RecoveringSlowly Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I am not saying anything here to be hurtful, but it is time for a little tough love. 1. You cannot blame your failed marriage on your spouse. I understand that he is not perfect, none of us are. But your long term affair has made it impossible to be a good wife. You are investing in someone else, giving them your love and attention instead of your husband, and over time that destroys any chance at improving the marriage. 2. I hear no regret or guilt for the pain you and Mm caused by your affair. There is nothing about you working to show your husband, after confessing to Ea, that you were committed to him or this marriage. 3. Your post is a litany of blame shifting. You have established that he is a poor husband, and somehow that is supposed to make the A better. It doesn't. It is time for you to make some hard choices. Honesty, from this point forward, is the only way to have a fulfilling life. If you are truly living as roommates, then the "I want to see other people" conversation needs to happen. And you need to stop being involved in someone else's marriage. You have some serious self esteem issues. It is not surprising after years of a hot-cold marriage. You need IC stat. Not to fix your marriage, but to fix yourself. You need to understand that you are worth more than your AP, and that you don't deserve to be trapped in a sham of a marriage. It doesn't matter who is to blame. You both screwed up, you both put yourselves before the person you were supposed to love. At this point it sounds like your M is over. Move on and get yourself sorted out. Learn from your mistakes and find someone you can be truly happy with, because neither of these men are it, and you won't be it until you become a whole, confident person on your own, without the need for romantic validation. Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I feel your pain. I am also a MW, 5 months in to NC after an A with a MM. I am also the last person on earth you would suspect of an affair. I wasacting crazy at home throughout the A and i think the main reason my H never even asked me if i had anyone else is because it seems just plain insane. I really get the feeling of not knowing who you are. I still cant get myself back. It is shattering.changes eveything you think you know about yourself. I would say your MM is backing off because it is getting too real. Your M is on the verge and that means his days of cake eating are over. He is assuming you will want more now and he has no intention of going along. Maybe he thinks hes letting you down easy, maybe hes keeping you on the sidelines. During my A,my M went from somewhat troubled to borderline doomed. I really think most normal people cant have two meaningfu R at the same time. After i broke it off, good things started happening in my M.i was finally present. I would tel you to sort out your M,while keeping in mind that your AP is not an option. Whatever you do,do it for yourself. NC is hard but it does work. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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