truthtripper Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 For those of you grew up in abusive families, or just can't seem to be with your family without arguing, do you tolerate them for the sake of Christmas, or just plain avoid them? If you don't visit them, how do you spend the day? Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 There are segments of my family (on my mom's side) that are bat **** crazy. Mean, manipulative, disfunctional, not something I need in my life.... So no, I don't see them any more. I don't believe that just because you share blood, that you must keep bad influences in your life. I have beautiful kind hearted friends that I share my love with on the holidays, and other family members that are caring and loving - and I make an effort to see them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author truthtripper Posted November 14, 2015 Author Share Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) I don't believe that just because you share blood, that you must keep bad influences in your life. . Same here. I really hate this time of the year, when people start talking about Christmas and preparing presents for their families. I find many people are so blindly family-orientated, that when I tell them I don't see my family for Xmas, they treat me like I'm some kind of a weirdo. Even if I explain that I need to protect myself from certain abusive relatives, somehow people still don't get it. Edited November 14, 2015 by truthtripper Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I'm very close to certain members of my family but I have nothing to do with some of the others. One of them has to do with a family member being married to an abuser. I want nothing to do with his wife. I don't think anyone should subject themselves to abuse, nor should they be supportive of family members that are abusive. I realize that often times there are children involved so everyone has to make their own decisions. But to hang out with abusers just because they're family isn't really something most people should subject themselves to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 The only member of my blood family I have any relationship with is my uncle. I married into a great family and I feel more a part of then than I ever did with the rest of my blood and my uncle is allowed over the holidays as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author truthtripper Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 I'm very close to certain members of my family but I have nothing to do with some of the others. One of them has to do with a family member being married to an abuser. I want nothing to do with his wife. I don't think anyone should subject themselves to abuse, nor should they be supportive of family members that are abusive. I realize that often times there are children involved so everyone has to make their own decisions. But to hang out with abusers just because they're family isn't really something most people should subject themselves to. My grandfather was a narcissistic pedophile. He abused me all my childhood. My family don't believe me, apart from a few of my cousins who are able to acknowledge their own abuse. He also abused my eldest aunt, but family pride is more important for her than the truth. She believes I have "failed the family" for distancing myself. Lately, I've been trying to communicate with one of my aunts about my abuse, but she wants me to"write down in point form" all the graphic details and then they may reconsider their judgement of me. If my family were able to be open and accepting of what my grandfather really was and didn't verbally abuse and scapegoat me, I would have a family to go to. In my initial post I used the phrase "blindly family-orientated" to describe many families, as there are too many children in the world who are being abused in their own homes, which is not being acknowledged. Family members turn a blind eye, merely to keep up appearances. Family pride is more important than the lives and protection of our innocent, vulnerable children. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I am close enough to my father that I'll go home to visit and just put up with my mother. I keep my visits short. Next year I might not visit. Link to post Share on other sites
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