impatiently_patient Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Was having a rather nice conversation with a women (in my age bracket for once ) about life and music... she's also a musician who's played in a band for a while here in Phoenix, Arizona. She asked about why I was talking to her, and I said, "Because everyone deserves a chance" always. I left her with a [true] anecdote about how a man had dropped his wallet at a restaurant that myself and my coworkers were dining at, and how I kindly returned it to him. He was kind of a dick about it, but I wished him the best anyways... and referenced her to this Kristoff Krane track that's inspired me so very much in recent years: and then her replies (which were frequent) cut off completely. If this is the mindset that turns women off... I'm done. Completely done. Love for others is dead. I guess I don't deserve love for myself, but I'll continue to dole it out. That's who I am until I die. F**k you haters. I just don't get you. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I think she took your reply the wrong way. Maybe she thought, "because everyone deserves a chance," was you actually saying, "meh she's not that attractive, but why not." 21 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I think she took your reply the wrong way. Maybe she thought, "because everyone deserves a chance," was you actually saying, "meh she's not that attractive, but why not." Follow that up with a story about a guy who's a dick, but well, we'll wish him the best anyway. Not to mention there's some bragging there; save that story for later, because I don't see how it relates to her question. You're doing her a favor? I see the direction this is heading, but can't watch the video because I'm at work. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 ...and referenced her to this Kristoff Krane track that's inspired me so very much in recent years: [rap/hip-hop really?] and then her replies (which were frequent) cut off completely. Sorry man. I was talking to her at the same time and referenced her this, , a song that has inspired more romantic etudes than there are stars in the sky. From that moment, she was mine. If this is the mindset that turns women off... I'm done. Completely done. Love for others is dead. I guess I don't deserve love for myself, but I'll continue to dole it out. That's who I am until I die. F**k you haters. I just don't get you. Man, you talk about women like they're mysterious aliens from outer space or something... I don't know what to say other than play'em some real music and reexamine your expectations. If I was a woman and a man uttered that last paragraph... I mean, apparently they aren't getting you either. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 It's rap/hip hop?! That helps (still can't play it, but no need now). Thanks, Sal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 There is nothing about "because everyone deserves a chance" that isn't either offensive or makes you sound desperate. Possibly, you aren't comfortable communicating feelings via the written word? I have no idea why you would say that. It can only mean: 1: She's ugly, but she deserves a chance, like any chick ...or 2: You're a guy with no self confidence who deserves a chance from her. Both are terrible, terrible things to say. I'd drop any chick that said this, come to think of it. When I'm meeting someone electronically, I just assume the are already minein my mind. Guess it works, because no girl had ever, ever gone ghost. Ever. It ends in a date ir an argument for me, if our personalities don't click. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I'm a believer in being yourself online. And the way your interaction with her reads, you were upfront about who you were. But showcasing yourself strongly also means you have to accept that people are allowed to walk away when: you're going to follow a weird comment about everyone deserving a chance (?) with a non sequitur anecdote about how forgiving you can be of a stranger and then send a song with the lyrics "everyone I know is oppressed, everyone I know is depressed". Reading the exchange, I would have reached the conclusion you must be an intense, cynical guy. I don't like intense cynical guys and I would have walked away. And that's fair. There are surely women out there who like intense cynical guys. It's probably just not the majority. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatherknows Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I think she took your reply the wrong way. Maybe she thought, "because everyone deserves a chance," was you actually saying, "meh she's not that attractive, but why not." That is EXACTLY how she took it. OMG... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatherknows Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 There is nothing about "because everyone deserves a chance" that isn't either offensive or makes you sound desperate. Possibly, you aren't comfortable communicating feelings via the written word? I have no idea why you would say that. It can only mean: 1: She's ugly, but she deserves a chance, like any chick OMG totally agree. To OP please never say that line to anyone...ever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 She asked about why I was talking to her, and I said, "Because everyone deserves a chance" always. Ooof. That's going to go over like a bag of bricks. She was asking, "what is it about me that you think is special?" You didn't name one thing, but instead talked about what makes you special. 16 Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Damn bro, that was your chance to play her like a freaking guitar. What a waste. I can imagine her still cleaning her vag from all the sand you threw in there. *shakes head* 12 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 She asked about why I was talking to her, and I said, "Because everyone deserves a chance" always. I literally lol'd. What the ****??! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT, that is such a dick thing to say... Because everyone deserves a chance? That's something you say to potentially dating a convict. Would you date someone who's been in trouble with the law? Hey, everyone deserves a chance. Seriously??? Love for others is not dead at all. You're doing it wrong... so wrong. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 A track titled 'Picking Flowers Next to Roadkill' and the words within that rap song may not have helped. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 If this is the mindset that turns women off... I'm done. Completely done. Love for others is dead. I guess I don't deserve love for myself, but I'll continue to dole it out. That's who I am until I die. F**k you haters. I just don't get you. What mindset do you mean, exactly? Being self absorbed and socially deaf does turn women off. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) Sorry man. I was talking to her at the same time and referenced her this, , a song that has inspired more romantic etudes than there are stars in the sky. From that moment, she was mine. Women don't particularly like instrumental jazz that much. If I was going to go with a jazz number as a romantic etude, I would go with... or this one... Beautiful... What a voice. RIP. I have a whole host of romantic songs that I love in all genres. There was a time when I imagined what my wedding song would be and I would actually get up with the band and sing it and play the guitar for my future wife. People think struggling guys don't have a romantic bone in our bodies, huh? You'd be surprised man. I'm a hopeless romantic. It's just been suppressed by too much rejection. I lose a little bit more every year. Edited November 14, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 What were you thinking ?? Your response is just mean!! Where does one begin.. Men and women are basically the same. Won't respond well to being treated like that. "Everyone deserves a chance" even a ghastly thing like me? Aww generous that you give me a chance 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Redfisher Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Even that great beard could not pull you back from that line....Sorry bro. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Yeah, that combo would have struck me as insulting. Even if I gave you the benefit of the doubt that "maybe he didn't mean that to sound as mean as is does," the rejoinder with a) an anecdote you being nice in the face of an intolerable person and b) a song called 'picking flowers next to roadkill' would STRONGLY communicate to me that you thought I was an unattractive person who you were bestowing with a chance. Maybe you didn't mean any of this... but you blew it in this case, OP. Keep on trucking. Don't let one failure stop you from continuing the search! Grab up some resilience and keep chatting women up. You never know. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I don't like to pile on, but, yeah. (That WAS cool of you to rescue that guy's wallet and return it to him though.) I get that the following will draw objections from some people here. Incidents such as this though, make me think if a big reason for some guys' persistent dating struggles is due to low social intelligence on their part. That the OP doesn't even seem to REALIZE that he made a huge gaffe, is telling. I can't help but wonder if a few others of you are cratering your chances by saying or doing something stupid that you aren't even aware of, such as this. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 That was a pretty mean thing to say. Online dating can be a trainwreck sometimes but you don't say that to somebody. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I get that the following will draw objections from some people here. Incidents such as this though, make me think if a big reason for some guys' persistent dating struggles is due to low social intelligence on their part. That the OP doesn't even seem to REALIZE that he made a huge gaffe, is telling. I can't help but wonder if a few others of you are cratering your chances by saying or doing something stupid that you aren't even aware of, such as this. I think everyone is capable of saying something that can be taken the wrong way online, but I do tend to agree with you that men seem to suffer more from these gaffes, not only because of possible differences in social intelligence, but also because women have so many men trying to chat them up that it's REALLY easy to just start ignoring someone for something awkward like this. And, since we're introducing themes that might draw objections, I think the common response by frustrated OLD user that "see! This is why OLD is terrible and I'll never use is again!" is the wrong response. It's a totally understandable response for someone dealing with frequent frustration, mind you. But I think the secret to success in online dating is to keep it up until it sticks with the right person. You have to be willing to deal with rejection 99 percent of the time, and keep on trucking despite it. One practical suggestion for the OLD user to help avoid online miscommunications, though: the less time you spend chatting to women online and getting to the meeting-in-person part, the better your odds are all around. First, if you meet in person, lots of kind of miscommunications are immediately cleared up because the face-to-face context is better. Second, you avoid wasting lots of time talking to women who have no intention of meeting in person or taking it any farther than casual chatting. When I was online dating, I usually went along with emails back and forth for a few days at most (like 3-4 exchanges), and then we either met or did not. As a women dating online, I usually ruled out men who didn't ask me out after just a few emails, believing (rightly or wrongly) that they weren't serious about meeting. I dealt with a lot of questionable comments from men who maybe thought they were complementing me... others who were clearly NOT complementing me... and many others who rejected me or disappeared. Didn't matter. I still met my husband there, eventually. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatherknows Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 What were you thinking ?? Your response is just mean!! Where does one begin.. Men and women are basically the same. Won't respond well to being treated like that. "Everyone deserves a chance" even a ghastly thing like me? Aww generous that you give me a chance My response would be "Deserve a chance...WTF did I do wrong?" And inside I'd be thinking: Holy cr@p this guy feels sorry for me cause he thinks I'm gross and probably nobody wants to talk to me... (And then I'd probably call all my girlfriends, cry, and they would need to tell me I'm beautiful and sexy and calm me down. This might go on for months if not years.) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatherknows Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Keep on trucking. Don't let one failure stop you from continuing the search! Grab up some resilience and keep chatting women up. IDK... Maybe read a book on "Things Women Like to Hear," first and then say those things. Your luck will probably change. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 IDK... Maybe read a book on "Things Women Like to Hear," first and then say those things. Your luck will probably change. That would be fake. And hopefully they will see through that too. Men and women, when it comes to dating we want the truth don't we? From someone kind and genuine who truly believes that we are nice, beautiful, interesting etc. We don't want someone to try out some lines they read in a book to try to 'trick' us into thinking they are interested! And we certainly don't want someone that is just giving us a chance because they can't do any better. It's not a charity. OP, tell us, WHY were you talking to that woman? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 (edited) I wouldn't say what OP said to a woman, but I do believe I know what he means. What he really means is that "EVERYBODY deserves a chance in OLD." What he does not mean (and correct me if I'm wrong OP) is "YOU deserve a chance even though you are not physically attractive. I actually had a woman say that to me in OLD in not so many words. She said "I respond to everyone regardless of their pictures if they seem like a good man and seem like they can speak decent." Which ... shocked me ... in a different way. That's really the kind of person I'm looking for. We talked and then found out it wasn't a match for other reasons. But anyway, I could have taken that the same way. What posters want OP to say is "I want to get to know you because you are beautiful/hot/cute." That is just what you look like on the outside. Why would you let that control your self worth? And again, if I say it to you (I wouldn't but I might think it) it doesn't mean I think you're ugly, I might say the same thing to somebody who is beautiful. Either way, assuming the general generic profiles on OLD, the only thing to discriminate is pictures. What's better? "I've rejected 50 people in the month of November, but I picked you because I like your face the best." I mean, yes I understand that is the way dating and society work. But society is not always right. Edited November 15, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts