caninou Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 So, hello, my name is carine, and its my first post on this forum Im french so, forgive me if i make some mistakes in english Here is my story. I was with my ex girlfriend since September 2003, and we were really in love, and i must say i never had this feeling with anybody else, only her. You know, i had this kind of feeling : she is special, she is the one. Everything was wonderful until the end of summer 2004 where she began to lie to me, not for big things but like "i go to make baby sitting" and in fact she was going to her best friend home, things like this. Because of this i began to dont trust her anymore like before and yes, i must say i began to wanna know where she was, with who, ect.. February 2005, she breaks with a e-mail ... saying that she doesnt love me anymore, that i became a control freak and that she feels totally pasted in a corner with me in her life. She said that she needs to find herself, too. (please dont ask me what she was meaning with this because even me i never got it ) I still love her, in fact im crazy about this girl. Im so in love. I think she is the girl of my life and just to remember her parfum, i get butterflies in belly Since this break, i try to fight to get her love back, but i realized that i made all wrong. I sent her poems, even some gifts, ect.. and this was not right, i know it now. It's like the more i do, and less she loves me (I know that until last month was still a small flame inside her for me, she told me herself). I'm beginning to really loose hope about the fact i could get her back because she is always kind of cold with me. But the best is that i asked her 2 days ago, if we could make a try together again, she said no, i said : "can i ask you why?" and she said : "i dont know, its a belly feeling..." This is an answer, right?! So what i should do to get her back, what do you think about all this? Because i must say im lost myself in this story. Should i try to play like i dont care of her anymore ? I would like to do but after 1 day i miss her and i finally end with a sms or mail to her But if it would give a result i would try hard to dont contact her. I wait for your answers, Caninou Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Comment allez vous? Je'm appel Brian. In your case, you have suffocated her and she feels caged. You need to give her space. Her opinion of you is not in a good light. It's not far from my own current situation. You have to learn to give her the space she needs. If she loves you and you respect her space, she might come back. For now, there really isn't much you can do. It will take time for her opinion of you to change. You need to minimize contact with her and do not point blame at her or rehash out all the things she did wrong. Stay as positive and happy as you can. a bientot! Link to post Share on other sites
PDPullmn612 Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Hey, Now im no dating guru, but don't bother her about this. With experience in similar situations, the more you talk about a situation like this with someone, they tend to distance themselves from you. The more you talk about it the more angry she will get. If you end up getting back together than she was meant to realize that you and her were supposed to get back together. Move one, stop dwelling, there are plenty of other people out there, and im sure one of them can make you feel just as happy as she did. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author caninou Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Thank you for your replies. Im gonna minimize contact with her. Sometimes i have moments where i feel good and would be ready to move on and find someone else but at other moments, i begin to remember the wonderful times we had together, her and me, and i begin to cry. I know it might sound pathetic but I am someone really sensible . Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by PDPullmn612 Move one, stop dwelling, there are plenty of other people out there, and im sure one of them can make you feel just as happy as she did. While I know you mean well, I really do not agree with this kind of advice. People in love just "can't" move on right away. It's not easy for them. He needs to grieve. That's healthy. What he shouldn't do is BEG or GROVEL to have her back. He should minimize or not contact her very much. He needs to reevaluate what he did wrong and understand that he needs to give love SPACE to grow. I never understood that and it cost me dearly. I'm not harping on you, I just want you to understand it isn't as easy as just "saying" it. There needs to be grieving when you love someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caninou Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC While I know you mean well, I really do not agree with this kind of advice. People in love just "can't" move on right away. It's not easy for them. He needs to grieve. That's healthy. What he shouldn't do is BEG or GROVEL to have her back. He should minimize or not contact her very much. He needs to reevaluate what he did wrong and understand that he needs to give love SPACE to grow. I never understood that and it cost me dearly. I'm not harping on you, I just want you to understand it isn't as easy as just "saying" it. There needs to be grieving when you love someone. she I am a girl but all you said is true. I already tried to move on and i made this because many people told me "forget her, move on" . i tried to find someone else and as result, i was thinking to my ex while i kissed the new girl As it was unfair for the girl, i stopped the relation there. (your no contact guides are great *reading and will follow this now*) Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by caninou she I am a girl but all you said is true. I already tried to move on and i made this because many people told me "forget her, move on" . i tried to find someone else and as result, i was thinking to my ex while i kissed the new girl As it was unfair for the girl, i stopped the relation there. (your no contact guides are great *reading and will follow this now*) Ah. Girl+Girl. Well, I suppose it works either way. Read "Love Must Be Tough" and you'll learn a lot. Ayez un grand jour. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caninou Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 I ordered the book on amazon And it's one day of NC *proud of me* LOL i deleted msn to be sure to dont connect.. Ah i have a question. I have a good friend , but she is the best friend of my ex.. So i dunno, is it better to minimize contact with her too or to be like before with her? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by caninou I ordered the book on amazon And it's one day of NC *proud of me* LOL i deleted msn to be sure to dont connect.. Ah i have a question. I have a good friend , but she is the best friend of my ex.. So i dunno, is it better to minimize contact with her too or to be like before with her? It might help. But if you need that friend, set the boundary that you don't want to talk about your ex with her and you don't want her talking to your ex about you. If she can not do that then you need to break off the friendship or at least don't be close friends. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caninou Posted May 27, 2005 Author Share Posted May 27, 2005 thank you ****, right now i'm missing her and would like to tell her that i love her I'm strong, NC is the best, i can do this. Im so afraid that she forget me in fact. I know that for now i made all the things i could make and that NC is the best but i'm afraid that she will never give me a sign It's only 2 days, god, and she is someone who doesnt show easily feelings Since we brocke, we were talking almost every day on msn so maybe she will miss me. Or not. And there is this boy TOBI , a boy of her work, as she knows i was 'jealous' of her ex Sascha (i hate this boy, he's kind of neo nazi who is fan of the world war ... and she likes him, he is a CLOSE friend...but not cos of the nazi thing), she said me "Ah don't worry for Sascha, i'm closer of Tobi" and me i was like ":confused: who is Tobi???". You know i had no idea of who he was And all this cames after that i told her that i could not be a friend that i would prefer that we stop to contact each other cos its too hard for me. So, why? Only to hurt me? It's one of the reason why i make NC too, because i don't want that one day she says me "hey here is my new boyfriend Toby", cos my heart would be totally brocken. She is so special to me, as soon i saw her the first time i was in love with her, and she was my first girlfriend and i was her first girlfriend, we both only had boyfriends before. What if i was not so good in fact? Maybe she doesnt want a girl anymore Right now i dont feel so good, i have a horrible feeling in my belly. I miss her and im afraid to loose her even if in a way i already lost her since we brocke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caninou Posted May 27, 2005 Author Share Posted May 27, 2005 i think she has someone now *cry* my heart is all brocken. I know from her best friend that she said to her parents that she was spending the day with her, and her parents phoned to her best friend and asked if she was here and the best friend didnt know about it. So i guess she has someone or she would not lie to her parents *cry*. I feel so horrible, im crying since half an hour, i feel like i cant do anything and i love her soo much *cry* Link to post Share on other sites
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