when I finally saw sense. I am now 20. All throughout my relationship I maintained our friendship, despite the best efforts of my boyfriend attempting to destroy it. I think deep down I always knew I felt more than just friendship for him, but I was so caught up in my awful relationship even before meeting my best friend that I never would of looked twice at some one else.

 

Briefly, when we were about 16 my boyfriend dumped me, and me and my best friend ended up sharing a drunken kiss and lying in bed all night talking. The next day I was terrified my ex boyfriend would find out, and played the whole thing down, pretty much saying it shouldn't of happened. This has happened maybe twice in the last few years, I have ran to him a few times and every time out of fear and indecisiveness I have ended up back with my ex. (This was so wrong of me and I know that).

 

Finally, at 20 years old I have ended the relationship after years and years of being unhappy, and only now, once those feelings of loyalty and guilt towards my ex boyfriend have gone, have I realised just how stupid I have been. I am so i love with him, he is the most wonderful, caring man I have ever met and is madly in love with me and always has been. I feel like an absolute fool.

 

Now that I am single our relationship has developed romantically, we kiss and cuddle and he will tell me he loves me and so on (I did not instigate this). So I decided to put my cards on the table and tell him how I feel. He has said that while he is in love with me and loves spending time with me, knows I would be the perfect girlfriend, would do anything for me and that no one compares to me, he is not sure he can ever feel as infatuated with me as he did as a teenager due to the fact I shunned him and said that night should never of happened. I said I understand that he doesn't trust me not to hurt him again and that I do not blame him.

 

I understand that he is not going to jump the gun and be with me immediately after waiting years for me. However do you think there is anything I can do to gain his trust and make him see how sincere I am? And how sorry I am? Or do you think he will recognise my seriousness and gain trust over time if we just continue our weird confusing 'friendship'?

I'm currently giving him some space because the last thing I want to do is suffocate him.

I honestly have no idea what to do.

[basil67]

You were in a relationship at the time - so you're 100% correct that it shouldn't have happened. The relationship was abusive so you were right to try and hide it.

 

I think a little understanding on the part of this new fellow - along with seeing that it truly shouldn't have happened - would go a long way towards solving the problem. He needs to own his side of the problem

[lolablue17]

You've demonstrated so bad judgement for so long. It's only natural to question your judgement now. You may became a better person, maybe you've learned your lesson but that is something, should be proven by you, through time.

 

If I were you I would have been very careful not to hurt your friend. Your behavior now shows to me that you trust yourself and your stability way way too much.

 

If after a period, you will not go back to your Ex and also won't fall for another destructive relationship, maybe your friend will trust you.

 

Do you love your friend? Be there for him, have patient, show that you can manage yourself calmly even when you don't get immediately what you want... After awhile he might trust you